Charlie Mike

"Sam . . . I love you. I really do and not just because of what just happened. Something about you seems to complete me. I feel . . . whole. Rooted finally and I have a reason for living beyond this deployment. Will you wait for me?" Mitch asked softly into the dark air. His words were somber, honest. There was no mistaking that this was him stripped to the core of the man that he was inside.

I turned my head to get a better look at Mitch's face. My body swelled in a glowing way with the feelings I had for him suddenly. It confirmed the feelings I had been feeling all night already. As I stared into his eyes, searching for the words to say, it all became so clear to me about our future from that moment on.

"I love you also Mitch. I have never felt like this before with anyone else. I don't ever want this night to end. I don't want you to go. I know you must go, your men need you. But I need you also, promise me you will return to me safely. Promise me Mitch, please?" I begged of him.

"I don't make promises I can't keep Sam. You never know what may happen. Things get out of control fast and it's all over in an instant. If all goes well I will return in 12 months to pick up were tonight ends. I won't promise, but if I make it through, I will return for you." Mitch said. His tone was somber. . Truthful and honest.

I stroked an outline of a heart in his small patch of chest hair and shook my head yes. No more words were needed. We both knew the dangers that lay ahead and I silently prayed that he would make it through. We held on to each other, neither making a move to break the hold we had on each other. I fell asleep in his arms, listening as his breaths became shorter until he also fell asleep.

The next morning we said our goodbyes. Mitch had to get back to base and I had to return back home to answer to my parents where I had been. We exchanged phone numbers and emails so we could stay in touch. We picked up a routine of Skyping daily or chatting on yahoo. He never mentioned the dangers he was in or whether he was going "outside the wire" as he referred to it. I simply didn't want to know, it was stressful enough knowing he was in harm's way but I was helpless to be able to do anything for him. I gave him the emotional help he needed as our love for each other grew stronger. I had so many things I wanted to tell him but always kept it to the basics. It was simply small talk about the future and how we both wanted the same things. A small horse farm with some kids in the yard was all we wanted. Just the basic simple things in life.

Then one night, Mitch wasn't online like he usually was. I figured he was in a meeting or had to work late to complete the mission at hand. I kept logging on every so often hoping to catch him online. My nerves started to get the best of me by the next morning and by lunch time I was simply staring at the computer wishing his icon would suddenly show him as online. Each passing hour seemed like an eternity. I was a total nervous wreck by day two. On the third day I received an email from one of Mitch's soldiers. He had copied a letter that Mitch had written in case something happened to him into his email and sent it to me. He also gave me the funeral arrangement information to the best of his knowledge.

*Dear Sam . . . If you are reading this then something bad has happened. Jason was given specific instructions as to email you if something were to happen to me. I guess things are not going to turn out how we wanted. Remember that I always have loved you since the first night we met. I wish things could have turned out so different for us. Remember Sam. . . Charlie Mike!*

"Charlie Mike," I whispered as the tears strolled down my face. I was in shock, my body numb with the pain of him being gone. "Charlie Mike" was Mitch's was of saying to press forward, continue on with life back stateside while he was away. Just like he did. . Always moving forward to complete the mission.

Several days later I attended Mitch's funeral. I traveled the 300 miles to his little home town to say my final goodbyes to the man I truly loved and would never forget. As the military burial team conducted it's business in the most professional of manners I stared at his flag draped coffin. By the time the 21 gun salute was over I was sobbing uncontrollably and the playing of taps only made it worse. I dried my tears with the last of my tissues and patiently waited for everyone to leave. My hands crossed under the little swell of my stomach that was beginning to show. Mitch's baby, a boy, I had learned 2 weeks prior, and whose name would be "Charles" but simply known as Charlie, was all I had left of Mitch. I ran my fingers gently over the casket one final time and then slowly made my way for my car. Several small steps from the grave I turned and whispered one last time in Mitch's direction.

"Charlie Mike Mitch, I love you." I whispered one final time.