Choices and Sacrifices Ch. 10

"I know." Sabrina started. She checked her watch. "I think I'm going to meet Keegan." Rochelle's head snapped to the right to look at her. Sabrina smirked at her reaction and turned her head too. They were sitting on a bench right outside the office.

"Are you sure?" She asked quietly. Sabrina inhaled deeply as she toyed with the question for a second.

"I think seeing my father was a test. I'm confident I know the difference between an excuse and honesty." It was true. She could easily tell the difference and she was proud. Her father may have set her back a few years with trying to heal, but she hadn't given him the privilege of enjoying all that her life had to offer. That was a special gift to anyone who valued it enough. Maybe Keegan would be that person again, maybe not. But regardless, Sabrina was ready to make that decision.

"I'll be okay." She told Rochelle. Sabrina stood up to head over to the café. "Come give me a hug." Sabrina said to Rochelle. They stood up and engulfed one another in a long, deep and loving embrace. Sabrina let her eyes shut for a second while Rochelle rubbed her back languidly.

"I love you so much." Rochelle whispered gently in her ear. Sabrina smiled to herself.

"I love you more. You are my strength and wisdom when I need it most. I value you for everything you are." Sabrina kissed her temple lightly and they pulled away slowly. Sabrina was surprised to see Rochelle was crying.

"Don't cry." Sabrina wiped Rochelle's tear lightly and they chuckled.

"Do you want me to go with you? You're already not feeling well, I don't want him to—"

"Chelle, I'll be fine. I promise." Sabrina said it just as she started walking down the block, leaving Rochelle to look like a worried mother on the corner.

*

Keegan's palms were slick. Sabrina was about five minutes late and he was getting worried she wouldn't show up. If she didn't, he couldn't really blame her but he would be very disappointed. He thought she'd want an explanation but maybe her peace of mind had been sought. She didn't need his explanation.

The bell over the front door rang and he looked toward the entrance. Sabrina was standing in the front of the store, scanning the chairs for his face. He sat in the last seat, farthest away from everyone so they could have some privacy while they talked.

Sabrina found him, and slowly strolled over to where he sat.

He looked good. He definitely went out of his way to look presentable for her. He wore a grey longsleeve crew neck tee and black jeans that he constantly kept rubbing.

She pulled out the chair directly in front of him. Keegan tried to suppress his burning smile.

"I'm glad you came." He said quietly. Sabrina was emotionless. She kept her face unreadable and cold.

"You can start whenever you're ready." She said it simply. A waitress came into view from behind her with a cup of steaming hot tea. She placed it in front of Sabrina and the mug sounded with a deep thud.

"Thank you." Keegan said with a smile. Sabrina looked it him expectantly.

"It's for you. Earl Grey."

"Thank you, but no thank you." Sabrina was purposefully being curt. She wanted this to end just as soon as it began. She wanted to take her newly sealed ends and continue her quest to happiness completely alone.

"Okay," Keegan started. He readjusted himself in his seat and cleared his throat. "I lied to you." Sabrina waited for him to continue. She didn't think that was something that needed to be said, but hearing it was nice.

"I had someone back in Florida." Bethany. "I didn't want to be with her, and I tried to push away but I didn't push hard enough. Our relationships overlapped for a few months until I cut it off."

Sabrina was still silent.

"She came to the apartment when I was packing up with Quincy. She thought we could work something out but I was too blunt. She was mentally unstable and I didn't know. She tried to commit suicide in the bathroom." Sabrina gulped roughly. That, she wasn't expecting. But she still kept her resolve strong.

"I rushed her to the hospital and I didn't have my phone. I didn't want to call you from the hospital because I didn't want you to be suspicious. I didn't want to have to explain how I knew her and why she thought we were still together for all that time. It was a dumb, selfish and irrational decision but I didn't want to risk losing you. I thought I could handle it. I never had intentions on losing you."

"What else?" Sabrina cut his pity party short. Her father, Quincy and Keegan both had a tendency to rant about their emotions when trying to explain their wrongs. Sabrina didn't have the time.

"I told Quincy to find you and let you know I'd be out—"

"You told Quincy to lie to me." He gave her a pleading look. "No, say exactly what you did. We aren't sugar coating this, Keegan. You wanted Quincy to lie to me."

"I asked Quincy to lie to you." Sabrina nodded. "I had to go with her to Florida to make sure she was okay. I couldn't just dump her off. She had to be checked into a psychiatric ward and they wanted me to do therapy sessions with her. By then, you had started your thing," Keegan flung his hand for emphasis. "With Quincy."

Sabrina chuckled. She was almost certain she could feel the door's gravity tug on her soles a bit.

"I'm sorry." Keegan sighed while wiping his hands over his face. He took his elbows off the table to recline in his chair. "If Quincy made you happy, I can't be mad at that. It's my fault I wasn't there."

They were silence for a second.

"Why is she still here?" Sabrina asked.

"She wanted to live here. She was supposed to be going home a few weeks ago but she really likes it."

"You sound like you feel bad for her." Keegan nodded.

"I definitely do. I feel responsible for how she is."

"That's unfortunate." It sounded sarcastic, but she didn't mean it to be. She genuinely felt bad for Keegan. His intentions, for the most part, were well. He was just... stupid. A common theme amongst the men in her life. "Is there anything else?" Keegan seemed surprised.

"I mean... What—do you have anything to say?" Sabrina raised her eyebrows as she shrugged her shoulders, giving him a look of indifference.

"No..." She said it slowly. "Should I?" Keegan was reflective for a second.

"I guess not." Sabrina gathered her wallet to get ready to leave.

"Wait—Sabrina." She froze and looked at him with wide, waiting eyes.

"I—" Keegan gave her a strained grin, but she wasn't smiling. "You know I can't let you go like this." Sabrina snatched her phone off the table with a quickness. She was not going to make a scene with Keegan.

"Sabrina," He whispered fiercely. Keegan dug in his pocket, trying to grab anything he could throw on the table for the tea he ordered. He came out with a $10 bill, he carelessly put it on the surface beside the $2 drink. He fought to keep up with Sabrina as she charged out the front door and onto the street.

He looked down both sides of the sidewalk in search for her. She was already a block away. Keegan sprinted down the street, dodging in between strollers and leashed dogs to catch up.

Keegan jumped right in front of Sabrina's path, the only way he knew how to stop her. Which was a way she was not very fond of. Keegan hated to get her attention that way; it was juvenile and embarrassing for them both. But when in the moment, that didn't matter.

"Sabrina," Keegan was pretty sure her growls were masked by the sound of traffic beside them. She looked livid. "I know, Bri." He hated agitating her. "I just want to know I did all I could."

Sabrina huffed as she shifted on her feet for a few seconds. "There's nothing left to do. You thought I'd fall in line after hearing you didn't do anything with her—that you saved her. I don't care, Keegan. You owe me the courtesy of going away. Silently."

"I love you, baby." He was crying. On the sidewalk of one of the busiest intersections in Maryland, during rush hour lunch. Keegan was crying and her heart was clenching.

"Stop it." She whispered through gritted teeth and rigid lips, like an angry black mother would to her child. "You do not get to cry. You did this to yourself." She told him as he roughly wiped his eyes.

"You don't feel anything for me anymore, Sabrina?" Keegan swiped his hand over her clad hip. Sabrina jumped from his touch instinctively. Not so much because she didn't want to be touched, but the feel put a feeling through her veins she knew she couldn't fight.

"My feelings aren't important. They never were, right?" Keegan shook his head furiously. His behavior resembled a little boy's.

"Don't say that. It's not true. I've always thought about your feelings. I was just—" He stopped to take a breath. "I was put in a really fucked up place. I made terrible choices, one after another, but I made each one with the hopes of getting back to you as soon as I could."

Sabrina shouldn't have come. She believed every word Keegan said and that was something she hadn't been expecting. She was worried his lies and excuses would crush her, but she had never planned on believing him. She now wished she had because she was unprepared.

"Tell me what I need to do." Sabrina chortled. "Sabrina, tell me. I'll marry you tomorrow —Do I need to date you again? What do you need from me?" Keegan was frantically trying to capture her attention. His low pitched voice was rough and jagged; filled with stress.

Go back in time and come home to me.

"There's nothing you can do." Sabrina decided to say instead. "God doesn't do anything without a purpose. I wish you the best." Sabrina stepped around him and he allowed her to.

"I'm never going to stop trying!" Keegan called after her down the sidewalk. Sabrina pivoted around, walking backwards for just a second.

"Sounds like harassment to me." She said with a slight smile. Sabrina waved as she turned forward.

It could either be harassment or a journey toward his second chance. Sabrina had a solid wall of unwillingness, but even she knew it could be worn down with the right persistency. Although, she highly doubted Keegan was willing to do what it took to break it.