Christian College Sex Comedy Ch. 33

"As the old paraphrased saying goes 'I would rather kill for you' but yes, I guess would risk death to keep you safe," I smiled affectionately. "You are my friend."

"You are lucky so many of your friends are better trained than you are," Hope snorted in amusement, "or you might not live long enough to graduate from this place."

"Yes," I snorted back, "that's my grand strategy: hang out with girls who can beat me up."

"Stick with it," Hope nudged me, "it seems to be working for you."

"If you see my wounded ego crawling around today; kill the poor bastard and put it out of its misery," I joked back.

"Oh, do you know that guy Vivian is bringing this way?" Hope nodded toward the kitchenette.

"That has to be Vivian's boyfriend," I groaned. "This is likely to be less painful than your dad but more humiliating."

(Vivian)

"I'll be close by in case he starts beating on you," Hope winked before slipping away.

Vivian and the somewhat reluctant young man entered the cube-ish area where my sofa and several chairs looked over the campus. We both extended hands simultaneously.

"I'm Thomas Wayne Meyers," he said and gave me a strong grip. He was brown-haired, fairly well built and clearly could have been happier.

"Hi Thomas – may I call you Thomas – I'm Zane Braxton," I jumbled a sentence together.

"Vinnie has told me some things about you," he began.

"Listen," I broke in, "it's all my fault – I took advantage of her so please don't be angry with her because she's one of the nicest, sweetest women I've ever met." The guy blinked.

"Vinnie told me she took advantage of you since she was your official guardian," Thomas went from being uncertain to appearing amused. "More like she tried to take advantage of you but you resisted."

"Oh come on," I threw up my hands, "that's not even remotely believable. Vivian is hot; we both know she's hot and I'm way far removed from a monk of any stripe. If Vivian threw herself at me, I'd be all over that in a heartbeat."

Vivian snickered and Thomas returned to confused for a moment then laughed too.

"I appreciate your honesty Zane and I agree – I'd be all over that too, but I'm willing to wait for our wedding night," Thomas confided in me. How much of their history he knew Vivian had related to me was uncertain. I knew of his mistake but it wasn't my place to bring that up.

"Cool, let me know when and I'll throw you the bachelor party," I offered.

"Oh Hell no!" Vivian squawked. "The last thing I need on my wedding day is to get a phone call from Thomas in some South American jail telling me he needs bail money."

"Come on Vivian," Thomas chuckled, "it might be nice to have someone along who knows how to throw a real party."

"No," Vivian shook her head, "Zane – parties – prison; they all happen way too often."

"Hey now," I pretended to be offended, "I'll have you know that my record has improved. Now 60% of my dates are law enforcement free and I'm getting better."

"Seriously?" Thomas looked from Vivian to me.

"Zane, how many of the police officers between campus and downtown Lancaster know you by your first name?" Vivian grilled me.

"Ummm – those two guys who patrol the Southwest side of campus – I don't know them," I answered honestly. "But I know just about everyone else."

"No Thomas, he is not planning your bachelor party. He is highly irresponsible, insanely rich and hangs around with scurrilous friends," Vivian informed her beau.

"I hang around with you," I point out.

"I am assigned to hang out with you," Vivian reminds me.

"Would you stop hanging out with me if someone was assigned to replace you?" I inquired.

"No way," she winked then motioned about the room, "I'm not giving up all this for a small two bedroom dorm room. I'm not an idiot. If I want a soda, or orange juice or a fruit pastry at four in the morning, they are right out here, plus I never sleep alone so I'm always warm."

"Who do you sleep with?" Thomas stuttered, half expecting more boys to come out of the woodwork.

"Mainly Barbie Lynn Masters and Valarie Palmer," Vivian replied. "Don't' worry Thomas," she stroked his arm, "I'm not turning into a lesbian or even bi-sexual."

"They are like sisters that make me feel safe, except they are sisters who don't resent me being the oldest or who steal my stuff," Vivian added. Thomas eventually looked back to me.

"Do you ever touch the wrong woman at night? In bed," he clarified.

"Define the wrong woman because the thing I like most about being in my bed is the faint hope that I'll get an uninterrupted night's sleep," I responded.

"I mean, are the other women with you so much better looking than Vivian that..." he started to say.

"Stop right there; women aren't something you place on a scorecard going from one to one hundred. How do you compare the shapeliest thighs with perfect hips, or a dazzling smile against the richest lips?" I quizzed him.

"Thomas, if I roll over at night and groggily rest my hand on the small of Vivian's back – trust me, I will know the difference between her and other women – I'll apologize and move away. The overriding aspect of our relationship is my respect for her," I told him. "She's a good Christian woman and she's my guardian and nothing else compares to that."

He studied me and nodded. Vivian smiled at me and I could tell this was going about as well as she expected it to. Sure her boyfriend was going to stay a bit jealous but that was probably a good thing because he was pretty good-looking too. My phone rang which was unusual because Iona usually caught such things.

"Hello?"

"Mr. Braxton, this is Ms. Reveal. The Vice Chancellor requests that you pick up three lunches from the Dining Hall and show up at her office at 12:10 pm today," Marisol informed me.

"Sure Ms. Reveal – will you want the flounder or the vegetable soup?" I asked. Iona was good at keeping me up to date on important things – like food and Pay-per-View events.

"I'll get the soup and an extra helping of okra," she answered.

"Done deal," I signed off and found him looking at me.

"Are you a part-time maître de?" Thomas seemed amused.

"Long story/short version – I occupy a position here called 'Mediator' and it requires me to make certain student body suggestions and to check in with the Vice Chancellor," I explained.

"Vivian, do you have a job title? That could look good on a resume," Thomas pointed out.

"Chief Zookeeper," Vivian delivered deadpan.

"I was going to say Animal Wrangler but that might be more of Mercy's job description," I smirked. Vivian rolled her eyes.

(Barbie Lynn)

"Zane," Barbie Lynn called out. Thomas turned around and stumbled.

"Oh Good God," he rasped as he took in a bevy of beauties and one young man. One was obviously Barbie Lynn looking every bit as scrumptious as when I chased her down the stairs this morning. She was coming our way with enough titty tantalization in her movements to cause all kinds of circulatory problems.

Vivian elbowed Thomas in the ribs to remind him of who he was here with.

"Hey Barbie Lynn," Vivian and I said together.

"This is Thomas Wayne Meyers, my betrothed," Vivian added.

"Hey everybody," Barbie Lynn turned to present her silhouette looking so good I nearly missed what she said.

"This is my younger brother, Jefferson Davis Masters and his twin Laramie Persephone and my Mother Savannah Belafonte Masters," she introduced her family, "This is Vivian Philips and Glen Zane Braxton but he goes mostly by Zane."

"Hi," Thomas and I said somewhat dreamily.

See, Barbie was a hot-looking woman just past twenty but nature had been bountiful to all mankind in more than two ways.

Laramie was seventeen going on eighteen and a firecracker blossoming into a high explosive. Her hair had a bit more body to it than Barbie's, her face a tad thinner but that made her lips all that much more luscious. Her physique was just as sporty and by the shapeliness of her legs I could tell her sports excursion of choice was Soccer.

Savannah Belafonte (to be forever seared into my mind as Southern-belle-o-fuck-me) because her cup size was two bigger than her eldest daughter's but childbirth had widened her hips proportionally. Her body was a work of art so lethal that it would kill a Le Mans victor – off the track, fucked in the bedroom all the way to Heaven by way of Utopia with his trophy used as an ice bucket for the champagne.

She seemed delighted to see me and I knew I was delighted to see her.

"Why Mr. Zane, my Barbie Lynn has told us so many wonderful things about you," she sounded so sugary that the honeyed words flowed off her tongue in a manner that was barely coherent. Also, her eyes flickered to the shower where I'd nailed Barbie Lynn repeatedly for forty minutes not all that long ago. Next to me Thomas grunted something that sounded like 'hello'.

"I'm sure she's exaggerated to my betterment," I pulled that banter out of my tush – my brain was suffering catastrophic blood loss.

"I can't wait to live in this dorm next year," Laramie came across with a nearly a molasses like drawl as well. "Zane, will you let me use this room next year?"

"Dude! This is your room?" Jefferson perked up. "Mom, I have to come here next year!"

"Um, yes Laramie, I'm going to hold this room open to every girl – and perhaps guy – in the dorm. I don't need much space," I said, "so keep out of the way of housekeeping and we are good. Also, you are immune from Handmaiden's Duty while here."

"Oh, I was thinking about the game stations, satellite dishes and cable hook-ups," Jefferson added. Jefferson Davis – that name rang a bell.

"Come on now Honey, a man can't go to a women's..." Savannah let that sentence die unfinished. For me it was keep the lone male status quo or to get a good night's sleep'.

"Mrs. Masters, I offer a thin hope for your son; if your daughter could line up some upstanding seniors and juniors, he might slip in under the Zane Exception to the enrollment policy," I told her.

"You'd do that for Jeff?" Savannah took off her sunglasses and bit one of its arms.

"Ma'am, I'd wrestle an alligator blindfolded for your daughter. I would certainly put in a good word for her brother," I smiled. I had no idea how tough alligators could be but I knew about crocodiles and those were some mean mothers in their own right. Still, faced with alligator wrestling or no butt-sex with Barbie Lynn, I was getting a belt, handbag and new shoes, damn it.

The odds of getting Jeff in were long – Victoria barely suffered Heaven being around and it would take an act of the Southern Baptist Convention to bring in a male to replace me when I was gone.

"It would give your Father another option for Jefferson if you could do this Barbie Lynn," Savannah politely replied.

"That would be great," the kid rejoiced. Yes, he was a fully functioning teenage male.

"Zane can move mountains when he sets his mind to it," Barbie Lynn winked at me. Thomas saw it but was caught off-guard.

"Let me show you my bedroom," Barbie offered her kin. They turned and the women sashayed away while Jeff had an almost run-in with Raven and 'company'. Each woman shot a look over their shoulder and smiled at me at some point along their journey which boded trouble.

"I apologize Zane," Thomas mumbled. "I thought, deep down, you were weak for submitting to your lusts. Now...I don't – I don't think that anymore."

"Don't sweat it," I smiled. "It is only another day for me ending in 'y'."

"And don't you be forgetting about me and how tough it has been resisting Zane," Vivian warned the man she was hoping to marry.

"A wife should obey her husband," he started, "and a husband should know when to shut up."

(Lunch and what comes after)

I dropped Ms. Reveal's lunch off with just enough sassiness to make her smile and believe that our bad episode was behind us. She sent me to the Vice Chancellor's office a minute later and while Dr. Victoria Scarlett was conversing over the phone, I felt comfortable to set her meal up in front of her and mine across her desk.

Victoria only had this canned ice tea in her mini-frig so I swiped two and set one before her and opened mine. I wasn't exactly sure what it was – it was pretending to be Southern Ice Tea and I pretended to like it. The best thing I could say about it was it was cold. This was our fourth "working" lunch where she would insidiously fill my head with her philosophy and I'd causally remind her that women ran this government, not me; I was a figurehead.

"What are you doing for New Year's Eve?" she inquired as she daintily cleaned off some crouton crumbs on her cheek. Her look was very intense. I wasn't getting 'quite' sexual signs from her but something – somehow this was personal. That could only mean one thing.

"I'm spending it with Ms. Rio Talen but no set location has been chosen," I replied.

"Oh," she paused then, "There is a Science Fiction convention in Seattle that runs from December 29th to through the 1st. My friends and I are attending and Hical asked about you."

"Deal but we have to fit Rio in," I agreed.

"I can send some Universe, TV and movie series and well as costuming information for her to look over," Victoria agreed tentatively.

"No need – she's a Klingon – a small craft captain whose Father betrayed the Empire and whose survival is a stain on her honor," I told her. "With that barely constrained fury, she's a natural. You teach her how to use that bat-a-rang and,"

"Batleth," Victoria interjected.

"Wicked-curved-bladey thing," I continued, "and you'll see. Oh, I'll need an Orion Slave Girl outfit and some green body paint for Mercy and all of her stuff by October 30th – cost is not an object."

"I'll call my outfitter when you leave and I must say you are taking this rather well," Dr. Scarlet noted.

"Why? I had a blast in your office that time," I admitted. "As long as I'm not crawling in screaming fur-balls, I'm okay. I'll be a human Starfleet Doctor/Xeno-biologist who has done surgery on multiple species. A "Doctors Without Borders" kind of guy. I'll get Cordelia to build me an actual tricorder –trust me."

We ate, she asked for my sizes, I gave her Rio's and Mercy's sizes; at the Con we were all 'Next Gen' except Mercy who would be Old School for Halloween. She offered me a chance to be a Borg but since they all looked to be in desperate need of a sun tan, I declined. All in all, it barely took twenty minutes.

"You did a very good job as Mediator this morning," the Vice Chancellor added as I made to leave.

"It is not so rough," I grinned. "WWKSD?"

"Wha – oh," she smiled warmly. "What would King Solomon do – clever."

"Hell, the Bible has a whole book called Judges. This shit ain't so hard," I laughed as I breezed out the door. Ms. Reveal was waiting, as was Heaven.

Heaven had to exert some will to not kiss me on the spot. Christina had lectured us on PDAs – public displays of affection – during Homecoming. The more people who knew about us, the more the outcry and the stronger Chancellor's radical decision to keep Heaven on as part as the student body would be challenged. As it was, our hands would casually brush one another until we got inside my dorm where I chased Heaven up the stairs, pinching her ass every time I caught up.

After entering my code, I gauged Heaven's mood deciding we needed some quiet time; there would be too much traffic over most of the floor (and Heaven being too vocal) to get away with sex and cuddling would be fine anyway. I caught sight of Rio with one of my Marksmanship team mates, Genesis.

"Hey Zane," Genesis stood up. She was a weird one – going from borderline contempt to grudging respect over the last two weeks. If I didn't know the impossibilities, I'd think she had a boyfriend. "Hope wants everyone at the Amory for an equipment check at seven. We leave at 8:15."

Heaven held my hand tightly.

"Boudoir occopodo," Rio snickered as Genesis made her exit.

Heaven's grip nearly crushed my hand, ouch.

"Babe," I whispered to Heaven, "let me check this out."

I disentangled myself and went for the wall of screens that separated my bedroom area from the rest of the floor.

"Get some popcorn and get ready to sit a spell," Rio joked to Heaven who grumbled. I went around to see who, or whom, were using my room.

Inside was not what I expected. Savannah Belafonte Masters had taken off her top (which was peach) and was rummaging with growing frustration through Barbie Lynn's bra drawer. I saw some grape juice splashed on her beige skirt. She saw me, pulled up her shirt to cover her bra-covered assets while looking a bit fearful and upset.

"What are you doing in here?" she asked softly.

"It is my bedroom," I replied. "What are you doing in my bedroom?"

"But – but Barbie Lynn's stuff is in here," she gasped.

"That would because it is her room too – we sleep together," I answered. That slowed her up for a second. "Can I help you with something?"

"I...I – I spilled juice on my shirt," she began.

"And your skirt," I pointed out."

"Oh no," she choked back a sob. "What am I going to do? I'm a mess and none of Barbie Lynn's bras, shirts, or skirts are going to fit me." I mused over that for a second.

"I've stashed some bra extensions around here somewhere and that should allow for the difference is sizes between you and Barbie," I said. "Now give me your skirt and I'll find a replacement." She hesitated so I added. "I'm not going to molest one of my best friends' mom, Savannah. Give me your skirt and I'll take care of everything." This time she did it though I had turn my back.

I padded back out to Rio and Heaven who had just returned with the popcorn.

"Rio, Heaven – I need you to break into Chancellor Bass' residence and steal a skirt like this," I offered up Savannah's.

"Hell yeah," Rio exulted. "Time for a little B&E."

"Oh, what the fuck," Heaven shrugged. "Count me in." She gave me a quick kiss and the two miscreants headed out on their nefarious mission. I went back to the bedroom and stumbled into Savannah, now with her bra off, eyeing two of Barbie Lynn's double barreled slingshots. Our eyes locked.

"Right," I spun away. "Bra extensions."

"Zane, do you think I'm attractive?" Barbie Lynn's Mom asked.

When women say that they can mean three things; the truth, the lure, or the lie. Some women want to know if you find them attractive. Others want you to find them attractive for nefarious means. Lastly, a few woman want to be reminded that they are beautiful. Savannah was the latter.

"If you are asking me if you are as good looking as Barbie Lynn, Mrs. Masters, I'll have to say no but that's because you are a lady who is fully a woman and Barbie Lynn is still leaving some of the girl behind. There is no comparison. You are both hot," I affirmed.

"I don't know," she sighed. "It is with my husband then seeing you and Barbie Lynn - in the shower..."

What's wrong with you and your husband, if I may intrude?" I asked.

"He had an accident at work – one of his factories – and he hasn't been the same," she sniffed.

"Do you love him?" I questioned. "Honestly."

"Yes – yes I do," she sighed. "But he's just not there."

"Do me a favor; come over and sit next to me and I promise to be as well behaved as a Montana Miner (hey, it is where my family comes from)," I said as I sat at the foot of the bed. Savannah very, very reluctantly came over and sat at my said, but I said nothing.

"Yes," she broke down and inquired finally.

"I want you to laugh," I related to her softly. "Laugh – laugh like you do with small kids."

"But, I'm not sure," she began then I poked her in the ribs. "What?" So I tickled her under her arms. Savannah cover her breasts by mistake so I got some finger in and began making her giggle and squirm.