After a gay friend of mine recently professed his love for me (when I posted that chocolate male nude for Easter on Facebook), I got a flash of inspiration one lazy Sunday afternoon. I imagined that for my friend's birthday, I could go one better and actually make a chocolate penis, with a little help from my new boyfriend and write about the adventure of creating it. Oh, I admit this gift was going to be more fun for me than for the birthday boy, but he was the inspiration for what I thought would be a really fun and kinky way to create a unique gift.
My idea was to get a do-it-yourself kit, then write about my efforts to achieve the desired outcome. Maybe I could show him a picture as his birthday gift over which to jealously drool, or at least make him laugh. I went ahead and took said boyfriend, Shaun, down to the local Naughty But Nice Super Store the following night after dinner. Together we bought a "Clone-a-Willy" kit much like those available on Amazon. (I would show you the one I bought, but it is now all chocolate, tear... well, let's just say stained.) Yes, tear-stained; throughout the process we laughed until tears rolled down our cheeks, cried in frustration, and perhaps got a bit carried away with our fun (well his fun and my punishments, wink!). If any reader thinks that this process could be purely sexy time fun, think again my friends! To get the desired outcome, rather than being a fun project it became more of a scientific experiment that hinged- on precise timing and a little good fortune.
So we started by unwrapping the "Clone-A-Willie Kit" cylinder and emptying out the contents on the kitchen counter. Shaun snatched up the directions before I could even take in the bits and pieces spilled all over the bench I guess if he was going to put his favourite body part into plastic tubing and pour some sort of moulding clay over the top of it, he might have a right to be nervous.) Shaun proceeded to carefully read the directions; guessing that there would be several blow jobs in this deal for him, he agreed. However, to my chagrin he took away my phone and camera so no photos could be taken of him or his manhood submitting to my devilish plans (So much for my plans to fully document the process, using multiple visual aids!).
After we read the directions we found that the first step was to cut the plastic tubing to the required size of his erect penis. Happily looking forward to a night of blowjobs and teasing, Shaun quite happily nuded up, (or should that be down?), and I eagerly began blow job number one.
This is where things started going a bit pear shaped for him; I had to stop, measure, start again, stop, and measure. I made sure I got all the markings right, although the sight of Shaun's penis disappearing into a piece of cold plastic tubing (instead of my mouth) was in no way appealing to him. Once I started again I kept stopping because I wanted to be sure he was the show-er I believed him to be (and not a grow-er in the end stages). By this time he was beyond frustrated, and we didn't get much else done with the kit that night except for the markings on the tubing (which led to a decent number of markings on my ass as well).
Being on a fixed time frame to get this done (so I would have time to write this "How to..." without it becoming a "How not to..."), when we next got together, I was ready. I had practically memorised the instructions. I had various jugs, bowls, a cooking thermometer, and a range of other bits and pieces which would come in handy, all laying over the entire breadth of the kitchen bench. Unless I moved super-fast, this was going to be impossible. However, always up for a challenge, I played to Shaun's known weaknesses, engaging in some creative foreplay and making several promises regarding weekend play dates with rope, (But that's a whole other story). Finally the mood was set. I was bumping and grinding, shaking my ass all over the place as I mixed the moulding powder with the warm water. I then shoved the thermometer into the mixture to ensure the right temperature, but by the time I got back to where he sat things weren't as shored up as when I had left them.
Since this is a time sensitive precision experiment, I gauged that I had a little over a minute to reset his erection to full mast and place the tubing. I practically dove onto his cock headfirst, sucking like I was starving. It wasn't a hard feat to accomplish but by the time I was satisfied with his glorious staff standing proudly before me, and I had the tubing in place, the moulding goop had begun to set. He couldn't properly get his cock in there! I was so disappointed I could have cried; all Shaun could do was laugh.
Shaun took control of the experiment at this point, not wanting to go through yet another night of zero results. Bringing everything we needed over to the coffee table, he took a seat. I began to blow him again after cleaning him up from the first attempt. As I helped his cock regain its former glory, he mixed the remaining powder with the warm water, stirring it until it sufficiently cooled to allow for pouring it into the tubing (He would not allow any damage to his cock!). All during this time, he gleefully reminded me about my promises to willingly and cheerfully act as a living model for him to practice his Shibari skills. I refrained from groaning as I envisioned being held captive for tedious hours so he could create intricate and pretty knots to bind me in some sort of web. It wouldn't be so bad if there was more teasing and foreplay during the process. It would also be better if I wasn't more than a little hyperactive; staying still and focused for hours at a time has always been difficult for me.
Shaun finally tapped me on the shoulder and I pulled my mouth off him. We then covered him with the moulding goop filled tubing. Now I don't speak for everyone, but it's rare to find a perfectly straight cock. As far as I could tell his was, but we quickly had to rotate the tubing to ensure full coverage. It seemed there was a slight bend to his cock that I had never noticed before.
It only took minutes for poor Shaun to shrink down and be able to pull the mould off his cock; it made the funniest sound when he extricated himself. The not-quite-a-bodily noise that resulted reminded me of those small containers of slime from childhood, the kind that if one rammed a finger into it, a strange farting noise resulted. I carefully took the tubing from him, as he made sure his manhood was fully intact and unharmed. I then raced over to the fridge and shoved the completed mould inside to set. Exceedingly happy that I had a decent moulding from which to cast the chocolate delicacies, I handsomely rewarded Shaun and his cock for their participation in my writing (and scientific) experimentation.
The following evening I set about completing the creation of my chocolate cock, or 'cocklate' as I have come to call it. With ingredients and equipment again all laid out on the bench, I was poised to begin, only to be interrupted by my sister (Most readers who know me know I live with her). She entered the room and quickly became excited, thinking I was making some of my (only in my family) famous chocolate truffles ahead of the Easter holiday. When I explained what I was doing, she screwed up her face and yelled in a loud voice, "I told you I don't want to know about your kinky shit!" (She had never quite recovered from going into my toy chest one day in search of batteries).
All I could do was laugh, but she left me alone to do my thing in the kitchen, unhindered. It took me only minutes to return the mould back to the fridge, where my sister quickly quarantined it behind bottles of wine, explaining that the alcohol would kill any germs (yes sarcasm on her part, not dumb-assery).
Now here is the kicker to my story. Once unmoulded, the result of my experiment looked great! It stood yummy, and all kinds of wonderful, if not exactly like the genuine article. Shaun, though, was horrified by the sight of his cock in all its cocklate glory. His words to me at that point, "If you post a picture of that on the web, there will be pictures of my Shibari results going live to all my friends." Suffice it to say, there are no photos available at this point but, there are a few good reviews on the web, showing quite a variety of finished products.
Happy Birthday my friend, and happy Easter to all who celebrate it! If not there is certainly a chocolate day somewhere in the world which can be celebrated with a cocklate!