Cinna

Day Five:

The timid woman sat gingerly on the perch before the writing desk. She had been instructed on the letter she must write. She took up the pen noting that it was attached to the desk by a short length of chain. It had enough play in the length to reach the bottom of the piece of paper there but no further. She sighed softly and began her letter.

"My Love,

In the beginning...

When I was in college I would often take studio art courses, and it was not unusual to have a nude model posing for the class. They were almost always women. The first thing that went through my mind whenever a model cast off their robe, was the thought that their body was nothing special, that I could do that, stand up there in front of everyone. I had a far better figure than any of the model's I had seen so far.

I liked the idea of modelling for an art class myself but I just couldn't do it for my fellow students who I had to sit with in a number of other classes. The thought of a room full of people studying my nakedness, though, was very appealing. It was also very arousing, which is why I never really considered it at the time. I was not exactly shy but I was quite repressed for want of a better word. Still, I was captivated by the idea of seeing how others would view my nakedness in the seemingly safe world of life art.

Years later, however, after we had met and married and I had been working for some time, I saw a flyer in one of the magazines that used to litter the staffroom advertising for nude models to pose for an art class. I figured that maybe now that I was older and more experienced, thanks to you, my love, I should give it a try. I started thinking about why I shouldn't do it, but decided to shelve those concerns and just go for it before I lost my nerve. I took down the number and called as soon as I got home that afternoon. I spoke to a secretary who took my name and told me that the instructor would call and discuss what was needed exactly.

I didn't tell you. You would have stopped me, I knew it then. I thought it would just be one thing I could scratch off the list of regrets I had, without you knowing. You have never liked to share me. Even our time with family and friends was short lived as we enjoyed our honeymooner's happiness long after the honeymoon was over in reality. I lived in blissful naivety thinking the world was full of good people with good intentions. I was wrong, so wrong. I should have told you and given the opportunity to go back I would never ever keep a secret from you again. I understand now the consequences of what happened next.

Your Cinna"

Day six:

The timid woman unable to sit knelt on the platform before the writing desk. She had been instructed once again on the letter she must write. She took up the pen and shook the short length of chain. It was stronger than it looked. She sighed softly and began her letter.

"My Love,

How I got to the point of no return...

A few days after I called about the modelling job I got a call from the instructor. She was a very nice woman, and she told me about the course. It was drawing from an anatomic perspective. For each class they would focus on a specific set of muscles, and the model would strike three poses for about twenty minutes each. The poses were taken from classical works that accentuated the muscle groups in question. She told me she had a few classes where she still needed models, one of which was for the thighs and buttocks. I figured that this would be the safest, because I'd have my back to the students. I decided to throw caution to the wind and agreed to do it.

In the days that led up to the class I began to play out scenarios in my mind. I knew from talking to people who had done modelling that the difficult part was staying absolutely still for twenty or more minutes at a time. I expected that the arousal of being so openly on display might cause some problems at first, but that the effort required to hold the pose would quickly distract me enough so that I could meditate myself into daydream where the watchers would fade from my view. Well that was the plan anyway.

The morning of the class, dawned and I was beyond excited, you did not mind at all that for once it was me that initiated sex before we got up. You never asked why or knew what I planned to do. I so wish I had shared my secret with you, but I cannot go back and undo what is done, I know that and accept it. I had told you I would be visiting my mother after work, knowing you would not question me. It was my first real lie to you. The first and only lie I had ever uttered out loud, though I understand your doubts about that now.

I floated my way through the work day feeling both nervous excitement and dread. On the way to the address I had been given, I practised the meditative breathing and calming techniques I had planned to use to stay in place for so long. I can't tell you how many times I almost pulled the car around and headed home. I wish I had. I wish the foreboding feeling of the big old house had made me turn around rather than intriguing me all the more. I wish I wish I wish...

Your Cinna"

Day Nine:

The woman stood before the raised writing desk, with perfect posture forced upon her by a torturous body brace. She had been instructed once again on the letter she must write. She took up the pen and looked it with despair then began her letter.

"My Love,

No wishes, no more lies...

I trembled on the doorstep as I knocked, the smiling face of the secretary made me feel at ease as I was guided through the corridors into the art studio. I was instantly aghast to find that the students were arranged in a circle rather than all at one end of the room. This undermined my assumption that I would have my back to everyone. I was so nervous at this point that I really just wanted to get started, but I had to sit and wait through the lecture portion of the class where the instructor discussed the anatomy of the muscle groups in great detail and covered the technical names for all the muscles in each group. I used the meditation to try to keep my mind off my excitement and obvious (at least to me) arousal, I could feel my nipples pushing at the bra I wore.

Finally the lecture was over and it was time to get on with the show. To my delight, all the students got up and congregated at one end of the room as I had originally expected them to. This was a relief, but the time of reckoning had come. I kicked off my shoes, unbuttoned my blouse, and pulled down my jeans. I lingered in my underwear for a moment nervously, but soon I pulled them off while gritting my teeth to still my anxiety about being on display to strangers.

There I was, bear naked in a room full of clothed people who were preparing to stare intently at my nude body. In all honesty I have no idea of the degree to which my breasts or quivering thighs showed my arousal, if any at all, because looking down for even for a moment would surely have caused a deeper blush to spread across my features and heightened my sense of arousal.

I was very quickly distracted from my concerns as I listened to the instructor explain the way she wanted me to pose. I lay on the floor on my right side with my back to the students. My legs were extended to my left and my right elbow was propped up on a low stool, curving my spine and bringing my shoulders parallel with the floor. My right leg was bent up so that my foot lay beside my knee to expose the muscles they were studying better I expect.

The students began to draw and I began to meditate. So far things were going according to plan. The fact that the students couldn't see my face or my breasts for that matter removed a lot of the anxiety I felt, and with it a lot of the arousal. The meditation and breathing exercises I used helped to pass the time as I remained as motionless as possible for minute after minute after minute in a position totally unfamiliar and uncomfortable to me. Every so often when I had thought I had everything under control, the soft voice of the instructor would come closer and though not actually touch me the wave of her hand would be close enough to feel as it mimicked the lines of my body while helping the students to understand the muscles of that area.

I was starting to get a little restless and thought it was shrewd of the instructor not to have a clock visible within my scope of vision. Eventually the instructor stood up. I expected her to say that this pose was done, but instead she said that there would be about five more minutes for people to finish up. What seemed like an additional twenty minutes later she finally brought it to a halt. At this point my thoughts were entirely on how sore my back was after having been propped up in the curve like that for a good half hour.

As the students put down their drawing utensils and got up to mill about, I very slowly and carefully took the weight off my shoulder. As my muscles began to loosen up I sat up and stretched my arms over my head. Arousal was the last thing on my mind at this stage. I rolled over onto my back lay flat on the floor with my arms still stretched over my head uncaring who saw as I tried to stretch my curved spine back into shape.

I rolled over to get up but I felt my spine protest once more so I just lay on my back and relaxed before I had to hold the next pose. I had thought that it almost felt like I had been on a torture rack or some such. How differently I know about torturous pain now. I would have dearly loved to be able to get up and look at what the students had created but it just wasn't within the realms of possibility at the time. So many things were not within my sphere of possibilities at that time.

All too soon the instructor called the students back to order and got me up to do the next pose. As I stood up I could feel the students eyes again and that arousal born from exhibition tightened my chest again and I could guess that my nipples had puckered into hard points, but I ignored it as best I could as I walked over to the instructor boldly in full view of the class.

It is unfinished my love, but I am called, so I must answer,

Your Cinna."

Day ten:

The woman stood unassisted with perfect posture before the raised writing desk. Her legs ached uncomfortably in the strange boots that kept her on her toes while not having heels attached to them. She widened her stance for better balance and gritted her teeth against the burning sensation deep within her body. She had been instructed once again on the letter she must write. She took up the pen and began her letter.

"My love,

How I thought it could be and the reality- so different

For the next pose I was to stand with both hands placed upon a table in front of me, putting me directly in front of the students, my back facing them once more. But then the instructor had me keep my arms where they were and to twist my torso slightly and widen my stance. I could smell my own arousal and I knew this was going to be a difficult pose to hold as she bent me slightly further forward so that my elbows rather than hands bore my weight.

I instantly went back into the meditation. As the students began their drawings I tried to keep my mind one hundred percent off my scent, but I couldn't help but smell it growing, at least to me. The simple fact that I knew that other people could possibly smell it made the situation all the more arousing. Slowly but surely I could feel my body heat climbing higher and higher along with the blush that stained my neck and cheeks.

I tried to concentrate on the meditation, but it wasn't helping. Each time I thought I had a grip on my own fluttering arousal the instructor would come close again and taking a deep breath would give some sort of guidance to her students. This time the soft hand actually made contact with the soft unblemished skin of my ass and I felt a small tremble occur in my legs at her touch. The harder I meditated, the more evident my arousal was becoming. Eventually I glanced down and thought I could see the sheen that comes with a woman's heat between my thighs. I was mortified.

My worst fears were being realized. I was in a formal art class, and I was getting so aroused I couldn't hide it. I didn't know what to do. In my mind the scene was quickly becoming pornographic. I knew that there was no way it was going to just disappear. If I didn't do something it would just increase for the duration of the pose.

I was becoming desperate. I contemplated saying something aloud to apologize and ask them to bear with me, but that would have only drawn attention to the situation and made matters worse. Instead I quickly broke my pose, shifting my lefts to close the gap between them slightly and stretch my back for a moment before resuming the pose to disguise my moving my legs. The situation was more or less under control and I began to relax, with the movement came a better clarity of mind and I began to meditate properly again finding that happy place I so often envisaged of you and I. I ignored the soft caress when it next came with barely a quiver of acknowledgement rather the trembling of earlier.

I continued to meditate as a way to pass the time. Once again the pose went on for about ten minutes longer than it was supposed to. As soon as the instructor brought it to a close I leapt up and hurried over to my clothes. I quickly pulled on the long blouse like a jacket. I sheepishly looked around the room, but no one seemed to be giggling or looking at me funny. I wanted to apologize to the instructor and make sure it wasn't too big of a deal, but she had gone through a door in the back of the room. I took a peek inside, but it lead off to other parts of the building and she was nowhere to be seen.

Dressed only in the blouse, and seeing the student's edge toward a coffee maker present in the room I decided to just let my feeling of paranoia go. I wandered around the room to check out some of the drawings the students had made while nobody was paying attention to me. Some seemed fairly accurate portrayals while others grossly exaggerated in a figurative way. In all of them though it was only the area between my knees and lower back that showed, which was disappointing to say the least.

I lost my sense of self in that moment. This had been a titillating idea to me. It had been so arousing to me. To the students however, my perceived voyeurs, I was nothing but a random collection of parts. Only muscle and bone in an outer wrapping of skin. Not one of them looked at me as a person, not one acknowledged I was a woman with feminine curves and a heart. The drawings were exactly what they were meant to be and I didn't matter. Not me as a person anyway.

I left those mocking canvases then, thinking about why I had done this, why I had told you a lie, why I had thought this was some daring exploit that I could secretly smile at and cross off that bucket list of mine. Perhaps it was selfish of me to expect that they would be the appreciative voyeurs of my exhibitionism. I found it hard to reconcile that thought at the time.

Your Cinna"

Day fourteen:

The woman stood with perfect posture, her head bowed. She had no wish to further this story but the consequences of disobedience were well known to her now. She had tried a silent passive protest against this game, yet here she stood once again. Her body sung of her mistakes and misdeeds and she knew it must be finished before the game would end. She lifted her head, took up the pen and began her letter.

"My love,

An end to the beginning... Just relax...

When it was time to do the third and final pose I felt I had the situation all under control again. I was aghast to find that the instructor had brought in some sort of strange ergonomic chair that was better suited to the pose she required though it looked more like a bird perch than a chair. I knelt on the padded base and rested the crease between my thighs and ass on top of the perch as it were. Another perch was brought out and used to support my shoulders as the instructor leaned me back at a precarious angle. I had to concentrate in this unusual position not to lose balance more than anything. I had closed my eyes and relaxed when her hands were on me again, widening my thighs a fraction of an inch and making me oh so aware of my scent again.

Once again I used the meditation to help pass the time, and once again it went on for about ten minutes longer than it was supposed to and I could hear quiet shuffling as the students who must have been restless themselves by this time moved about the room or whispered quietly amongst themselves. I kept my eyes closed in deep concentration, my legs had gone past the aching stage into a kind of numbness that I knew would be hard to work out of my frozen limbs before being able to dress again.

"Just relax" the instructors voice said softly from above me," I am just going to change your position one more time for the last ten minutes." She lowered the backrest making my bow backwards and become aware of a bar that now sat just above my ankles making my legs impossible to reposition.

"Just relax," the words echoed around my brain as I opened my eyes and started to pull against the position I was being guided into. It was all too late, I looked wildly around and realised the students had left. My eyes fell on you my love, and I relaxed knowing you would help me. I begged you to help me up, help me find my clothes, in my panic I fought for control of my hands as you came closer.

"Just relax" you echoed the instructors words jolting me as if I had been physically slapped. I began to babble apologies for having not told you what I was doing, that it was an innocent thing and just something I had always wanted to do. I was disappointed and let down that it was not what I had expected and would never do something like this again. I had begun to cry as you leaned over and kissed me holding my hands in place as they were cuffed together.

Then came the inquisition. The painful, painful telling of truths, I would have said anything to make you stop but in the end you believed I had told no one where I had gone or about my secret exhibitionist desire. I barely felt the needle pierce my skin, though I saw it. I barely believed it was true as I struggled to look into your eyes. Eyes that I had known and loved for so long, eyes that had suddenly betrayed me.

"Just relax," you had said as I slowly lost consciousness, "Just relax."

I lost myself that night two weeks ago. You took my world away and gave me over to Lords of the Dark. You took my real name and rebranded me a sinner by name and deeds. You buried me from the wreck of my car and comforted my mother and friends before leaving the home and town we once shared for your new life and mine. You kept your secrets better hidden than I, your lies more complete, you are my Lord of the Dark now and I exist now only because I have learned to please you.

Your Cinna."

The woman stood with perfect posture, her head bowed. Her body sung of her mistakes and misdeeds and she hoped that now her punishment for deceiving him would end with her completed confession. She trembled as his boots sounded close to her and the letter lifted from the desk. The silence hurt her ears as she strained to hear even his breathing as a clue to his mood. The letter floated to the floor at her feet and she knew in that moment that there would be no reprieve from the nightmare her life had become.