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Rachel looked at her home for the last time. She saw her brother looking at her through the window curtains. She tried a poor attempt to smile at him – hoping in some way she could show all her love through that single gesture – before putting the vehicle into drive and pulling away from her only love. She broke down crying as she steered the vehicle into the darkness of the night.
- COMMENTS
Anonymousover 1 year agoIt started out good, but it got really weird really quick (and by weird I don't mean incest). It was like there was a big piece of the story that was missing, between her coming in while he was watching the cops TV show and then suddenly they were having sex? And the italics implied that it might've been a dream, but after it went back to non-italics, it didn't pick up where it'd left off before? At that point, I stopped reading and just started skimming, and found the rest of the story to be a mess too.
It started good, so I don't want to slam the writing, but I couldn't finish it. I don't get this story. Maybe if the author rewrote it...but who wants to rewrite their story after publishing it? I won't rate this one, as I don't have the heart to give it a low rating and can't give it a good rating.
Anonymousover 8 years agoHow can you leave a story this good unfinished? My only minor annoyance with this story is the confusion between what reality and what's dream. But this is so good...having this left unfinished has messed up my whole day!!!!
Anonymousalmost 11 years agoSkyBox and Pounds sterling on the electricity pre-pay meter, High School and Little League, come on tighten it up and choose one or the other; if they're in England, stick to that idiom, otherwise it just looks schizophrenic and messy as they flip from one reality to the other at random - and check your spelling, goddammit, if you're going to call yourself literature writer, try and make some sort of effort to live up to it...No Stars
Anonymousalmost 11 years agoThis story had no continuity, proper story line and ended badly my 2year old could serriously written this
