tagErotic CouplingsChristian College Sex Comedy Ch. 13

Christian College Sex Comedy Ch. 13


*We make the friends we have, not the ones we want, because they are people, not tools*

(Thanks to Frontma for chipping away at the rough edges of what I write)

(While there is playful sexual contact there is no hardcore sex this episode -- sorry)

(Yes, this tale is supposed to be somewhat humorous and outrageous too. While not always comedic I'd like to think it is mostly a good-natured romp.)


"Zane," Barbie Lynn whispered to me as she shook my shoulder. I swear I only got to sleep ten minutes ago. I blearily looked around me. Brigitte was face down on my left snoring softly, her black hair splayed everywhere. Hudson was asleep on my right, an innocent smile on her lips visible because her head was turned toward me.

Then there was Barbie Lynn who looked both amused and nervous as she was trying to wake me up without disturbing the two professional women to either side.

"You need to get up," she continued to hiss. "I don't want you to miss your shower."

Yes, I had already had a shower recently, but I'd also been milked of every last ounce of energy in the interim.

Gingerly I climbed over Hudson, but half way there she stirred and started to wake.

"Go back to sleep," I murmured to her. I kissed her on the cheek; she grinned, wiggled beneath me and then went still. My cock had been resting on her butt when this happened and sprang to life in one last suicidal effort at manhood.

Barbie Lynn grabbed a towel and my shower kit and led me by the hand down the stairs. When we stepped out into the hall she wrapped the towel around me, stroking my hard-on.

"If you like," she purred, "I'll take care of that for you." She had no idea why I started to sob uncontrollably. She put an arm around my shoulder and led me to the showers in silence.

My cadre of shower-buddies was already there when I arrived. I nodded a few greetings then walked straight into a cold spray of water, hanging my head and letting the chill push me back toward consciousness.

"What's wrong with him?" Opal asked Barbie Lynn.

"He was arrested last night," she told the assembled group.

"You go, Boy!" Rio exulted. She's a freak.

"He was on a date with Hope and Chastity," Iona spoke up. "I'll find out what they know."

"Anyway, I went up to find him and there he was with all those bites and scratches all over his body, plus he had Ms. Lane and some other woman I don't know in bed with him...asleep."

"Ms. Lane...the school lawyer?" Brandi babbled.

"The very one," Barbie Lynn affirmed.

"I suppose it is too much to hope for that they had clothes on?" Iona sighed.

"Sorry, no. Naked as the day they were born with that freshly and thoroughly fucked glow all about them," Barbie Lynn giggled.

"Well, who is going to ask him what happened?" Opal demanded.

"I don't know," Brandi intervened. "He looks like he's about to die."

"Nah, I know that look," Rio snickered. "He's past the 'about to die' phase. Right now, he's at the 'praying for death' phase."

The water warmed up and I decided it was time to actually get clean so I poured out some shampoo and worked it in. Signs of life on my part quieted the conversation and quickened the girls to finish up their own cleaning functions. Later Opal insisted on shaving me while Brandi began cataloging the sexual details the women had left on my body.

"Whoa, the bite marks on his shoulders are smaller than the ones on his butt," Brandi enlightened the remaining girls. Iona and Rio had already beaten a hasty exit and had I been more alert, I would have been terribly worried. As it was, Barbie Lynn guided me back to my door and let me go up alone.

"Mmmm, hey, Zane," murmured Hudson as I began getting dressed. She had rolled over and was looking at me as I zipped up my pants.

"Good Morning, Hudson. Barbie Lynn Masters was up here earlier, reminding me to use the shower, and she saw both of you," I informed her.

"Oh, God...where am I? Oh, God, what have I done?" moaned Brigitte into her pillow. I walked to her side of the bed and sat down. I let my hand rub her shoulder blades and brushed her hair away from her neck.

"You didn't do anything immoral or illegal," Hudson said. "Technically, Zane was never your client but a person of interest to your client. We are all of legal age."

"I'm in some teenage boy's dorm room," she muttered. "I had hopes of making partner one day too."

"How do you feel?" I asked.

"I'm beat," she sighed. I kissed her on the back of the neck. "Don't." I kissed her lower, where the neck flows into the shoulders. "Don't..." another kiss along the top of the left shoulder blade, "Ooohhh..." a final kiss to the top of the shoulder. "Damn," she moaned.

"I hope you had a good time because I certainly did," I whispered into her ear.

"I did," she admitted. "I'm...still thrumming inside. That last orgasm..." she couldn't put it into words, though I was sure Hudson was feeling very self-satisfied right then.

"Don't worry about anything. Stay in my room until 9:00 then slip over to Ms. Lane's office while we are at Assembly, then make a public showing of leaving from there and heading out. Everything will be okay," I assured her.

"I'll look after her, Zane," Hudson Lane told me.

"How about I set the alarm clock and you two get some sleep?" I suggested. Hudson pouted, then let it turn into a knowing grin.

"Okay, but what about you?" Hudson noted. "You look like Death warmed over."

"Thanks," I joked through the fatigue. "How come only women are allowed to look even more desirable after sex, while men simply look worn out?"

Brigitte rolled onto her side and stared at me.

"Is he for real?" she wondered to Hudson.

"Absolutely," she chuckled back. "Look at his pants if you don't believe me." Damn it, I was hard again.

"Zane, have you ever thought about interning at a law firm?" Brigitte asked.

"I'm in Pre-Med," I answered.

"Change majors," she commanded. Hudson laughed.

"Be careful, Sophia Brigitte Messier, there are at least a dozen young ladies on this campus who will deeply resent you poaching their favorite freshman," Hudson snickered.

Brigitte looked at me with a twinge of sadness and regret.

"Hudson knows how to reach me if you ever have need of me," I told her. "Please understand that while what we did was very pleasurable, I am here to graduate with a degree in something."

"Yes, that whole being eighteen and all," Brigitte sighed. "I understand."

"Zane," Hudson huffed, "do you want to see Brigitte again?"

"Absolutely; there is something to be said for her tight swimmer's body," I replied," and she's definitely got spirit."

"I'm not another one of your college co-eds," she chastised me, but with a smile on her face.

"Why not? You are as wild and vigorous as any eighteen-year-old I know," I responded. Brigitte's mouth fell open in shock.

"I...well, because I'm a graduate of Georgetown Law School; third in my class," she stammered.

"One never stops being young; you merely forget how," I quoted someone from somewhere, but I was too tired to remember the specifics. "I hope that if any job opportunity every stops you from being as sexy as you are now, you turn it down."

"Imagine what he's like when he's actually trying to seduce you," Hudson smiled.

"I repeat my earlier question: are you sure you want to unleash this boy...man on an all-girls campus?" Brigitte grinned.

"I swear, the next girl I get to seduce here will be the first," I groaned. "They rarely give me the chance or the time before...well, things happen. Frankly, I've only romanced one girl here and she's not too interested."

"Who is that?" Hudson inquired.

"Christina Buchanan," I shrugged, "a beautiful, intelligent senior who seems to have enough sense to not get too involved with me." Brigitte shook her head and chuckled.

"She's my employer. She hired me to get you out of jail."

I wasn't sure how long I stood there digesting that news because the next thing I recalled was Hudson calling my name.

"Zane? Zane? Are you okay?"

"Huh?" I muttered.

"You zoned out there for a minute. You really need some sleep," she observed.

"I won't argue with that, but it doesn't seem likely," I noted.

"I am going to call Ms. Goodswell and ask her to get you half the day off," Hudson stated.

"You aren't going to hear me argue," I grinned as I flopped down on the bed. I assumed she called but I was out before she reached her phone.


I slept through a nice little struggle between Rhaine and Barbie Lynn. Rhaine had been sent promptly at 7:00 to deliver me to the Chancellor. Barbie Lynn had been warned of the visit, and my condition, by Virginia Goodswell, and held her off long enough for Dr. Larson to get there and defuse the situation.

By the time the Chancellor made a second run at me, Hudson and Brigitte had made their exit and Ms. Lane was able to cover for me and my 'condition'. At 11:30 I received a call from Lane to 'remind' me that I had to bring by the papers she'd 'left' with me when she escorted me from the jail the night before.

I found the paperwork that Brigitte had wanted me to sign last night, read it over, and then signed them. After that, I grabbed my stuff and headed for the Dining Hall. For a nice change, I was one of the early arrivals, getting my food and grabbing my spot in peace. I had started working on my salad when I spotted Iona running right at me.

"Zane!" she cried out as she hugged me. "I was so worried about you."

"I was a little exhausted, Iona," I squeezed her back. "There was nothing to worry about."

"You were in jail, Silly," she lectured me. "A really prisoner could have hurt you." Iona was missing the fact that I put two people in the hospital. Mentioning that I threatened two bikers over a bench to sleep on would definitely be unwise.

"I was in no real danger. They didn't put me in with any bad people; mainly drunks and minor drug charges," I embellished the facts. She rested her head on my shoulder (I was still sitting) and sighed.

"Well, Rio and I were still worried," she murmured. No sooner had Iona headed off to get food than Rio came up.

"Hey, little brother, we have got to get you a prison tattoo now," she laughed.

"Rio, I was in County lock-up for four hours. I didn't even get to use the communal toilet," I joked back.

"So, how many hotties did you bang? Quick, tell me before Iona gets back," Rio grinned.

"They don't house men and women together," I pointed out.

"Oh, like concrete walls and iron bars are going to slow you down," she teased.

"Fine, I swear I did not have sex with any female -- or male -- inmates," I pledged.

"Damn..." she frowned for a second, then she brightened up. "You nailed a cop!" I lowered my head with embarrassment.

"Well, fuck," she crowed, "you nailed two? More?" I pointed to the lunch line.

"Go get some food, damn it!" I growled. She skipped off, overly pleased with herself, and all I could do was shake my head. Before Iona returned, a dozen more of my friends stopped by to see if I was okay, if I was molested in prison (they are weird friends), and to confirm that I'd really put two guys in the hospital for threatening two FFU girls.

Iona and Rio were sitting down with me when Raven came up, looking conflicted.

"Well, I don't imagine you made any progress on our project," she asked.

"No. I said I'd get stuff this weekend so we could start Monday," I assured her.

"Fine; try to stay out of jail and not fight anybody...and get some sleep," she stated.

Raven gave me a curt nod, turned and left.

"Zane," Rio sighed, "you've gotten another one into your orbit."

"No," I insisted, "we are studying together; that's all."

"So she came over here to ask totally irrelevant questions she already knew the answers too?" Iona mused. God is laughing at me and trying to drive me crazy.

Chastity and Hope came walking up next, looking less pleased than I hoped they would.

"We need a moment outside," Chastity cautioned me. I stuffed as much food as possible into my cheeks before getting up and following them out; I'd missed breakfast after all. The trail led outside where Christina, Faith, and Heaven waited.

In a strange reversal of events, Heaven looked fearful for me and Christina looked like she wanted to bite my head off. Even Faith held some sympathy toward me. I got to them, tried to smile, but Christina cut me off.

"Can you try to not fuck everyone in sight?" Christina snarled.

"Honestly, all I wanted to do was get back to my room and get some sleep," I swore.

"What did he do?" Chastity asked.

"He had sex with two female Deputies...for over an hour," she snapped once more.

"That should have been us," Hope told Chastity with clear jealousy.

"In my defense, they did take me out of the holding cell to an interrogation room where, for the most of it, I was under the impression I would be going to prison," I related.

"Zane, you screwed my lawyer," Christina seethed.

"Who told you that?" I grumbled. The woman's career was on the line.

"She did...in her report she submitted, Zane. Do you want me to go into the details of your encounter?" Christina threatened me.

"I'd like to hear what went on," Heaven suggested.

"Well, Zane didn't give us up," Chastity offered, "and if he had, he would have gotten out earlier."

"Actually, what did Ms. Messier say...write?" I wondered.

"She reports that she and Ms. Lane spent six hours in consultation with you this morning: 3:00 to 9:00 a.m." Christina accused me.

"Yeah, he had sex with them," Hope sighed.

"How were they?" Heaven perked up.

"Before that, he was 'interrogated' for an hour by two female Deputies," Christina glared at me.

"Yum, I like cops," Heaven added.

"Zane, you had sex with four women last night," growled Christina. "Here we were worried sick about you and you were...living it up."

"I confess to nothing..." I started to defend myself.

"Barbie Lynn says you were so worn down, you refused to have sex with her this morning," Faith piled on. Oh, I was so busted now. I lowered my head and struggled to get ahead of events.

"Christina, first off, thank you for getting an attorney for me. She was really helpful in getting my early release," I lead off.

"Second, in my defense, I was woken from a sound sleep on a bench and led to an interrogation room. I'm not saying I wasn't an eager participant once things took off, but I didn't want to be there in the first place; I wanted to sleep, for the love of God," I pleaded.

"And the two lawyers?" Christina kept coming.

"I owe Ms. Lane for having my back since I got here, from that very first day when you were trying to have me thrown out," I countered, "remember?" I let that sink in. "So, she had an interest in Ms. Messier but was clearly getting nowhere so I helped out. They got what they wanted and I got ten more minutes of sleep."

"I believe him," Heaven stated.

"So do I," Chastity chimed in. "If it was anyone but Zane, I'd laugh in their face, but come on...this is Zane we are talking about. As far as I know, you and Tawny are the only two girls who haven't tried to have sex with him."

"There is Raven," I interjected. The five women stared at me as if I was utterly clueless.

"And he turned down sex with Barbie Lynn," Faith reiterated.

"It is hard to argue with that," Hope said. "He had clearly been used and abused."

"We should send coal to the Devil," Chastity joked. "Clearly he is freezing his ass off -- Zane turning down sex."

"Maybe that is a sign of the End Times?" Faith got in on the fun.

"Let's hope not," Hope joked. "Zane has us an invitation to a block party next weekend."

"Zane," Christina said after a long pause, "could you please try to keep to Heaven and one or two others?"

Heaven stepped up and place a hand on the center of my chest, leaned in and took a deep whiff of my body soap, after shave, and general...manliness.

"Don't worry, Christina, I'll train him to say 'No'," she smiled at her friend then turned and looked up at me, "and if you ever say that to me," she smiled lovingly, "I'll break one of your arms or legs."

"I love you too, Babe," I smiled back at her while stroking her upper arm.

"Rhaine!" Hope hissed. Sure enough, it was my buddies Rhaine, Joy, and Mercy coming my way, and they looked unhappy.

"Sorry, ladies," I spoke up, "my 1:00 o'clock orgy is here. I have to go."

"The Chancellor wants to see you," Rhaine announced, clearly not appreciating the orgy comment. I wondered why the woman didn't call or text me, but then I remembered that I almost never answer my phone and all my texts are forwarded to Iona -- whoops.

"Zane, don't forget there is a Soccer game tomorrow at 10:00 -- first game of the season," Christina reminded me.

"Sure thing; I'll be there," I called out as I turned and started walking off with Rhaine's group. After we'd traveled a ways, I put my arms over the shoulders of Rhaine and Joy.

"So, who brought the whipped cream and who brought the chocolate syrup? Because I have a jar full of cherries and I'm ready to play some 'Ice Cream Shop'."

"Stop that," Rhaine tried to shrug me off pretty unconvincingly. "What we did is never going to happen again." I looked to Mercy, then back to Joy.

"How about his; we do it one more time and I promise never to bring it up ever again?" At this point in time I really deserved to be killed by a falling piece of space debris for being such a dumbass with an uncontrollable sex urge.

And better yet, I could see the three women sending silent signals back and forth as they clearly considered my offer. I should have let Christina castrate me when she was prepared to do so.

"Stop joking around," Joy said with a tremble in her voice.

"I'm just saying, whatever happens after 'lights out'...no one is sure what is really going on; no one to blame, no one to know for sure," I suggested. They exchanged more looks.

"No, we couldn't," Rhaine declared, but destroyed that statement by then saying, "Besides, how would we get past your locked door?"

"There is no chasm so deep, or lock so strong, that the mind of man cannot conquer it," I recited. "It is a simple matter of knowing who has a key and getting it from them."

"I could get a key," Mercy volunteered. The other two stared wide-eyed at her. "If we ever...needed one."

"There you go, Mercy; live without fear," I applauded her.

"That's why the Chancellor wants you gone," Rhaine spat. "You are evil."

"No, evil is making someone doing something they don't want to do. All I'm doing is teasing you, and it isn't like this would be the first time you had a key to my room," I pointed out. "Seriously, if you want to stop me from annoying you and reminding you that you are pretty, all you have to do is stop hanging around me. It is not like I've ever hunted you ladies down."

"You are still a pervert," Rhaine declared. There was a silence while we walked that lasted until Rhaine looked at me for some sort of denial.

"Oh, sorry," I apologized. "Was I supposed to deny that? By your definition I am a pervert. I like sex, women's bodies, and simply spending time with women."

"Most of all, I like listening to a woman and getting her opinion," I added. "Being with a woman is being with a partner, which makes every time with a woman unique to me. I'm not getting one-up on anybody. That would kind of defeat my point for living. You see me as evil, but all you are seeing is my desire to live free on my own terms."

"We Christians live in communities," Joy jumped in.

"I'm going to school, I'm in four clubs, and I've been doing the whole Handmaiden's Duty thing. I walked around for two days on my knees because I wanted to be part of this school, so please don't preach to me about community," I bantered back.

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