Christmas to Christmas

The restaurant was darkly lit, with candles everywhere, including all the tables. The Maître D' located their table and had an attendant take them to be seated, and when he tried to help Anna, Eric brushed him aside and pulled her chair out himself. Anna smiled as she took her seat, and her eyes followed Eric as he walked around the table to his own place. The restaurant had offered guests a choice of three different meals, and Eric had already chosen for he and Anna, so the wait staff began by bringing out house salads. They made small talk as they ate their first course. Soon the prime rib dinner was served, followed by a decadent chocolate dessert. When they had finished, they were stuffed, even though both had left parts of their meal on the plate.

Soon the swing band took their place on the stage at the front of the restaurant and started playing an up tempo piece to get the crowd warmed up. Eric had moved his chair so he could sit closer to Anna as they watched the band play. He wanted to ask her to dance, but was still working up the courage when she turned to him with an expectant look on her face. Relieved, he stood up and before he could ask, she rose as well, and led him to the dance floor.

Their first dance was to an up tempo swing piece, so there was no physical contact, but when the band switched gears and played "Moonlight Serenade," Anna stepped closer to Eric, and the two instinctively held each other as they danced to the soft tones. It was their closest physical contact to that point, and Eric couldn't help but notice the effect on his body, specifically behind the zipper of his slacks. He didn't want it to be obvious to Anna, but he also didn't want to appear standoffish either, so he closed in and hoped for the best.

If Anna noticed, she didn't say anything, and when the song ended, they went back to their table, holding hands as they went. Eric noticed that as they sat following the dance, Anna had moved closer to him, to the point where she was nearly leaning against him. Every time their bodies made contact, he could feel her warmth radiate through his own skin. It was becoming more difficult for him to maintain his cautious pace with her. But he realized that she had to move at her own comfort level, and for him to push it now would be about the dumbest thing he could do.

And truthfully, he didn't really want to go faster. It was a good pace for him as well. He much preferred getting to know her better before trying to be accelerate their relationship. He knew for him to have that opinion was probably rare for men his age -- especially men who were still virgins. But knowing that Anna had been through some traumatic event before, and knowing how shy he had always been around any girls, taking it slow was the best pace for him as their relationship grew and blossomed.

They danced a few more times together, and then it was time to leave. He walked her to the valet parking stand, and as they waited on his car to be brought out front, she snuggled closely to him in the brisk February air. This time he beat the attendant to Anna's car door and opened it for her, helping her in and making sure her coat wasn't caught before shutting the door. He tipped the attendant and got in himself, pulling away from the curb and out into the street.

He turned to Anna and said, "Would you like to go get some coffee before I take you home?"

Anna smiled and replied, "Yes, that would be great."

He found an open Denny's, which wasn't the most romantic place in town, but the romantic part of the evening had ended with the dancing at the restaurant, and he knew it was back to reality. Still, he opened her door again and escorted her inside, and she held him close as they walked in together. Once at a table, they ordered their coffee, and after the server brought it out to them, Anna reached across the table and took hold of Eric's hand.

"Eric, I want you to know that these last few weeks have been the best of my life. I know we are going slowly, and I hope you'll stay with me, because I'd really like to see where this relationship goes."

Eric smiled and replied, "I feel the same way. Every chance I get to spend with you is better than the last. I really enjoyed our dancing together tonight. I hope we can do more of it in the future."

It was Anna's turn to smile, and then she got a serious look on her face. "There's something that I haven't told you yet, and I don't think I'm ready, because it's so personal to me and I want to make sure it comes out at the right time. But I needed to tell you at least that much, because I don't want you to get frustrated with our slow pace with each other and give up on me. I guess I'm telling you this because I want you to know how special you are to me, even though I may not be the best at telling or showing you at the moment."

Eric grasped her hand harder and said, "Anna, believe me, I'm perfectly happy with any minute I get to spend with you, doing anything -- even if we are just sitting together in a room somewhere, knowing that you are with me makes that moment special."

A tear started forming in Anna's eye, and she quickly reached up to wipe it away, but not before Eric caught sight of it. He misread its purpose and quickly asked, "What's wrong, Anna? Are you okay?"

She looked up at him and smiled as she replied, "I'm more than okay -- that was a tear of happiness. It's been a long time since I've felt this way, and you are responsible for it. I don't know how I can thank you, but I plan on spending enough time with you to show you."

Eric exhaled, a sigh of relief escaping him. "Don't worry, Anna -- you already are. Now that we've proven that we can dance together without me stepping on your feet, I hope we do more of it. But honestly, I just want to be with you whenever I can, doing anything as long as you are with me."

In the car on the way to her house, Anna sat as closely to Eric as the console between the seats of the Taurus permitted. Eric never wanted this feeling to end. It was getting to the point where she was the first thing he thought of when he woke up in the mornings, and the last thing on his mind before he went to sleep at night. He'd never been in love before, but he felt like this must be what it's like. But he was cautious about saying anything to Anna about it, because he felt that whatever issues she was trying to overcome, it needed to be at her pace, and he was willing to wait as long as it took.

He walked her to the door, and as soon as she had it unlocked and open, she turned back to him and said, "Thanks, Eric -- it was the best night of my life." She leaned in and kissed him on the cheek, and then put the palm of her hand against the spot before sliding it off, as if she was sealing the kiss. As he stood there enjoying the feeling of what had just happened, Anna turned and walked into her house, closing the door behind her.

Yes, thought Eric as he walked back to his car. Yes, I can wait on her forever, if that's what it takes.

May Day

It was a rare Sunday that they both had time off, so Eric invited Anna to go for a walk with him through one of the city parks. The sun was shining brightly, but it was usually still cool on May 1^st, and the nip in the air forced them to wear jackets as they stepped out for the day. The park was about 10 minutes from Anna's house, so Eric had picked her up. As they always did together since their formal Valentine's Day date, they held hands while Eric drove.

By this time, they had become very comfortable with each other, and if anybody would have asked, it would be safe to say that they would have answered that they were boyfriend and girlfriend. Eric had still not spent any time at Anna's house, but part of that was because she and her roommates were working nights at the care home about half the time, and the house was rarely empty.

After the Valentine's Day dance, they had gone other places by themselves, including finding a night during Eric's spring break to drive to the city a couple of hours away and take in a musical at the Performing Arts Theater. He had chosen to drive her back rather than making overnight arrangements, thinking it would be best for her if she didn't have to worry about either staying with him in a room or staying in a room by herself. The musical had been enjoyable enough that he wasn't worried about driving late while being tired, and it gave him more time to hold hands with her as they drove there and back.

They found a shelter in the park right next to the little stream that ran around the perimeter. Sitting down, Anna immediately leaned over against Eric as they watched the water babble through the banks of the stream. Neither of them spoke for a while. It was rare to have this kind of time together when both of them could just relax and enjoy being with each other. As far as Eric was concerned, he could spend parts of every single day like this, with his girl at his side, leaning up against him for comfort and companionship.

It was Anna who finally broke the silence. "Eric," she said, "what was it that you saw in me that first night at the Christmas Eve dance that made you want to know me better?"

Eric thought back to that magical night -- a night he was initially dreading because he was feeling sorry for himself since his family had left him alone that Christmas. But he remembered looking in the corner at the three girls sitting around a table, and for some reason fixating on Anna. He was even watching as she turned down a request to dance, and thinking that she might have been the only person at the party that was sadder than he was.

"I saw this beautiful woman that looked like she needed to be cheered up, and I knew that as lonely as I was, I hoped we might be able to help each other out. I had no idea I would still be with you, but I'm so glad I am!"

Anna blushed as she looked up at Eric. He noticed her eyes -- he always noticed her eyes, because they seemed to have a hold on him that he could not shake, though he was certainly not looking to shake her. He was quite happy to have her -- she was easily the first long-term relationship he ever had, and it seemed so natural to be with her as much as he could.

Anna squeezed his hand and said, "Tell me about your girlfriends before me -- there must have been lots of girls that wanted to be with you."

Eric laughed and replied, "No, not at all. College was very busy for me as a double major, so there wasn't really too much time for other girls. But even if I would have had time, I'm not sure I would have been successful. I was painfully shy in high school, and it didn't get much better in college. I had a couple of short term girlfriends, but nothing ever came with either of them. And neither of them was even close to how beautiful and amazing you are."

It was Anna's turn to laugh. "Now I know you're just trying to be nice to me."

Eric picked up her hand and brought it to his lips. He turned her head to face him as he kissed her hand, and then said, "I'm serious, Anna. I've never felt like this in my entire life. I don't know how far we will take our relationship, but I want you to know that I'll go as far as you'll let me, because I have no intention of ever letting you go."

He leaned over to kiss her on the lips, but she stopped him and turned her head. Confused, Eric sat up and waited for her to say something, because at the moment he didn't know what to say.

"Eric, it's time that I tell you what I've been keeping from you. This is going to be long, but I want to let you hear me out and be patient with me. This is the first time I've ever really told anybody this, because up until this time, I'm not sure anybody needed to know.

"That Christmas Eve party where we met was the first time I had been out socially in a year, and the only reason I went was because Kim and Janice practically dragged me out of the house so I wouldn't be there by myself on Christmas Eve. During the year before that, the only time I left the house was to go to work, and even that was a problem sometimes.

"On Christmas Eve before this last one where you and I met, I was going to Joe's for the Lonely Hearts Club party that year, but I didn't get off work until 11:00 p.m. that evening, so I was only going to be able to go for just the last hour or so. But it was okay -- I had just moved in with Janice and Kim and had been working at the long term care home for only a couple of weeks, still orienting my new position there. Kim and Janice had told me that they would be at the party and felt it would be good for me to get out for at least a couple of hours, even though it was late at night. They felt it would be good for me to ring in Christmas Day at midnight with friends.

"I pulled into a very crowded parking lot just a few minutes past 11:00. I found a spot at the back of the lot and started towards the door. A couple of guys I didn't know were leaving at about the same time. I started getting nervous because there was nobody else out in the parking lot. They spotted me, and immediately changed their course and headed in my direction. I tried to make it back to my car so I could get in and lock the doors, but they were too fast for me. They picked me up and carried me off into the trees on the north side of the parking lot.

"It was cold and pitch black dark and there was no way anybody was going to hear me scream, but I tried. I tried to yell louder than I ever had before, but they covered my mouth. I was still wearing my scrubs from work, so it was easy for them to get my pants and panties off. They took turns on me -- one raped me while the other held me down, and then they switched places. When they were done, they stood up and laughed and said, "Merry Christmas," and then walked away. I lay there on the cold ground for a few minutes as I heard their car doors open and shut and they drove away. I wanted to crawl back to my car and get home as quickly as I could and take the hottest shower ever to try and wash away the pain and disgust I was feeling."

She leaned over closer to him, burrowing in against his shoulder, and he held her as tightly as he could. If she had looked up at his face, she would have seen the tears in his eyes as she told her story.

"I knew I had to get up. I was able to get my pants back on, and I searched for and found my purse about 20 feet away from where they had taken me. I got my cell phone out and texted Janice and told her I needed help and where I was. By the time they got out to the parking lot, I had made it to my car. They could see that I had been attacked. They insisted I call the police, even though I was sure that would just add more shame and disgust to what I already felt. But I listened to them, and soon there were a couple of police cars there, talking to me, telling me I needed to go to the hospital to have a rape kit done, and asking for descriptions of my assailants.

"They were easy to catch. Apparently from my description, Joe was able to identify them as two guys he had just thrown out of the party at about the time I arrived. They were picked up in less than two hours, and both have been convicted and are spending a lot of time in prison for what they did to me. But even to this day, I feel as if the attack is still going on, because I have flashbacks of that night all the time, and the terrors that result from it still have the ability to cripple me."

She paused her story to take a big breath and let it out with a sigh. There was nothing for Eric to say yet -- maybe nothing for him to say at all, but he knew that this was a difficult thing for her to tell him, and he wasn't going to pressure her in any way to either stop or continue.

"Because of those flashbacks, and because of the fear that I felt any time I was away from the house, I didn't do anything. I hid from the world as much as I could. I went out for therapy once a week -- something I'm still doing -- and I went to work. Kim and Janice did the shopping that I needed. It was a long and excruciating year -- easily the worst year of my life.

"Finally Kim and Janice convinced me that I needed to get out, and the party at Joe's was the first place to start over. I was very nervous when we pulled in the parking lot, but we got there early enough that we could park much closer to the door, and they promised at least one of them would stay with me at all times. We purposely sat at the round table in the back corner so that I wouldn't have to worry about somebody being behind me. For the first hour, we sat there and talked and listened to this great piano player trying to brighten the mood with his Christmas music. I wasn't having a good time yet, but it was going better than I thought it would.

"After the first hour, I had to go to the bathroom, and on the way out, I ran into my knight in shining armor. At first I was nervous, but you were so kind to me that for some reason the terror that I felt was going to rise up inside me never materialized. I was still wary, but after talking to you for only a few seconds, I could see that you were a good person who wasn't going to threaten me in any way. When I found out that you were the piano player, it was a double bonus -- a nice guy who was also talented as well. The fact that I'd heard you when you'd brought your school kids to the home before made it that much easier for me to relate with you. You were exactly what I needed at the time, Eric.

"You invited me to the stage to sit with you, so when I went back and told Janice and Kim what I was going to do, they couldn't believe it. It was as if they'd seen a complete turn-around in my mood. And truthfully, they had. They didn't expect me to tell them that I was going to sit with a man whom I had just met. They told me they would keep their eyes on you to make sure you treated me well, and watched as I made my way to the stage."

She squeezed his hand harder and turned to look at him. Noticing his tears, she reached up and wiped one away as she continued. "You really are my knight in shining armor, Eric. Since you and I have been friends, my life is so much better. Kim and Janice see it -- my therapist is thrilled -- even my family, whom you haven't met yet, notices that I've come at least partially out of my shell. I still have a long way to go before things get back to the way they were, and truthfully that may never happen completely. But I am making progress, and you are a huge part of that success.

"I needed to tell you this for two reasons. I know we are taking our relationship very slowly, and I'm so thankful that you are not pushing for more than what I can handle. I will never be able to forget that horrible night, but I'm learning to cope with it and I'm trying to get back in charge of everything about me. I wanted to say thank you for allowing me the time to heal. I could not have asked for a better person who is allowing this slow pace to continue, even when you didn't know about what had happened to me.

"But I also needed to tell you because honestly, I can't predict the future, and I don't know if I'll ever be able to carry out an intimate relationship with a man -- even someone as nice and gentle as you. I won't know until I get to that moment when I try, and I don't see that moment happening any time soon. I think about it, and know how much I want it, but right now it comes with the price of the attack in my memory, and I'm not yet able to separate the two from each other.

"So I would understand if you felt like taking a chance with me was too great of a risk. I hope you'll stay with me, but I will understand if you feel like you need to try and find someone else -- someone that isn't carrying around heavy baggage."

They sat in silence for a few minutes. Eric was afraid she wasn't done talking, and he didn't want to start before she was finished. When he could tell she was through, he turned her to him so he could look into those captivating eyes.