Chums of the Ring

“I thank you then for your brave and courageous action!” said Frilbo, shaking Spunker by the hand. “Are you to accompany my chums and me on our quest?”

“Indeed I shall,” said Spunker, with a jovial chuckle. “And I shall explain to you in great discursive detail, with many footnotes and romantic nonsense, what great history and what foul battles justify my presence and also what great misery and sadness I carry with me. But first, little one, I have heard from the Great Wizard Waldorf that you have three fine companions who are most worthy fuck companions!”

“Indeed I have!” laughed Frilbo. “And soon you shall have the pleasure of meeting them and getting to know them both as fine fellows for the imbibing of ale but also for the pleasures of fleshly satisfaction.”

“That is a pleasure which, being more than two days since I last fucked a man, in the tavern at Lower Gringlewich, I look forward with great glee!” announced Spunker, clutching his genitals beneath his britches with a gloved hand, while sheathing his blade.

And so it was that Frilbo and Spunker joined Niblet, Sid and Jollity for several hours of fun, frolicking and fucking, leaving behind the goatherd’s body in several pieces, to attract flies, vultures and wolves. And fortunate it was too that not one drop of seed was spilt inside his anus, but was lost instead on the grassy meadow, for great tragedy otherwise would have come from this act and many thousands of pages of dense print and heroic sex and epic battles would not have been written.

And the fabric of the universe did in truth remain intact.