Cilla and Adam Ch. 02

"I'll do anything to make it up to you, Cilla," he said, "but only if you let me in."

He turned her around to face him and saw the pain she couldn't hide in her eyes. He pulled her back into his arms and hugged her tightly to his chest, wrapping his arms around her and planting soft kisses on her hair. He ached to make her feel better, and wished he knew what to do. She stood silently in his arms, unmoving, unresponsive.

"What was his name?" he asked helplessly.

"David," she whispered, and Adam heard the unshed tears in her quavering voice.

"I'm not David, Cilla. I'm Adam," he said, turning her face up to his gaze. "I know you don't know me enough to trust me fully, but you know what we're feeling for each other. Can't you trust that I won't hurt you because of how I feel about you?"

"I thought I could trust him, too, that his feelings were real." She stifled a soft moan of pain, of anger, and pushed against Adam's chest. "But all he wanted was willing female flesh. And slender flesh at that." She tore herself out of his arms and almost ran to the coat closet in the entry hall.

"Where are you going?" Adam asked, grabbing her arms.

"You said you'd take me home when I was ready." Cilla swallowed. "I'm ready."

She pulled her coat out of the closet and began to put it on, but Adam's hands stopped her.

"Do you think that's fair to me?" he asked angrily. "Don't my feelings count for anything?"

Cilla glared up at him. "Why do you really want me to stay, Adam?" she asked, her eyes blazing at him.

"Because I want to make love to you," he admitted immediately. "But I want to make love to you because I'm falling in love with you," he added. "Should I not feel that way? Would you prefer me to pretend that I'm immune to you? That you don't turn me on? That I don't care?"

Cilla tried to pull away from him, but he held her fast, and when she did not answer he shook her.

"Cilla, I've fallen for you. Hard." His eyes searched her face, and he tilted her chin up and said, "Look at me, please. What do you see?"

Cilla refused to meet his eyes, and he bent his head and stole a kiss from her trembling lips.

"Please, darling, look at me and tell me what you see."

Cilla raised fearful eyes to his face and she saw the desire that battled with hurt in his eyes. Her lips trembled with the need to keep the tears at bay, and she swallowed.

"Cilla, you know that what we're both feeling is real. Why else can't I keep my hands off you? Why else do I ache every day and every night to be with you? Why else do your kisses set me on fire?" He inhaled deeply and continued, "Tell me you don't feel the same way I do!"

Cilla swallowed the rising lump in her throat and resisted. "Just because we have the hots for each other doesn't mean there's any real emotion there, Adam. You know that as well as I do." She tried to pull away again, and found, to her great disappointment, that he let her go.

"Is that all you think this is? A case of 'the hots'?" His voice was hard, his eyes cold.

Cilla shivered. "Isn't it?" she asked defensively. She looked at him defiantly and felt a rising dread at the anger that grew in his eyes.

Adam swallowed against the pain of Cilla's rejection and handed her her coat.

"I'm sorry I bothered you with my unwanted attentions," he said stiffly. "I'll take you home now."

He bit back the words he wanted to say to her, angry words, hurtful words, because he knew he would regret them tomorrow. As long as he said little, maybe he had a chance of making her see that he wanted to be with her because she was unique and beautiful and desirable. He collected his own coat and his keys and escorted her out of his apartment, down in the elevator to the car. He helped her into her seat, and the drive to her house was silent, until he glanced at her and saw the tears sliding down her cheeks. She was holding herself perfectly still, probably so that he wouldn't notice that she was crying. He pulled into an empty supermarket parking lot and stopped the car.

"Oh, God, Cilla, why are you doing this to us? Why can't you just give this a try? Give us a chance?" He kept his hands on the steering wheel and watched her.

"Why does it have to hurt so much?" she asked in a strangled voice.

Adam let go of the steering wheel and reached for her.

"Oh, darling, I'm sorry," he whispered, not knowing what else to say.

"When I look at you," she said after a while, taking in gulps of air to stop her tears, "I see a handsome man who wants to be with me. I see a gorgeous man who I would never imagine would care about me. I see a sexy man whose kisses tell me he wants me, and whom I'm hurting because I'm afraid." Her voice shook and she hid her face in her hands.

Adam could feel his heart beating in his chest, and pulsing in his hands. He heard her through the roaring in his ears, and he knew he couldn't let her go.

"Darling, can we go back and start again? Maybe I got hungry too soon. I'll play it the old fashioned way -- dates, no kissing, unless we both want it, until we feel comfortable enough to take it to the next level. Till you learn to trust me. Agreed?" His hands trembled on her shoulders as he waited for her reply.

Cilla's eyes mirrored her agreement with his plan even before she opened her mouth to say yes. He saw the yes in her eyes, but he waited for her to say it, and when she did, he pulled her close and asked, against her lips, "So, may I?"

"May you what?" Cilla asked, bemused.

"Kiss you," he whispered hoarsely. He rubbed his thumb against her lips, knowing how his touch was making her squirm.

"What if I say no?" she answered. "Would you take me home then?"

"If that's what you want," he said, pulling away to stare intently at her.

She pulled him back to her and whispered, "Just checking."

And then she kissed him. Her loins were on fire for his touch, but Cilla knew he was right. They did need to slow down, although she didn't know how she was going to last if he kept her on edge as she had been all evening. In all the time she had spent with David, both as friend and fiancée, she had never felt anything like the liquid heat that burned her up every time Adam Dalgleish touched her. The heat that was consuming her now, as he plundered the treasures in her warm mouth, and caressed her with trembling hands.

"Adam, I can't bear this...this longing, this ache. I want you so much, but..." Her voice trembled as she made her confession, and Adam crushed her to his chest.

"Maybe I SHOULD take you home, before this gets out of hand," he conceded, his voice shaking with desire. But he could not resist taking her mouth in a last wet kiss, burning her up in her seat, groaning with the ache that rolled through his loins. Cilla seemed to want to inhale him, as he did her, and only the lights of a passing car brought them back to their senses. Adam brushed tender fingers down her cheeks, as he pulled away from her.

"Darling, I'll take you home now," he said, and started the engine again.

"Adam," Cilla said, settling herself properly in her seat again, "thank you." She looked at him as she spoke, and he turned his head to look at her. The desire and heat she saw in his eyes made her whimper like a whipped puppy, and she turned her eyes to the night outside her window.

"You're always welcome, sweetheart," he answered hoarsely.

Adam managed to make the rest of the journey without stopping again to take Cilla into his arms and ravish her. He slowed the car to a stop before her house, and when he put it in Park, he turned to her.

"I had a lovely evening, Ms. Barnes," he said formally, though his eyes held a teasing light. "I'd like to invite you out again next weekend, if you're available." He looked at her expectantly, and waited for her reply.

"All weekend?" she asked shyly, avoiding his eyes.

Adam smiled, and turned her face up to his gaze. "If that's what you want, I'm game," he said, his eyes flaming out at her, his voice a sexy drawl. He chuckled softly at the look in her eyes at his reply. He got out of the car and came around to help her out of her seat.

"Come on," he said, "let's get you indoors." He walked with her up the stairs to the little balcony that fronted her townhouse. When she opened the door, he said,

"I wish I could show you how I'm feeling right now." He raised his hand and touched a trembling finger to her lips. "I'll call you, love," he said. "Sweet dreams!"

He turned to walk away, and Cilla touched his arm. When he stopped to look at her, she reached up and kissed his cheek.

"Thanks, Adam. I had a lovely evening, too!" Her eyes said she wanted a real kiss, and Adam fought against the urge to throw her on the bench and take her, hard and fast. Instead he bent his head and brushed her lips tenderly with his, without touching her anywhere else.

"'Night, sweetheart!"

It was the hardest goodnight he had ever said.