Claire

(No sex.)

*****

In the early hours of the morning Claire roused from a deep sleep and wondered what had woken her. It took a moment or two listening to the unusual background noise before she realised with a sinking heart that it was raining heavily. So - the break in the weather predicted by the forecasters had arrived. Or was it only a passing storm? Consoling herself with the thought that it may have cleared up by the time that it was time for her to go out, she drifted off to sleep again.

Those hopes were not fulfilled for by the time that she had eaten her breakfast it was still raining steadily. The force of the rain had eased from the downpour in the night, but it was still pretty heavy. She reckoned that where running to or from the car might be accomplished without getting too wet; a trip even across the street would definitely need some form of protection against the weather. For a moment she considered staying at home but then the prospect of spending the whole day cooped up with Peter without even the garden as a temporary refuge steeled her resolve. She applied her makeup in the bathroom and was standing near the door attired in galoshes and raincoat with umbrella under her arm when her husband made his first appearance. He looked at her and muttered "You're crazy" before disappearing into the kitchen to pour hot water into the coffee mug that she had left waiting for him.

Dropped by the bus in the city centre, where all the gutters were overflowing with rainwater and the pavements represented an obstacle course of scurrying bedraggled umbrella wielding figures, Claire decided that Peter's assessment of her trip was not far from the truth. On the assumption that she must have caught the tail end of a delayed rush hour, she stepped into Woolworth's and spent half an hour wandering round giving chance for the pavements to clear. The back door of the store gave access to a covered pedestrian precinct and, unable yet to face the rain, she killed another forty five minutes pointlessly wandering from shop to shop. It was only when she had found herself checking her watch for the fifth time in as many minutes that Claire admitted to herself that she had no intention of looking for a job.

Stepping out onto the main thoroughfare, she put up her brolly and started walking. After two or three minutes, finding herself almost running, she thought 'This is stupid' and abruptly took a right hand turn through the door of a large furniture store. She walked slowly past a line of beds allowing both her breathing and palpitating heart to settle back into their normal rhythms, but already there was a salesman moving to intercept her. With horror she realised that it was the same one that had sold her an expensive dining room suite the year before. Worse - the recognition had been mutual and as he closed in, the expression on his face showed that he was already anticipating another healthy commission. Claire turned and bolted for the door.

Starting to feel like a hunted animal, she took a grip and rationalised herself to a decision. 'I will go to the garden because I half promised that I would. It is almost certainly too early for him and anyway, only a fool would sit there on a day like this. He won't be there but I will have fulfilled any obligation that I have - and then I can get on the bus and go home with a clear conscience'.

The rain had eased considerably and a few minutes brisk walk took her up Percival Street and into the gateway of the garden, she paused for just a moment and then strode inside. The entire quadrangle was deserted. She felt a wave of despair wash over her. With eyes filled with tears she turned and started to blindly retrace her steps. Aware of people hurrying past her she moved against the wall and took out a handkerchief to mop her eyes and then, as her vision cleared, in a doorway across the street she saw a man watching her. There was a pleasing familiarity about him and with a cry of pleasure Claire started walking in his direction but he was already running towards her, dodging with reckless abandon between the cars."

"I didn't think you would come," she said.

"Nor I you".

He took her hand and they walked along in silence. After a while he said, "There is a little coffee bar that I know?" Claire just nodded, happy to go wherever he led.

It had started the previous day in contrastingly gorgeous warm sunny weather. After pounding the hot pavements all morning on her job hunting mission, Claire decided that she deserved a break, so after purchasing a salad sandwich at the kiosk together with a coffee in a lidded polystyrene cup, she headed for the Garden of Rest. Sometimes called The Memorial Garden it had been there since just after WWI, offering a city oasis of tranquillity. It was rectangular with an overhanging roof encompassing the seating in one corner but with other unprotected benches dotted round the perimeter and on some of the internal pathways between the flower beds.

The garden was popular and by the time that Claire arrived almost all benches were full but she spotted a bench with only one occupant, a nondescript middle aged man sitting at one end. Claire sat down at the opposite end with no acknowledgements being exchanged. As she finished her sandwich the stranger suddenly enthused about the superb bed of flowers in front of them. Claire enthusiastically agreed telling him that she loved antirrhinums, especially en masse like that. Subsequent remarks established that they both had a deep love of gardening and they continued talking. At one point the man moved closer, not close but rear enough to converse without the need for raised voices.

They moved on to other topics, including the exchange of basic biographical details. She told him about Peter and their children while Trevor revealed that he was a widower with a grown up son. She mentioned that she was job hunting and he said that he worked part time but in the evening. Gradually the other patrons thinned out and it was this that made Claire aware of the passage of time. Glancing at her watch she was shocked to see that they had been chatting for well over two hours. Jumping to her feet, she said, "I've got to got go but I have really enjoyed our conversation, it's a very long time since I last talked like that.

"Maybe we could meet up again tomorrow around the same time and carry on where we left off," Trevor tentatively suggested.

"I'd like that very much," Claire told him. It was as casual as that.

Inside the café Trevor said, "I usually sit over there in the window. As you know I rather like to watch the world go by - but possibly you would prefer somewhere a little more secluded?" Again she just nodded and he took her to a small alcove partially screened from the other tables. He helped her off with her coat and hung it up together with his own. Sitting down he handed her the menu and said, "They do some very nice crumpets here?"

Claire smiled and spoke for really the first time. "Oh lovely - I hadn't realised how hungry I am."

Trevor signalled the waitress and ordered coffee and crumpets for two. When they were alone, Claire said, "I don't really know why I am here."

"Well I know why I am here. This is the first time in over three years that I have had the pleasure of squiring a lovely lady. You're here because it's raining."

She relaxed into her seat as his words took away any guilt that this could be considered an assignation. "You could have got yourself killed running across the street like that."

"It was a bit silly" he conceded "But you see, I thought that I had missed you. I very nearly did miss you. I didn't recognise you in your raincoat and had you had not dabbed your eyes, then I would have let you walk away and then I would never have seen you again."

"I could have turned up at the garden tomorrow."

"No you wouldn't. If we had missed each other today then you would not have gone near the garden again for a very long time."

Claire thought about this and suggested, "Or else it would have looked as if I was chasing you?"

"Something like that," he said.

They ate in silence and when both had pushed their plates to the side, Trevor said, "I would really like to know all about you."

"What kind of thing?"

"Everything - every little detail of your life."

Claire blushed. "I wouldn't know where to start. You better ask me questions."

Trevor became silent and seemed to stir his coffee for a long time. "You were very young when you got married. Was Peter you're your first ...er boyfriend?" he asked hesitantly.

"You mean lover. No - there were three before him but to call the first two lovers is rather stretching the point."

"Tell me about them."

"Well, I was always popular at school but around the time that I was sixteen, one by one, the other girls in my class started doing it with boys. This made them into a special club. They used to say "We are real women now but you are still only a girl." It got so that every time you went out with a boy, the girls interrogated you afterwards and when there was nothing to report they said 'Soppy virgin' and even worse things. Anyway I decided to lie and pretend that I had done the deed but my ignorance of what occurred meant that I was easily caught out. Well they made my life intolerable after that so, by the time of the school dance I decided to do it with the first boy that asked me.

Claire took a sip from her cup before continuing. "I dropped lucky because Gary, the most popular boy in the school asked me to dance. He stuck with me for the next one and then asked if I would like to go for a walk. We went to the bandstand, he kissed me a few times then pushed me down and it was all over before I knew what was happening. We went back to the dance. Greg's best pal Jeff was standing just inside the door and I saw them exchange big winks. I had to dash to the powder room to tidy myself up and when I came out, the two lads were standing the other side of a big plant and didn't see me.

Gary was saying "I always thought that Claire was a bit special but she turned out to be the easiest of the lot. We met up; he walked me home and made a date to meet the following evening to go for a walk in the woods. Next day at school the news had travelled like wildfire. I heard them saying "She's done it with GARY." Others asked if I was lying and were told that Cynthia had seen us at it in the bandstand. My street cred rating certainly soared that day." Claire suddenly broke off and asked "Are you sure that you want to hear all this. Surely it's no different from thousands of other girls?"

"Please" he said. "I want to know everything about you, especially when you were young and just finding out about life."

"Anyway, the next night I was eager to try out my new skill again and I was sure that it would be lots better the second time. But, when I got to the agreed spot in the park it was Jeff who was waiting. He said that Gary was not coming because he had met someone that he liked better. Of course I was upset so Jeff put his arm around me and we walked along with him comforting me but suddenly I realised that we had walked into the woods anyway. He put his jacket onto the ground and tried to make me lie down. I told him that I didn't want to but he argued that as I had already done it with Gary, what was the harm. He said 'Gary is a shit - he has no idea how to look after a girl like you but I'm not like that.'

Well, he had been nice to me and it did seem mean to refuse. It turned worse than the first time - he took longer putting the condom on than using it. Next day everybody knew again so I reckon that he must have blabbed. Having screwed different boys on successive nights managed to trump all the other girls' aces and in reputation, I went from total innocent to class slag in two easy lessons. Jeff didn't turn up for our date that night and he hadn't even the courtesy to send a messenger." Claire grinned and added "Perhaps that was just as well or else I might have been passed hand to hand through the whole cricket team."

"I can see why you said that they could not be classed as lovers, I trust that your next one turned out better."

"Yes, but that was not for quite a long time. I went out with lots of boys but having learned my lesson, I always kept my knees together. Then along came Tim. He had a flat. Even with him I lasted three months before I let him have his way with me and then I kicked myself for having wasted time because he really knew his stuff. He educated me. I had started to harbour fantasies of marrying him and spending the rest of my life in bed when this other girl turned up pregnant. It seemed that he had been sleeping with her during those early months when I had been playing hard to get. That was the end of that until Peter came on the scene."

"Did you tell Peter all this?"

The question threw Claire and she blushed scarlet. "No - I only ever told him about Tim and I made that seem a lot less than it was. Be fair. What young bride does tell her husband the full extent of her previous sexual experience?"

Trevor nodded knowingly. "Let me get us two more coffees and then you can tell me about Peter - if that isn't getting too close to home."

With their drinks sugared and stirred she continued. "Peter came into my life like a whirlwind and he has continued to blow pretty strong ever since until these last nine months. I had moved on to Secretarial College by this time and for some reason we were taken on a conducted tour of the place where he worked. He grabbed my arm and whispered 'Hang about when this is over, I want a word with you.' He then took me to his flat, I rang my parents to say that I was staying the night with a friend and then I slept with him. He was not going to accept 'no' for an answer. Having broken my big rule I thought that would be the last I saw of him but he was waiting outside the college as keen as ever. It turned out that he was ten years older than me and already well established in his career. He was so exiting and full of energy and he had absolute confidence in himself giving the impression that he could do any single thing that he set his mind to."

Claire paused for a sip of her tea before continuing, "Pete, (he was always Pete then, I am not sure exactly when he started to prefer Peter), told me inside the first week that he intended to marry me and I was more than happy to go along with that because I was already besotted by him. After I fell pregnant we were married pretty quickly. As a wedding present, my father said that he had £5000 to give us when we wanted to buy a house and Pete had about double that amount saved but I moved into his flat until the baby was born. Then one night he came home while I was feeding Jonathan and said 'Come on, put your coat on - I've got something to show you.'

"Let me guess - it was a house?"

"Yes - the most gorgeous house that I had ever seen. I fell in love with it straight away but I couldn't see how we could possible could afford it. After we had looked round, I told him how much I wished that it could be ours and he said "It is - I put the deposit on it this afternoon. I was delirious with happiness and it was only a long time afterwards that I realised that he had bought our future home without even asking my opinion."

"But surely that was a one off - just grabbing an opportunity while he could."

"No - that was the pattern of our future life. He makes the decisions and I just have to go along with them."

"You mean that there is no discussion at all?"

"No - if there is a decision to be made, he makes it and that's that. The most disheartening thing is that his damn decisions are always right."

"What was he like as a father? I can imagine that he might have been cold and authoritarian"

"No, not really. In many ways he has been a very good father. He has certainly been a fun father. Although he may have been absent from their lives for big chunks of time, when he was there it was all gifts and surprises. He certainly gave us tremendous holidays and thrilling days out as well. I don't want to give the impression that he was just a cheque book parent because he must have put a terrific amount of effort and planning in to ensure that we had a good time. For instance, one place where we travelled in boats through underground caverns he somehow arranged for us to go into an area out of limits to the general public where some archaeologists were working. Another time when we were on the continent, one morning he got us all up and marched us down to the harbour. As we got near we saw that there was a large oceanographic vessel tied up and the kids started excitedly discussing it.

Anyway, Peter led us on board and we set sail. Later on we were given sightseeing trips in two, deep ocean diving bells. We actually did not go very deep but we did get a look at an ancient wreck with lots of amphora scattered about all over the sea floor. He certainly gave us some very special memories and you can't fault him for that. Everything that Peter did was a grandstand effort, way over the top but against that there were times when I seriously worried that the kids might forget who he was."

"Phew"" for a few moments Trevor was lost for words but then he said 'I have to admit that is very impressive but even so, listening to your story I do feel that something does not feel right. Can I ask if you have been happy - at least up to the point where he lost his job?"

"I had no right not to be happy. After all I had got everything that I always wanted - a successful handsome husband, (he really was handsome when I met him - actually he still is). I had a lovely house and two healthy contented children and all the time in the world. What more could any woman want?"

"Happiness? I do get the impression that even with all that, there was something missing" Trevor said thoughtfully. "Without trying to pry, what was your personal life like?"

"Sex you mean? The sex was marvellous, fantastic. Peter brought the same energy, inventiveness and enthusiasm to bed that was so evident in everything that he did. He might be away all day, arrive home two hours late and then after dinner spend hours on his PC. Many days I hardly saw him until he came to bed - but when he did he blew my mind." Tears flooded into Claire's eyes. "No - I wasn't happy" she said "But I didn't realise that until it all stopped when Peter lost his job."

Unable to think of any suitable comforting words, Trevor just reached across the table and rested his hand lightly on top of hers.

"I am making it sound far worse than it was. I don't want to give the impression that I have suffered twenty years of unhappiness because there were times which were very happy - particularly when the children were small. Oh yes, I was very happy then. It was my little world and the children were all mine - they were too young for Peter to find interesting - or try to impress. It was only when both of them had started school that I first started feeling lonely being on my own for large parts of the day."

"Why didn't you get a small job?"

"I wanted to but Peter wouldn't hear of it. 'Do you want people to think that I cannot support my family without you needing to work,' he said and that was the end of the matter. I tried to point out that it was not a matter of money and that I just wanted something to occupy me during the day. 'Then do charity work - there are at least half a dozen committees in this area that I know of. I bet that any one of them would snap you up.' my husband always had a ready answer for everything. I did argue that I would prefer to get my hands dirty and I could imagine doing good work in a hospice or with battered wives, or deprived children. His answer to that was 'Those kinds of people prefer to be looked after by their own kind - you can do far more good in administration and organisation.' Well I did take his advice but it didn't work out. I found that the people that I came in contact with were committee members first and charity workers a long way second. It was just a lot of interminable talking with all of them competing to massage their own self importance."