Come As You Are

“Hey, relax,” he whispered. The bong was suddenly before me again and I took another hit, letting the panic flow out of me along with the acrid smoke. When I looked at Ethan again he was running his hand through my hair, pulling out the ponytail holder that held it, loosening the strands over my shoulders. On the other side Ross was rubbing my thigh.

“Just let this happen,” Ross ordered me in his low, commanding voice.

“But…” I hesitated, “I don’t know how to…”

“That’s okay, I’ll tell you everything you need to know,” Ethan reassured me as he wound his fingers through my thick hair. His touch made me shiver, distracting me from the fact that next to me, Ross was slowly and deliberately unbuttoning his fly.

Eyes huge, I stared down at the outline of his cock visible through his jeans. None of this made any sense. “But you’re not gay,” I protested; I knew he wasn’t gay because he was fucking Megan. And Ethan, he was so hot, he probably had a million girls chasing him at college. My mind raced to understand as Ross laughed a silly, stoned laugh.

“I’m not Italian either, but I still love lasagna,” he shrugged as he rose up to his knees on the couch, facing me. “Don’t you Ethan?”

“Oh yeah. Don’t be so uptight, Johnny, it’s the best of both worlds.” Ethan’s strong hands were rubbing my shoulders now, pulling my flannel shirt off, leaving me in a t-shirt. “Lots of us swing both ways, but if you’re not into pussy, it’s cool.”

“So you’ve done this before?“ I asked desperately. My whole body was shaking like I was standing on the edge of a fucking cliff. And in a way, I was.

“Once or twice,“ he answered with a smile. “Ross hasn’t yet, but you know, whatever’s cool with us. You don’t have to fight this.”

I had no intention of fighting it. Maybe I didn’t understand shit, but there was nothing in this world that would have made me fight what was happening now. John, Paul, George and Ringo could’ve walked into the room with Jesus H. Christ as a backup singer and I wouldn’t have stopped. My mouth dropped open as Ross gave his hips a little wiggle, his pants slid down and his hard dick pressed obscenely against the thin knit of his briefs.

“Go on,” Ethan whispered in my ear. “Touch it.”

I was scared, I was fascinated, and I was turned on all at once. Hypnotized, I stared as Ross peeled off his t-shirt. He might’ve been small, but he was all man. Through his thin cotton underwear I could see the shadow of the dark pubic hair that rose up and swirled around his belly button. Before my eyes his cock was growing and getting harder. I could actually see the outline of the flared head pressing against the cotton and as I watched, a little drop of wetness anointed the front panel of his crotch.

Over my shoulder, I looked to Ethan for guidance. I wanted to do this, but I was shaking all over; I needed help. “What do I do?” I whispered.

“Whatever feels good, Johnny.” Ethan’s hand slid under my shirt and lightly over the sweat-dampened skin of my back. I shivered.

“Just no teeth,” Ross added helpfully. His comment really brought home the reality of what was happening here and even despite all the pot I’d smoked, my stomach started to do flip-flops. Whether it was fear or excitement was impossible to tell. Ethan and Ross both seemed to realize that I wasn’t going to move forward on my own, because all the sudden I felt Ross’ hands on my shoulders while Ethan’s closed around my wrist and lifted it, up to Ross’ crotch.

“Feel it,” Ethan said, breath hot on my neck. With his encouragement I slid my hand over Ross’ underwear. His dick was warm, hard and twitching in my hand; his balls felt very soft in comparison, soft and heavy, straining against the cloth. I moved closer and caught a powerful, intoxicating raw scent that flipped a switch in my brain.

Fuck it. I grabbed the elastic waistband and jerked his underwear down over his hips. His cock sprang out right in my face.

I’d never seen one up close, in the flesh. I stared at its thick, dark, cowled head and the slit, where a little clear bead was forming. In proportion to the rest of him, it was on the small side. It was short, stocky and beautiful, just like him. I probably would’ve just sat there and stared at it like a hungry dog gazing at a steak, if Ethan hadn’t gently put his hand on the back of my neck and urged my head forward.

My eyes closed and rolled back as I tasted the salty sweetness for the first time. Electricity jolted through me, zipping down every nerve, so that I was tingling all over; and every doubt and fear I still had was instantly gone. This was it, this was what I’d been lacking. This was the end to my frustrations, the fulfillment of my most secret desires. All this time, I didn’t even realize how much I needed to suck cock.

Instinct took over. I didn’t know what I was doing, but I was eager to do it. Now that I was past my inhibitions, both of them were shocked at how every hesitation was gone. I tried to do whatever might feel good, but mainly, I just wanted make up for all those years when I was missing this. Ross’ cock was so delicious, I wanted to swallow it. I wanted to take it as deep into my throat as I could, till it filled my whole mouth with its powerful essence; and its manageable length made that possible. I buried my nose in his dark curly pubic hair, closing my eyes as I sucked hard, caressing the shaft with my tongue as I did.

“Oh my fucking god,” Ross breathed, and I felt an overpowering thrill of excitement rush over me, that I was making him feel so good. To my surprise, just doing this to him made my own dick throb painfully. “Oh fuck, Ethan, you were right, guys are so much better at this than girls. Johnny, you need to give your friend Megan cocksucking lessons. Oooh, shit.”

He groaned and pulled out, leaving me panting, sweat on my forehead. Another surprising thing happened then; Ethan’s hands were slowly moving over me, and he brought his head around and captured my juicy mouth with his. I closed my eyes in shock as he passionately fucked my mouth with his tongue and Ross watched with a big grin on his face.

“Come on.” Pulling us apart, Ross grabbed my wrist and marched me down the hall. When Ethan hesitated, Ross called his name.

In his bedroom, I found my clothing was disappearing, along with Ross’. Only Ethan was still wearing anything. Ross pushed me back on his bed so I was lying back against Ethan, while Ross stuck his dick in my face. I licked it everywhere before I slid my lips over it. It felt so thick and smooth and silky in my mouth as I worked my tongue into the slit. Between the two of them, soon Ethan was holding my head and moving it back and forth while Ross thrust his hips forward into my face.

My mind went blank and I was transported to a place I’d never been before. I had no control over this and I didn’t care. I was born to do this. I was completely relaxed, my gag reflex a distant memory. All that mattered was this cock.

“Holy shit,” Ross said again, “Oh God Ethan, you have to try this.”

When the delicious meat in my mouth was taken away I let out a sound of protest, but soon enough it was replaced with another. Ethan’s prick was much bigger, much thicker, even prettier. I concentrated all my energy on it, my eyes wide open, unfocused as I took it to the back of my throat. God, I loved it. I never dreamed I could love anything this much. I loved all cocks. If there were ten cocks in the room I would’ve sucked them all. I was like a baby getting sustenance from a bottle, and that bottle was its whole world.

“God!” Ethan exclaimed suddenly, and before I realized it, he was coming in hot, salty spurts. I wasn’t prepared for it and I’d never even considered the question of swallowing, but by instinct, I relaxed and let it all just flow down my throat, gulping, like I was drinking from a water fountain. I’d tasted my own cum before, but this was different, it was intoxicating. Instantly I was addicted to the flavor and even after I licked him dry of every drop I craved more. When he finally pulled away, I focused my eyes and looked up, dazed.

“Shit, that was hot.” Ross was grinning between the two of us and Ethan fell back against the bed on shaky legs.

Another one of those weird moments happened, where everything seemed to be moving without me; suddenly I was naked on my back with my head on Ethan’s knees, with Ross kneeling down between my legs with his cock sticking out before him. He was studying me thoughtfully with a calculatingly wicked gleam in his eyes like a cat toying with a mouse. I was limp in their clutches. Was it possible to be turned on and humiliated at the same time? Before tonight, I would’ve said no, but now I knew better. It was like when I was in elementary school and some of the little neighbor boys held me down and made me play doctor. I didn’t fight them either.

“What’re you…?”

I was almost afraid to ask; my fear was confirmed when he slowly grabbed my knees and pushed them up, up toward my chest. I was completely exposed to them, buck naked with my ass in the air, and through my arousal the helplessness made me uneasy. For just a second I resisted, even though part of me longed to give in completely.

“No…”

“Come on, Johnny,” Ross whispered. “You want this. You want my cock inside you so bad, you don’t know what to do. Don’t you.”

While I was giving head to both of them, hardly even caring whose cock it was, everything I knew about myself changed. From minute to minute I was a totally different person. Megan was right all along; I was totally driven by the same sexual needs and desires she was, I just lacked the opportunity. The few times I’d slept with girls, it didn’t impress me, I never saw what the fuss was about; but now I felt like if I didn’t get the satisfaction I needed, I might not survive.

“Don’t you,” he repeated casually; and with a whimper, I gave in.

“Yes,” I whispered; and even while shame flooded me, I was secretly elated. The truth really could set you free.

“Don’t worry,” Ethan said in his low, sexy voice while he stroked my shoulders and my chest with his strong bass-player’s hands. “We won’t make you do anything you don’t want to. We’re all just having a good time; and if you don’t like it, we’ll stop. It’s cool, we won’t be pissed off.”

I was humiliated at being exposed like this and I was scared of the idea of having something in my ass, but at the same time, through it all my dick was hard and leaking like a faucet, making my true desires known to all. It gave Ross all the encouragement he needed and he smirked, moving into position. I closed my eyes tightly and waited for the pain.

“Hey, asshole,” Ethan suddenly said sharply; “What’re you trying to do, Ross? You need some lube, you idiot.”

“Oh yeah,” Ross shrugged cheerfully. Jumping up, he trotted out of the room, his cute little butt cheeks out in the breeze.

Suddenly Ethan and I were alone. His fingers traced the tribal armband tattoo I’d just gotten on my eighteenth birthday. We didn’t speak, but when I tilted my head back he smiled down into my eyes, and I smiled back nervously. I wished he’d kiss me again, but I didn’t know how to communicate that desire. Really, I had no idea how things were supposed to go; I didn’t even know if guys kissed. What he’d done before wasn’t a kiss the way I knew it, that was more of an invasion than a kiss, an assault on my defenses; what little defenses I had at the tender age of 18, anyway.

Before anything could happen in the moment, Ross came prancing back into the room and held up a little bottle. “This was all I could find,” he announced. “It’s my mom’s.” To my horror, it was Vagisil Intimate Moisture; but Ethan nodded and said it was fine. “I also got these.” He held up a roll of Trojans that unfolded and hung down like an accordion of postcards. Ethan had turned around and was fiddling with the stereo. The CD player, still a relatively new invention at that time, softly played a thumping Nirvana track.

“Good thinking,” Ethan nodded approvingly.

Pleased with his own ingenuity and Ethan‘s praise, Ross got back into position and did his thing with the condom and the lube. Despite my state of intoxication I was starting to panic. This was what gay guys did, I knew that, but in those days there was no internet to instruct me, so I had no idea what anal sex was all about. I just knew it was going to hurt.

I closed my eyes when I felt the slippery head of Ross’ cock at the entrance of my ass. Ethan was stroking my upper arms. Ross pushed. The pain was a shock and I started to twist away, protesting, as my dick went limp in dismay.

“Ooowww… No…”

“Shhh, Johnny, you need to be quiet. It’s okay, just relax.” Ethan’s hands tightened, holding me steady, while Ross tried again to push inside my ass; but he had to give up. It just hurt too much, even though I didn’t cry out this time, just whimpered and struggled half-heartedly. I had to do this. It had to happen sometime; I couldn’t stay a virgin forever. But shit, was it always going to hurt like this?

“I can’t get in, Ethan, he’s too tight,” Ross sounded stressed and somewhat annoyed. “What do I do?”

Ethan’s brow wrinkled as he pondered. I looked up at his cute face hovering over mine; I really liked Ethan and in a way I wished it was him in Ross’ place, but on the other hand, if Ross’ rather small penis hurt this bad, there was no way I could handle Ethan’s much bigger and thicker cock. Surely it couldn’t be that bad, I tried to reason with myself, otherwise, why would anyone do it, let alone enjoy it?

“I think if he relaxes, you can do it,” Ethan said, “so try using your fingers to loosen him up first. Johnny, turn over.”

We all shifted around until I found myself on my hands and knees with my butt in the air. My humiliation at this new position faded when Ethan slid around and maneuvered so we were face to face, and he reached up and started kissing me. This was no tender, romantic kiss. This was fierce, hot and aggressive as our tongues met and played. Different than any kiss I’d ever had. The raw, erotic power made a little groan rose up in my throat and my cock revived; I hardly noticed what Ross was doing until I felt a finger slide up my ass.

“Ow,” I pulled away from Ethan and winced, but he pulled me back down and insistently buried his tongue down my throat, silencing me.

“Relax,” Ethan whispered soothingly against my mouth. “You’ve had your fingers in your ass before, haven’t you?”

An hour ago I would’ve been too embarrassed to answer that question but now it hardly seemed to matter. In fact, it was liberating and I actually felt good, relieved. “Yes,” I gasped as I tried to bear down.

“Then this should be okay. Don’t think about it,” he whispered. “It only hurts at first because you’re tense. I promise it’ll stop if you just relax and let it happen. Do you want another bong hit?”

I shook my head no, closing my eyes. At this point I just wanted Ross to hurry up and get it over with so it would be done, finished. Surely the next time would be better if I could just fast forward past this moment and move on. I wanted it done, but I didn’t expect it to feel good. I let my mind go blank into the haze of vodka and pot.

Everything speeded up again and my brain was a step behind, reeling in confusion. Ethan returned to his assault on my senses while Ross worked his fingers into my tight hole one by one. My resistance was slowly fading as I succumbed to my lust for Ethan. It may’ve been Ross behind me, but Ethan was in total control of this; everything I did was for his pleasure and approval, and it was obvious that Ross felt the same need. How could one skinny nineteen-year-old bass player have so much sexual power, to even dominate someone like Ross? When he moved around so I could suck his cock again, I didn’t need any urging this time, I dived right on it, with Ross’ fingers in my ass.

The pain was pretty much gone now, replaced with the dull, unfamiliar burn of being stretched. With my face buried in Ethan’s crotch, I wasn’t even thinking of myself anymore. My mind was blank again, on some distant dick-sucking planet, and I was lost in it, completely intent on Ethan’s pleasure, his feel and his taste, the smell of his sweat. My own cock was hard and aching now from his soft little moans as I focused my whole being on satisfying him.

From far away I heard Ross’ voice without bothering to catch the meaning. “Now?”

“Oh, yeah,” Ethan let out a low groan and caught the back of my head gently.

Ross pushed me down so I was flat against the bed; he wasn’t tall enough to fuck me doggie-style. All the sudden in my mouth Ethan’s cock gave a jerk and he let out a muffled cry in his throat as he shot deep into my throat. At the same moment, Ross pushed forward into my ass. The pain was there for a moment as the head popped in, but I was so busy greedily swallowing Ethan’s sweet cream that I hardly noticed it; and by the time I did, Ross was all the way in. When I came around to thinking of it, I felt his balls brushing my ass.

“Oh God.”

Instead of pain, there was a deep, burning feeling of fullness. I almost felt like I couldn’t move, like I was pinned down by this stake up my ass. I wiggled a little explore the feeling a little, and the burning began to deepen into a strange tingling I’d never felt before. It wasn’t pain, but it wasn’t quite pleasure either.

“You okay?” Ethan asked me. It didn’t seem strange that he was doing the talking and not Ross. That was just how things were playing out in our little game.

“Uh-huh.” I swallowed, nodding quickly.

“Can he move?”

I gave another nod and Ross obeyed. At first it didn’t send me one-way or the other. It felt kind of uncomfortable, but not painful or anything; but after a minute it occurred to me to shift position slightly, and somehow that did it. My eyes opened wide with surprise and I noticed Ethan grinning at me, watching as lust took over my expression of dismay and confusion. Sweat broke out over me as Ross flexed against me, his hands braced on my shoulders; it still burned but it felt good now, really good, incredible, oh God. I let out a moan of surprise that was a touch too loud and Ethan gently put his hand over my mouth to muffle my sounds.

For some reason that put me over the edge, onto that other level of existence where I wasn’t thinking anymore. I was beyond thought. With his hand over my mouth I felt safe. It was like Ethan was a buffer between me and my control; he wouldn’t let me go past a certain point, so I felt safe enough to push the envelope of my newly discovered pleasure. I bucked back against Ross; I cried out against Ethan’s hand; I struggled to reach my cock but Ross was holding me down too hard and I couldn’t, but as I let out another scream to be caught by Ethan, Suddenly the feeling of his hand locked over my mouth was the push I needed and I came in a wild, uncontrollable moment, spurting deep into Ross’ tangled sheets. At the same time I felt him push hard inside me and he bit back a long, low moan as his hips jerked back and forth.

“Oh, fuck,” Ethan murmured wonderingly, speaking for the both of us, watching us both get off with his hand still clamped over my mouth. “Oh my God.”

“Ethan,” Ross cried out his name in surprise as he came inside the thin latex that separated us. It was only later it occurred to me to wonder why he was saying his friend’s name and not mine, but at the time it seemed natural.

“Shit!” Suddenly Ethan was laughing as we all slowly pulled apart; Ross pulled out me, Ethan pulled his hand away from my mouth, and I slumped down into the sticky bed, totally exhausted.

I managed to fight off sleep long enough to wash up and stagger to the couch, where I collapsed. Sometime in the night I woke up and Ethan was kneeling next to me in the dark. Instantly I had an erection. He pulled me down to the floor, where he surprised me by pushing me to my back and kissing me, long and slow, the way I’d longed for earlier. I had to have that beautiful cock again; I was insatiable in my desire to swallow it down. Just going down on him was enough to push me to the edge of orgasm, and when he wrapped my cock gently with his hand, I shot violently just from the feeling of someone else’s touch where only my own had ever been before. Afterward we fell asleep holding each other on the hard floor with an afghan from the back of the couch pulled over our naked skins, our heads side-by-side on one throw pillow. He was still sleeping when I got up in the early morning. I had to go into Ross’ bedroom to find the rest of my clothes and my fumbling woke him up.