- Fetish
- Coed Ch. 01
- Page 2
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Click here"Ok people this is what you have to work on. To be handed in at the next class." Their teacher announced ending the class with. "Well that's it for today."
The students drifted out into the hallway and went their different ways.
Pam and Richard strolled out of the college hand in hand to the parking lot. Getting into his car they dropped their books on the back seat. Pam slid over close to Rick and he put his arm around her shoulders.
"Can you drive over to my dorm please Rick, now." Pam said upset about something.
"Ok. What would you like to do later? Want to have Chinese food for supper maybe."
"Not now Rick. Sorry but its that rotten time of each month I'm afraid." Pam said as Rick drove to her dorm.
"Ok sweet thing, give a call later. After I drop you off I'm going straight home ok."
Rick stopped outside of Pam's building, she got out and ran straight into the building and was gone.
- COMMENTS
drsaltabout 17 years agoYou asked for comments. Here are mine.
You have a poor grasp of grammar. A sentence has, at minimum, a subject and a verb. "Rick spoke.", etc.
Your writing seems to assume that the reader already knows what's in your characters' heads. We don't know that. As the author, it's your job to find a way to tell us. It's a mistake a lot of writers make.
I couldn't finish the whole story. In fact I couldn't finish the first page because it was too confusing. The story may have a viable 'leg to stand on', but I don't know. It was too painful to try to read it.
Rewrite it, or find an editor to help you.
