Cheap Thrills

"Terri knew that Greg loved her, but for a while he had trust issues after what you did to him. She loved him the way that Greg loved you. All she wanted was his happiness. She always told me that if she and Greg ever broke up that I should go after him with both feet. The day after she died, when Greg had to go through all of her stuff he found a letter addressed to me. I read it and then let him read it. It told him that if anything ever happened to her, I was the one who loved him almost as much."

"I moved in that day and I know it seems weird to some people who know us and know our history, but it works for us. Greg loved Terri, but it was more like two nice people being together. They had an awful shared experience that bonded them, but there were no fireworks. Of course, you already know that it was the same for me and Brian."

My sister uses her hands a lot when she speaks. That isn't new to me, she's been doing it all of her life. What was new was the glittering jewel on her hand. Though I had never seen it before, my mom had described the ring to me and I knew that Julie was wearing my ring. Well...the ring that was supposed to be mine. Terri was buried in her wedding ring and it was nothing like this rock. Somehow Greg had not given Terri this ring, but Julie wore it like she owned it. It was more than that, from what I remembered my mom telling me, Julie had helped Greg to pick the ring out for me and she'd picked out the ring she'd most like to have had. Now it looked like she'd gotten both the ring she'd always wanted and the man she'd always wanted as well. I was beyond pissed. But all of my anger seemed to melt away when I saw the look of determination and outright joy in my sister's eyes.

"Penny, I know you came over here to take a shot at Greg, and I don't blame you. The only reason I'm talking to you now is because I am finally happy. For most of my life, I was always second. Our parents put you first. You put Becky first. Brian even wanted to have kids more to please the parents and in laws than because he wanted to make babies with me. Now I have someone who puts me first. Greg and I are both happy. I love him and he loves me, we make fireworks."

"As far as you and Greg are concerned, he's happy too. And now that he is happy maybe he can put the past behind him as well. Eventually, maybe you guys can sit down and talk, but let me warn you..."We're both grown women now. All of that little sister bullshit is out the window. I'll fight you as hard as I have to for Greg and I'll win. You and Greg were college sweethearts, nothing more. That ship has not only sailed, but it's sunk."

"I should have told dad where I was going," I sniffled. "So he could have warned me."

"No, he couldn't have," she said. "He doesn't know. No one does. But I guess they all will soon enough."

"Don't worry Julie," I said sincerely. "I may have been a terrible sister growing up, but I'll keep your secret." She just started laughing and came over to me. I don't know why, but she always seemed to be the more mature one of us though not the oldest.

"That's not what I was talking about," she said. She grabbed my hand and placed it on her stomach. "Your niece or nephew is growing in there right now. In a few more weeks, it will begin to show and then everyone will know. We're planning a wedding but we're going to be like mom and dad, rushing to the altar with a swollen belly. We'll be hoping to say, "I do," before we're parents.

As I looked at my sister, I saw that unlike when she was married to Brian, she really was happy. It was more than that, Julie was glowing. I've heard that pregnant women have that, but shit, my sister appeared to have interior lighting. I thought back on it and remembered the expression on Greg's face before he realized that it was me at the door. He'd been happy too. In fact, he looked at my sister the way he always looked at me.

Julie and Greg did get married. Everyone in town was there including Becky and me. Less than three months after the joyous occasion, my niece, Cindy, was born and my mom was ecstatic. She finally had a grandchild to spoil. I don't know if Greg and Julie were joking when they named the poor girl after her Grandmother or not. Fifteen months after that, my nephew, Tom came into the world. Mom told Julie that was enough but Julie still had that look in her eyes.

As the single aunt, I was always called upon for babysitting duties when the grandparents were tired or unavailable. I loved doing it. When Julie got pregnant the third time, it didn't shock anyone. She was upstairs in her bedroom taking a nap. While pregnant, all Julie did was pee, sleep, eat and kiss Greg. It shocked me that they didn't have more kids already. Over time, I had to realize that what they felt for each other had eclipsed what Greg and I once had.

They couldn't even be in a room together without gravitating towards each other. If we had a barbecue and half of the town came, it was still impossible to separate them. Even when the women grouped together to talk girl talk and the guys talked about sports, titties and beer. Julie would position herself so she could always see Greg. It was as if even when separated by a crowd of people, they were still the only ones who mattered.

I realized that my sister, not me was the perfect woman for Greg to share his life with. She would never even dream of hurting him the way I did. And though I hadn't ever set out to hurt him, I hadn't been strong enough to make sure that I kept myself out of situations that could result in it. Julie could, and would do that. I could see her right now in my place back at the amusement park. That asshole Brett coming up to her with his cheesy line, trying to get her on a ride. Julie wouldn't have even bothered talking to him, with Greg in her life. Even today, with two children and another on the way, my sister is a beautiful woman, but men don't hit on her.

Maybe it's the look in her eyes, the polite but cold way she speaks to them, the not so subtle way that she flashes that big assed diamond ring that should have been mine, or the fact that she punctuates every fucking sentence with, "My husband." But men just don't hit on her. And that's a good thing, because I'm sure that Greg would fight beyond death for Julie.

I was sitting in their beautiful indoor outdoor sun room noticing that it was very much like the room in the dream of Greg and me, in the life that I would never have. I smiled thinking about it because even though it proved not to be true, it was one of my favorite fantasies. I had never for a second stopped loving Greg, I just had to be realistic and accept that he would never again feel about me the way I did about him. My retired vet was making noises about getting hitched. I wasn't sure if he loved me or just wanted to make sure that his supply of pussy was uninterrupted. Either way, it beat being alone.

Greg walked in then. And for the first time that I could remember since before "the incident," he sat down next to me and spoke to me. It was exactly the moment from my dream. Even what he said to me was the same.

"Penny, how was your day with the monsters?" he asked smiling at me.

My niece skipped over and in passing, said the exact thing she'd said in my dream from before she was ever born. "Daddy, mommy loves you and I do too."

Tears rolled down my cheeks. The tears were bittersweet. It was obviously a sign of some kind. It was fate, or whatever powers the engine of the universe, telling me that everything was the way it had to be. Greg was where he was supposed to be. And the universe was fine.

When I'd originally dreamed it, Cindy was my daughter and Greg was my husband. It was my ideal life. I had lost when I sought cheap thrills and excitement, so it passed on to my sister, who truly deserved it.

I guess in the end, the cheap thrills were far more expensive than I ever thought or would ever have been willing to pay. After all, the cheap thrills cost me both the man I loved and the life I wanted.