Collegiate Conquests: Acting Outbygi_janet©
"Stop! Just fucking stop!"
Oh shit, what did I do now? This director just fucking hates me. "What's the matter, Prof. Jones?"
"You are, OK? You. I don't believe you. Do you even understand the character you're playing?"
"I thought I did." Jesus Christ, what does this guy want from me?
"You two have no chemistry?"
"So why is that *my* problem, and not *our* problem?" I was beginning to lose my patience.
"It isn't his fault. He knows exactly who his character is. If you don't see that maybe this isn't the best career path for you!" The room fell silent with his words. He paused for effect, and then broke the silence a few moments later. "That's it for today, kids. Same time tomorrow."
I chased him down as we were all leaving. "Prof. Jones, I really don't get it. What can I do?"
"Look, Janet, the play is set in the 1920s. Your character is in an interracial relationship. Given the social climate, what is her motivation?"
"She is in love, obviously."
"Yeah, great. Really clever. Dig a little deeper, OK?" And with that he left. What an asshole.
I called over to my co-star. "Adam, did you hear that?"
"Do you have any idea what he's talking about?"
"Maybe, but I gotta fly. I could come back later and we can talk about it."
"Thanks, that would be great. I can come back any time, how about you?"
"Midnight. See you then, Janet." And with that Adam left, and I was left wondering what the hell I was doing wrong, and frankly why I wanted to be an actor anyway.
I was pissed, but I could use the break from the play! I left the drama building, bought a salad, and walked back to the dorm. It was late afternoon, and the cool air calmed me a bit. It is *only* a college play, after all.
And the problem might be with the director, and not with me. I don't think he ever liked me, so it's kind of fucked-up that he gave me the role in the first place. And, fuck it, outside of drama, I'm almost always near the top of the class. I do not need the hassle.
But I do like the attention, always have. I've been acting since I was 6, and I don't really want to lose that aspect of myself yet. I was pretty sure that Adam would help me figure the director out, and then everything would be smooth sailing.
I napped for an hour, showered, and made my way back across campus to the drama building. The campus is different late at night, exciting. Kids are hooking-up in the shadows, people are smoking pot, and drunken idiots are stumbling around. It's kind of crazy - so many fucked-up things could go wrong, but the campus always feels like home, like a safe place. I really loved it here.
The drama building was dark, but unlocked. I enjoyed this too. Walking around a building after hours, with only the dimmest lights, gives you a new perspective. It's as if the building remembers, and wants to share its history, but cannot get the words out. I wondered what secrets these walls had to share.
I made it down to the stage, and even with the dim light, I could see that Adam had already arrived. Arrived, and it seems, decided to take a nap of his own. The play calls for a king-sized bed, located right in the middle of the stage, and Adam rested in the middle of it. Center stage: the perfect place for a co-star. I approached quietly, and watched him breath rhythmically.
Adam was a pretty nice guy, especially for someone so large. Big guys can be such assholes, but not Adam. Adam just seems so mellow - it's impossible not to like him. I sat on the bed and watched him sleep for a few minutes. He looked so peaceful that I almost left, and I would have, if I didn't need to figure out what I kept getting wrong.
"Adam?" He didn't move, so I pushed him gently. "Adam, it's me, Janet. You fell asleep." This did the trick. While he was waking up, I just marveled at how solid he felt. I don't think I could have pushed him out of bed if I tried!
It took a few minutes for him to be fully awake, and we chatted about stupid shit for about 15 minutes before getting down to business. "Do you know what the Professor meant?"
"Yep, I think I do."
I waited, but he didn't go on. Frustrated, I asked him to continue. "Are you going to tell me?" This was a little game I was uninterested in playing.
"Alright, this is what I *think* he means. It's the 20s, and your character has a black boyfriend."
"Um, no shit. I've read the play, remember?"
"Just hold on! The question is why? I mean, she puts up with a lot of shit for it."
"She loves him! Duh, am I the only person that gets that?"
"No, you're not the only one." Adam paused, and very slowly said. "Janet, does she love a man who happens to be black, or does she love a black man?"
"What does that mean?"
He looked me in the eyes. "Have you ever dated a black guy?"
"Why is that important?"
"Well, if you had, maybe you'd be able to answer that question for yourself."
Adam offered to walk me back to my dorm, and although I felt pretty safe on campus, I still accepted. Stupid things still occur, and townies often crash campus, but with Adam there would no question of my safe passage. At 5'6" and 120 lbs. I am not a small woman, but Adam is a foot taller and more than twice my weight - he is a massive man. Friends are safe in his custody.
It was not a long walk from the drama building to my dorm, but we were in no hurry. We chatted about classes, and our future plans, and even his goals for acting. It was nice, comfortable. We walked along a common path, with lights every 10 or so yards. It left the impression that you were always entering or leaving the light, and that the shadowed area was transient.
It was in a shadowed area, two lights from my dorm entrance, that Adam stopped, faced me, and took me in his arms. His massive right hand reached around me and grabbed my ass, and saying that he pulled me to him would be inaccurate - he lifted me to him. And then he kissed me - I offered only slight resistance. His left hand cupped my breast fully, strongly, and I could feel passion and power surge through his body. And through mine.
This was unexpected, and I was uncertain. I pushed back. "Adam, no. No! I have to go." He didn't say a word; he just let me down and watched me walk away.
Later, in my dorm, I considered what happened. It was not - is not - my intention to date Adam, and I don't think I sent mixed messages. What I found most strange, in playing the event over and over again in my mind, is that even with our power asymmetry, even when alone and in the shadows, and even though I did not anticipate his actions, I never felt unsafe. Strange.
I slept poorly, and in the morning I worried that the evening's events would make it difficult for Adam and I to perform together. I couldn't let this be a problem - not with the shit the Professor already gives me - so I decided to talk things over with Adam to ensure that we were ok, and to let him know that I wasn't mad.
I texted him. "Need to talk. Now. Got time?"
His reply came within a few minutes. "Sure. Come down at 10."
This was great. My first class wasn't until 12, so we should have more than enough time to clear things up. It was 9 now, so I had a little breakfast, took a nice shower, got dressed, and prepared for the day. I left my dorm at 9:50, which left plenty of time to make it down to the Omega house.
I'm not a huge fan of the frats, but I get that they provide a community for some people, and the Omega Psi Phi house was no better or worse than any of the others. My knock was answered quickly, and I was directed upstairs to Adam's room. To get there I passed a large TV with a couple of guys gaming. They didn't seem to even notice me.
The house was typical, unremarkable in most any way.
Adam was remarkable, however. He answered the door wearing just sweatpants, with his powerful upper body completely exposed. He let me in, and I closed the door behind us.
"Adam, about last night. I'm not mad; it's just not what I'm looking for right now. I hope we can be ok with that. That's all I really wanted to say."
"That's not true, Janet."
"What? Yes, *it* is."
"No. It's not. If it was, you would have texted it. You wouldn't have come here, and even if you did, you wouldn't be wearing that dress. And there is no way that you would look this good."
I was a little shocked - and confused. Was he right? Why did I wear a dress? Why was my make-up perfect? For Christ's sake, why did *I* close the door?
Adam interrupted my thought process. "This is all you need to know, OK? I won't tell anyone."
I just watched as he approached me, stared me in the eyes, and locked the door behind me. I gave no resistance when he bent in to kiss me, softly, and then hug me close. I listened to the pounding of my heart as he pulled my dress from me, and felt relieved by the air on my body once he removed my bra. I trembled as he kneeled before me, pulled my panties to the floor, and kissed my bellybutton. He stood, took my hand, I stepped out of my shoes, and together we took the 8 steps necessary to make it to his bed.
I had surrendered control to him, and he accepted the responsibility lovingly. Adam kissed me, passionately, and never let me slip from his powerful hands. Kneeling along my frame, he kissed my lips, my neck, my breasts. I trembled as his finger first exposed my arousal, and then my moan exposed my desire. His finger - long, thick, and deep within me - was joined by another, and together they circled, strongly, and pulled at the edges of my comfort zone.
We kissed without pause while my body accepted his fingers, and paused only when he pulled from me. He spoke as he moved to scale my body. "You're gorgeous, Janet." I didn't break eye contact with him as he removed his sweatpants. And the first indicator I had of his girth was when he pressed into me. He met my gasp with reassuring words. "Don't worry."
He took his time, thrusting just slightly into me as I grew accustom to him. Still, his movement was driving me crazy. He recognized this, and as an orgasm was beginning to build, he pulled from me.
"No." I sighed.
"It's OK, girl, show me what you want."
I reached down and felt him for the first time. His penis was hard, and long, and thick, and hot (so, so hot!). I pushed the head back into myself, and as I moaned with relief, he pushed deeper into me. My discomfort was dwarfed by my pleasure as Adam slowly took me. My building orgasm was treated as before - with Adam's complete withdrawal.
"No!" I objected.
This time I didn't pause to feel his length, I just pressed him back into me. Adam did not wait either, as he began to take me deeply. The passion of this moment was undeniable, and I almost screamed when he pulled from me again.
"Show me!" He demanded.
I pulled him in quickly, and when he began to fuck me - to truly fuck me - I wrapped my legs around him. I refused to let him go again. My orgasm, now long overdue, ripped through my body. My body spasmed, along his length, driving him deeper into me. Each spasm was met with deeper movement, and when my orgasms began to recede I felt his.
It was unlike anything I had ever felt. I swear I felt a pulse crash into my uterine wall, and then another, and perhaps another but I was unaware. His orgasm triggered another in me, and I continued to spasm beneath him, rhythmically, as I felt him continue to pump slowly, and deeply, into my body. I had never experienced anything near as powerful in my life.
We lay together, quietly, but I felt the need to go. "I have to go."
"Alright J, whatever you want, but do me a favor, OK? Don't over-think this."
I'm not really sure how I answered him, or how I steadied myself to get dressed, but within a few moments I found myself walking, with tunnel vision, out of the frat, across the campus, and towards my dorm. I played the moment over-and-over again in my mind, and with each step I felt some of him descend into my panties. Once fully saturated, my panties offered no more than a temporary barrier, and I felt small streams of him dripping down my leg.
A cool breeze chilled the fluid, but not my spirit. By the time I reached the dorm I was awash in how erotic the moment was. I rushed into my room, locked my door, and removed my panties. They felt wet in my hands, and smelt of our shared love. And they were stained with my blood, proof of my experience.
I kneeled on the bed, held my panties close to my face with one hand, and masturbated with the other. The orgasm I experienced was necessary, and powerful. It was unlike any that I had previously brought myself to. And although powerful, it was a weak imitation of what Adam unleashed in my body.
I skipped my classes, choosing instead to sleep.
"Fantastic! Janet - yes, you got it. That is what I have been waiting for."
Apparently, what the Professor wanted from me was to act with a passion and a lust previously unfamiliar to me, and with a desire that preceded culture and relied solely on animal instinct.
I smiled back. "Thanks."
"I just listened to your words, that's all." He didn't need to know what happened. I recognized tonight that I had been acting as a woman in love with a man who happened to be black, but in reality I am a woman who loves a black man.
I called to my co-star, who hadn't let on that anything had changed between us. "Adam?"
"What do you want, girl?"
"Do you think we could rehearse tonight?"
He smiled at me and responded. "Absolutely. I'll be free at midnight again. Will that work?"
I smiled back. "Whatever works for you. I've found this character's voice, I don't want to lose it."
"Don't worry about that, Janet. I think you've got it down. Where do you want to meet?"
"How about right here, like last night?" I knew he'd agree, and I was hoping to give these old walls another secret to hold.