Chess Club

The Chess Club was a-twitter with activity, there was whispering and movement throughout the halls. The matches continued, as scheduled, but something was happening, something big, but unfortunately no one could quite figure it out. Already four of the six top ranked players in the club had lost convincingly.

The proctors were studying the games, as they had never done before, watching the players to see if they were getting help from anywhere. It started early in the day as the contestants arrived at the hotel to sign in. For the first time in Club Tournament history the contestants as well at the spectators had to go through metal detectors. Computers were not allowed anywhere on the tournament floor except for those operated by the Tournament Organizers.

In previous tournaments, players could use headphones or earbuds to listen to music or whatever they had recorded on their music players unless their opponent objected. Today, the Organizers simply indicated that any listening devices were prohibited. It was the only alternative to the technology available. Reports from other tournaments spoke of cheats, who'd set up a computer and then broadcast the recommended move to the players via a receiver disguised as a music player.

Considering the technological abilities of most of the Chess Club members, even the slightest hint of impropriety was taken very seriously. Strangely, in spite of the intense security and observation, top players were losing to complete unknowns. Even stranger than the fact they lost, was that none of them seemed to mind, each showing a calm sportsmanship they had never shown in the past.

One of the unknowns getting a lot of attention was a fairly attractive woman wearing a low cut blouse. While her attire as a strategy might have affected the weaker players in the early rounds, the low cut blouse is considered blasé with the better players today. Her presence in these final rounds must mean she was an accomplished player or had something else going on.

Another unknown still in the mix was an odd man who would sit for long periods of time with his hands on his lap, his body swaying quickly forward and back. His breathing would quicken at times, at other times he'd seem completely relaxed. Some of the experts had commented that this odd man was still participating because of a lucky draw, the woman was the one taking out the biggest players one by one and yet this man continued walking over more and more accomplished players.

Within the next hour it had become apparent that, unless some miracle occurred, the woman and the odd man would meet in the finals. In spite of this obvious conclusion, everyone watched at the last two of the top players lost and each gallantly congratulated the woman and walked away.

The semi-final matches had just started when one of the Tournament officials stepped up to the main table and amid all the preparations for an awards ceremony, he leaned over to Travis Walters, the Tournament Director and whispered, "I know what's been going on."

Travis stood up, grabbed the man's arm and led him away from the table, finally disappearing into a vacant room. "Now what did you say?"

"I know what's been going on."

"And what is that John?"

"She's distracting the other players."

"Well, hell, women have been doing that for years..."

"No, it goes beyond what she's wearing, I think she's having sex with these men!"

"Just how in the hell is she doing that, I mean we been watching everything so closely."

"Look, sometimes you need to lean back and see what is happening."

"Okay, tell me how you came to your conclusion?"

"I noticed that several of the latest players to retire went immediately to the restroom. Wondering if they all did it, I checked with hotel security and they let me look at their videos for a number of their cameras. Well, sure enough, each of our top ranked guys, shook her hand and then left immediately for the restroom."

"What are you saying?"

"Somehow, she's doing something that's getting these guys off."

"We've been watching all the action above the table and she's doing all her work beneath it. Okay, that explains here, but what about the other guy."

"Still working on him, I have a theory, but am not ready to consider it now."

"Okay, see if we can set up a camera and peek under the table. Hell, at least we'll catch them before the finals. Just one thing, tell me why didn't any of the top players report the distraction?"

"I don't know, maybe they liked it."

"Well, it probably has been a long time since any of them..."

"Exactly."

As expected, the woman and the odd man met in the finals, but unfortunately because of the crowd of people around the last table, no cameras were set up to take a peek beneath the table. The match started and both players quickly and intently began their moves. The match rolled along uneventfully for about an hour, but as the board slowly cleared, the odd player began his swaying. The woman remained calm and confident as she made several solid moves, countering, equally solid moves from the odd man.

At the point of the most critical moves of the match, the odd man was swaying quickly, breathing hard, and did almost anything possible to distract his opponent. The women leaned back, with a confident look on her face and paused, staring at the odd man. Suddenly she sat upright and screamed, "That's disgusting!" She grabbed a tissue from her purse and wiped off her foot. Looking back to the board, she quickly grabbed her queen and moved it.

A rumble shot through the crowd as the odd man, no longer swaying, captured the woman's queen and said, "Check."

Glaring at the man she grumbled under her breath. After studying the board for about ten minutes, she reached her hand forward, took her middle finger and flicked it over her king, knocking it down and conceding the match.

Completely confused, Travis looked to his associate and asked, "John, what just happened?"

"Well Travis, it's just as I thought. It looks like the woman was moving a foot up into her opponents lap and the poor sex-starved Chess clubbers simply came in their pants. All she had to do was slide her foot into their laps and they were goners."

"But what happened in the final?"

"Well, just as I thought, he was masturbating during all the matches. She just happened her slip her foot up there when he finally came. Expecting him to be just like the others, she put her foot in his lap, but when he came all over her foot, she just lost it."

"What do we do now?"

"I think you just pass out the trophies as if the only thing that happened was a chess match."

"But we should disqualify them for having sex during the tournament."

"So, do you really think it's a good decision to forbid sex here?"

"Why not?"

"Think about it, I mean this has been the best sex most of your Chess Clubbers have had in years. You want to destroy that?"

"But..."

"Don't you get it? Four the next tournament, charge an entry fee, hire a couple of chess playing hookers and let the games begin."

"But chess will never be the same again."

"And is that a problem?"

Travis paused, thinking about the last time he had sex and then replied, "No, no problem at all." He got up and prepared himself for the award ceremonies.