Christian College Sex Comedy Ch. 12

"How do we work synching the audio?" Hope asked.

"The first one to activate the file, activates it for all the systems," I informed them.

"What is on the file?" Faith inquired.

"It is a song, but it would ruin the surprise to say more," I answered.

"I'm in," Chastity smiled with anticipation.

"What do I need to do?" Christina inquired.

"Not ask me to stop," I begged.

"Oh, damn," Heaven groaned. By this time, over two dozen people had gathered around.

"Have I missed anything?" Rio gasped, nearly out of breath. "I hear Zane is going to make a total ass of himself and I don't want to miss a second of it."

"Do you know what he's about to do?" Heaven prodded Rio.

"No, which is why this should be an epic fail," she laughed. I rolled my eyes.

"Can we begin now?" I suggested. Chastity nodded and hit play. A few of the gathering knew the beat so they had a few seconds to be utterly aghast at what I was perpetrating before the first words left my lips.

Now, if you don't know Usher's Scream, you might want to listen to it to have a reference to what I was serenading Christina with. Those words, belted out on a Christian Girl's campus, certainly had an impact. Somewhere about the thirtieth second, most of the girls had their 'Oh, My God' moment as I was verbally molesting Christina in public.

I wasn't done, either. When the music began, Christina began walking toward the Dining Hall. I kept pace, doing my best Usher-moves while propositioning Christina in a very pornographic style. At first she was embarrassed, but as we progressed, I caught sight of a smile on her lips and she would brush her chest against me when I'd place myself in her path (reference the song).

We finished at the steps to the Dining Hall. I wasn't sure when we had gathered the audience but we had. I was panting and looking to Christina for approval.

"I'm not disappointed," she informed me.

"Not disappointed?" Iona gasped angrily. "He's been working on that all week long."

"And I'm sure it was a strain on his attention span," Christina replied to Iona in a condescending manner, but she was studying me and my reactions.

"Don't sweat it, Iona," I smiled to my friend, "She's saving up all that happiness for our wedding night."

"Mr. Braxton, do I even need to tell you what you've done wrong?" Dr. Topaz Larson said. She had slowly parted the crowd to get to me.

"Well, if you could please put it in order of magnitude, I'd appreciate it," I sighed.

"Propositioning another student for sexual favors, playing music at an unacceptable volume, and being out of school uniform while on campus without prior permission," she related to me.

"Well, when you put it like that, I've really messed up, haven't I?" I shrugged.

"It was my fault," Christina chimed in. "I had him do this for Handmaiden's Duty. I wanted to exhibit the degrading and corrosive aspects of popular music on today's Christian culture."

"Yes...I'm sure we all feel so...degraded," Topaz joked. "Would someone get him in the right clothes before lunch ends? Promise me."

"I'll see to it personally," Christina assured the teacher.

No sooner had Topaz departed than Rio threw herself at my feet. "Marry me, please!" Rio cried out. "I'm never going to find anyone else as fucked up as you."

"Thanks, but I know you only want me for my body," I joked right back.

"It certainly isn't for your dance moves," she grinned.

"He's quite a nice dancer," Christina stated.

"Oh, come on," Rio complained, "He has all the grace of a baboon having an epileptic seizure."

"We had better help him out, then," Cordelia stated in a manner I found to be suspicious. Where had she come from? "He's going to need all his best moves come Spring Break."

"It is one night," I shrugged. "How hard could it be?"

"Oh...we'll see," Cordelia smirked, then sashayed past us toward the food line.

"I don't like the sound of that," Chastity worried.

"Worry later; right now we need to get some food, then go back and get Zane dressed," Christina directed.

"I can help with that," Heaven volunteered, immediately happily followed by...

"I can dress myself," I muttered.

"Zane, we aren't worried about you; we are worried about someone waiting in ambush," Chastity reminded me. "That lock on your door doesn't seem to work all that well."

"Hey, your lawyer cancelled for today," Iona read off her phone – she was my schedule planner.

"Damn," I grumbled. I was looking forward to further...consultations.

"Zane, you are probably the only man I've ever heard upset over missing a mandatory legal meeting," Christina noted.

"God damn it, Zane!" Rio mocked me, "Is no one safe?"

"For the love of God, just take me back to my place so I can throw myself off the roof," I groaned.

"First we feed you and then we let you kill yourself," Christina directed. Sadly, she didn't follow through on that because I still live.

KNOWN BY THE COMPANY OF THE WOMEN I KEEP

A note to all guys: if a girl/girls ask you to pick any movie you want, then gives you a suggestion, you cannot win. In this case, Chastity and Hope were 'curious' what the movie The Loved Ones was like but I could chose whatever I wanted. I wisely chose The Loved Ones. For those who don't know, it is about a completely insane girl with too much money and a deep obsession with some poor schmuck.

My two dates, the Archery Goddess and She Who Can Kill You from 500 Meters, found the movie side-splitting and couldn't fathom why I was somewhat horrified through most of it. For me, the moral of the story seemed to be never saying no to a girl. I had a feeling I was being trained.

We were chatting it up when Chastity reminded me,

"Zane, don't forget we have our first Soccer game on Saturday morning."

I noticed two cute girls about our age angling in right after she said that.

"Hey," the cheerful, slender girl with the shoulder length dirty-blonde hair said, "You are 'that' guy, aren't you?"

"That guy?" Hope interjected suspiciously.

"That Zane guy from the video," the new girl explained. "Zzzaannnneeee," she moaned sensually. Oh...yay. No one said anything for five seconds, then both Hope and Chastity started laughing uproariously.

"Yes, that would be me," I confessed. "Are you at UV, girls?" They were: Erin – PoliSci and Gerry – Business.

"Are your dates Kappa Sigma's?" Erin asked.

"Oh, God, no," Hope chuckled. "We are at FFU. So is Zane, but that's a long story."

"Are you his real girlfriends?" Gerry, a shorter, stout girl with short black hair inquired.

"It doesn't work that way," Chastity confessed. "Zane is our property and we rent him out for social functions."

"No you don't," I laughed. "Chastity and Hope are good friends and we came out for dinner and a movie."

"If you aren't dating anyone in particular there is going to be a party next Saturday. It is by special invitation only – it is a block party but we could call you when we find out," Erin offered.

"Hey, babes," this guy greeted us...or more appropriately, the ladies around me.

He was rather average looking; perhaps he would have looked better if his face wasn't constantly burned by the Sun and he avoided smoking joints and drinking so much. I figured he was about twenty or so. He was unlikely to have anything resembling a regular girlfriend or even regular sex because he paid little heed to his looks or his wardrobe.

His chief companion was a weasely guy; not the shifty sort, but the blood-thirsty feral kind. He was short and wiry with an anger that came from unrealized ambition and recognition; probably a vicious fighter but used to striking from the blind side. The final guy was tall and skinny, suffering from shyness exacerbated by the presence of women.

Erin and Gerry looked at the new guy, snorted derisively and turned back to me.

"Here's our number," Erin said as she took out a pen and wrote her digits on my palm. "Call on Thursday and we'll tell you where we can meet." I nodded because I was grappling with the rudeness these girls were showing this guy and his buddies.

"What...going to be a party?" the guy leered.

"By invitation," Erin responded, "College students only." I was starting to feel for this guy.

"What, is Zane-boy and his Kappa Sig whores good enough for you sluts, but real working men are not?" he taunted us.

"Don't do that," I warned him, putting a hand to his chest as he stepped forward and tried to put his hands on Erin's and Hope's asses. I'm not sure what Erin would do but Hope was likely to dislocate his jaw.

"Take your hand off me, jack-ass," he growled. His weasely buddy looked ready to pounce.

"We should call it a night," I told the ladies. "Erin, Gerry, I'll call later. Ladies, let's get out of here." Erin and Gerry tossed a worried look dumbass's way, then smiled to me and left. My companions and I left by a different way. Since we were heading out the easiest way to the parking lot, the three guys followed us.

"Hey, you sissy bastard, why are you afraid to share?" he mocked me, but really, was sissy bastard the best he could do? I sensed him coming up behind us as we exited the mall so I spun around, as did the girls.

"So how much do these Kappa Sigs cost?" he chuckled. "It can't be that much if you are buying these whores two at a time. I'll give you twenty for them both."

"Walk away, Zane," Chastity urged me quietly. "Let it go."

"You are right," I bit down my anger, "not only does he not have the money, he couldn't satisfy a woman even if he could convince one to accept payment."

"Mother fucker," he snarled, and shoved me back. I had had enough.

"Go back to your playmates," I warned him calmly, "I'm not someone you want to be badmouthing ladies around."

"Whatchya gonna do, Fucker?" he shot back. "How about when I finish kicking your ass, I'm gonna bang both the bitches you brought tonight? Then I'm going to ride those whores you were on the video with."

"Oh, you shouldn't have said that," breathed Hope. I was not the one she was admonishing, either.

"Apologize to these two ladies right now and pledge to never go near the Kappa Sigs and I'll let you leave here under your own power," I responded.

"I was afraid this shit-hole would never fight," the weasel guy sneered. I looked to the third guy.

"Do you know the number for the hospital?" I asked him. He nodded. "Good." The main talker started to shift his body into an aggressive stance but had the nerves of a bully, not a fighter. My first strike rocked him back on his feet and gave me the time I needed for his buddy.

The buddy got a quick but unskilled jab off. I blocked it and popped him hard, nearly knocking him over. I spun back to the Talker, set him up with a strike, and then kicked him so hard that I sent him flying out of the fight. The Weasel lashed out again; I caught his arm and drove my knee into his stomach. I kept that up for eight more knee-strikes until he ceased struggling and slumped to the ground.

"Make that call," I told the third guy, then grabbed my girls and ran for the car.

"Why are we running?" Hope asked as we got into my car.

"They already know who I am but you two are unknown. Face it," I reasoned with them, "if you two get dragged down to the police station, that could be big trouble."

"And since you are already known, you are screwed," Chastity muttered.

"Yes, basically. Once I get you two safely back to your dorm, I'll turn myself in and deal with the consequences," I informed them.

"We'll talk to Gorman when we get back," Hope said.

"That kind of voids the reason for fleeing the scene," I pointed out.

"What is it about you, dates, and the police?" Chastity chided me.

"Hey, now, only half my dates have ended with police involvement," I complained.

"Zane, do you realize how horrible those odds are?" Hope noted.

"Does this mean no second date?" I joked.

"I think we want a do-over on this one," Hope grinned. "I think we were all hoping for a different kind of excitement when we got back to your place."

"Groan...it would sort of suck for you two to be in my room when the cops come for me," I sighed. That was the end of our conversation, because it would suck and we had no choice.

Once I had Hope and Chastity back to their dorm, I made my way back to my place and changed. Since we were normally required to be in uniform, we had gone to Aunt Jill's to change into 'normal' attire, but I had decided we didn't have the time for it on the way back. I gave Coach Gorman a call and explained the events, minus my two friends. She told me to stay put.

It was past midnight when I received a call from the Coach.

"Zane, please come to my office," she told me.

"I'll be right there," I responded, as I slipped off my bed. The campus was still and dark as I made my way to the Security Center.

There were only two offices with lights on, that of the night officer and Gorman's office. Inside, I found Gorman behind her desk and a Sheriff's Deputy sitting in a chair opposite her and angled to look at me and the door.

"I told you he would come," Gorman reprimanded the officer.

"He ran once; I had reason to believe he would rabbit again," the man answered.

"Cowardice is not a trait I attribute to Mr. Braxton," Gorman commented dryly.

"That may be the case," he replied. "Mr. Braxton, I want to ask you some questions about what happened at the mall this evening around 9:30."

"I went to see a movie. When I came out, I was accosted by three men, and when I attempted to leave, they followed me to the parking lot where I proceeded to beat the crap out of them," I confessed.

"So you admit putting two men in the hospital?" the Sheriff's Deputy inquired.

"Yes, sir. I struck the taller one in the face, pivoted and did a downward block to the smaller guy, following through with an uppercut to his jaw. I did another strike to the first guy, then did a jump kick – sorry Coach – to his sternum, putting him out of the fight. The smaller guy righted himself, struck, and I caught him in an arm bar. I then brought my knee to his stomach – sorry Coach – and struck him repeatedly with it – sorry Coach," I outlined the fight.

"Thank you. But why are you apologizing to Coach Gorman?" the Deputy asked.

"He's apologizing for not using Karate moves," Dana informed him. "I'm his Karate Coach as well as Head of Security."

"And a hell of a soccer coach, or so I'm told," I grinned sadly.

"That is nice. Now, there was a report of two women being with you," the officer said. "Who were they? I need to interview them."

"I'm not going to deny there were other women there but I won't name names. There could be academic consequences for fighting and I want to spare them that," I explained.

"Son, I could tack on a charge of obstruction of justice to go with your two counts of assault and one of fleeing the scene of a crime," he related.

"Okay. Do what you have to do," I declared. "I will not turn on my friends."

"In that case, I am placing you under arrest," the Deputy stated, as he stood up and Mirandized me. He brought out the cuffs and led me away.

Back at the Sheriff's Office, I sat down with SD Burrows, my arresting officer, and we worked on his report. It turned out I could type and he could peck, so I convinced him to dictate the report for him because I desperately needed some sleep. A female Sheriff's Deputy gave our case, and me, a double-take.

"What have you got here?" the woman asked.

"Two counts of Assault, fleeing the scene, and obstruction of justice," Burrows said.

"Zane Braxton?" she inquired.

"Yeah. We have him in a report for that fight at the Kappa Sigma House last Saturday, though no charges were filed," he informed her. "I went to the University – that's Freedom Fellowship – and he turned himself in."

"Why did you run?" She turned to me. I groaned and lowered my head.

"Apparently, he was protecting the identity of the two women he was with; most likely fellow FFU students," Barrows filled her in. She nodded and went on her way.

"Okay," he said when we finished, "let's get you processed and put you into the general holding cell. Do you want to call your lawyer?"

"I'd rather get some sleep," I confided in him.

"You will be arraigned tomorrow morning at 9:00 so have someone by then," he advised me. After that was the tedious process of fingerprints and the pictures before they finally moved me to the 'overnight' holding cell.

Inside were two benches and nine guys. Five crowded onto one bench, two biker-type guys lounged on the second bench, and two were left to stand against the bars. I was really tired.

"I'm really tired," I explained to the more tattooed and bald biker-guy, "get off my God-damn bench." There was a hush in the cell.

"What did you say, Pussy?" the guy said as he stood up. He had an inch on me and fifty pounds or so. His buddy was standing as well.

"I've put two guys in the hospital tonight already. I'm more than willing to put your heads through the bars, Asshole. Now get off my God-damn bench," I growled.

"Braxton, I don't want any trouble from you," a passing Deputy commented.

"What's he in for?" the lead biker asked the Deputy.

"He put two guys in the hospital for talking to his ladies, as best as we can figure," the officer stated.

"What are these two in for?" I inquired, while keeping my eyes on the bikers.

"Misdemeanor drug possession," the Deputy answered. I smiled evilly at the bikers.

"Get off my God-damn bench. I need a nap," I seethed and they back-side-stepped out of my way. As I said, I was really cranky.

For whatever reason, no one attacked me in my sleep, and I was definitely dead to the world within five minutes of my head hitting the hard surface of my contested bench. I dreamed of ice cream and pizza...and scantily clad babes bringing me ice cream and pizza, confirming that while exhausted, I was not dead.

INTERROGATED UNTIL DAWN

"Mr. Braxton," a strange yet not totally unfamiliar voice said as she shook me awake. I looked up into the deep, earthy brown eyes of the female Deputy that I'd seen earlier. "They need you in Interrogation Room One." I sat up and rubbed my eyes, realized I didn't have a watch, so I inquired as to the time – a little past 2:00.

"Okay, but I've already confessed," I mumbled as I stood up. "I'm not sure what more I can say." She turned and walked out of the cell, where a second female officer was holding the door. Alarm bells were going off. While I've never been to a US jail before, I'd seen enough police procedural shows to know the cops never let the convict get behind them.

Girls do it all the time...when they want to show off their ass, and I stupidly was caught doing just that, as her smirk over her shoulder revealed. She shut the door when I left and walked down the hall with one in front of me and one behind. Sure enough, they took me into an interrogation room, and the unknown one took a seat opposite me while the slightly more familiar one stood behind my chair.

"Mr. Braxton, we understand you have refused your right to counsel; is that correct?" the one with Urquhart on her name tag said.

"Technically, no. I have refused to call for a lawyer but I plan to engage one in the morning," I admitted.

"We would like to ask you some questions, if that is okay?" Deputy Urquhart said.

"Sure," I leaned back. The other officer put her hands on my shoulders. Without really thinking about it, I reached across my chest to the opposite shoulder and ran my fingertips along the fingertips of the woman's hand. My interrogator noted the gesture.

"You were in an altercation at the Kappa Sigma House last weekend. What can you tell us about that?" she asked.

"I imagine saying things like 'it wasn't official' and 'it was within city limits' is pointless, so I guess I was shoved into the girls' bathroom by five guys and got my ass kicked," I explained.