tagErotic CouplingsChristian College Sex Comedy Ch. 20

Christian College Sex Comedy Ch. 20

byFinalStand©

*Mankind is poison because we compromise our souls for the companionship of others*

(Thanks to Frontma for clearing up my mistake that delayed this chapter from getting out sooner)

(Once more no real sex but there is a good deal of sexual tension.)

(Yes, this tale is supposed to be somewhat humorous and outrageous too. While not always comedic, I'd like to think it is mostly a good-natured romp.)


*

"Vivian, I'm going to take a shower," I whispered to Vivian. I was hovering over her from the back of the sofa-sleeper, asking permission to take my shower downstairs. She was laid out beneath me, her jersey bunched up around her breasts and her left thumb hooked into the band of her shorts and pushing them dangerously down.

"Mmmm," she sighed, a little smile tilting her lips.

"Honey, I need your permission to use the downstairs shower," I continued. I wisped across her lips with my own. Her smile blossomed into full-blown pleasure.

"Okay...I'm getting up, I'm getting up," she moaned.

Vivian slowly opened her eyes as she stretched and twisted her body to wakefulness.

"Good morning, Zane," she yawned with this adorable little grin on her face.

"You look beautiful," I complimented quietly.

"Mmmm...thank you," she purred. "You look...Zane! What are you doing?" she bolted upright, barely missing a head-on-head collision.

"I'm asking you permission to go down to the fifth floor and take a shower," I repeated.

"Why didn't you simply sneak past me?" she propped herself up on her elbows.

"I said I would wait on your decision, so I waited. Can I please, please do something," I pleaded, "before I go nuts?"

"Ummm, okay," Vivian said cautiously. I reached down to her midsection and she flinched so I held back. No word passed for several seconds so I resumed my journey to her pushed up sleeping jersey and slowly pulled it down until her stomach and crotch were covered.

"Zane," Vivian sighed, "could you control your hormones for thirty minutes...when you are awake?"

"I have to go now," I stood up, "because covering you up didn't make you any less attractive."

"Zane," Vivian came off the sofa and followed me, "you should attempt to look at a woman as a fellow follower of Christ and less in terms of beautiful and ugly and you might be happier. Go take a shower." She's telling me this with an earnest warm face and finely sculpted legs that disappear right below the crotch into that billowing Dallas Cowboys shirt.

"Go on and fuck the bitch," Rio growled as she traipsed by with Mercy's hand on her shoulder. Barbie Lynn came slowly limping behind. Barbie flashed me a grin and I raced to catch up. At the bottom of the stairs something occurred to me.

"Hon, where is your towel?" I asked Barbie Lynn. She shot me an apologetic smile.

I stepped behind Barbie Lynn, ran a hand along her hip to the curve of her stomach and kissed her on the neck.

"Take mine; I'll catch up," I chuckled. I draped my towel over her shoulder and bounded up the stairs.

At the top of the stairs I stumbled to a stop. Vivian had only then finished taking off her jersey and was holding it in her left hand. The bottom of the shirt scrapped the ground. Vivian looked at me, neither shocked, ashamed, nor outraged. Her breasts were freaking gorgeous, fully round, buoyant, and with a miniscule droop. Her pale blue panties left little to the imagination, her pussy lips clearly camel toed.

"I apologize," I quickly spun away and raced to my sleep area. I grabbed a towel and headed straight for the stairs.

"Zane, it is okay," Vivian called out. She'd covered her breasts and diaphragm with the jersey.

"Huh?"

"I don't mind; I know you didn't mean to see me so I'm not offended and I don't feel you went back on your word," she related with a sense of grace. I wasn't truly sure of what word I hadn't gone back on but she appeared happy.

"Does that mean you can flash me your ta-ta's guilt free?" I asked hopefully.

Vivian regarded me with amusement.

"Zane, constantly being distracted by unbridled sexuality will not leave you content," she lectured me patiently. We regarded each other for some time. "Is there anything else I can do for you?"

"If you are going to offer...could you come over here, turn around, bend over, grab your ankles and finally look past your thigh at me?" I cringed.

She shook her head, regarded me once, then rolled her eyes.

"I may not be able to save you but I'm not going to shove you down to damnation either," she stated firmly.

"Do it; I won't take advantage of you and I'll tell you a valuable secret," I offered.

Normally my chance of success with Vivian and that line was nil -- but the convergence of a Gabrielle's midnight visit and her desire to show me that trust and honesty could exist without a sexual context brought her to me. She slowly turned around and assumed my desired position. I rabidly wanted to step up to her, gently slip her panties aside and take her pussy with deep languid strokes.

"Please stand up," I groaned. Once she was up I leaned into her ear. "You are not a virgin," I whispered carefully. Vivian tensed slightly. "All it means to me is that you know what you are talking about when you mention sexuality and I have to treat you with more respect. I apologize for prying." She twisted to face me and was about to say something but I put a finger to her lips to silence her.

"People are listening," I cautioned her quietly.

"Thank you for that," Vivian whispered. "It was one time in high school and we had exchanged Promise Rings. It was a mistake we both regret."

"It's all cool," I grinned. "I kind of wish your first time had turned you into a wild sex monkey and you and your beau planned on having five hundred kids, but we're good."

"Zane," Vivian sounded exasperated, "I pity the woman you decide to marry."

"What?" I acted shocked, "I would never cheat on my wife."

"Oh, I believe you, but I fear the poor woman would die from exhaustion," she scolded me.

"She'd die happy?" I offered up as my only defense.

"Lord, give me strength," Vivian groaned. "Go take a shower."

"Gotchya, Boss," I beamed happily. I turned half way to the door, then gave a backward glance. "Vivian, if you ever need anything, just ask."

"I...." she was about to scold me but she stopped and sighed. "Fine, Zane, I know you mean well; now go." I winked and raced away. I could swear Vivian believed she was getting a crash course in Mothering a Teenage Boy.

BIKER BAR HORROR STORY

It had been a hard day of first-round semester testing plus restructuring the Marksmanship and Orienteering Clubs. I still managed to get in sufficient studying (in my opinion) for Friday's round of activities. At lunch I had a little talk with Cordelia and Christina about Gabrielle Black and their fears concerning her. I really wish both women hadn't looked so concerned. I would have preferred they called me paranoid instead.

I was sitting watching some bizarre sitcom rerun with an arm around Iona when Rio came rocketing up the stairs.

"Hey, Princess," she screamed at me (in case anyone has missed it, Rio is a freak), "Val found out about a Biker bar called the Dixie Roadhouse and we're heading there. Do you want in?"

I looked down to Iona who, despite a look of fearful concern, gave me a nod of consent.

"Sure thing, Rio," I said, as I popped over the sofa and pulled Iona along after me.

"Zane, you are not going out to a bar," Vivian rose to the challenge. "You are only eighteen."

"If I don't go, we may not get Rio back," I cautioned my guardian.

"Speaking of which: Rio, where is Mercy?" Vivian rounded on my 'Bro'.

"I ambushed her: hit her in the head with the Gutenberg Bible and tied her to the back of Valerie's hog," Rio smiled proudly. Pulling Iona along with me, I pursued Rio down the stairs.

"I promise I'll bring them all back," I shouted to Vivian. She was kind enough not to chase me down and make me stay.

The Dixie Roadhouse looked like some sort of converted barn with a few cobbled together outbuildings. Mine was probably not the first car to grace this dirt parking lot but it was definitely rare to have a ride with four wheels parked here. I had Rio and Mercy with me. Of course, Mercy had not been beaten and tied up for tonight's outing. Iona had ridden gleefully on the back of Val's bike.

"This is going to be epic," Rio exulted.

"That's right," I joked tragically. "We are five teenagers in school uniforms going into a place that constantly lays down new sawdust to cover up all the blood."

"Hey, Sissy-Boy," Rio punched me, "this is on my Bucket List, so don't wimp out on me now."

We quickly paired up, Rio with Mercy and Iona with me. Val -- Valkyrie went in alone as she felt that would increase her odds of survival. She also wore her Stormriders' patch and colors. Unfortunately, the rest of her gang was two thousand miles away.

"Rio," Valerie coughed as she handed Rio a switchblade. Rio snickered, flipped the blade out several times in quick succession before stealthily stashing it into her waist band.

'Thank God,' I thought, 'she actually knows how to use a knife.' The double doors leading into the bar/club were propped open so we migrated in as a group. People didn't stop and stare but they managed a passable job of telling us to 'get the hell out' with their eyes alone. Valerie led us to the bar where the lone bartender took his time getting to us.

The guy was going for the chest hair with a black leather vest look along with copious amounts of facial hair.

"We don't serve kids," he growled out when he stopped in front of Valkyrie.

"We are not high school kids, we are not cops; we are college kids who need a damn drink, not a lecture. So are you going to give us shit or a beer, because there must be a dozen lame college dumps we can go slumming at."

"Who are you?" he grumbled.

"Valkyrie -- Stormriders," Valerie answered.

"What is your name?" he persisted.

"Valerie Palmer," she shrugged.

"Are you kin of Mad Dog Palmer?" he inquired.

"Dude, no one calls him Mad Dog who wants to live, and he's my grandfather," she smiled.

"Got it," the bartender gave a sinister grin. "What are you doing here?"

"My Dad divorced my Mom and became a born again Christian," she informed the guy.

"Harsh; so are these kids yours?" he asked; meaning the rest of us.

"They are not members but I consider them my associates," Valkyrie allowed. The bartender shrugged and started handing out beers. Val pulled out a roll of bills and paid for our first round. Val and I took slow steady pulls on our drinks.

Rio downed hers in two chugs. Mercy and Iona took tentative sips and made disgusted faces as a result. I paid for Rio's second round.

"It tastes awful," Iona whispered to me.

"Pretend you are drinking it then. Beer is not for everyone," I assured her, and letting her see my smile dispelled any thought that I felt less of her for being different.

"Rio," Mercy tried next.

"Drink it," Rio demanded. "Do it, and I'll screw you with the bottle; don't, and I'll pour it over your head and shirt." Mercy choked on her response and took a swig of beer. "You annoy the hell out of me, Mercy," Rio reacted in a warmer tone.

I looked at Valerie; she looked to me and nodded. Things could be working out far worse. I noticed six biker babes playing pool off in the darkest corner. I didn't think they were a problem but two of them kept giving me the eye. I hoped my current group of women would provide me shielding.

A group of ten bikers came rolling into the place, laughing, punching, and doing other masculine bonding rituals. They noted the five out-of-place newcomers at the bar but didn't seem put out until I saw these two guys in the pack and they saw me. We had a bit of history that went all the way back to a bad night for me on a bench in a communal jail cell.

Perhaps I suggested that if they didn't get out of my way, I would shove their heads through the bars of the cell. I was in for two counts of assault and they were in for minor drug possession so they backed down. By the look on their faces, they remembered that night -- oh, fuck.

"Guys!" I cried out. I came off my stool and quickly walked up to the closer of the two. He actually took a step back into one of his buddies.

"It is good to see you, Man," I kept grinning. I stepped up, put my left hand on his right elbow to propel his hand up. I clasped his palm and shook it, chest to chest.

"A week ago we were all in lock-up together -- I was totally wasted -- and this guy and his buddy (I nodded to the second guy) saved my ass. Let me buy all of you guys the first two rounds," I offered.

The guy who was clearly the dominant member gave my 'buddy' a look. He figured something wasn't right but he didn't know what it was. The two bikers in the cell hadn't talked about their facedown with some college kid since they'd backed off without a fight.

"That's about right, Zane," the guy holding my hand said. "Those two guys get out of the hospital?" he continued as we walked as a group to the bar.

"Yeah, I administered a warning more than a lesson," I shrugged. "I wanted them to leave my ladies alone. The point was made. The whole jail thing was the Sheriff getting me back for a fight I was in the previous weekend but no one pressed charges."

That earned me some knowing chuckles. Beers were handed out; I paid for this round and the next, my heart finally calming down from the near catastrophe.

"Gus, what's with the little girls?" the leader addressed the bartender. He titled his head toward Valkyrie. Her colors gave her the higher status.

"The little one is with Zane and those two (Rio and Mercy) are together," Valarie answered deadpan. The big guy put his hand on Iona's shoulder while looking at me.

"Mind if I take your girl for a dance," he didn't ask -- he told me.

"You take your hand off of her and I'll forget you touched my girl," I stated with a quiet calm coming over me.

"If I don't?" he taunted me.

"I don't play twenty questions," I warned him.

"Seriously, dude, you want to get into a fight over a girl barely out of a training bra?" Valerie tried to make light of the situation. "She's his sister."

The leader let go of Iona and stepped back.

"She's your sister? Why in the hell did you bring you sister to this place?" he was curious.

"Are you trying to tell me this place isn't 'family friendly'?" I grinned, finally taking a real breath.

"That's a fucked-up way to look at things but yes, I guess it is," he chuckled. He reached past Iona and took his beer. Everyone around us relaxed again.

"What were you going to do?" he idly asked me.

"Since you had your left hand on Iona and your right was going for that steel rod you use as a sap, I was going crush your trachea then introduce your forehead to the bar," I explained.

"That might have killed me," he noted.

"Nothing personal, but I had nine more bodies to put down," I reminded him.

"I would have given us better than even odds that we would be getting out of here," Valerie joined in.

"So you really kicked Dog-Boy and Sticks off their bench?" he changed direction. Apparently, then, some in the gang did know.

"They were a bit stoned and I was really pissed off," I exaggerated.

"That makes sense; they are idiots," the leader grinned. A group of four more bikers with the same colors as the current crop came in.

The guy we'd been talking with and five others broke off and headed to the rear of the establishment to seats around two circular tables. The four guys remaining gathered around Rio and Mercy. One guy put a hand on Mercy's shoulder.

"Come on out and see my ride," he grinned at a surprisingly calm Mercy.

"Hands off," Rio sneered, "I own the bitch." That caused the four men to look at each other.

"Don't worry, I rent her out from time to time," Rio acted nonchalant. Two of the guys closed in, one running a hand down Mercy's shoulder and thigh while the other put a hand on each of her hips.

"How much?" he growled. "We can take her into the bathroom right now."

"Nope," Rio shrugged. "She's got tests at school tomorrow and I've got her busy all weekend long, but write down your number and I'll call you. Zane -- pen." I tossed Rio a pen who handed it to the biggest biker.

The guy looked Rio, then to her hand.

"No," Rio snickered. "Mercy, off the stool and lean over the bar," she emphasized with a slap to the ass. Mercy scrambled to obey. Rio smiled at the dude then flipped Mercy's skirt up, wedged her already slender lacy underwear into her ass crack. Rio smacked a cheek. "Here you go."

"Hell, ya," he laughed, as he scrawled his name and number over Mercy's proffered ass cheek. "Are you sure you are going to remember this?"

"Oh, yeah; I'm going to be pounding this ass most of the night when I get her home," Rio told him.

"I thought you said she had tests tomorrow," the third guy joked.

"So do I, and that means I've got a lot of stress to work through," Rio grinned shark-like. "She's going to have to suck it up." That earned another round of laughs. "You really, truly annoy the hell out of me, Mercy," Rio snorted. Mercy resumed her barstool, turned to face Rio and sipped her beer once more. The warming radiance of Mercy's smile was both tragic and sweet.

I stole a look toward Iona who had a wide-eyed curious look about her and ended up at Valarie, who looked relieved enough to finally put her back to the bar and look around. We were into our second beer (still Iona and Mercy's first and Rio's fourth) when our sense of ease began floundering. One of the biker chicks that had been playing pool came over to get a round of beers for her outfit.

"Candy-ass whores," the woman taunted Rio as she picked up the six beers and walked away. Rio looked to me, somewhat confused and then outraged, and ended up with a glance to Valarie.

"What did you say?" Rio sounded disarmingly curious to the biker chick.

"You heard me," the woman scoffed.

Rio was off the stool like a shot and brought her beer down on the biker chick's head.

"Iona, stay close behind me," I hissed. I motioned to Mercy to get her attention. Before the woman could right herself, Rio kicked her in the thigh. As she stumbled forward, all of her beers crashed to the sawdust on the ground.

Since the target of her wrath wasn't face-planting fast enough, Rio linked her fists together and hammer-slammed the chick between the shoulder blades; down she went.

"I told you to repeat what you said, Bitch!" Rio screamed as she kicked the fallen woman in the ribs.

At that point, three of the biker chick's closest companions descended on Rio and pulled her away. Valarie gestured to me to stay seated and I got Mercy's attention and kept her on her stool as well.

"Hold her up," growled the biker girl Rio had decked.

"What did you say, Bitch?" Rio snarled right back. "Lose the bull-dykes and I'll make you taste my shoe leather."

"She's trying to get killed," Valarie whispered to me. Iona tensed with fear.

"No, she's trying to get us all killed," I responded softly.

"Let's take her outside," the first biker babe suggested as Rio struggled and kicked, attempting to free herself.

"No," a different girl directed. "Let's take her to the john; I have an idea." The other women laughed and began dragging Rio away.

"Zane!" Rio called out, "We are about to have a Leather Lesbian Slut orgy. Join in anytime you like." That was my cue to get my ass kicked. I moved to intervene, Val on my left between me and the worst of the crowd, Mercy to my right, and Iona taking up the rear. Sadly, a guy around my height but with a beer gut decided that I wasn't going to have an easy time of it.

"No, you don't," he threatened. It was pretty clear four or five other guys were ready to jump in. Rio's cursing form disappeared behind the doors. I didn't have much time before Rio incensed the biker chicks so much they throttled her.

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