Cold, Cold, Heart

I believed in taking care of people, and Sarah had had a hard time and was trying to make a new life. Besides, I'd have to pay the bills anyway, so I figured she might as well keep her money and spend or save it, whatever she wanted.

We still made love or at least had passionate sex whenever I was home. She joined a health club to keep in shape. She met a few friends there and asked if it was all right for them to come and visit at the house when I wasn't there.

I trusted her and felt she needed some friends of her own so I agreed. I met them and they seemed to be ok. The one exception I told Sarah was there was to be no single guys at the house alone with her.

"Don't you trust me, Ray?" she asked.

"So far I trust you and I want to keep it that way. I don't trust any man alone with you. I know how young men are when they are alone with a good-looking women."

Sarah kissed me and promised that no men from the gym would ever be alone with her in our home. With that said we headed to the bedroom and had some much needed sex.

One day while I was at home I went to the store for a few groceries and ran into Trina. "Damn, you are still the most gorgeous woman I have ever seen."

Trina turned around and smiled when she saw it was me. She came over and gave me a hug. "Hi Ray, what brings you here?

"Milk and bread, plus I'm stalking you." I laughed. "Where's Joe?"

"Working late, as usual, so I thought I'd get out and get a few groceries and maybe a bite to eat."

"Mind if I go with you? Sarah's at one of her gym classes."

We got our groceries, put them in our cars and drove to a nice restaurant. We went in and ordered and talked for awhile. God, I loved being with her. I wished I could just take her away forever. I even told her so. She had to know that after all these years I still had strong feelings for her.

She laughed and told me I had had my chance but blew it.

I looked at her and asked when was that? She had chosen Joe, so I had stepped aside.

"Ray, I liked both you and Joe but wasn't sure which of you liked me. I decided the first to ask me to be their girl I would go with. Why didn't you fight for me? I liked you the best at the time but you never tried."

I told her the truth about the pact that Joe and I had made. How we promised never to go after the other's girlfriend. She just shook her head and called me an idiot.

"Ray, I have one more question I've always wanted answered but was afraid to ask you."

"Fire away."

"The one time we played strip poker. Remember, you and Diane, me and Joe in the motel room?"

"How could I ever forget? What do you want to know?"

"You stopped the game when I was about to take off my bra. You know Joe was touching Diane whenever he could, since she was three sheets to the wind. I was drunk enough that night that I probably would have given myself to you and you stopped it, why?"

"Because I loved you. There was nothing I wanted more than to be with you, but not under those circumstances. It would have killed you the next morning and I would have probably lost you as my best friend. Not to mention ruining two marriages."

"God, I'm so mad at you!"

"Me? What did I do?" I was confused.

"You didn't fight for me twenty-five years ago." She started crying.

"In my own defense, I didn't know you cared."

A song came over the restaurant's sound system. Was Hank Williams some kind of weird guardian angel?

You'll never know how much it hurts to see you sit and cry

You know you need and want my love yet you're afraid to try

Why do you run and hide from life, to try it just ain't smart

Why can't I free your doubtful mind and melt your cold, cold heart?

She wiped her tears and slapped my arm for making her cry, so she said. I told her I would always love and be there for her. She kissed me on the cheek as we left the restaurant. I was happy and yet sad to see her go.

After I got home I told Sarah I had met Trina and we had dinner since she wasn't home.

"You have always loved her haven't you, Ray? I can hear it in your voice when you mention her name. I'd be willing to bet that you cared more for her than you did for Diane. Am I right?"

I thought before answering. "I believe there are layers of love. Though some might not be as strong as others it is still love. Yes, I love Trina; we've been friends since the day we were born. I still love Diane and my kids. I love you, too, Sarah. If I didn't you wouldn't be living here. I believe there is room in one's heart to love more than one person. Now, how about you and I going into the bedroom and I'll show you how much I love you?"

The one thing I could say about Sarah is she was one hell of a sex partner. We started out having oral sex, then I lay on my back while she rode me. Damn, I love that position. I could stare at her face as she came and watch our juices flow down my cock.

Life was different for me after Sarah moved in. I didn't see as much of my family as I would have liked to. Probably had to do with Sarah's age but we did see them for birthdays and holidays. I hardly ever talked to my ex-wife; I knew she was really pissed about Sarah moving in, but she lost her right to an opinion when she divorced me.

There were a lot of times that I didn't truly trust Sarah, but of course I never told her so. I realized that we weren't married and I didn't own her but we did have an agreement to be monogamous.

We had a few arguments about her wanting to go out with some of her friends. I told her that I didn't care if she went out but if I ever found out that she was with dating other man, our friendship would end and she would be out of my life

****

I arrived in West Virginia and dropped off my truck. It was late so I docked it and headed for my sleeper cab. It was a lot cheaper sleeping in my cab than renting a room. I was dead tired from all the driving and then thinking about beating up Joe and telling Sarah she had to leave. I knew everyone was going to tell me, "I told you so."

Then I thought about Trina and how hurt she would be. Now I wished I had kicked his ass a little more. Maybe I would when I got back home. Right now I just wanted some sleep.

I woke in the morning, and found out they weren't going to empty my load for a few hours. I headed to the truck stop and took a quick shower and headed to the restaurant. I hung around the truck stop for awhile and went back over to see if my truck was emptied yet.

After moving my truck I went in the office and signed my papers and headed back to my truck. I was approached by two state troopers who came up to me and asked if I was Ray Harman.

"Yep! That's me. What can I do for you gentlemen?"

"Sir, do you know a Sarah Connors?"

"Yes, I do. Is there a problem?" I asked.

"What about a Joe Warne, do you know him?" asked the officer.

"Yes, of course I do. I beat his ass for fucking my girlfriend yesterday. What did the asshole do, call the cops? The sorry bastard."

They told me I was wanted for questioning for the murder of Sarah Connors and Joe Warne.

I was dumbfounded. "There must be some kind of mistake. I didn't kill anyone. I told you I kicked Joe's ass and he deserved it, but I never even touched Sarah."

"Mr. Harman, we need to take you back to the precinct. We ask that you come peacefully."

They led me to the back of the squad car. I kept telling them they were making a mistake but they just told me I could tell my story after we got to the station.

They did ask me if I had a handgun. They had searched me but found nothing.

"I have a registered handgun under my sleeper in a drawer. The permit to carry is also in the drawer." I tried to co-operate as much as I could.

I was totally shaken up; I had a hard time thinking straight. It's a freaky thing to be questioned by the police. They read me my rights and said I didn't have to say anything until I spoke with an attorney. I told them I didn't do anything wrong and wanted to tell them what really happened.

They took my handgun and carrying permit and put it in a plastic bag. I saw the one officer smell the barrel, probably checking to see it it had been fired recently.

"I haven't shot it for quite a few months. I probably need to clean it."

They took my statement and told me I would be transferred back to Ohio. The Ohio State patrol was already on their way to pick me up. They did let me call my dispatch so my truck could be looked after; after all, the cab was mine but the trailer belonged to the company.

They also let me call a lawyer so one could be there for me when I returned back to Ohio. The only two I knew was Joe, who I was possibly accused of killing, and Diane's husband Paul. I called Paul and he told me he wasn't a criminal lawyer and that his firm wouldn't be able to handle the case anyway since Joe worked for them. He did say he would send over a friend who was a good criminal attorney from another firm. He also said not to answer any more questions until I was with the attorney.

When the Ohio State Police arrived I heard the West Virginia officer talk to them.

"He seemed surprised that these people were killed. He does have blood on his pants but admitted to fighting with Joe Warne before coming to West Virginia."

He handed him the plastic bag containing my handgun and permit. "He had this gun in his truck. It doesn't seem to have be fired recently. We checked the truck and didn't find any other weapons. It will stay parked here in case you need to do another search."

I was put in the back seat of the cruiser. At least since I was co-operating they took off the cuffs. I just sat there wondering what had happened after I left. When we got to the Ohio precinct I was taken to a room to be questioned.

It was already all over the radio and television about the murders. My name was even mentioned.

Ron Beck was my attorney. He was supposed to be pretty good. I told him my story and exactly what happened. That was when he told me that Sarah and Joe were both shot twice. Once in the head and again in the abdomen. They were both found in the kitchen. All Sarah had on was a robe, and Joe a t-shirt and briefs.

The district prosecutor came in to listen to my story. I told him everything I could remember from watching them fuck to me knocking Joe to the floor and busting his nose. I kept telling him that I never touched Sarah.

"When I left, I told her I'd be back in two days and to get the hell out of my house and I never wanted to see either one of them again."

"What room were they in when you last saw them?"

"The bedroom. Sarah was on the bed and Joe was on the floor. Neither had any clothes on. Who found them? Maybe that person killed them."

"Trina Warne found them. She had just gotten back from her daughter's house the night before and said her husband had never come home the night before. She got up and went looking for him when he didn't show up for work."

Oh, God, I thought. Why did she have to be the one? I wasn't even there to comfort her. "Oh no! I hope she doesn't believe I killed them."

"Mr. Harman, we're looking through the evidence but you are our primary suspect. Your neighbors saw you drive away in your truck the night before."

"I said I was there, I admitted to beating the crap out of Joe for fucking my girlfriend but I didn't kill anyone. You have to believe me."

"Well, Mr. Harman, right now we can hold you, without charging you for forty-eight hours, which we intend to do. If we file charges against you then the bail would probably be a million-dollar bond. Unless you can post a hundred thousand dollars you'll be with us till we get this crime solved. For your sake, I hope you're innocent.

"Mr. Harman, do you own a handgun?" asked the prosecutor.

"Yes, sir, the officers have it and I have a permit to carry it. I also have two shotguns and a twenty-two rifle in my closet."

****

Ron, my lawyer, told me he had a private investigator on the case. He said that there were too many unanswered questions and he believed I was innocent.

He asked me if I had feelings for Trina; he said it would give them another reason to think I killed Joe.

"I could see it in your face, so whatever you do, don't tell them," he advised. "By the way, Trina asked for permission to come and see you tomorrow. The District Attorney okayed it as long as they could listen in, so watch what you say."

Ron asked me if I had the money to post bond if needed. I told him I had about seventy-five thousand dollars in the bank but I would need it to pay for him and the investigator. He laughed and said hopefully I might get out in a few days. He really did believe I was innocent, which of course I was.

I didn't sleep well trying to figure out who might have done this. I was positive that Trina wasn't capable of such an act. Every person I knew ran through my mind. I wondered if it was someone who might have known Sarah; she had kept a lot of her past secret.

The next day Ron's PI came in and talked to me. He said he had talked with the neighbors who had seen my truck and they said that about an hour after that, they were sitting on the porch and saw an junky looking car go past the house. There were two men in it that they didn't know. They had never seen the car before.

They had given the police a good description of the car, although they hadn't gotten the license plate, only that they were from North Carolina, and there was an APB out for it. The car had drawn their attention since it was going so fast on the dirt road.

A couple of hours later I was told I had a visitor. It was Trina. I went to the Plexiglas window and lifted up the phone. As beautiful as she was, Trina looked so sad. She had tears coming down her face which made me cry.

"I'm so sorry you had to be the one to find them," was the first thing I said.

"Ray, tell me it wasn't you and I will believe you."

"Honest to God, Trina. I was there and found them...having sex. I beat the shit out of Joe and left. I have no idea what happened after that. Honest, I had nothing to do with it. I feel so sad for you. You deserved so much better."

I guess anyone listening in on our conversation could tell I cared for Trina. It was just so hard to hide.

Trina cried the whole time she was there. She told me that after Joe didn't come home and didn't report for work that she was worried and went looking for him. She had seen his car parked at my house. When she got to the door it was unlocked and she had walked in.

It the kitchen she had found them both dead. She was half in shock but had managed not to touch anything. She had even used her cell phone to call the police. They told her to stay there till they got there.

"Ray, I thought about you and thought you might have done it. If I had had a gun and walked in on them, I might have even pulled the trigger. Sarah just had on a robe and Joe a t-shirt and briefs. I knew they must have had sex. The police told me they did." She wiped at her eyes.

"They were naked when I left, and still in the bedroom. I figure they must have gone to the kitchen to put some ice on Joe's face. I beat him pretty good. I guess there are a couple of leads but I don't know much about them. Trina, I need you to know I didn't do this. I don't care who else believes me, but I need you to."

She was crying hard now and I couldn't even console her. I knew I had tears running down my cheeks. "I believe you Ray, I really do."

Our time was up and Trina left. I was taken and questioned again. They kept getting the same answers. I always felt if you told the truth there wouldn't be any lies to try and remember. They seemed to know a lot about Joe but kept asking questions about Sarah.

I told them how we met at the restaurant she had worked at in North Carolina. I told them the name of her friend and where she lived there. I mentioned the gym she worked out in and the name of some of her friends I met.

They asked me over and over if I was in love with Trina. I couldn't hide it; I told them that we had been friends forever and that I had always loved her but we had never been intimate. Joe had been my best friend. That's probably why I just beat the shit out of him instead of killing him.

They had considered Trina a suspect as well but she had a solid alibi, spending the evening with her daughter. As for me, I was still on the list.

Another day passed and Ron asked me about Sarah's remains. I told him since she had lived with me, I would pay for her funeral. The prosecuting attorney told me he was going to let me out for now but not to leave the state.

Ron drove me to my place. It still had the yellow tape across my door. He told me the police would be done with it by tomorrow. I was allowed in to pack a couple of suitcases. I could see the blood on the kitchen floor and even some in the bedroom. I was going to spend the next few days in a motel.

I asked Ron about the mess in my house. He said he had contacted a cleaning crew and they would be there in a couple of days to clean the place up. I told him to get rid of the whole bed, mattress and all. I couldn't imagine sleeping on it now.

I got in my pickup and went to the motel. After checking in I went to a funeral home and set up funeral arrangements for Sarah. I had picked up a dress for her at the house while I was there. I told them there would be no calling hours and it would be a graveside service only.

The burial would be the following day and they took care of all the arrangements. It was sad, even though she cheated on me, the poor girl had lived a shit life and ended up being killed.

When I went to attend the graveside service I was surprised to see my kids, Diane, and Paul. The fact that they'd done it for me made me cry again. In addition, there were about twenty other people. I didn't know any of them so I figured they knew she was the woman who had been shot and just had to see. I'm glad I had a closed casket.

Joe's funeral was the following day. Diane had told me that she and Trina thought it best if I didn't attend. It was going to be hard on everyone. Trina would have liked me there but I think she was concerned with Joe's family. Knowing he had been cheating on Trina made it difficult for her. Diane and my kids were there for her as well as her own family. Some people from Joe's law firm as well as some of his friends and family attended also.

The day of Joe's funeral I asked the prosecutor if I could have permission to go get my truck and bring it home. He did give me a two-day pass even though it wouldn't even take one. I decided to take the two days just to get away.

A couple of days later the police got a good lead. They contacted Sarah's old roommate in North Carolina thanks to the leads given by my PI. Turned out that Sarah's old boyfriend had been recently released from prison; he'd been serving time for an armed robbery a few years back. He had stopped by her old apartment to find out where she was.

Sarah's roommate didn't want to give out her new address but the guy slapped her around until she gave in. She was afraid to call the police because Jules, Sarah's old boyfriend, had told her he would come back and kill her if she did.

She still had the bruises from Jules' assault. She told the police what type of car Jules was driving and it matched the one my neighbor couple had described. We hoped that it was the same man or men that killed Sarah and Joe.

The North Carolina highway patrol pulled over a vehicle for speeding that fit the description of the suspect's car. There were two men inside; they were searched and the police found a handgun. The men's names were Jules Craigo and his friend, Franco Marsetti.

They wouldn't admit to being in Ohio or to the killings, but the police took the gun for ballistics testing, and the men in for unlawful possession of a firearm. Once it was found out that the bullets were shot from their gun, they were transferred to Ohio for processing.