Charcoal Ch. 04byLillywriting©
Sorry it has been a little while since I have posted. I have been looking for an editor and found one! CambriaRose helped me with this section and I know that working with her will make my writing much better, and hopefully more fun! I hope you like this section even though it is a bit short. I hope to be writing more soon.
With similar promises of secrecy Soul told Scott about all the things he had been holding back. He told about the voice and the drawings, how sick he felt when he was trying to tell about him. The dark feelings he had when he was drawing for the first portfolio and how Jon's eyes had been full of fear. The only different thing he didn't share was the fear he felt for the future, and especially for his relationship with Scott.
Scott sat silently though it all and thought. "You probably have a block. Like Melissa said. Your Mom probably gave it to you, to keep you away from my Mom." Scott began when Soul was silent.
"I guess that would make sense." Soul thought back, trying to remember a time when his Mother had been anything but perfectly, infuriatingly normal. "But she never did anything-"
"That you remember. She was very good with memories."
Soul sat back against the pillows and thought about that. "And is your Mom? What is her specialty?"
Scott sat silently and played with the edge of his pajamas.
"She does a little of everything. No one has ever been able to put her in a box. Even my Dad. He looks like he is in charge, but that is only because she wants him to look like he is in charge. He does everything she tells him, he always has."
Soul thought this over, and what Melissa had said. If they weren't all with their mother, would they be with him, was his Mom still on his side- any side?
"You are thinking too hard, it's late. We don't have to fix this all now."
Soul looked at Scott. "You look ridiculous just wearing jammies." He smiled and ran a hand down the soft cloth. He felt calmer now. There was no overwhelming attraction or instant disgust. He felt himself, neutral.
"Well, one of us has to wear clothes." Scott looked pointedly at Soul's still bared chest. He seemed to pick up on the calm mood and smiled back.
Soul was glad he was feeling more himself but he couldn't let it go.
"Why do I sometimes hate you, and sometimes being away from you feels like it would be the worst thing in the world?"
Scott's smile faded. "Well you might naturally hate me, and the bond, even one sided as it is, influences you to like me. But what I hope, and the most likely answer is that the block is trying to keep you away, and the bond wants you closer."
"So now, I don't really feel either?"
Scott shrugged. "Well how do you feel?"
"I feel like-" Soul had to pause to think. "I feel like I don't know you well enough to really know. I think you look silly in that outfit but not so bad otherwise." Soul's smile returned, and in turn, so did Scott's.
"Well I could take them off?" Scott suggested.
Soul shook his head with a smile, then sobered. "But why? I mean we are here, where you say it started and that it should be worse here. Your Mom is just down the hall. Why don't I feel like-"
"Ripping my clothes off?" Scott nodded. "I don't know. Maybe because the bond and block aren't fighting so hard. You let me in, just a bit." Scott couldn't help smirking at the last bit.
Soul sighed and yawned.
The next morning Soul woke panicked, thinking he would miss his writing class. He sat up in bed before his eyes were truly open and was assaulted by the deep red of the walls. Slowly his heartbeat slowed. He remembered where he was and why. Scott was still sound asleep. Soul looked down at him and felt little. Soul was beyond excited that the progress of the night before seemed to stick. He sat quietly, listening to the sounds of the house waking up.
Scott began to stir about 10 ten minutes after Soul. Soul smiled optimistic about what the day would bring. Now that he could think and was alone in his own mind, maybe he could begin to look into the possible meanings of his pictures. But as Scott opened his eyes, Soul knew something was not right.
Scott sat up in one boneless movement and stared at Soul. His eyes were bloodshot and his pupils were huge, even for the shadowed room. Soul stared into his eyes, frozen. The intense look from the night before was back, threefold.
"Scott?" He asked. There was no answer. They sat for what felt like ages.
Finally something broke the tension, Soul didn't know what it was but suddenly Scott was above him. Soul pushed at his shoulders, but Scott he wouldn't be moved. Scott leaned in for a kiss, Soul turned his head. But Scott merely went for his neck, licking and biting. Soul knew there would be a mark. It felt amazing, but it wasn't what Soul wanted. He couldn't find his words, and his arms weren't in a position to push effectively.
Satisfied with the mark on Soul's neck, Scott moved on to Soul's his bare chest. He licked at his nipples, then bit the left, harder than anything Soul would ever want. Finally he found his voice.
"Scott no! I don't want this. Stop please, let me up."
Scott took no notice, if anything the pleas urged him on. He continued in a leisurely path down Soul's sternum to his bellybutton, leaving his marks everywhere he stopped. Soul was breathless. It felt too good to continue to say no, but he felt dirty. He didn't want this. But his words turned to breathless moans, sighs, and whimpers.
When Scott reached his pants Soul regained some of his strength. He pulled at Scott's hair and pushed at his shoulders, but still his pants came down. With Scott's first gentle lick Soul went still.
Each gentle lick brought Soul higher; when Scott took him in all the way he thought his heart would burst. Every thought was gone. His hands clutched Scott's hair, but no longer to push him away. Soul wrapped his legs around Scott's shoulders and shuddered, trying to hold back the pleasure. But it was only a matter of time.
One last time Scott hummed around Soul's length and it was the end. Soul flinched hard, as if to pull away from the overwhelming feeling. The room blurred into a sea of red, the light from the window splintered. He could hear his own voice calling out, but could not understand the words. Finally when the world came back into focus Soul looked down at Scott. He was still licking at Soul, rubbing the smooth skin of his inner thighs. Soul pulled away, feeling violated and like his skin was being rubbed with sandpaper.
Scott looked up at him, and just as he met Soul's eyes he convulsed, shooting into his pants and onto the bed. Soul pulled away with all his strength. He couldn't quite believe what had just happened. When he was finally free he shoved himself from the bed, falling in a heap on the floor. He scrambled away when Scott looked down at him.
"What- how could you, I said no! I don't, I cant-" Soul couldn't find his feet, he found his back against a wall, he couldn't pick himself up, couldn't bring himself to look back at the bed.
"Soul- Soul I am so sorry!"
Soul couldn't even hear the words. He breathed too quickly and the world swam before his eyes.
Scott climbed to sit before him. He took Soul's face in his hands and forced him to look in his eyes. They were calm now, normal. Finally Soul calmed enough to push himself up and rush to the bathroom. Scott heard the water turn on and another figure entered the room.
"Oh my sweet Son, I think you have just pushed your little rabbit away." Sylvia smiled her fake smile and looked around the room. "Sweetie, you might want to clean all this up before he returns."
Scott was at a loss.
"Don't just stand there! Clean!" Sylvia pointed at the stained sheets, then to Scott's own pants. His cheeks flushed as red as the walls. But mutely he changed his pants and began to strip the bed.
"So, today you will begin your studies with Soul, get him to draw something at this point I don't care what. Figure out what makes him tick. Find his mother and most of all finish the damn bond!" Sylvia took a moment to compose herself. She forced her face into another false smile. "I could still be proud of you, so could your Father. Don't you want that?"
And in spite of himself, that was what Scott wanted.
Soul stood in the doorway, his hair dripping down his back and his skin scalded red from the shower. He looked unsure, and Sylvia was happy to take advantage.
"My sweetie!" She gushed. "I can't believe what my son did to you! It is unforgiveable, but I hope you will be able to. You know, he just can't help himself. He has told you, hasn't he. It is just too much pressure for someone like him. You know that isn't really an excuse, there is no excuse for this kind of behavior. But it is a bit my fault. You see when you were a baby I did a little- well. I might have made it a bit stronger last night. See Scott has never really been the best with relationships. I didn't know he would do something so terrible. Just come with me Darling and I'll get you all fixed up." She swept from the room and took Soul with her, an arm around his toweled waist.
Sylvia dressed Soul, much to his embarrassment. She picked black soft pants like the night before with a midnight blue long sleeve shirt. Again it was tailored to show his every dip and curve. She even brushed and styled his hair, pinning it behind his ears, and lined his eyes in black. When she turned him to the mirror Soul felt even sicker. He looked nothing like himself. He looked vulnerable he looked like an easy target, a victim.
"Sylvia?" He spoke for the first time.
"Don't worry Darling Sweetie, everything will be alright. Just don't fight so hard." She brushed her hand down Soul's head and he felt calmer. Maybe he shouldn't fight so hard. It was all he had done all his life, and where had it gotten him? Sighing he nodded. He let a small smile grace his features and he and Sylvia entered the dining room arm in arm.
Soul looked around the dining room with new eyes. It was truly beautiful. He leaned into Sylvia and laughed lightly. How could he have ever disliked her? She was so nice. Sylvia pulled a chair next to her own at the head of the table and pushed Soul gently into it, and sat in her own.
She spoke as she piled food onto Soul's plate.
"I know you are upset at my son. And you should be. But I would ask that you do work with him today. It is very important that we figure out what is happening." Soul nodded. Here away from Scott and in Sylvia's soothing presence he could imagine working with Scott. and The thought wasn't too bad.
"Okay." He smiled at her again and began picking through the fruit on his plate.
After lunch was finished Soul was lead to a library and settled in a chair to wait for Scott. He hummed as he waited. He was struck by the room's beauty. He ached to get his hands on some of the books, but Sylvia had told him to sit, so that was what he was going to do.
Scott entered after indeterminable amount of time. He looked properly contrite. Soul considered being angry, but figured it wasn't worth the energy. After all it wasn't all Scott's fault.
"Hello." Soul said pleasantly.
"I am so, so sorry." Scott said, refusing to meet Soul's eyes.
"Don't be." Soul smiled at him. "We have work to do. I know that I have to trust you. So I choose to forget this morning."
Scott looked stricken. "Forget it? You would do that?" Scott sounded incredulous, and not as happy as Soul would have imagined him to.
"You hurt me, and I am forgetting. Why are you not happy?" Soul didn't quite feel himself, but he didn't think Scott was acting rationally either.
"What did she do to you?" Scott asked.
Soul frowned. "Who did what?"
Scott shook his head and walked closer. "We should begin. She will be coming to check soon enough."
Soul didn't know why Scott would say such a thing in such a way. Why would he be so worried about someone checking in? They were only doing what they were supposed to be doing. But he ignored the thought.
"Okay." He said and they began.
Soul sat at a table in the library. There was a piece of paper in front of him and a pencil in his hand, he couldn't draw a thing. As the day had gone on Soul had begun to feel more himself, and his anger and hurt toward Scott were growing.
"Just draw something!" Said Scott, his hands tightening in Soul's hair where they had rested for the past hours.
"I can't just draw something! And you have no right to demand anything from me!" Soul's restraint crumpled. He pushed his chair back and whirled to face Scott. He could feel the color rising in his cheeks. He was humiliated, frustrated, and hurt. It was not a good combination.
"You said you had forgotten." Scott said, backing up slowly, his hands held awkwardly away from him, as if he didn't know what to do with them.
"How could I forget such a thing? Such a violation. I said no. Clearly and several times. I can't just forget that. Now you keep telling me to do things and demanding my trust. What have you done to deserve it?" Soul had to keep talking, talking or crying seemed to be his only options at the moment.
"You didn't feel that way earlier." Scott let his hands drop. One of his eyebrows rose and Soul was reminded of the expression Scott had worn when he first met him all those months ago. The loathing that he had experienced then returned.
"I want myself then. Your bitch Mother did something when I was in shock. In shock that my supposed beloved assaulted me."
"I asked you, and you said you had forgotten. Things might have been different if you hadn't assured me-"
"I hate you." Soul felt calmer now. His anger and desperation had faded. "I hate you and I hate this house. I hate that you turned art into something that it isn't. That you manipulated my feelings. That you are too stupid to realize that you will never hold me and know that I am yours. I won't do this for you. I won't stay in this house and pretend that I don't realize that there are things no one will tell me." Soul finished his speech with a sigh.
All this time he had been used. Well that time was over. He walked from the library leaving a stunned Scott behind him. He trailed one hand down the wall as he walked down the hall. He hoped he could find his way out.
"We missed you."
Soul froze. He looked up slowly at the familiar voices. Michelle and David smiled at him.
"Hi." He said softly. He should have known that they were somehow involved. With all this mess he would have been surprised if they hadn't been.
"We came because we knew you were feeling a bit torn. We want to tell you walking away is a very good idea."
"Because then we get to convince you to stay." David and Michelle had never been this unified when Soul had known them.
"What if I decide to stay on my own?" Soul didn't think he would like the twins' persuasion.
"Then we won't bother you."
Soul turned slowly and went back the way he came. Maybe there was another way out of the house. Maybe there was someone else that would help him. He thought of the different people in the house.
There was Josie; she had said that the others were on his side, if his side was the same as theirs. Soul still didn't know how many sides there were. But even if she was, she was in no condition to help.
Soul tiptoed past the library, and found himself without any idea of where to go next. Past the library there was a perpendicular hallway, closed doors lined both sides. Soul frowned and went right. Each of the doors were locked. He continued, and at the very end he found that the hall curved to the right. He followed it again, only to find the twins.
"Where are you going?"
"Do you need help finding something?"
Soul shook his head and turned again, he walked slowly. Something gave him the impression sudden movements would invite pouncing. Feeling he had no choice Soul made his way back to the library. He found Scott where he left him, only now there were tears tracing down his cheeks.
"Tell me who in this house doesn't want to destroy my life." Soul spoke quietly and deliberately.
Scott didn't move.
"I don't think anyone wants to destroy your life." Scott spoke almost too softly to hear.
"Well tell me then, who wants to help me?"
At this Scott slowly raised his head. "I want to help you. I just need one more chance. One more chance and I'll help you." There was so much hope in Scott's voice Soul couldn't help but believe him.
"I don't want to give you any more chances. I have nothing to tell me that you have tried with any of the others. I know nothing of your motives-"
"That is a lie!" Scott interjected. "You do know what I want. I want to be with you. I want to love you, I want you to love me." Scott began walking toward Soul as he spoke.
Soul flinched but didn't back away.
"That's not enough." Soul whispered.
Scott ignored Soul's body language and cupped his face in his hands. "Look at me, really look, and tell me that I don't want what is best for you."
Soul looked. He really looked, and hoped that the talent his Mother had seen in him wasn't wrong. Soul looked deep into Scott's blue eyes and thought. Did he believe him? Did he have any choice not to?
"One more chance." Soul whispered.
Scott's face lit up.
"You wont regret it!" Scott ran his fingers the rest of the way through Soul's hair and took his hand.
"We do need to get out of here though. Mom will know her mojo didn't quite work, and if the twins are here that means that the others are coming too..."
Just then the door to the library opened. Sylvia was in front of the crowd, and with her were the twins and several others Soul had never seen.
"What is going on in here? This doesn't look like progress." Sylvia had dropped her overly kind demeanor and looked every bit the evil villainess. Soul couldn't stifle a nervous giggle. Sylvia glared and it was obvious she wanted an answer.
"I umm, umm." Soul took advantage of the blush that he could feel building. "I felt restless. I cant think with Scott so near, I umm just-"
"Wanted a quickie." Finished Scott.
Soul's face flamed.
"Why don't I believe you?" Sylvia eyes were like daggers. Soul imagined them cutting into their excuse.
"I'm sorry Mother." Scott spoke in a defeated tone. Soul shot him a look. It seemed the last chance would be short lived. "I couldn't bear my guilt. I have to make it up to Soul. I'm sure you can understand."
Soul didn't think that Sylvia would, or could, understand a thing like guilt but she did soften slightly.
"You may have today. Tomorrow I expect results." And with that Sylvia and her posse departed.
"Tomorrow isn't going to be any better." Soul began as the door closed behind the pack.
"I know. But we won't be here." Scott's face lit up once more. "We must talk to my siblings.
Soul held his duffel bag handles loosely.
"Scott, there is no way this is going to work." Soul said. Josie was too weak; Nova was too concerned about Josie. Soul had no idea where they were and didn't have any experience on his own. Melissa was okay, and Thomas seemed okay if a bit demanding, but the others hadn't wanted to come, or hadn't been around. Soul was concerned that a group of six being too conspicuous.
"Soul, we have been waiting to do this for ages." Said Melissa. "You have just given us an excuse."
"Is the plan to just leave? Or do we have some kind of distraction?" The group was silent in response to Josie's question.
"Well," Melissa began after a long pause. "When we first planned this we had planned for Scott and Soul to finish the bond. The backlash of power would have put Sylvia out of commission and would have made her think everything was going with her plan."