Coming Full Circle Ch. 02

"I gave you a second chance to show your love for me. You showed me something but it wasn't love as I know it. I don't think we have anything else to say to each other. My lawyer will contact you soon to start things moving. I will let you call Tony and tell him whatever you choose." I hung up then and just stared at the wall. This was the end of my life as it had been for the past 18 years. I didn't know how I felt about it just now.

As I sat there in my condo, alone and uncertain about my future, the only thing that came to mind was Sharon. She was the only thing that I was sure about. I knew that I loved her and I thought there was a chance she felt the same way about me. She was so young but she seemed to be a part of me already. It was as if she was the piece of my life that had been missing and now I had found it. I knew that now wasn't the time to talk to her, not before I had taken the next steps with Ilene. That part of my life had to be dealt with first and it had to be closed. I had started the process and now I had to see it through.

The papers were served on Ilene the next day at her office. From what I heard, she did not take it well. She screamed, she cried, she called me names and she finally left to see her own lawyer. I wasn't surprised. Ilene liked to control things and when she couldn't she went slightly nuts. It would be like her to want to fight this. I hoped she wouldn't but I would play dirty if I had to. I had Sharon, Peter, Conrad and I knew some of the big boys she had partied with. I could get affidavits from some of them if I had to. I told my attorney to make sure she knew that I was prepared to go that far. He conveyed my message and apparently it was enough to make her back down. Things proceeded.

It was two months later that I received a call from my attorney. It seems that Ilene wanted a face to face with me before she would agree to sign the divorce papers. This was the final stage and it was important that she sign, so I agreed to meet with her. We set a date to meet at my attorney's offices and I was there at the appointed time. Ilene came into the small conference room set aside for our meeting. She looked well, as beautiful as ever, and not the least bit nervous. I was intrigued to say the least. I waited for her to begin.

"You are looking well, Charlie. I hope everything is going good for you. I was hoping that you might look a little worse but I see that isn't the case. You apparently aren't unhappy that this is over." She smiled at me. Apparently I was expected to make some comment at this point.

"I can say the same for you. You look as beautiful and self-assured as always. I guess this is a blessing for you in a way. You are now free to do as you were doing but without any worry about me, or my finding out. I'm glad for you." I said this with a small amount of anger but well controlled, or so I thought.

She just looked at me for a minute. I couldn't get over how beautiful she was. "No, that isn't true Charlie. I haven't slept well since you left and I have lost about 7 pounds. Maybe that isn't a bad thing. I am still working but I don't go on the shoots anymore and I don't interact with the clients alone, now. I look this way because I am very good with makeup, as you know. I regret what I did and I can't tell you why I did it." She wouldn't meet my eyes as she spoke. I don't think she was really seeing anything but concentrating intently on what she wanted to say.

"I can tell you that it began just after Tony moved out, as I indicated when you caught me with Peter. I think that was what started it all. Tony was gone, you and I were in a rut and you didn't seem to need me much at all. If we made love, it was predictable. We never went on vacation, just for the two of us. I guess things changed and I didn't want to let go of the excitement. Having a teenager at home was commotion all of the time and when he left, I missed it. With all of his problems, I guess I had invested my emotions so heavily in him that when he left, he took a part of me with him. I don't know why I turned to infidelity as a way to replace it but I did. That is all there was to it. Fun? No. Exciting? No. Did I enjoy lying to you and deceiving you? No. But I did it anyway. Peter was no exception. Of all the men I was with, none made me feel anything other than a cheap thrill that lasted only till it was over. I honestly don't even remember their names. I never had an orgasm with any of them and I would come home to you but not be with you, because of the betrayal. I couldn't do that to you: be with another man that day and you that night. I wouldn't stoop that low."

"I began to realize that what I was doing was going to get me into trouble, but I couldn't bring myself to stop. When you and I got back together after Peter, we made love the first time and I felt like I used to feel. It was wonderful. The next time was good but not as good and then we began to experiment. That made you feel good but it made me remember where I had learned most of those things and the guilt was so terrible that I could not relax and enjoy it with you. I faked those orgasms because I couldn't tell you why I couldn't enjoy it. I was torn even then and I was in hell. I know that you knew something was wrong but you didn't know what and I couldn't tell you." She finally lowered her gaze to me and I could see tears in her eyes. She was being totally honest and that was probably a good thing. At least she was able to get it out on the table now, even though it would make no difference.

"I had to tell you these things so that I could go on with my life. I don't know what I will do or where I will go because you are the only man I ever loved and I don't think I will ever love another man like that. I will miss you more that you can imagine. I hope that we can be friends and that we can still share our love for our son. He is a bond that we share that can't be broken by any of my mistakes." "It was important that I tell you these things, not for you but for me. I had to be sure that you knew that you were never the issue and that you did nothing to bring this about. I have spoken to Tony, and he knows why we are divorcing. I didn't go into details, but he knows I was unfaithful. He will probably want you to try to fix things, but I told him that was not going to happen. You will need to speak to him soon. He needs to know there is no hope of our reconciling."

This was apparently all she wanted to say. I can't begin to describe the feelings I had. I was sad, so very sad. The sadness was crushing! I came into the room feeling only slightly down, knowing the end was in sight, but this was something else. The end of 18 years of loving the same woman so much that most of the time I was unaware that we were two separate people. I know that's hard to understand but it was true. And in spite of what people will say, the deeper the love, the stronger the pain when it is betrayed. That was true, oh so very true!

I couldn't trust myself to say anything to her at this time. I just sat there with my head down, holding back tears that were fighting to get out. I couldn't speak and I couldn't look at her. I remained this way until I heard her leave the room. When the door closed, I broke down and cried. I was unaware of time passing but when I finally dried my eyes and looked up, I saw my attorney setting there, waiting for me to recover.

"I'm sorry Charlie. I can't even guess how you must be feeling right now. It is very easy to divorce someone if you never have to see them or talk to them. But someone always gets hurt badly in these things and I guess it is you in this case. Maybe you don't want to know this, but Ilene signed the papers and left her copy here with me. I can file these tomorrow and you will be single again 30 days later. It is all over but the final decree."

After that day in the lawyer's office, life went on for me. I returned to work with a vengeance and our department became a great place to work and we had more jobs than we could handle. Our reputation as a 'get it done' shop was increasing and we were swamped. I had to hire 4 more people and everyone got a raise and bonuses. Conrad was so happy with me that he promoted me to executive VP with perks that made my life even more comfortable than it had ever been. It had now been just over a year since my divorce.

Sharon moved in with me after her divorce became final and we were quite happy. She was all that I thought she would be and we made love as often as we could. She found a job at a clinic close by and began work there. It seems she had a master's degree in business and they wanted an office manager. She seemed to like it and things were good between us for about a year. I was surprised that I could keep up with her but her lifestyle was very low-key for someone her age. We enjoyed going out for dinner and dancing once in a while and we took some time off to travel, which we both enjoyed. Things went this way until one day she asked if we could talk.

"My sweet Charlie. I don't know how to say this any other way but to just say it. I met someone and I really want to pursue it. I think we may have a chance at a real relationship. He is about my age and he is a doctor. He is also divorced and he has a daughter 5 years old. We have only had lunch together a couple of times but he asked me out on a real date. I told him I would think about it." She looked at me to get my reaction.

"I guess you took me by surprise. I know we never discussed how this would go if it happened but I also remember you telling me that if it did, you would be honest and up front about it. I'm glad you kept your promise."

How did I feel? I wasn't sure but there was no anger or pain, of that I was sure. I loved Sharon, but it wasn't the same love I used to feel for Ilene. It was more of a close friend? I didn't know.

"Charlie, I love you so much but it isn't the kind of love that makes me want to continue this way. I think you feel the same thing. I can tell that we are slowly drifting apart and I think it is because we haven't found that special person to live our lives with. I'm not yours and you are not mine. I hope you understand what I am saying?" She looked anxious that I follow her in this.

"I'm just trying to get my head around this. I am not mad or anything and I do love you too, but you are right. Something is missing and we are not where we were a year ago. So, if you want to begin dating this doctor, you have my blessing. I will begin tomorrow looking for a place to buy but you can stay here as long as you like. It's time we move on to the next stage of our lives. Thank you for reminding me." I smiled at her and she came into my arms. We embraced and I kissed her lips as I always did, but somehow, it now felt different. She kissed me back and then pulled away with a smile on her beautiful face.

"Thank you Charlie. You have been there for me through all of the hard times these past months, and I hope I have been there for you. I love you and will always love you. And if you need me, you just have to call. I will drop everything and come to you. I just hope that you won't need me for a long time." She looked so young in her happiness and I realized the difference in our ages, not for the first time but perhaps now for the last time. This was right, more for her than for me, but right.

I found a great duplex in a nice part of town and moved in three weeks later. Sharon helped me furnish it and she did most of the decorating. Her doctor, Jonathan, paid a visit and he seemed to understand the relationship between Sharon and me. He and I developed a good relationship and I fully approved. I asked her about him and she said that she had told him the whole story and he was fine with it. As long as it was over, that is. After about 6 weeks, she told me she was in love and he had proposed to her. She said it was too early to give him an answer but that she wanted to continue to date for a while. She said he was disappointed but that he would continue to try to win her over. I was happy for her and told her not to wait too long.

Without Sharon, life settled down to a low murmur. I had no close friends and I normally worked quite long hours. I spent what little free time I had reading, watching TV or just relaxing. I usually either went out to dinner or had something delivered. I talked with Tony every week and he came to visit me on holidays. He tried early on to talk to me about Ilene but I made it clear to him that our relationship was off limits. He eventually stopped and we discussed it only in general terms. It had now been almost three years since that final conversation with Ilene in the lawyer's office.

I was watching TV late one evening just before Thanksgiving when the phone rang. It was Ilene. I was surprised since I didn't think she knew my number. She was hardly coherent and she was crying. I tried to calm her down to find out what was going on. She finally got out that Tony had been in an accident and was in the hospital in critical condition. She said that she was too afraid to drive, feeling the way she did so I asked her where he was and I hung up, promising to get there as soon as I could. It was at least an hour away. I dressed and left in record time.

The drive was hectic but without much traffic since it was late and the rush hour was over. The hospital was in a small town just off the freeway and I had been there before so I knew where to go. I parked as close as I could and ran into the lobby. I got a visitor's pass and the receptionist told me where to go. I ran for the elevators and got to the nurse's station on the fifth floor to find someone to tell me how he was.

"Your son is in intensive care but he is in stable condition. We have just upgraded his condition to serious. He was in a car accident and his neck was fractured and he had some internal injuries, but he is going to be fine with no paralysis. We have him in traction so he will be very uncomfortable for a while but it is critical that we keep him immobile. He can talk and hear you without problem so you can visit him. Just don't stay too long." This was the doctor on call and he was one that had operated on Tony. He seemed quite confident and that made me feel a lot better.

I went into Tony's room and was shocked to see the apparatus he was connected to. "I guess this is the traction that the doctor told me about?" He was awake and smiled when he saw me.

"I have to be in this contraption for at least three weeks. After that, they will put a 'traveling cast' on me. That's what the doc called it. At least I can move around with that. I'm sorry that I had to drag you out so late pop. I was on my way home to see mom when I lost control on a wet patch and hit a tree. Really stupid, huh?"

"Your mother called me as soon as it happened I guess. I didn't know she had my number. I never gave it to her. Did you?" I was curious at how much he shared with her.

"Yea, I gave it to her a long time ago. I'm surprised this is the first time she has called you. I guess you two don't talk, do you?" "We haven't talked to each other in almost three years. The last time was in my lawyer's office the day she signed the final divorce papers. I was surprised that I recognized her voice since she was really in a bad way when she called. I promised to call as soon as I saw you. If it's OK, I'll call her now?"

"Sure. At least something good will come out of this. You two will have to talk a little." He smiled when he said this and I smiled back. He was right.

I put in a call to Ilene, asking Tony what the number was. I was not surprised to find that she had changed it. She answered immediately and I told her the good news. I gave her the information that the doctor had given me and she seemed to relax a little. She said that she wasn't in any condition to drive after hearing about the accident but she knew that I would make the trip. That was why she called me.

"If you would like, I can pick you up tomorrow and bring you here with me when I come. If that's all right?"

"I would really appreciate that, if it isn't too uncomfortable for you. I'll call and take some time off to be with Tony till he comes home."

"No problem at all. Tony wants to talk to you so I'll hold the phone for him while he talks. I'll call you tomorrow to arrange a time to pick you up. Goodbye." With that I held the phone while Tony reassured Ilene that he was going to live.

After Tony hung up, we talked a little until he grew tired. I said good night to him and made the long trip back home, much more relaxed than the trip up. I was curious as to how I would feel tomorrow when it was time to see Ilene. While I hadn't talked to her in over three years, I also had not seen her at all during that time.

I picked Ilene up at 1:30 the next day to make the trip to see Tony. I was pleasantly surprised to see her. She was as beautiful as ever: maybe even more so. Her hair was long and curled in soft waves. She was dressed in a tailored suit that accentuated her figure and her face was flawless as always. She still made me choke up when I looked at her. She came out to the car and I opened the door for her. She smiled her thanks at me and slid into the seat. That smile really jolted me! I got myself under some control as I walked around the car to get back in.

The trip was pleasant. We talked as old friends who hadn't seen each other for some time. I listened in surprise as she told me she had quit her job at the old advertising firm and took a new one with a smaller company. She said she took a reduction in pay that was difficult at first but that their principles were more to her liking. I didn't ask what that meant. She also told me that she had sold the house and found a smaller cottage just outside the city that she much preferred. She said there was room for Tony and her, which was all she needed. Tony told me she had sold the house but nothing more.

After we had exhausted most of the routine things, she asked me how Sharon was. I told her that Sharon was dating a doctor with a young daughter and that she was in love. I also mentioned that he had asked her to marry him but she was not quite ready. I glanced sideways at her to see if she knew this. From her reaction, she didn't. I guessed that Tony had kept his word and our relationships were not open to discussion. I also mentioned that I had a new place and she indicated that Tony had mentioned that.

We were silent for a while and then I asked her if she had a new love interest. She was quiet for a moment and finally said, "I don't date, so it is not easy to have a love interest. As a matter of fact, the last time I was with a man was the day you left me. I don't even remember his name." This was said as a matter of fact and without any inflection. As I wondered about that, she asked me the same question.

"None, since Sharon and I decided that we were not staying together. The dating scene is really not my cup of tea. I spend most of my evenings at home. It is not too bad after the rat race during the day. We have been very busy and it takes all of my time and effort just to stay with it."

"I know that your department is really doing quite well. We refer all of our clients to you as the best in the area. Congratulations. You have made quite a name for yourself, and I am proud of you." This was said with some feeling. I was strangely pleased to have her voice her pride in me.

"Thank you. I really value your opinion. It was all I had for awhile and I think that I just gave myself to it as a result. It seems to have paid off. I now have 12 people working for me and I am the newest executive VP. Some nice perks came with that. I have stock options and bonuses that I really don't know what to do with. Tony will benefit so all is not lost."