Chicago Love Story

"Let me do this," I said as I reached for him and pushed him down onto his back. It was my turn to take the reigns, and so I did.

I swung my leg over and slowly slid down onto his cock. I studied his face for a moment, and he softly closed his eyes as I began to move up and down. He reached for my hands and laced his fingers through mine as I moved faster. Occasionally I bent to kiss him, but I mainly focused on the feel of him. It was pure joy.

My God, I'm making love to my friend, I thought amazedly. How did this happen? Where are we going from here?

My thoughts were a blur as I began to feel my pinnacle rising. Josh's eyes closed and he thrashed his head in rapture. I started to feel the fire begin and then the explosion came. I tossed my head back in exultation, moaning, and then it was Josh.

"Oh, God, Isabelle," he moaned, holding onto my hips as he came in delight. He crushed me to him, kissing me fiercely, both of our hearts racing.

I kissed him gently again, squeezing him one last time with my muscles, and he groaned loudly. I slid from his body and sidled up next to him, his arms around me.

Our breathing slowed, he turned to me.

"Well, what's next? What now?" He asked inquisitively. I knew not if it was rhetorical or what. I bit my lip and couldn't find the words. I knew what I wanted to say, but I was too scared.

"I don't know," I said. And I was being truthful. I really didn't know what to say. I knew I liked him, but I wasn't sure if it was right to tell him. The sex had just sort of happened. It felt right, and it felt wonderful. I wanted more, but I didn't know if telling him that was the right thing or not.

"I can't see your face, your eyes," he said worriedly. "I can't read you."

"That's alright," I said softly. "I can't get hurt that way."

"Izzy," he said. "Look, if you didn't want this to happen, all you had to say was-"

"Josh," I interrupted. "I'm lying here with you, and we just had amazing sex. If I hadn't wanted it, you wouldn't be lying here right now."

"Did you ever imagine this happening between us?" He asked.

"I'd be lying if I said no," I said softly. "How about you?"

"Yeah, I imagined it. I figured you would be good, and you were."

"Thanks," I giggled. I snuggled in closer, rubbing his chest and arms, but I felt him pull away from me. It shocked me, but then, it didn't. It was at that point I thought of Molly.

"You know, I probably shouldn't have done what I did," he said. "I think I'm the one who's going to wind up getting hurt here."

"But, what are you talking about?"

"It's alright, Izzy," he said, and I felt him pull away from me emotionally. "I mean, I'm perfectly ok with this being a friends with benefits type of thing. We can do this whenever until we find someone else we'd like to date, ya know?"

I felt my heart sink. In my mind's eye, I saw him running to Molly's embrace, and my own defenses cranked themselves up. What was I thinking? The flowers, the dinner... all this time we spent together was just so he could get me to bed. I guess I failed again in my attempt to attain a true and meaningful relationship. What did Molly have that I didn't? I didn't find the words to reply, but I knew I wanted him physically and emotionally, and I suddenly thought back to the long, languid kissing we'd shared before making love. Those were not the kisses of someone who wanted a free fuck. I had felt his heart beating in his chest. It had been more than lust, but he wouldn't want to admit that. Well, I refuse to admit it, too.

"Sure," I said softly, not knowing what else to say.

He kissed my forehead and sighed. He laid his head down briefly on the pillow, then turned. My heart stirred with hope that maybe, just maybe, he'd tell me he has true feelings for me, and that we needed to see where things might go.

"Hey, since this is a friend thing and all, you don't mind me sleeping over, do you?"

"No, no, not at all."

What was he doing? If he had wanted this to be a friend with benefits type of thing, why didn't he just say so in the beginning? And why did he have to ask me first thing after sex where things were going and what were we doing?

I sighed, stared at the ceiling, and watched his sleeping form next to me. I was more confused than ever, but my exhaustion- mentally and physically- won over.

"So, I hear that someone got a dozen roses for her birthday," Molly exclaimed as she sat down across from me. "You know, I don't have a problem with it. Just so you know."

"I'm not looking for your approval, Molly," I said ruefully. "You have a boyfriend. Remember that guy named Joe? And for what it's worth, Josh gave me more than roses for my birthday."

"You slept with him?" she gasped. "Hmm, well, how was it? You know, he and I were together the night of our Christmas party. I just couldn't let him finish, though. I totally wasn't into it. He keeps saying we should try it again, but...."

"Wait a second," I said, feeling my heart fall. "He..."

"Izzy," she said sympathetically. "I know what you might be thinking. It's not like that. Don't go thinking you're his second choice. I think he's liked you all along, but didn't ask you out because he was afraid it would bother me."

I shook my head, unable to fathom it all. Josh and I had talked almost daily since that night. We had talked for well over an hour last night, in fact. He was out of the office for the day because he had gone to Peoria to cover a concert for the magazine. And what Molly was telling me was that Josh was still trying to get her to sleep with him?

"I want you two to be happy," she said. "I would totally be with Josh, but it just isn't right. I'm too old for him. He needs to be with someone closer to his age... someone who can give him children."

"I don't know what to say right now, Molly," I choked as I felt anger and hurt rise in my throat. "He fucking used me."

"Oh, Izzy, don't say that," she sighed. "Look, if you want me to play middle man, I can see where his head is. Come on now, Izzy, I know you have feelings for him. I've thought it all along. I think you're in denial about how much you really care for him."

"You know what?" I slammed my pencil down and tried my hardest to choke back my tears. "You need to leave me alone, now. I can't listen to this."

I stood from my desk and nearly ran to the ladies' bathroom. I would have to save the drastic tears till I could go home. I heard her calling my name, but I kept going.

He fucked Molly? He's still trying to get with her? Then why the flowers? Why did he sleep with me? What the hell is this bastard doing?

The day dragged on and I did my best to keep it from bothering me. When I finally arrived home, the floodgates opened and I cried my heart out. Hours seemed to pass when I was awaked by the alert on my cell phone. I had just received a text message.

It was from Josh. I wiped my eyes and checked it again, but I hadn't misread it. It was indeed a text from Josh. My heart raced a little, and a flicker of hope that he wasn't the evil bastard I had proclaimed him earlier grew in my heart.

Hey-its colder than hell here in Peoria. The concert is 2morrow and will call u when I have a break. Stay warm.

I thought back to the hours we had spent on the phone. We had stayed casual at work, but I had gotten used to him calling me, and it had warmed my heart. I was falling for Josh, but Molly's confession today had killed me. I didn't know how to respond to his text, so I didn't. I knew that when he returned, we'd have to talk.