Coconut Oil Pt. 01

Although she was wearing shades, I could sense the condescending look from the way her nose was scrunched up. The look simply said that the notion of pool recreation was too ridiculous to even consider for a trip to Alaska. I had my own suspicions that this flippancy was really a façade for her body insecurity. I had seen the Cosmo magazines on her dresser and knew they made her feel fat. The reality was that the rising star accountant oozed a visceral sexuality that was unparalleled by her female counterparts.

"I think I'm gonna pass. I should really get my clothes sorted."

"Come on, let's just check out the area. We don't have to go in."

She stood up straight and turned away from the railing.

"We have seven days. What's the rush?"

I considered a different approach.

"They have a poolside bar. Let's grab some cocktails."

This resonated more profoundly in her mind. As she stepped inside to look in the mirror from under her shades, she ran the fabric of her frock in between her fingers.

"You do NOT need to change, Kelly. Time to bust a move," I clapped.

***

We had a couple of cocktails at the glacier themed bar and then took the last round with us to walk around. A few isolated families frolicked in the salt-water pool with some wave action as the cruise ship entered the open ocean. We made our way toward the mini-golf and found two isolated clubs and balls. The combination of the waves and alcohol made the otherwise vanilla course rather challenging. After some trial and error, Kelly sank a hole-in-one despite the windmill's preemptive efforts. She leaped up in the air and we embraced in a "double-high-five". Her chest felt like heaven against mine and I closed my eyes to bask in the feeling.

"I wish that club worked as well for me," said a European voice.

Startled, we relinquished our embrace. A well-dressed gentleman in his mid to late thirties stood on the lowest step of the staircase that led up to the Captain's nest, an exclusive area guarded by security twenty-four/seven. Beside him stood a much shorter man who only appeared to be the same height because he was one step higher. They were similarly dressed in navy-blue sport jackets and khakis.

I addressed them. "Sorry, we didn't think anyone was still here. Please don't let us interrupt your game."

The taller one ignored this and introduced himself as Sergio. His comrade was Marco. Like us, they were vacationing on this cruise. Unlike us, they were receiving VIP treatment due to their connections with the man in control of our ship, Captain Sarno. Previously, they had all been co-workers on the same Italian cruise line. After Sarno jumped ship, he landed in the US but still kept in touch.

Upon learning of their high status, Kelly's bubbliness manifested itself in an almost embarrassing fashion. She giggled at their witticisms on and off cue. Within seconds, Sergio helped her put on his jacket and now Marco was letting her wear his captain's hat. Without making eye contact with me, Marco handed me a camera and the two Italians sandwiched Kelly on either side. As I was about to click, she kissed Sergio on the cheek. They all laughed. Now Marco felt left out, so I was forced to take a picture of her lips on his cheek. And the finale features both captains kissing Kelly's cheeks while she gazed toward the sky and blew a kiss. The joy I felt from our embrace only minutes ago had dissipated into despair.

Sergio's arm fell around her bare shoulder as he showed her pictures of his Italian villa on the camera. I watched his hand closely as it drooped ever closer to Kelly's very full breasts.

I cleared my throat several times in an attempt to excuse us but for some reason I couldn't get the words out. It wasn't until Marco interrupted Sergio with a message from his walkie-talkie that I was able to grab Kelly's hand and whisk her away from the two gentlemen. She did not let go the entire walk back to our suite.

Chapter 6

That evening we were slated to have dinner during the later session which began at 8:30pm. Kelly wore heels and once again took my hand as we made our way to our six-person table with a sea view. I could get use to the whole boyfriend/girlfriend experience, I thought, even if it was just junior high school level. Her black evening gown was more elegant than the yellow sundress that she wore earlier. When Kelly bent forward, one could enjoy the view of some decent cleavage left exposed by her plunging neck line. Across from us sat a couple not much older than us. The other two seats were empty, as I had advised the desk that we would have two extra people joining us. This of course was to complete the illusion that Claire and her gay brother were intended to be sitting with us once upon a time.

The other female at the table was beaming. She introduced herself as Jess from Baton Rouge, Louisiana. She was on the cruise with her fiancée Clint. As she said "fiancée" she lent her hand to Kelly. Her jewelry taste as a whole was gaudy and her rock was erring on the side of ostentation. Clint, who appeared to be more the strong silent type, was a passive participant during the dinner.

"So where ya'll from?" Jess asked as she played with her necklace. The southern belle sat with an erect posture so that her breasts, which may or may not have been real, were in our face.

"We work together in NY" Kelly responded before I could say anything. "We are with one of the "Big Four" accounting firms."

Jess stared at Kelly's hand which was bare and nodded. She clearly had no idea what "Big Four" referred to.

"So how long have you and Kelly been together?" Jess's face, as she said this, conveyed a friendliness but also showed a certain friskiness. If the friskiness could talk it would say "I might speak slack-jaw but I wasn't born yesterday."

Before Kelly could answer I opened my mouth. "We've worked together for the last three years but this is actually our first trip together. It's my first time going further north than Maine so I'm pretty psyched."

Jess's eyes narrowed as she contemplated this. After a few seconds of silence she piped up and continued "Well, ya'll are welcome to come down to Louisiana. We'll go huntin' for giant swamp rats in Lake Pontchartrain on Clint's brother's boat. I don't suppose you have vacation time off in February for Mardi Gras but if you do..."

I directed my attention to Jess's robust man, Clint. He carried more than a few extra pounds and appeared to be bald underneath his fedora. No, he didn't watch the NFL but bled purple and yellow. Both he and Jess were LSU alumns. After a brief rush of excitement in explaining this, Clint ordered another round of fried haddock and the silence resumed.

Jess waited for the waiter to disappear and then whispered something to Clint. He mumbled something unintelligible and then she reached for a thermos underneath the table. She poured it into her iced tea.

"Clint and I read on Tripadvisor that these cruise liners let you bring alcohol on board so long as you're discrete. I got some Jack in the orange Nalgene bottle, 80 proof vodka in the green. Help yourselves." Her smile was inviting but we declined.

"Well, I just think you two make the loveliest couple," Jess rejoiced. "I was never in an interracial relationship... Well, that's not true if you count my trainer Tyrone who I-". Clint looked up from his plate and silenced his fiancée with his stark countenance.

Still twirling her necklace, Jess gained her composure back. "What I mean is that you two are gonna have really good looking babies!" She nudged Clint and giggled when she said "babies" but he did not react. She managed to get a laugh out of me as well as we shared eye contact. I was warming up to our party of four.

Kelly took a longer drink of Pinot Noir than she usually would. She had become detached from the conversation and stared out the window. By this point it was 9:30pm, but because of the high latitude and the season the sun would not set for another hour. The Pacific Ocean was a beautiful expanse of nothing.

Ever emboldened by my smile, Jess decided to use her enthusiasm to engage Kelly.

"I LOVE your dress, Kelly!"

After several failed attempts to find similarities in fashion tastes, designers, and stores, the two women settled for general complements.

"...And please don't mind me saying this, but your breasts are just FAN-TASTIC! " Clint dropped his fork and looked up as he heard this. "I have an Asian friend, she isn't as pretty as you, but she is a tiny thing. She is as flat as a board! I always thought most Asians were, but you're a healthy one."

All three of us simultaneously looked at my co-worker's chest. She hugged herself in self-conscious discomfort. Feeling vicarious pride, my inhibitions slid and I surprised myself .

"Yeah, those things almost got her a free pass to the Captain's Nest today."

Kelly's eyes bulged out of her head as her face turned crimson and I regretted the words.

"Well, we have yoga in the morning so we're gonna hit the sack. Clint baby, get the check."

In a slow, nasally drawl Clint articulated "The meal's included. This is a cruise."

"The Pinot is our treat . Don't worry about it," I added. And apparently Clint hadn't as he straightened his belt and propelled himself out of his seat one roll at a time.

***

I was sitting in the living room of our suite reading about Caribbean Stud Poker. The ship's casino was in full swing at this hour but I was having trouble psyching myself up. Much to my dismay Kelly, had not taken my hand when I offered it on the way back to our suite. She wouldn't even make eye contact with me. I casted sideways glances at her as she rummaged through her suitcases.

"Everything ok?"

"Yeah, just trying to find last quarter's spreadsheets. I am using them for reference in my reports that are going to senior management when I get back."

"Do you EVER stop thinking about work!?"

I exclaimed this with a friendly enough demeanor but she barely cracked a smile. She was wearing her "Scranton Class of 2004" tee-shirt and kneeling down on the rug in her high school track shorts. With one hand, she combed her hair back as she stared at a paper in mock concentration.

"Seriously Kel, is everything ok?"

"Yeah, I'm just busy with work."

"Kel... " I pleaded.

"Those things?", Kelly inflected as she slammed her suitcase and walked towards her bedroom.

Shit.

"Is that how you see me, Ian?" she accused while keeping her back to me. That girl with those THINGS?"

"Fuck, Kelly I am sorry that came out wrong. I didn't mean it like that. All of Jess's talking just got me saying things. I don't know."

"Oh, so it's a stranger's fault that you objectify me like that." Her hands were now on her hips as she glared at me with righteous indignation. She walked back to her suitcase to get nothing at all, and slammed it again with a look of annoyance.

"No, no. I am not objectifying you I... I don't know", I stammered while trying to keep my eyes off her bulging t-shirt in hypocritical failure. Digging myself into a deeper hole I expressed that "I thought it would lend levity to the situation."

Kelly stared at me in perplexed delirium. "Let me get this straight. You thought that by bringing attention to something that you know I'm self-conscious about, you would make the already awkward table talk even more comfortable? By suggesting that I had nothing else to offer those two captains other than my body? How did you think that would make me feel , Ian?" She looked like she was going to cry.

I tried to reason with her but was denied.

"No, you listen to me Ian. You have NO idea what it's like being me. NO IDEA. My parents were immigrants from Beijing and had NOTHING. I slept on a cot my entire childhood. My weekends were spent helping my dad sell Coach bag rip-offs in Chinatown Manhattan. I learned everything about American life through trial and error. I studied my ass off four years at Stanford, graduated summa cum laude, worked two jobs in school to pay my own tuition. I worked and continue to work just as hard as you, I promise. But for my whole life all my accomplishments were basically accredited to me being Asian. As if everything just stemmed naturally from my slanted eyes. You got some numbers to crunch? Give it to Kelly, she will stay the weekend. Hell, you probably made her weekend!"

I stood open-mouthed at her. I had never seen Kelly open herself up like this before.

She continued. "...and after going through all of that... just to be measured like you're some sort of meat? Do you know how insulting that is? Do you have any idea of what that does to my psyche?"

I shook my head. It was clear that this had been pent up for some time and that I was the fortuitous recipient of this monologue. The lone winner of this Russian Roulette. As I gave her more of my undivided attention she began to use her hands more emphatically to make her points.

"I have large breasts. I knew that when I ran track in high school and would get back pain on my cot every night. I know that every day in the office when I'm at the water cooler and every guy stops talking. I can trace your eyes looking down at my chest when you talk to me, do you realize how painfully obvious it is?"

I got up from my chair and sat next to her in an attempt to comfort her.

She was not done and pushed me away. "I got married young, made all the right moves, and for what? So I could afford a house in an overpriced, pretentious town that I never even see during daylight? I am thirty years old, work seventy hours a week, haven't seen the inside of a gym in months, and get absolutely no respect for it. My bosses talk to me like I'm a little school girl and ogle me. And then there's my husband who has the opposite problem and won't even look at me naked. He hasn't touched me in-".

She stopped her thought but then continued. "And my best friend talks about me to strangers like I'm some sort of farm animal." And the tears flowed.

I felt absolutely lower than shit. I had never before actually been paralyzed but the level of shame I was experiencing was so extreme that I couldn't feel anything below my waist. I took a few seconds to control my breathing and re-gain the blood-flow to my lower extremities. Grabbing her hand, I waited for her grip to soften. When it melted into mine, I continued.

"Kelly, I am not about to say this because I feel guilty. Or because I feel like it's the right thing to do. I am about to say this because it's the way I really feel."

The physical signs of her breathing were still noticeable but had slowed down. Her mascara was runny but the sobbing was no longer audible.

"You are the most important person in my life. I care more about you than I have ever cared about anyone ever before. I would do anything, ANYTHING, to make you feel better. All I want is to see you smile again.

At that moment I felt as if there was a fire in my soul that I needed to extinguish one word at a time. I imagine that my facial expression was that shared by many historical men who at one point or another were acting on inspiration to change history. Kelly didn't make direct eye contact with me but instead alternated between the general area of my face and an imaginary man standing on my left shoulder.

"You are amazing. An incredibly beautiful person on the inside and out. I could not imagine my life without you in it, Kelly."

As I was stating all of this my face had grown closer to hers on the couch. We breathed in unison. I stared at her right eye, then left, then mouth. I moved closer. I re-traced this triangular gaze tilting my head ever-so-slightly and gradually closing my eyes. Whether she consciously meant to do this as well or subconsciously mirrored me, I did not care as our lips brushed for the first time.

Time had stopped. The rest of the universe temporarily dimmed. To even say that a kiss existed would not be entirely accurate. With the elimination of all the extraneous, a delicious taste of what might be described as "being complete" overwhelmed me. A sentiment that had previously only been a vague notion from story-books and fairytales had now graced my reality.

We maintained our lips together again and I put my hand on her cheek tenderly. After twenty seconds of this preliminary touch, my tongue hinted for her lips to open. Three prods along her closed mouth were enough to entice this. Our insatiable mouths could not make up for three years of pent-up frustration in just a few seconds, but by god did we try.

It began with a typical French-kiss. The traditional pressing of lips then resolved into more of a sucking action as our tongues collided. One this rhythm became too rudimentary, I froze my lips and wiggled my tongue back and forth against hers. At first she was passive recipient of this lathering. She then grew accustomed to the neat feeling and became a willing participant. I tasted the pinot noir on her tonsils. It was I who broke the kiss.

I caught my breath. "So this is really happening."

"It shouldn't be," she said to the imaginary man on my shoulder.

And with that, I pulled her body on top of mine and resumed the kissing on the couch. I closed my eyes and reverted back to the days of my childhood as the sexual feelings of her covered breasts fused with this sense of complete comfort I had been forever yearning for. We kissed slowly and sensually and my groping was limited to her back. Seconds turned into minutes and soon I felt as if my life had not existed before this embrace. Finally, we mutually came to a stop and just stared at each other.

"What are you thinking?" she asked. Her tone was more relaxed now that I had made no further advances and she felt more in control.

"I have feelings for you," I said as I ran a strand of her hair through my hand.

"I know you do."

"That's all you have to say?"

I secretly hoped it really was. Any response other than "yes" or ensuing silence would undoubtedly re-introduce the extraneous into our precious bubble of completeness. A response of "I do too" would undoubtedly be followed by a "but".

"You know it's not that simple, Ian. I'm a married woman. And we're co-workers." She combed my hair with her hand now.

"I know... I know."

We lay together in each other's arms and fell asleep with the sound of waves pounding against us.

End of Part 1