Christmas Cracker

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Lien_Geller
Lien_Geller
7,071 Followers

It was a lot of brunch. Half the things on the tray weren't to be found in the house, so it was anyone's guess as to how she'd wrangled them up.

"Hi again!" Her cheerful tone greeted him along with an equally cheerful smile before setting the tray at the foot of his bed. "I love your curtains! Figured I'd let you sleep for a while. Sleep's good for the soul."

"Uh.." Wendall sat up and she helpfully leaned in behind him to fluff up his pillow. This gave him a very close up view of her features, and those pointed ears in particular.

They weren't fake.

"So you're probably wondering what the fuck an elf is doing crashing into your house and calling you Santa Claus?" she asked, standing up straight again and setting her hands on her hips.

Wendall nodded dumbly.

"Good news! You haven't gone crazy. See?" She reached in and pinched his arm hard.

"Fucking ow!"

"There, now would I have been able to do that if I was a hallucination brought on by a psychotic episode?"

"I dunno, haven't had a psychotic episode before."

"Hmm, good point!" She lifted a hand to her chin contemplatively. "Wanna go for a ride in the sleigh then? Never heard of someone who went so crazy that they could fly before."

"Is that coffee?" He pointed to the steaming cup on the tray.

"Hot-cocoa! Wiiiiith..." She reached over and pulled the top from a tiny silver serving platter to reveal what was underneath. "Marshmallows!"

"Give. Please."

"Yes, sir!" She handed him the cup, and then plopped a fluffy marshmallow inside.

He put the cup to his lips and took a drink that made him feel a whole lot better. It was just hot enough to drink without scolding him, and the fresh sweetness of the chocolate seemed slightly spiced with something that warmed him from the tips of his ears to his toes.

"Mmmm." He closed his eyes and smiled for the first time in months.

"You like it?"

He opened his eyes to see the elf had leaned in close with barely-restrained excitement. In fact, she was so close that their noses almost touched. He stared into those twinkling green eyes for a moment. There was an odd tension. Something that made the hairs on his arms stand up, and created a different kind of pleasant warmth in the pit of his stomach.

"What's your name?" he asked.

"Oh yeah!" She leaned back and clapped her hand to her forehead. "I'm such a dumbass. I'm Callie." She stepped back and offered him a formal bow of introduction. "I'm one of Santa's Helpers as well as a whipper-upper of delicious hot chocolates, and apparently a truly shitty driver of flying sleighs." She tilted her head back and look at the giant hole in the ceiling. "Really sorry about that. I'll have the workers come and take care of it before it rains."

"Nice to meet you Callie. I'm Wendall." He took another sip of the cocoa and extended his free hand to shake hers.

She seemed delighted by that, and took his hand in both of hers to shake it vigorously. Whilst she did he took the time to consider her now that she was up close.

More locks of bright red hair had spun out from beneath the rim of her hat, and they made those deep tinsel-green eyes seem to come alive in new ways. Her face was prettily slender, with high cheek bones and a downright infectious smile. Freckles were smattered across her naturally rosy cheeks on otherwise flawlessly creamy skin. Though she carried a youthful appearance, her eyes reflected a deep and alluring wisdom and an impish mischief that was perhaps a little more naughty than nice. He would have placed her in the early to mid-twenties.

She wore a simple emerald green smock pulled tight to her waist with a thick black leather belt clasped with a gleaming golden buckle. The smock buttoned up the front with matching golden buttons, and beneath it the thick red and white leggings were plainly visible from beneath the short skirt of the dress.

"Hey Wendall, my eyes are up here," though she chided him, the smile never quite left her lips.

Realising he'd been staring at her, he immediately lifted his gaze to meet hers and felt the heat rising to his cheeks.

"I'm sorry, Callie. I... I don't quite know what to make of all this. Although I'm rather sure you've demolished the roof of the wrong man. I'm 41 years old. I think if I were Santa Claus I'd know about it by now." He took another sip of the delicious drink.

"I never said you were Santa Claus. I said you were the next Santa Claus." Getting down to business, she took her own cup of hot chocolate before stuffing it with as many marshmallows as she could get away with and finally taking a big glug.

"What?" He let out a small laugh. "Like in that movie with Tim Allen?"

"Who's Tim Allen?"

"He was a guy in a movie about Santa Claus."

"Oooooh, we're not allowed movies up north. Old Santa said they rotted your brains or something. Anyhoo, Santa Claus is kind of a title. It goes from one guy to the next down family lines. You're next in line if you're up for it. Or I just twiddle my fingers and do some magic so you forget I was ever here and I head on off to find the next guy in line for the job."

"I think that might be best. I'm not exactly full of Christmas spirit at the moment. I wouldn't want to spoil anyone else's good time though."

"Oh, I see." She visibly deflated to the point that even her hat seemed to droop.

"I mean, I'm going through a divorce that's been quite painful. I'm also not sure if I haven't gone rather mad with it all. It's been feeling like I might go that way recently, and it seems to make more sense to me than that I've inherited the job of Santa Claus. Even with all the, ah..." he looked up to the giant hole in the ceiling at the darkening sky above, "...evidence."

"I guess that's understandable. Ok then who's next on the-" She clicked her fingers and a scroll of parchment appeared out of seemingly nowhere. After rolling it open, her eyes widened in sudden terror. "Oh no. No, no, no, no, no."

"What's the matter?" He dropped his empty cup into his lap.

"Damien Claw!? He's a corporate lawyer in LA who owns stock in five strip clubs! I can't go ask him to be Santa! No, nope, not gonna do it. Not again. No way." She started pacing back and forth, shaking her head vehemently.

In her hand, the parchment started glowing hot to the point where the corners began smouldering.

"Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!" Callie tried to drop the paper, but it stuck to her hand and then started moulding to the shape of her fingers. It looked like someone was pouring molten metal slowly up her arm. The poor elf jumped around in pain, trying desperately to get it off but the parchment refused to fall.

"Wait! Wait, stop! I'll do it! I'll do it!" He put his cup on the bedside table and swished his feet out to land on the floor.

Immediately the parchment reformed itself into a harmless piece of paper. He noticed his name, elegantly written upon its surface, started glowing with white light the moment he'd agreed. He'd run over to her side, and both the man and the elf watched as the writing started shifting. The name Wendall Klaus swirled away and was slowly reshaped into Santa Claus.

Callie looked up at him, her eyes glistening now with more than their natural glimmer.

"Thank you."

"It's quite alright. Your hand..."

He trailed off as she lifted the hand that had been burned to show it was already mostly healed over. Before his eyes, he saw the blisters and burns fade away back to her creamy skin until she finally wiggled her fingers.

"Super-elf healing powers." She nodded up at him with sage-like wisdom, then she stood up on her tiptoes and placed a light kiss on his cheek. "Seriously, thank you so much for doing this. You're gonna be great! I just know it!"

"What would have happened if I hadn't accepted?"

"I'm guessing the spell would have pretty much slowly melted me. It's made to hurt for a long time until the owner does its will, but if I'd managed to hold out then it would have killed me and gone on to the next elf it could find."

"Jesus Christ! What kind of sick bastard would make something like that?"

"It was some Santa in the middle ages. That's who decided that the title and the power should descend along his bloodline."

"I thought Santa was supposed to be a good guy?"

"Ha! Yeah, right! The last one was a real piece of work." She was looking back at the parchment now, and seemed to suddenly remember who she was talking to. "Shit! Sorry, sir! Didn't mean to get all offensive toward your ancestor there."

"It's quite alright. It's not like I knew him. Still, I wish this wretched thing would burn up." He looked down at the list of names of suitable ancestors.

It promptly burst into flames, leaving a smattering of black dust across the carpet. Callie had reacted quickly enough when she'd heard his words to throw it far enough away from them that they didn't get singed.

"What the hell happened there?" he asked.

"You're the boss now, boss. All the ones that came before you? Their magic is your magic. You're Santa Claus now! When it comes to the rules of the season, you make 'em and you break 'em." She jumped up and wrapped her arms around his shoulders to give him another hug. This time she managed to avoid nearly asphyxiating him, and he was content to let the pretty elf hug him as much as she liked. She smelled faintly of cinnamon.

Wendall liked cinnamon.

"I see." He didn't really. "Well, what's next?"

"Next, we finish brunch and then head on up to the north pole. Get you suited up, and in shape for the big night." She encouragingly straightened out the lapels of his dressing gown. "Then, we Christmas the living fuck out of this month!"

"And what exactly does that entail? I mean, when I was a boy I found the presents my parents had hidden in the airing cupboard. I was under the impression that was the same for everyone."

"Yeah, it's been pretty weak for the past century or so." She put her hands behind her back and drooped again. "Old Santa kind of made everyone forget what used to happen."

"What used to happen?"

She lit up with a truly radiant smile at that, and for a few moments it seemed like she was literally glowing.

"Everything was real! All the stories you heard? Presents under the tree, coal if you were bad, and the snow! And the magic!"

"Ok, and why the hell did the last guy stop all that?"

"He was kind of an asshole."

That got a rather unexpected burst of laughter from him. Santa Claus was an asshole?

"Alright then," he said, "what say we finish brunch here and then see about getting the sleigh outside the right way up?"

"Sure thing!"

In her excitement, she quite forgot her manners. For such a small and slim creature, she could sure put away food like nothing he'd ever seen. He sipped at his hot chocolate and took a few cookies and a slice of spiced cake from the tray to eat as he watched her gobble up the rest. When she finished the last crumb, she punctuated the finale with a loud burp.

"Charming," he noted with faint amusement. "I'll just get showered and dressed then I'll be right down."

"Ok!" she nodded.

She didn't move, watching him intently as she awaited him to disrobe.

"You should probably wait downstairs."

"Are you sure? I could help!"

It then occurred to him that he was standing in his bedroom with a beautiful, young twenty-something who was apparently very nonchalant about seeing him naked. Wait, did she just mean she'd help him disrobe or did she want to help him out in the shower? It had been months since... No! Hey there evil train of thought, stop right there.

"No, that's fine. Thank you, Callie. I'll be down in a little while. You wait downstairs."

"Sure thing!" She hopped once on the spot and then zipped out of the room leaving a trail of cookie crumbs in her wake.

Wendall took a deep breath and went for a cold shower. This was crazy. He was crazy. Everything had gone completely nuts. On the other hand it sure had taken his mind off his divorce for a while. Kind of in the same way breaking a finger can make you overlook stubbing your toe on something. Freaking Santa Claus?

As he stepped out of the shower, he looked across into the bathroom mirror. He certainly didn't look much like a Santa. He looked more like a "before" example of a guy they'd use in an ad for male pattern baldness. Looking down over himself, he gave his belly a poke. Ok, perhaps he'd made a start towards the Santa look in that department. Though it wasn't like he was hideous to look at. His jaw was pretty chiselled, and his smile was warm and inviting. By far and away his most striking feature were his eyes that were a very intense shade of vibrant blue.

Now all he needed was a massive white beard and a white wig, along with the rosy cheeks and red nose of a man with a long-term drinking problem. After developing a short-term drinking problem, it wasn't a phase he was keen to revisit. Not even to make himself look the part.

Not wanting to leave Callie waiting, he rushed back into his bedroom and picked out some clothes. Then, figuring he might be away for a few days, he pulled the suitcase from under the bed that he'd packed up to move out there. He repacked the things he'd been using including his PJ's, dressing gown, and slippers. He took one last look around his bedroom and hauled the suitcase downstairs.

He found Callie knelt in front of his widescreen TV in awe as she fiddled around with the remote.

"You'll get square eyes doing that," he said.

"It's sooo awesome! I want one. No, wait, I want three!" She followed that up by opening out her arms to give the TV a hug.

"Ok, but maybe later on after whatever we need to do next?"

"Oh, yeah! Right." She turned and stood up before nodding with fresh determination. "I like your tie!"

"Thanks." He'd opted for his work clothes of a suit and tie, since you never quite knew when you'd need to make a good impression. He might be about to meet the Tooth Fairy or something.

They both walked out together onto the back field and looked at the overturned sleigh with the reindeer still milling about looking distinctly bored.

"Ok, do you want to help me? From that bear hug I'm guessing you're stronger than I am."

Callie's grin had a distinctly impish lilt to it.

"Why don't you give it a try, boss?"

"It looks pretty heavy. I don't think I'll be able to manage it by myself. Maybe if I pull the car around and winch it upright somehow?"

"I'd give it a go the old fashioned way first." Her eyelashes fluttered all-too innocently.

"Alright, but when I get a hernia I'm blaming you."

Walking over to the fallen sleigh, he crouched down and took a deep breath whilst digging his fingers under the earth at the side to get a good grip. Then with a great effort he lifted the thing with all his strength.

He lifted it right over his own head as if it barely weighed a thing.

"Holy shit!" He almost dropped the thing on his face, and it wobbled some in the air before he set it back down, along with the grateful back legs of two of the reindeer that had been hauled up in the air with it.

"Ha! Toldja!" Callie clapped her hands in approval and then ran around to the side of the sleigh to settle in the passenger seat before taking up the reins and offering them to him.

"Oh, I don't know about that. Maybe you should drive. I had a hard enough time driving a manual gear shift. Not sure if I could wrangle nine reindeer in one direction to save my life."

As if they completely understood his apprehension, each of the animals immediately formed ranks with military precision. Then they started shifting their hooves to kick up a few clumps of dirt in a show of wanting to get going.

"I think it's better if you drive," Callie argued. "They don't really fly properly for anyone but Santa, anyways. I almost died trying to get here."

Wendall looked over the reindeer, and they looked right back at him. Rudolph actually winked.

"Alright, might as well get used to trying weird new stuff. I..." He trailed off then and looked back to his house. "Actually I'll be right back. Something I've got to do real quick."

"What is it? Something wrong?"

"Nope!" He yelled back as he ran back to the kitchen door. "Just need to sign off on something before we leave!"

After opening the door, he rushed over to the kitchen table and plucked up the pen that waited for him there. Without hesitating, he signed on the dotted line before dialling his soon-to-be former wife's number.

"Hi, it's Amelia, can't come to the phone right now. Leave a message!" A beep followed.

"Hey Amelia. The papers are signed. They're on the kitchen table at the country house. I'm leaving for a while, so you're going to have to come and get them yourself. You won't be able to call me back. I'm headed overseas for the foreseeable future." He paused a moment, figuring he should say something more but nothing felt right. Finally, he took a breath and settled on just the one word. "Goodbye."

* * * * *

"Whoa, you're really good at this!" Callie yelled as they flew up toward the clouds with the wind rushing past them.

"Thanks!" Even he had to admit that if there was a knack to reindeer flying, he definitely had it.

"So where are we headed?"

"North!" She patted the compass set on the front of the sled.

"Oh yeah! Obviously, right?" He adjusted his course accordingly until the arrow pointed to the big N on the dial.

They climbed up through the clouds with effortless ease and blinding speed. Rudolph and the gang seemed to want to cut loose and go faster in what he suspected was an effort to show off. He steadied them and they slowed obediently, letting him enjoy the scenery.

"So, how are you liking being Santa so far?" Callie asked, scooting closer to him on the leather seat.

"I could get used to it!" He grinned.

"Great! Want a blowjob?"

For some bizarre reason at that moment the sleigh suddenly did a full-on loop-the-loop and very nearly crash landed into a mountainside in northern Scotland. It took him a while to realise he was upside down, and to deal with the fact that somehow he hadn't fallen out of the sleigh. Then he righted the strange vehicle, and turned slack-jawed towards Callie.

"Are you trying to kill us? Don't make jokes like that when I'm driving!"

Callie's smile turned from impish to downright predatory as she scooted even closer until she was pressed against his side.

"Who said anything about a joke? Being Santa comes with a few perks, you know." Her hand slid under his arm to slowly stroke along his thigh, sliding along the inner length of his leg before gently cupping his cock. "Like all the elven pussy you could ever want."

"Oh fuck!" He felt himself harden to granite-like arousal beneath her touch. "Is this some sort of test? Are you seeing if I'll prove myself?"

A low purr that might have been a giggle lifted in her throat before she leaned in to softly kiss his cheek, then when he turned to look at her she planted another kiss full on his mouth. Resisting at that point was pretty much physically impossible. Wendall was still mostly human, and the magic that would make him legendary hadn't quite set in yet. Callie on the other hand was a 100% elven creature of pure magic, and she wanted him to enjoy himself.

She was very good at making him enjoy himself.

The kiss started soft, a gentle caress of greeting that steadily deepened as her tongue escaped between silken lips to lightly lick against his. He hungrily accepted the offer and opened his mouth until their tongues were slowly and intimately massaging each other. Her free hand wrapped around the back of his head to hold him into the kiss, whilst the occupied one slowly lowered the zipper on his pants.

With nimble fingers, she slid his heated cock from its trappings and caressed the engorged member in the open air. Thankfully, the sleigh radiated enough magic to keep the air oxygenated at high altitudes, and more importantly at that moment, to stop the temperature from plummeting to a degree that appendages might start snapping off. The little minx kissed him with a fresh hunger as she ran her fingers from the base of his cock upwards. Her delicate touch grew more excited as it seemed a very long way to travel to the tip. That was what finally made her break their ravenous lip lock and look down into his lap to see that the sleigh was now sporting a mast so large that she fancied their vehicle could have been reclassified as a ship of the line.

Lien_Geller
Lien_Geller
7,071 Followers