Coffee for Two

She stepped up to the counter and placed her order: A small hot chocolate and a regular long black. Sweeping a loose tendril of hair off her forehead, she counted the correct change in to her palm, and placed the coins in to the outstretched hand of the barista.

Glancing around the coffee house she watched happy families chat over scones, small children spill warm milk, friends laugh and embrace. She had not visited this coffee house in some time but it seemed poignant that she was here today of all days. The rich smell of roasted beans and grinds wafted through her senses, and she shuddered involuntarily.

Her name was called, and she gathered her drinks in their cardboard carrier. She smiled a thank you at the young girl behind the counter and turned to exit the shop, stepping out in to a sunny but cool Autumn afternoon.

***

The tyres of her car crunched on the gravel as she slowly pulled in to a parking spot. Switching off the ignition she sat quietly for a moment, the drinks warm in her lap, before looking out the window. She spotted him. He was exactly where she knew he would be.

Her feet felt like lead as she stepped from the car. She didn't want to be here. Not today. But she knew, vividly, that this was exactly where she should be. She closed the door behind her with a small click.

Small stones kicked out from under her feet as she made her way over to him. Stepping on to the grass she felt a weight lift from her. The soft ground giving way under her soothed her. She smiled lightly. She stopped before she reached him and looked to the right; The beautiful Tasman sea, sparkling like a diamond in the Autumn sun, stretched out as far as the eye could see.

She turned to her left; The lower half of her precious mountain shrouded in cloud, but more importantly, the upper peaks visible, looming over them, pointing towards the sky like an arrow head. Sparse snow shone white against the craggy rocks below. The expanse of ranges reached wide like a trail of humble servants to their king, the mountain.

Finally, she glanced at him. She placed one foot in front of the other until she stood before him. Her first love. Her father.

She sat next to him on the soft grass and tucked her legs beneath her. She placed his coffee in front of him and held her hot chocolate between her hands, blowing softly through the small hole in the lid. She looked up at him; His kind, sky-blue eyes glowing bright.

They sat in silence. She inhaled a shaky breath. Her fingers fiddled with the seam of the recycled paper cup. The cool wind whipped her dark ringlets around her face, and she didn't bother to adjust them. She closed her eyes as the first tear fell on to her cheek.

A butterfly flitted above them briefly before settling on a post nearby. She shielded her eyes from the sun and watched it momentarily. She turned back to her father and smiled.

She placed her cup on the grass beside her, pulled her knees up to her chin, and wrapped her arms around her shins. She didn't know what to say to him, how to start, where to begin. She felt like he already knew what she wanted to say without her having to vocalise it.

Instead of words, tears flowed freely. She rested her forehead on her knees and sobbed. She sobbed until her throat was raw, her nose ran, and her eyes were rimmed with red. She ached to feel his hand on her back, soothing her. She knew it would never come.

She lowered her legs and tucked them beneath her once more as she swept the cuff of her shirt across her tired eyes. She looked up at him through her haze of tears, his presence unchanged. She looked down at the flowers that were in front of him. Beautiful, she thought.

She reached over and swept her fingers across a faux rose, clearing a cobweb away. She stood up and stepped over to her father. She pressed her lips against the headstone, warmed by the sun. Her damp shirtsleeve became a makeshift cloth as she brushed dried lawn clippings from the base of the memorial. She polished the handsome photo of him, all blue eyes and wide smile, with the hem of her shirt.

She stepped back and read the bold white lettering beautifully stenciled above and below his image. The words she knew off the top of her head. The words she herself had written. She sighed, knowing the limited amount of words on stone could never do justice in describing the life and love of such an incredible man.

The ache rose in her throat once more. She swallowed it down as she always did when she had no time to feel. She blew small puffs of cool breath upwards towards her eyes, attempting to hide the fact that she had been crying from her small son at home who would inevitably ask why she was upset.

She picked up his full cup along with her own empty one. As she walked back to her car she glanced back one more time, her heart heavy. She didn't know when she would be back again. She carried him in her heart every day, and she saw him in the face of her son, but being there, where his bones lay, had a special kind of significance. To sit with him, even if he wasn't there in body. To just be with him again, if only for a moment.

"Bye, Dad," she whispered.