Cherry Takes On The NFL Ch. 08

She lowered her head, "No."

"Why not? Fuck this is crap girl. We know that you even received flowers from Daniel and Kono. No one has heard from you at all."

"I don't have any way to get in touch with any of them. The only one I have an email address for is Mark and he sure as fuck isn't talking to me."

"Who can blame him if he isn't talking to you? None of us can. We talk to everyone all the time. We have their email addresses and we talk to them on Yahoo all the time. None of us can understand any of this. You can't contact them because something in your coked up head didn't want to have the ability to contact them. You never asked for anyone's contact information. You just didn't care," Rashad said critically.

Cherry was angry at their implications. "Look, I'll tell you exactly what I told Mark. Right from the start I'd told him that ME comes first. It is how it is. I told him I was broken. I am bipolar and that is just one of many head-faults. I am manic-depressive. I have the mania and the depressions. I mean this in the strictest clinical sense. Add to that, I have obsessive/compulsive disorder, as well as a couple of other mental whatsits. None of these makes me any easier to deal with, but the obsessive/compulsive part is particularly relevant.

One of the things that I'm obsessive/compulsive about is 'when something is objectively right'.

His, well fuck this, all of your political beliefs and mine clash on that level. Because of my mental hang-ups, I'm unable to look past that sort of thing so I'd be constantly picking at all of you, evaluating things you say to see if they clash with your stated values, etc.

I know me; I'd be starting debates over things, just for the sake-of-it. I don't have the energy to put myself through that, and it's not going to do anyone else much good either. It's that I've decided it's just better if I don't talk to any of you, because if I DO it'll probably be a nuisance or crazy mess. I don't want to be crazy, and I'm sure none of you want to put up with craziness either.

Therefore, I'mma just avoiding the situation, since solving it is highly improbable. It's not a 'personal thing' designed to offend Mark. I've developed a coping strategy for life. If I can't fix something, I have to walk away or I obsess over why I can't fix it, how it could be fixed, etc."

"We know all that. This is exactly what it took Michelle months to get Mark to open up about. He has known this about you for a very long time. Why the fuck do you think he never slept with you. He valued your friendship over the sex. It was against his better judgment that he did start sleeping with you. Every fucking one of us pushed him into it. The girls knew how you claimed to feel about him. We told him he was a selfish son-of-a-bitch. He relented and this is what happened. If you want to lay the blame, then he is not the one to take your wrath. The only thing he is guilty of is loving you."

"Well, I do catch and release very well, I guess? I don't do well with 'love'. I can barely tolerate 'like'. He knew that. I told him many times. I know love isn't to be scorned. Sending it towards me is like telling a dog to make good use of cooking sherry. At BEST, it's just gonna drink the stuff. I dunno what to do with love. Many people never embrace love. It's why the worlds messed up. Love is a serious investment. Not everybody's into investing, especially on risky gambles."

"Risky gambles, did you just say that? I'll tell you what a risky gamble is. Walking into a dark alley with some unknown black thug just because you craved a black cock in your mouth is a fucking risky gamble. Winding up in hospital for five months is a fucking risky gamble. You must have grown a pair in the hospital. The last time we looked, you didn't have balls. For you to say that about Mark is the dumbest thing we've ever heard. There is nothing risky about him at all," Rashad told her.

Chris was getting angry, "If you keep up your shit, it won't be long before you're sucking off your drug dealer just to see how many lines of coke he'll give you. That is only going to go on for so long before he has you turning tricks to feed your habit. You may not look your age right now but you will soon. Oh, you'll still have great tits and a good-looking ass but everything else is going to start to go away. The tits will remain but that ass is going to be full of cellulite one of these days. The next thing you'll know is he'll have you out on the street giving twenty-dollar blowjobs just like the other whores out there. You'll go from snorting to shooting and then he'll own your ass until the next time you take someone into an alley and chances are good that someday, you won't come out alive."

"You think you know what black men want. You don't know shit. You think that every man will fall head over heels in love with you but you can't give any of us what we want. You got rid of any chance of that years ago. We just came back from Canton, Ohio. We were at the NFL Hall of Fame inductions. Every man who was inducted said the same thing. They thanked their family for their success.

You can't give a man any children. We didn't know that until recently. You know what that makes you Cherry. It reduces you to a sperm dump; a receptacle is the best you can expect to be. Very few black men would want a woman who can't give them babies. You never thought of that did you?

All you're interested in is the size of their cocks. Everything is always about you, no one else but you. We've all noticed it. Honestly, it is a very selfish way to be."

"Mark has no idea that we are here. He would be so pissed at us for getting into this with you but since we value his friendship, we're here anyway. He is the one man who knew all that about you and he still loved you with all his heart. You pissed on him and yet, there is one thing about him you, as usual, never wanted to know.

Mark can't have children. He's been shooting blanks all his life. Call him warped or twisted but he thought that the two of you would be perfect together considering the fact that you never wanted children and he couldn't give any woman a family," Jamal stated matter-of-factly.

"If you need help with that messed up head or yours, ask for it. We know one person who would be willing to help. You are more than a great body. You are much more than that." Rashad said.

"I am more than just a body, but I am a right cunt in a lot of ways. Life is full of pain-causing incidents that people don't deserve. People come people go. This is the transience of life. That's my thing! Sensibility in chaos, or chaos in sensibility."

"Does chaos feel good?" Chris asked her.

"It's more like an absence-of-feeling, kinda like black is an absence of color. Chaos is swirly. It's the same crap as everybody else, pretty much. My dead-end life, makes me feel like I've peaked, and I'm not even that peaky. It's as if my 'peak' was a high mountain valley."

"Sounds like you've given up then. I don't understand that at all. You have so much potential."

"Well, you see potential. A wise man once said 'ya can't make a living off potential.' Therefore, until I tap that, it's pretty much as peaked as I get. You don't believe I've given up. Some days that's the only thing I'm sure of - that I quit trying."

"You walked away from your potential. You had the world by the balls. You didn't walk away, you ran as fast as you could," Rashad said.

Jamal looked at her critically, "And all this started when?"

"It comes and goes, but somewhere around a few years ago is when it crystallized into the hate-crack it is now. I've been a head case all my life. Nobody thought to get me a shrink until I was 25.

Look, I'm not opposed to being embraced. I just like to be let go again relatively soon. I'm not much for holding still long enough to be held. That goes for hugs as well as relationships."

He continued, "You need to know that there are people who care about you and are here for you."

"All I know how to do with people who are there for me is use them. Every time I open my mouth, what comes out most frequently is either something self-deprecating or 'niggadick'.

I told you, I'm broken. I just wish, for five minutes, that people could see me the same overcritical way they tend to see themselves.

Most people are too hard on themselves, aren't they? Why don't people realize that somebody as 'smart' as me is that much more critical of myself? I have decided that it's easier to not get pissed off about me than to get mad and try to fix something that might be unfixable.

I can't even change my bedtime, even when I have good reason to. I don't make big change. I can't make little change. I can't change my mind. This thing in my head is a cloud of malaise, not a pinpoint ache of sadness. I never get to 'good', but sometimes I feel better than other times.

I'm alone, I'm going to be alone, and so I have to figure out how to make it alone. It's mostly as a result of my own behavior, and I can spend the next thirty years undoing it, and then 'learning to walk again' or I can just get used to the me that I am, and figure out how life is supposed to be for people who don't have 2.3 kids and a mortgage."

"Sounds like you already know what is wrong with you then. You have a completely overblown evaluation of your own intelligence. If, as you say, you're broken, then it makes perfect sense not to get your ass fixed. After all, if it takes thirty years to fix it, that is way too long isn't it. Exactly how old will you be in thirty years anyway? You've already thrown yourself away. It is no wonder you're so good at throwing others away too."

"Well, this certainly isn't the kind of conversation I expected to have with you. It's closing time so let me get my things and we can go back to my place. I really have missed you," Cherry said.

Chris reached into his jacket pocket and took out a piece of paper and a magic marker. He looked at the paper and drew a large black line through three entries. He handed the paper to Cherry. She looked at a list of email addresses. "At the very least Cherry, write them and thank them for their prayers and the flowers. We aren't going back to your place. In our business, you only get one chance to play in the big leagues. No one can fix this but you Cherry."

With that, they stood up and walked out of the club.

Cherry sat there and started to cry.

Ted walked in and saw her crying. "I take it that didn't go well. I'm sorry Cherry. Let's go, I'll walk you to your car."

Cherry walked onto the front porch and took got her mail from the box. She was in a foul mood. She threw her mail next to her computer, went, and got a Macadamia Nut cookie.

She fired up the computer and looked at the mail. In addition to the bills, there was a padded envelope with a handwritten address on it. She looked at the return address and saw that it was from Mark. She opened the envelope and a small packet fell out. She opened it and found the sapphire nipple ring she thought she had lost. She looked inside and took out a handwritten letter.

Dear Cherry,

I was pleased to hear that you have recovered fully from your recent ordeal. I was shocked to learn of it and I am so glad that the initial reports of your condition were inaccurate.

I found the enclosed when I returned from Thailand. I wanted to return it to you but held off doing so until you were released from hospital.

Obviously, we'll never agree on many things. I tried to tell you that I was an Independent and all you heard was I am a Conservative. I have many reasons I think this way but I won't try to rehash them now.

I do hope you will think back to when you were flying the jet. You learned to keep the wings level and the yoke straight. As important as that was to the navigation of the jet, it is just as important in life. Too much left and you crash. Too much right and you crash.

I don't know if you'll ever wear them again but if you do, look on the back. I had my jeweler engrave a tiny R on this one. Wear this on your right breast. It will give you some balance.

I do want to thank you for the friendship we shared. I know I will never forget you. Good luck in all things.

Sincerely, Mark

Cherry read the letter, looked at the stone, and saw the R and then she reread the letter again. Mark's words chilled her. They were so cold. He had never been this way with her. She figured that she shouldn't expect anything other than what she had just read. He treated her with respect and considered her an equal. She treated him like a total piece of dog shit.

Mark's letter came just as she had learned that Jamal, Chris and Rashad wanted nothing more to do with her. This made her realize that she truly was an emotional mess...again.

She lit a bowl and went online. As was usual, Mark was not there. She had to live her life and fuck everyone else. There were thousands of people who wanted her; she didn't need any of them. She smoked another bowl.

Her mind was reeling and she stewed over the mistakes she had made. She walked away from a contract that would make her millions of dollars and secure her future. She walked away from people who actually did care about her. She walked away from a man who loved her. She pushed the three best men she had ever known away as well.

Well Cherry, when you fuck something up, you definitely do a good job of it, don't you?

Cherry looked and looked. She was in no mood to play. She lit another bowl. She was completely wasted and for once, she went to bed early. She couldn't sleep, she tossed and turned and eventually she passed out.

She woke up and headed back to work. She parked and walked through the door of the Peeler Palace. Something was happening and she didn't know what it was. There were many added security men inside the club. This never happened. A rather large, burly man in a suit stopped her as she walked through the door. She had never seen him before but he apparently knew her.

"Cherry, Ted needs to see you in his office right away."

Cherry looked at him in disbelief but she didn't question him. She walked into Ted's office. He was there with a woman who somehow looked familiar but she couldn't place her. Detective Thompson was there as well.

Detective Thompson stood up and greeted Cherry when she walked through the door. "Cherry, we have a very serious problem. I was notified of a situation that became known late last night. I received a call at 3am from the head of the Gang Taskforce. The man you went into that alley with has, according to our intelligence sources, put a contract out on you. He apparently doesn't know that we don't have enough evidence to prosecute him. We know that this is a serious threat and that is why Ted brought in the added security you see here right now."

The last 24 hours and been one body blow after another. Now this is happening. Cherry started to shake. She was scared.

"Cherry, your life is too valuable for you to stay here. I talked to my brother George. He has agreed to hire you. It means you have to leave town and leave town today. Your life depends on it."

"Where would I go? I don't have a place to live. What about my stuff? I would have so much to do. I'm scared, I can't process all this. My parents would have to know where I am," Cherry cried.

The woman stood up and walked over to Cherry extending her hand. "Cherry, my name is Dani McRae. George asked me to reassure you that everything will be taken care of. We have a lovely place for you to stay. I live in the same building.

It is nice and completely furnished and decorated. I realize it isn't your home but it is very upscale. I know you'll love it. It has a gorgeous view of the Strip and it even has its own hot tub.

I will arrange to have your car shipped to Vegas and all of your belongings. Your furniture will all be in storage in Las Vegas. The apartment is completely stocked, food, liquor and all the things you like.

I need you to come with us right now, pack your clothes and the things you will need immediately. I have a plane waiting for us. The security men will be accompanying us to Las Vegas. You will be safe."

"I will make arrangements to have police escort you to the airport. They have been watching your home since 3:30am anyway. We are taking this threat very seriously," Detective Thompson told her.

"I don't know. Things didn't go to well the last time I was in Vegas. Actually, I really fucked everything up royally. I know where Sapphires is. It is really too close to someone I know, now, doesn't want anything to do with me ever again," she sobbed as she looked at Ted.

Ted looked at her sternly, "Cherry, it is a big city. You won't run into Mark unless you want to. I just bet that you are so misguided in your assessment of him but hey, I'm not going to get in the middle of that again. You know my views. Just know that I've always enjoyed having you here. I will miss you but I will see you again. I get out there at least four times a year."

"Cherry, the next part is going to be hard for you but you can't tell the girls what you are doing or where you are going. Ted is going to tell them that you quit and that you were going to take a vacation. It is vital that you break all ties to anyone here. Your life depends on it," Detective Thompson said.

Cherry turned to the woman and asked, "My home is paid for. How much will the rent be on the place you have for me? I'm concerned because I haven't worked for a long time."

"I arranged with the owner that the place is yours for as long as you want to live there. There is no rent, utilities or phone bills. The owner was made aware of your situation and he offered to help you out completely. It is a large apartment, 3 bedrooms and almost 2,500 square feet under air. A huge wrap-around patio adds almost another thousand square feet of outdoor living space. I am certain you'll like it."

"I guess I don't really have a choice. I'll have to let my folks know."

"They have already been notified Cherry. They know you are safe. We will take care of you. You can call them when you get to Las Vegas."

Cherry left the club and headed home for the last time. She directed what she needed packed and certain things she packed herself.

Phil Johnson arrived with a woman Cherry did not know. He had been read in on the situation and the woman was a realtor. She told Cherry what her home was worth and the value shocked Cherry. The figure she gave her was much more than Cherry thought, even in this depressed market. Cherry signed the listing agreement and gave Phil the power of attorney to act on her behalf.

"If you ever see my old friend Cherry, tell him Gloria and I said hello," Phil told her.

Cherry smiled, "The last time I gave him a message, it got a little embarrassing Phil." She then told him what she had done and what Mark's reaction was.

"That is so funny Cherry. I can't wait to tell Gloria what you did. She will just die of embarrassment. I can't wait to see the look on her face. You take care of yourself. I will be in touch as soon as possible on the house."

Dani collected her keys to the house and to her vehicle. She gave one set of keys to the realtor and everyone headed to the assembled vehicles. Cherry took a long, last view of her home as the vehicles drove away.

Cherry sighed in relief when they pulled into the airport. Yes, there was a jet standing by but it wasn't Mark's Gulfstream. Something had been gnawing on her gut. She was afraid that somehow Mark Banner was providing transportation for this rather fast move.

Security loaded the plane with her belongings and they headed to Las Vegas. It was a smaller jet than Mark's but it was very nice. Until this year, she had only seen them on TV or in pictures. She had to admit, private jets were the only way to fly.