Christmas Blessings

"I can't," she sobbed again, turning and running from the room. He heard the sound of her steps on the stairs and then the soft thump as she closed her bedroom door. His heart thudded hollowly in his chest as he sank down on the sofa. He never thought she'd say no. He sat there for a moment feeling a sense of loss that was almost overwhelming. Then he heard the back door open and his children's voices and knew he had to pull himself together for them.

~~~~~~

The road was plowed earlier than he expected and the kids wanted to go into town. Santa was going to be at the mall and they hadn't gotten to see him this year. He got them dressed warmly after shoveling out the end of the driveway and starting his SUV to get it warmed up. Then he turned to Carlie. "Are you sure you won't go with us?" he asked softly.

She shook her head and smiled bravely at him but he could see the effects of the tears she had shed on her face. Tears she shed because of him. He wanted nothing more than to pull her into his arms and hold her, just hold her until she smiled again at him the way she had in the woods the day they got the tree. That day seemed so long ago now.

"Okay, we'll stop by the police station then on our way home." He touched her face gently, unable to stop himself. "Carlie, we'll work something out, okay? It'll be okay."

Michael stood by silently, watching the what was going on between the two adults. His eyes took in the look on his dad's face, the look on Carlie's. He knew something was wrong, but he wasn't sure what. He grabbed Katie's hand in his and dragged her back when she was about to go and bother the adults again, shaking his head at her when she gave him a dirty look.

Carlie nodded quietly and a tear slipped from her eye. She tried to wipe it away without being obvious and stooped to give Meghan a kiss on the forehead.

"What you want me to ask Santa to bring you, Carlie?" the little girl lisped happily.

"Oh, honey. I've got everything I need already. But thank you." She stood and tried to smile at Katie and Michael.

Nathan let himself be led from the house but he glanced back at her over his shoulder. She looked so lost standing there by herself, her arms hugging her slender form under the too big shirt of his she was wearing over his sweat pants. He didn't want to leave her, not when she was feeling like this. But he got into the SUV and drove to the mall.

The madhouse he found there was more than he expected. He enlisted Michael's aid and had him help keep his sister's in tow as he did some last minute shopping stopping at the gift wrap station run by teenage girls in elf costumes to get the presents wrapped. They stopped and stood in line to see Santa and got pictures taken. Michael hung back, too old at eight to sit on Santa's lap. The kids were yelling hungry by the time they were through and Nathan corralled them back to the car, stopping at one last store on his way out. It was a chance, and a big one. But he'd take it.

He stowed the presents in the back end except for one small box which he tucked into his pocket. Then he belted the kids into their seats and drove back towards home. With Michael in the front seat playing a hand held video game and killing off alien invaders, the girls in the back seat chattering about what they'd asked Santa for, he used his cell phone and made the call to the police station.

Knowing nothing more about Carlie then when they had left he finally pulled into the driveway.

He got the kids out and into the house, amazed at the smells that were wafting from the kitchen. His stomach grumbled hungrily, making Meghan laugh.

She ran into the kitchen in front of them calling out to Carlie, "Daddy's got a bear in his tummy and it's growlin."

Carlie swooped her up and gave her a kiss, listening to her rattle on about their trip to the mall. "And Daddy's got prises in the..."

Nathan stole her away, slipping a gentle hand over her mouth. "And someone has a big mouth and is telling secrets also," he teased, tickling her until she giggled. "Go wash up for dinner."

He put her down and swatted her lightly on the rump as she walked past, hearing her yelling for her brother and sister that it was dinner time. "Can I do anything to help?"

"Just go wash up yourself." She started ladling and filling bowls, carrying them into the dining room, a room that they had never used for a meal. He carried a bowl in for her and then smiled and left the room as she shooed him away. Her mood seemed better, more settled as if the time alone had been good for her.

He got the kids cleaned up and brought them down for the meal, praising her culinary talents. He noticed she didn't eat much but she smiled and laughed as much as anyone. The kids all begged to be allowed to stay up later tonight, excitement in their voices. Especially Meghan and Katie who wanted to be up to surprise Santa when he came down the chimney. They chattered all through clean up of the dishes about what Santa was bringing them. They gathered in the living room, Nathan allowing the kids to stay up to watch two Christmas classic cartoons, Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer and Frosty the Snowman. Then it was baths and bed.

Even Michael went to bed early, excited about the next day. The girls closed their eyes the instant they were kissed goodnight, Carlie smiling from the doorway and then it was quiet.

Nathan took her hand and led her downstairs. He took her to a hall closet that she hadn't noticed before, pulling a key from his pocket and unlocking the door. Inside was a kid's wonderland, wrapped and unwrapped presents ready to be put under the tree, each labeled neatly. They gathered them up and carried them to the living room, placing them under the tree and then around it. Nathan took an envelope from his desk and propped it in the tree.

"It's a pony." He laughed as she cocked an eyebrow and then glanced back at the envelope. "Okay, it's a picture of a pony. I couldn't have her delivered because of the snow so they'll be bringing her later this week. I figured she could have the picture until she can have the real thing."

"You are such a pushover," she laughed as he blushed.

He made her sit while he went out to the truck and brought in the rest of the presents, not letting her touch a thing or even look at the cards. Then they ate the cookies left out for Santa and Nathan drank the milk. He got out a pair of his boots and pushed them into a bit of mud at the edge of the path then he made a small trail from the fireplace to the edge of the hearth with the boots.

"Now only one thing left to do," he said as he got back from putting the boots away. "He sat down next to her on the couch, sitting so that he was facing her. "I got you a present and you can open it early." He hushed her as she tried to argue. "Nope, I already talked to Santa and got his permission."

He pulled out the small box and handed it to her.

"But..."

"No, I know what you said. This is for when you change your mind." He took the box back and opened it, showing her the beautiful diamond solitaire. It was simple and classy and exactly the right ring for her. He'd known it even when the clerk had shown him more glitzy rings or ones with more stones.

"Oh, Nathan. But what about..."

"Carlie, I don't care about before. Whatever you were or are, we'll deal with it together. I love you." He saw her eyes light up with those three simple words. Three words that encompassed a wealth of others. "I want you to be my wife, to help me raise the three terrors we have and give me more. I want us to grow old together surrounded by grandkids. Please, Carlie. Be my wife."

It was hearing the name that brought her out of the spell he had cast over her with his wonderful words. The name that she had been given by a six year old, a name that wasn't hers. She wanted so badly to believe what he was saying, that everything would be all right, that they would deal with what came when it came. But how could she accept another man's ring when someone could be out there right now looking for her.

She took his hand in hers and slowly closed the lid over the ring she longed to accept. "I love you, too, Nathan. With all my heart. But I'm not Carlie. I don't know who I am and until I do, I can't take this."

Nathan took a deep breath. He'd expected this but it still stung. He took her hand and placed the box in it, curling her fingers around it. "You keep this then, when you're ready, bring it to me. Until then, we'll go on like we are. After Christmas, we'll go down and fill out a report, maybe someone has seen an abandoned car." He pulled her close and held her. "But I get cuddle rights," he whispered in her ear. "And rights for kisses." He kissed her, slowly deepening the kiss until he felt her breath hitch and her mouth open under his.

They kissed and touched and watched the lights on the tree, talking about anything that came to mind. Finally Nathan pulled her up. "Come on, woman. Those kids will be up at the crack of dawn and jumping on me and then I'm sending them in to get you." He laughed as she looked at him with fake horror. The he swooped up the ring box she had set on a side table and handed it to her. "Don't forget this. I want it handy for when you remember. You come to me wearing it."

Nathan left her at her bedroom door with one last, lingering kiss. He seemed to have problems walking away, holding her tightly against him. Finally, he whispered a soft goodnight and went into his room. She heard his door click as she stood behind hers and waited until she heard the shower in his bathroom running. Then, after a look at the soft bed waiting for her, she turned and went down the stairs.

Carlie flipped on the tree lights and snuggled into a corner of the couch that they had just left. She rested her head on her hand and opened the box that held his present of love. She'd never expected him to love her, only to want her. Her eyes traveled over the ring that glinted in the colored glow of the tree. Staring at it, she fell asleep.

~~~~~~

The road was dark, the snow coming down hard and fast, the wind blowing it across the front of her windshield. She couldn't see much past the lights that just seem to reflect back off the snow already on the ground. Drifts threatened to pull the car off the road as her tires got caught in them, almost yanking the wheel of the small vehicle out of her hands.

She'd been on the road for days, heading towards Michigan to see her mother. She hadn't called, knowing that mom would be happy to see her no matter when she got there. It would be nice to be together for Christmas this year, if she ever made it there.

Her arms ached from fighting the storm and her hands were shaking as the fright of her situation set in. She had no choice but to continue on even though she'd gotten lost taking a wrong road in the unfamiliar area. Trying to turn around in this mess was impossible, she'd either get stuck or hit by another car that wouldn't be able to see her. So she kept going, keeping her speed constant even through her fear.

She heard a creak and then a crashing noise, and suddenly a branch thumped down, the surprise making her pull the wheel to the left to avoid hitting it. The car skidded on the icy snow and seemed to spin in slow motion, her head hit the window as it collided with a heavy drift then pushed through to back down a steep incline and into the ditch. The world went black as she felt car come to a shocking halt.

When she woke, aching and groggy, the car had stopped running. She stared at the red lights flashing on the dash then looked around at the dark world outside the car. The snow was slashing down, the wind howling and blowing as if trying to get to her.

She sat in the growing cold of the car, fighting the confusion she felt at waking here, her head aching, tears streaming down her face. She had two choices, as far as she could make out; she could sit here and wait out the storm and the possibility of not being found before spring, or she could get out of the car and try to find help and risk death from exposure. In her mind there wasn't much of a choice.

She left the car, the keys still in the ignition, her purse and clothing in the back seat in her pain, and started up the hill as she was dressed. The car door was left open and forgotten, the binging of the alarm blown away by the shrill wind.

The climb out of the ditch was almost enough to have her give up. The cold took away her breath and the incline was slippery. She managed to dig her feet in and push herself out, finally finding the roadbed with a sense of relief. She'd come from back that way, looking at the rapidly filling tire tracks, so she made her decision and started down the road the other way, breaking a path through the virgin snow.

Her feet soaked through and froze, her hands clutched in her pockets trying to find warmth. Her head ached from the bump she'd gotten in the car. All she wanted was sleep. It was with a sense of surrealism that she saw the lights through the frigid snow. She turned toward them, stumbling and weak, her body crying out for sleep.

The door was locked and her frozen hands couldn't curl into fists to pound and make her presence known. They didn't hurt as bad though. As a matter of fact, it didn't seem as cold outside anymore either. She saw the doorbell and raised her hand to reach for it but changed her mind, deciding to rest before she tried. She'd sleep, just a quick nap, and then she'd try once more to get into the house.

~~~~~~

Carlie awoke with a start as images flew through her head, her life opening in front of her like a book. She saw her life, a life that had held so little, in a tiny corner of Texas where she had gotten a teaching job. She was a teacher! She taught the little ones, second graders.

She remembered everything, from growing up in a small town in Michigan to leaving Texas to come home. She knew who she was.

She got up with a smile, staring at the glass angel on the top of the tree. In her mind she could hear another woman's voice. "Now, go to him. Be happy."

With a silent thank you, she whirled in a quick circle, her hair flying out around her. Then she grabbed the ring box and hurried towards the stairs.

She stopped in her room to freshen up. In the guest room, she corrected herself with a smile. Her room would be across the hall with Nathan. Slipping out of her clothes, she pulled on her favorite of his flannel shirts over her nude body. It fell past her hips and down her thighs, covering her entirely. She left it mostly unbuttoned, securing two before brushing her pale curls until they gleamed like moonbeams. She took up the box again and sneaked across the hallway, opening Nathan's door quietly before slipping inside and closing it behind her.

The room was dark but the moon shone through one of the windows with enough light for her to make out his sleeping form. He was sprawled in the middle of the bed, the blankets across his naked chest.

Reaching the side of the bed, she spoke his name. "Nathan."

He woke, sitting up and staring at her in confusion. "What..." he started to ask, rubbing his hand across his face. "Is something wrong with one of the kids?" He grabbed the blankets to throw them off when she stopped him, touching his arm.

"The kids are fine, Nathan. I need to talk to you." She smiled, so filled with joy that she wanted to sing and dance, but more than anything else she wanted to make love to her man.

"What is it, honey?" He took her hand, lacing his fingers with hers.

"Nathan," she took a deep breath before continuing, holding the ring out to him. "My name is Dara Brower. I was driving to Michigan to see my mother for Christmas when my car went into the ditch. I'm not married and I don't have a boyfriend. And if you still want me, I'd love to marry you."

He felt his heart fill with happiness. A happiness he hadn't expected to feel so soon. When he'd gotten into bed, he'd made a deal with God to be patient and give her the time she needed as long as He didn't make it too long of a time. His eyes filled and he felt a tear slip down his cheek.

"Nathan," she whispered, "usually when a woman accepts a proposal, a man says something."

He smiled and it lit up his face. Taking the box from her hand, he pulled the ring out and slipped it on her finger, watching it glisten even in the dim light. Then he pulled her towards him, feeling her climb onto the bed with him as he pulled her into his arms and kissed her.

"Ca...I mean Dara." He grinned down at her. "That's going to take some getting used to. Dara, I love you. I never thought to have another great love in my life but God granted me you." He looked over at the clock on his beside table that had just changed to 12:00. "Merry Christmas, love."

"Merry Christmas, Nathan."

His lips took hers again in a kiss fraught with passion and caring, a kiss given and returned with the love they both felt. Soon kisses weren't enough though and his hands gently touched the buttons on his shirt. His eyes asked her the question as he stared down at her.

She smiled and raised her hands to help him but he pushed them away. "No, this is my Christmas present and I get to unwrap it." He undid the few buttons she had buttoned slowly spreading the soft fabric away from her body and staring down at the beauty he uncovered. She'd been blue and frozen the last time he'd undressed her. This time she was warm and flushed with passion, her body writhing and arching under his touch, responding to him in ways he'd never thought possible.

He moved over her, caressing her skin, touching her breasts with gently fingers that grew rougher as his need for her grew. Her body captured him, taking him deep, moving under him in a rhythm that grew faster until he felt her contract under him. He watched her eyes grow hazy then blind as pleasure took her and only then did he give in to his own urgent needs as he held her tightly against him.

~~~~~~

Christmas morning dawned bright and beautiful. Nathan and Dara were up before the kids, downstairs in the living room waiting when they came down. They watched as presents were torn into, as gifts were exclaimed over and played with. Katie danced with pleasure when she opened the card and saw the picture of the small brown pony that Nathan said was to be hers.

When the last gift was opened, Dara holding the beautiful pink sweater he had bought her to her cheek to feel it's softness, they called the children over to tell them their big news.

"Carlie's going to be our new mommy," Katie said before they could say anything. The other two nodded their heads solemnly.

"How did you know that?" Nathan asked incredulously. The two adults looked at each other in astonishment.

"Mommy told us," Meghan lisped, her fingers playing with the blonde curls of her new doll.

"Mommy told you? How?"

"Last night, dad. Mom told me too. She was bright and looked really pretty. She told me she was proud of me, Dad."

Nathan stared at his kids, and then thought back to his own experience. "How do you feel about this?"

"Oh, it's cool. She makes great cookies," Michael said, making them all laugh.

Nathan hugged his kids and then wrapped his arms around Dara, holding her close as they watched the children play, feeling love and happiness once more in his life.

~~~~~~~

They were married on Valentine's day amidst friends and family. The girls, Meghan in pink as the flower girl, and Katie in yellow as her maid of honor, walked down the aisle in front of Dara, who was dressed in a simple creation of white satin with a wreath, instead of a veil, upon her white blonde curls. Michael stood beside Nathan, pulling at the collar of his new tuxedo and squirming.

The wedding was beautiful, with traditional vows that Nathan repeated with joy in his voice. Dara was quieter but her happiness could easily be seen in the sweet smile that never left her lovely face.