tagGay MaleCocklust Ch. 14

Cocklust Ch. 14


That week, we put our other sex toys to good use. Chad was partial to the anal wand; he made me fuck him with it a half-dozen times, in a half-dozen different ways. Personally, I was more into masturbators myself, especially when used in conjunction with a cock ring.

We both liked the dildos, which were still getting plenty of action. We especially liked to do what we called an instant flip: I would bottom for Chad while at the same time fucking him with his dildo, or vice versa. It was pretty hot to think we could each have the other's dick inside of us at once.

Chad also stopped wearing underwear, and he started wearing a jockstrap instead. Nobody knew about it but me, yet he wore it all over campus. It got me hard just thinking about it: I loved knowing that his butt was freely bouncing around in his pants, while his package was safely secured.

Of course, when we were alone, I took fiendish delight in peeling his clothes off. The strap looked particularly sexy when it was the only thing he was still wearing. I especially loved being able to fuck him with the strap still in place.

By that point we were practically inseparable, even more so than before. Since I had access to his place— in the form of the frat house— I knew it was high time he had access to mine. So I gave him my spare key, and he immediately put it to good use. He brought an extra toothbrush that night, and over the course of that week, he brought over more and more of his stuff. By the weekend, he had so much stuff at my place that there were was no more walk of shame.

That was also when Chad started growing out his beard. I didn't like it at first, because the longer his stubble got, the itchier it was. I actually avoided kissing him for a while, at least on the lips. But once his beard filled in, the itchiness went away, and I found I really liked it. It made him look that much more manly, which was especially hot when he was getting pounded.

With each day that went by, I learned new things about him, like the fact that he was farsighted. He could usually get by without glasses, but he did wear them if he had to stare at a screen for long hours. His glasses were designer, so they made him look cute and sophisticated. I asked him to wear them more often, but he wouldn't.

Some of his quirks did exasperate me. Whenever he came home— either to his place or mine— he'd drop his stuff in the middle of the floor, where I'd always trip over it. He was totally disorganized too, so even if he just needed a pencil, he'd need to go hunting for one. He spent so much time rummaging through his things that I wondered how he ever got anything done.

At the same time, some of my own habits drove him nuts too. Apparently I bit down on my fork when I ate. No one had ever complained to me about that, but Chad kept bringing it up, so I started getting self-conscious.

"Just use your my lips," he said at lunch one day, "not your teeth. Like you're giving a blowjob."

"That's a helluva way to put it," I said.

"Here, let me show you." Then he climbed under my table, pulled down my pants, and wrapped his mouth around my pole.

"Oh shit," I said. I could hardly see what Chad was doing, but I sure as hell could feel it. He was an expert at using the soft parts of his mouth: he ran his tongue around my cockhead, and he slid his lips down my shaft. Then he started bobbing up and down, and he sucked me as hard as he could.

"Mm," he said between slurps. Then he took his mouth off me and started jerking me off. "God, I love this. You've got the hottest fucking dick...."

"More like the hottest fucking boyfriend," I said.

Chad seemed to love when I talked to him that way. He went right back to sucking my cock; he stroked the base of my shaft with one hand, and he played with my balls with the other. His grip was strong enough to feel manly, yet tender enough to be pleasurable— which was exactly how I wanted it.

"Baby," I said, "I'm getting close."

Chad didn't miss a beat. He kept right on sucking like his life depended on it. I felt his tongue against my pee hole, and at that point I couldn't hold back.

"Oh shit!" I gasped as I busted in his mouth.

Chad kept going till my dick finished shooting. Then I felt his throat contract as he swallowed. He kept stroking himself as he did it, and I could tell he was about to bust himself.

I didn't want Chad's load to go to waste, so I joined him under the table, and I put my mouth on his cock. It only took a few seconds before he let off a grunt. The next thing I knew, I had a mouthful of sperm.

"Oh fuck yeah," he said as his orgasm died down. Then he finally let out a deep breath.

I gulped down his cum, then moved up to his face, and I gave him a salty kiss. "Did I pass the test?" I asked.

"What test?"

"About not using my teeth."

"Oh. That." He grinned. "You got me distracted."

"I didn't hear you complain."

"That's because I didn't," he said as he gave me one last kiss.

I'd assumed our coming out was behind us, but it turned out it wasn't. I'd never noticed how many people assumed we were straight. We kept getting asked about girls, often in passing, from people who didn't have a clue. A couple of dudes found out we were Kap Eps, and they immediately asked us which sororities were hottest, and what the girls were like in bed. One professor even said something in class; she asked a few girls about their boyfriends, and boys about their girlfriends, without giving it a second thought.

I didn't usually say anything, but that only made the awkwardness worse, since it made me feel like I was back in the closet. The alternative was to keep coming out over and over again, like I was caught in Groundhog Day or something.

One night I was writing a paper when my phone rang. I assumed it was Chad, so I answered the phone without checking the caller ID. "Hey," was the only thing I said.

A split second later, I realized it was my ex. "What is this I hear about you being gay?"

I was tongue-tied for a second, but then I forced out some words. "I-I dunno," I said. "I mean, who the hell told you that?"

"Fucking Kevin," she said, "who heard it from your mom."

I gritted my teeth. I'd never given Mom permission to tell anyone. "What the hell?"

"'What the hell' is right," Erica said. "She ran into him at the grocery store, and he asked what you were up to, that's the answer he gets?"

"Oh for shit's sake—"

"Are you trying to deny it?"

I paused. "Well no—"

"Is that why you broke up with me?"

"No," I said. "Back then I didn't know."

"How could you not know? I always knew I was attracted to guys—"

"It's not that simple."

"Were you thinking of guys when you were having sex with me?"

I debated how to answer. I had to admit I'd fantasized a little, not about gay sex per se, but definitely about orgies and stuff. The more I looked back on it, the more obvious it was that sex with her had never been that great. But I bit my lip.

"Okay," she said before I'd had a chance to respond. "That's all I needed to know."

"Now listen—"

"You broke my heart, you asshole!" She was half-crying, half-yelling through the phone. "I wasted three years of my life on you! I swore I was going to get married to you, and have kids and everything—"

"Wait a minute. When did I ever agree to that?"

"Junior prom," she said. "Remember how you took me out to the river?"

"I didn't exactly propose to you."

"You sure as hell made it sound like we had a future. You were talking a big game about being a hotshot lawyer—"

"Uh yeah, about that—"

"Now my mom is sick, probably dying, and the man I loved is gay."

"Wait a minute—"

"What am I supposed to do now?"

"Look," I said. "I'm sorry about your mom."

"No you're not," she said. "You just want one more excuse to kick me while I'm down."

"Kick you while you're down?" I said. "I didn't choose to be gay. Not that I'm complaining or whatever, it's just... well, if I had to do it over again, I would've started dating guys in high school, which would've saved you the trouble. But you know what? I can't undo that shit, and neither can you."

Erica was silent for a moment. Then she cleared her throat. "I really cared about you," she said. "I even told Amy, the last time I saw her, I hoped we could figure things out—"

"Oh God," I said. "Is that seriously what you talked about? At Rosie's wedding?"

"Yeah. How'd you know about that?"

"It was all over my Facebook. Between Amy and Kevin and Johan—"

"You talk to Johan now? I thought you hated the guy."

Aw shit, I thought. I knew I'd said too much, but I tried to play it down. "He sent me a friend request," I said. "I figured what the hell."

"You know he's a cokehead now too?"


"Yeah. He was acting all weird at the reception. He was sweaty and jittery, and I saw white stuff on his nose."

I frowned. I didn't know what to make of that. I was tempted to call Johan about it, but I wasn't sure if I should. I just knew I needed to change the subject. "Sounds like that was a hell of a wedding."

"Yeah," she said, "that's one way of putting it."

"Anyway, I don't really know what to tell you," I said. "I mean... it wasn't easy for me to admit I was gay. But I got to be good with it, and you're gonna have to be too."

"Can you still say you loved me?"

"Erica, don't do this."

"Do what?"

"I have a boyfriend," I said. "You need to respect that."

"Is he anything like me?"

I debated how to answer. "Don't go there," I eventually said. "It wouldn't be fair to either of us."

"I still care about you, Scott. Even though we're not together anymore."

"I know that," I said. "And I care about you too. But you and I are never going to work out. So you're best off moving on." I felt bad even as I said it, but I knew it was true— and I knew there was nothing to be gained from beating around the bush.

Erica was silent at first. At first I thought we'd gotten cut off, but then I heard her let out a sigh.

"Listen, I gotta go," I said. "Take care of yourself, okay?"


"I hope your mom is all right... say hi to her, all right?"

"All right, thanks," she said, and then she hung up.

By then, my stomach was in knots. Her call seemed to have gotten under my skin in more ways than one. I wanted to talk to Chad, but I didn't know how to broach the topic, especially the part about Johan.

I didn't want to call Johan directly, so instead I checked his social media. I looked for any sign that he might be in trouble, but he hadn't posted much. Of course, I also knew he went on gay websites, so I also looked for him there. I felt like a bit of a troll, but I couldn't think of a better way to do this.

I ended up finding him on Vitruvian Men. He was still calling himself YoDude, and he was using the picture I remembered from Grindr. According to his profile page, he'd been using their forums for years, yet he only had a handful of posts. The most recent one was just entitled "Why":

I must be a lost cause. Why is it so fucking hard to meet guys? I'm lonely as fuck but all I can find is a meat market, and I only seem 2 attract assholes. i can never get someone i like to like me back. every guy I want to go for stops talking to me after they get to know me and won't even acknowledge my existence. I've gotten so paranoid about being abandoned that I am afraid to meet new people and then I fall into an awful cycle of self-hate.

I did hook up a couple times w/a dude I thought I liked. I actually knew him years ago, then found him on Grindr when he needed a quick fuck. I really liked it and wanted to keep doing it. I thought we could be bf's, but apparently now hes got a bf of his own & doesn't seem to want to talk to me?!? not sure why it bothers me so much. I mean, we were never a couple, so it shouldn't concern me! But I can't stop thinking how he's got someone & I don't, n its starting to drive me crazy, making me jealous and turning into a creepy obsession.

I just can't figure it out. I feel like I'm not hard on the eyes, but it doesn't seem like other ppl think so. Its so fucking pathetic. I dunno who in their right mind would ever love or have sex with me? I've never been in a long term rel & feel like I'm going to grow old alone. Nobody to share my life with. Fml...

I felt my blood pressure rise as I re-read the post. I was sure he was talking about me. Johan had no business complaining about me and Chad. Besides, he knew I was off at college, so even if I'd wanted to date him, it wouldn't have been easy. Even if we put that aside, did he think posting this shit would make him seem attractive?

I tried to gauge if Erica might be right, if Johan might really be on drugs. It was hard to tell from his posts, though he clearly had his share of issues. His other posts were just as self-pitying as this one; they all kept complaining about something or another. A bunch of people had responded to his posts, trying to reassure him. But he never seemed to respond back.

Part of me did feel bad for him, but I wasn't sure what to do. I needed to talk to someone, so I e-mailed Nick and Jay. By that point, we'd had struck up a pretty good rapport. They were the first gay guys I'd confided in on a totally platonic level. I felt like Chad and I needed more gay friends, and I figured Nick and Jay were a start, even if I only knew them online.

I had just finished typing up my message when I heard Chad's key in the door. I scrambled to hit "send" right before he stepped inside.

Chad clearly knew something was up. "What's wrong?" he asked.

"Nothing," I said as casually as I could. "Just... drama between some old friends."

"That sucks," he said. I hoped he was buying my story, but I couldn't quite tell. He just threw down his bag and plopped on my bed. I tried to brush off what I'd just found; I shut my laptop and joined Chad on the bed. But I didn't feel like doing anything— at least at that moment— so I just held him tight.

That Friday was my twenty-first birthday. I spent the day fielding tweets and texts, some of which were more sincere than others. My mom called me early that morning, which I appreciated, though I had other things on my mind.

"Mom," I said the first chance I got, "did you seriously tell Kevin about me?"

"Well yes," she said. "And I told my new hairdresser. It turns out he's gay too! He's fabulous, by the way. He gave me plenty of tips—"

"You're kind of missing my point."

"What— you mean about Kevin?"

"Well yeah."

"He said he hadn't heard from you in a while. I mean, I suppose that's a good thing, if I'm not the only one being kept in the dark—"

"Oh come on—"

"It's true. Why— did I embarrass you again?"

"Yes, actually, you did."

"What's to be embarrassed about? He's your friend. And now that you're out—"

"Mom, don't you get it? I want to be the one to tell people, and I want to do it when I'm ready. I didn't particularly want Erica to know, but... now it's too late."

"Well, I don't understand how this works," she said. "Am I not allowed to tell people what you're up to?"

"I didn't say that. But there's more to my life than being gay—"

"You mean like how you're thinking of changing majors too?"

"I-I... well yeah, I guess. But who cares about my major? Besides you and Dad—"

"A lot of people care about you, Scott. Especially on your birthday."

I sighed. "Just... just don't advertise this stuff, all right?"

"But Scott—"

"I mean, I'm cool with being gay," I said. "I just don't need to wave a rainbow flag or anything... and I don't need you to do it either."

Mom was silent for a moment. "All right," she finally said. "If you say so."

I had just gotten off the call, and was heading to class, when I got a text from Chad. It was a picture of him in the locker room, and it was unusually hot. He was wearing nothing but his gym shorts. His hair was wet, and it hung partway over his forehead. He had a come-hither look on his face, and he wrote: Here's a preview of coming attractions.

I scrambled to hide my phone. I was right in the middle of campus, and I didn't want anyone else to see it. I was annoyed at Chad at first, but then I realized I was pretty turned on. My dick was straining against my pants, although I tried to hide it.

I got to my classroom a few minutes early, so I discreetly checked my e-mail. I was still waiting for a response from Nick and Jay. But at that particular moment, there was nothing in my inbox— at least not beyond the usual crap.

I tried to focus on my class, but it was easier said than done, because Chad kept sending me more pictures. They were all of him at the gym, and each was naughtier than the one before. First his gym shorts disappeared, so he was just wearing his jockstrap. Then, in the next picture, he had his back to the camera with his bare ass on display. A picture or two later, his cock peeked out from behind the elastic. Then his jockstrap came off, so he was fully nude. Then I got a close-up of his boyhole, in all its tasty glory.

I could hardly contain myself. Chad knew just what to do to get me horned up. He knew I'd been fantasizing about locker room sex, and he knew I'd get excited over pictures like that. I was tempted to jack off the first chance I got. But I wanted to save my cum for that night, so I stayed on my best behavior. I knew Chad was also in class at that moment, so he had to be texting from inside his classroom. Part of me didn't like that idea, but another part loved how dirty it was.

I finally got to see him late that afternoon. He picked me up from my last class, and by that point I was dying to fuck him. We locked lips in the car, and my hand went straight for his crotch.

"Woah," he said. "Easy, boy!"

"It's your fault," I said. "After all that sexting you did—"

"I figured you'd be into that. Except you never sexted me back."

"What did you expect me to do? Drop trou in the middle of a lecture?"

Chad wrapped his arm around me. "I'm just saying... you have a lot more naked pictures of me than I have of you."

"Okay," I said, "so maybe we need to remedy that."

"Maybe we do," he said. "But first things first. It is my boyfriend's birthday."

I assumed he was taking me to buy liquor, or maybe go to a cheap bar, but Chad wouldn't hear of it. He insisted on making it a nice date, albeit one that would be up my alley.

He took me to a place called the Riedegost Ale House. It was in one of those old brick buildings that was now super-trendy. The waitstaff were basically hipsters. The drink menus were all on chalkboards, including kinds of beer I'd never heard of before. "Now," Chad said, "I know you're not one for shitty beer, so let me show you the good stuff."

"So you're a beer expert now?"

"Remember, I'm from San Diego."

"What the hell does that mean?"

"You'll find out soon enough."

I nodded, and I thought of the Christmas break to come. "Do you still think that's a good idea?" I asked. "I mean, with your family and all—"

"I told you, my dad will be gone when we're there. He's the one to be worried about."

"I know, but...." I took a deep breath. "You don't think it'll be awkward?"

"Listen," he said, "it was awkward last summer. Back when I was hiding what was up. Fuck if I'm going to back to that shit."

"But what about your mom? Or your brother?"

"They already know about you. And no, I don't think they're gonna be weird about it."

"Yeah, well, I thought the same thing about the Kap Eps... before Brody freaked out."

"I don't give a shit about Brody," he said, "and you shouldn't either. He's an entitled little dumbass, and he can go fuck himself for all I care." He fiddled with his coaster. "Anyway, my family may have issues... but at least they're not like that."

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