Coming Home

She'd never told Jamie exactly why she was scared of sleeping in her own room when their parents' arguing got out of hand. It was her shameful secret. Besides, Jamie had always been there to keep anything from happening. Tonight had been a close call though.

"Come on. Let's go home. He'll be asleep by now. You can sleep with me tonight, that is if you can stand the smell." Ellie gave a silent nod, having decided not to embarrass herself anymore in front of Jamie's friends. He kept his arm around her the entire way home, not knowing who was supporting who, they both seemed a little unsteady. Once in the door, they both took unnecessary caution not to wake his father. He'd be passed out drunk by now, but neither of them felt like taking any risks.

For once, Ellie didn't change into her pyjamas before Jamie locked them in his room. Ellie was grateful that he seemed too drunk to notice, though she hoped this didn't mean that he'd fall asleep too quickly. She'd made her choice and she wanted her first time to be with someone who cared about her. Jamie was a good looking boy and he was kind and caring. She preferred her first time to be with him, rather than with his father. How could she be certain that she would always be able to fight him off, or that Jamie would always be there to look after her? He'd be going away to school in the fall and she had no idea what would happen then.

While he was busy getting undressed -- he seemed to have a little more difficulty with his shoes than usual -- Ellie managed to get under the covers wearing only her underwear without Jamie noticing the deviation from their normal routine. When he got under the covers, she snuggled up to him and put her head on his shoulder.

He put his arms around her, like he always did, and hesitated a little when he noticed that something was amiss. It took him a second, and she could hear his sharp intake of breath when it dawned on him. She chickened out and they lay there in silence for a few minutes while she was gathering up her courage.

She felt certain that he must be able to hear her heart pounding. Deciding it was now or never, she put her hand on his cheek and made him face her. She drew in another shaky breath before giving him a kiss, light as a feather, on the lips. She was terrified that he would be disgusted. Though she had never allowed herself to consider him as anything but her brother, subconsciously she had always been more aware of him than what was practical, considering the high stakes should they go down that road and ruin everything.

It wasn't one of those confident, seductive kisses you see in the movies, and she was disappointed with herself for not being able to make it into something more. Jamie didn't respond at first, but all of a sudden he drew her even closer and kissed her back. That was all it took, suddenly the kiss was everything she had ever hoped for. She was surprised to find herself getting excited; it seemed she might be in for the full experience, not just a compromise in the name of damage control.

He pulled her onto his chest and she could feel the evidence of her success against her belly. Their underwear came off with some difficulty. It was hard to get undressed while still maintaining full body contact. In the end, Jamie got impatient and rolled them to the side so that they could more easily rid themselves of their last pieces of clothing.

He seemed to come to his senses a little once they stopped their frantic kissing and she worried that he would back out. He didn't though. He only sat up and rested his back against the headboard. He must have noticed her concern, for he reached out his hand invitingly. Once she took it, he pulled her into his lap. As she straddled him, he reached in between her legs a little gingerly and ran his fingers over her smooth pussy in a rather exploratory manner. She had suspected him of not being terribly experienced, but felt a rush of relief regardless. The relief soon gave way to other sensations as he explored her surprisingly wet core. His fingers moved around her slickness completely without friction, making his touch feel enticingly light and gentle.

As he explored, he quickly gained confidence, helped on by her rather vocal encouragements. His feather light touches to her clit was a revelation to them both and she was soon panting for something more substantial than his fingers. Her enthusiasm seemed to be contagious; James could suddenly take it no longer and flipped her over so that he was on top. With the tip of his cock at her hot silky entrance, he forced himself to pause.

"Are you sure you want this?" he asked while seemingly searching her eyes for the answer. It touched her heartstrings to know that he wasn't simply asking for permission, he genuinely cared. And wasn't that the whole point of having her first time with him in the first place?

"Absolutely. I want you." she said while she, in a fit of uncharacteristic courage, gripped his hips and pulled him closer. They both gasped for breath as he sank into her tight virgin pussy. There was no hymen to worry about, but she was such a snug fit there was no other way but to take it slowly. She tried not to wince as her body slowly adjusted to the intrusion of his rather thick cock. Despite her efforts, he noticed her discomfort and stopped moving. Instead he gathered her in his arms and kissed her in the most distracting manner he could manage.

Gradually she started responding to his kisses with as much enthusiasm as she had before, until she had her legs wrapped around his hips, her hands running through his hair and she was gasping for breath. When he tried moving again, she arched her back and moved with him. Jamie couldn't help but groan aloud as her heavenly pussy enveloped his cock. It didn't take him long to lose control once his concerns about her discomfort were gone.

Much as he loved holding her close, after a few minutes of fucking her as hard and fast as he could manage in the limiting position they were in, he got frustrated. Pulling out of her, he got out of bed and gently, but swiftly pulled her legs so she would follow him. Flipping her over, he got her on her hands and knees at the edge of the bed. The great view he had of her and the increased freedom to move more than made up for the loss of skin contact.

Gripping her hips, he thrust back into her firmly. Her consequent moan told him she would enjoy this position at least almost as much as him. Soon, the sound of skin slapping against skin filled the room as he fucked her with the enthusiasm of a long-suffering teenager. As he perfected his angle so that he hit her g-spot more often than not, she had to grab the nearest pillow to bury her face in; keeping quiet simply wasn't possible while he was doing that. Every thrust that hit home felt like a small eruption in her pussy.

The heat was soon all-consuming and she felt like she was melting; she could feel the moisture from her pussy running down her legs and covering his balls as they slapped against her every time he bottomed out. As her orgasm descended upon her like a great wave, he was far from ready for it to be over. He quickly pulled out of her convulsing pussy to stop himself from coming.

The respite from the all-consuming desire was enough for him to come to his senses; this was Ellie! He hadn't been fantasizing about fucking her senseless for these past years. Okay, maybe he had a little bit, but mostly he'd wanted to make sure she felt loved and safe, to make love to her. This could hardly be called romantic.

As she gradually came down from her high and her breathing settled, he noticed the goosebumps covering her skin. He didn't flatter himself to think that he was the reason, and he became aware of how cold the room was. He helped her get under the covers and climbed into bed after her. Gently brushing the hair out of her eyes as she lay there rather timidly looking at him, he said; "Sorry about that. I kinda lost it."

"Why on earth are you apologizing?"

"There is nothing wrong with getting your hands dirty during sex, so to speak. But it's not necessarily what you're looking for your first time around. Can I start again?"

She giggled. "If it's gonna feel anything like that, you can do whatever you want to."

"That's just it though, I'm aiming for something a little different." he thought to himself, as he rolled over to position himself between her legs once more, covering her body with his. He guided himself back inside her, before he entwined her fingers in his and pinned her hands above her head. Careful to keep his weight on his elbows, he kept as much skin contact as possible. This time it was more of a slow build. His movements were slow and precise and he listened to the changes in her breathing to understand what she liked.

At first, Ellie felt a little disappointed with the change; compared to their first round, this was rather vanilla flavoured and unsatisfying. Once she stopped waiting for the excessive onslaught of passion and desire though, she could feel a whole new set emotions. She could appreciate the feeling of his lips on her neck, the way his breath would caress her ear every once in a while, the closeness and heat of him and the feel of his skin against her legs as she moved with him. When she came the second time, though it was far less physically powerful than the first, he came with her as they held onto each other fiercely.

Lying in his arms afterwards, she sensed that the beauty of this moment was not something she could have shared with just anyone. While she felt certain she would not have reacted to his previous onslaught in the same way had she been with for example his father, she was sure her reaction the second time around -- she refused to let herself even think of it as lovemaking -- was a much more discriminative one.

The truth of the complicating nature of sex descended and threatened to ruin the moment for her. As she briefly considered whether she was in love with Jamie and simultaneously got angry with herself for wasting such a perfect moment on worrying about why it was perfect, Jamie let out a contented little sigh. Like an obstructive cloud moving away from the sun, her worries lifted and she was simply there with him once more. After all, this was her Jamie and what they had could never be tainted by something like this. They'd been through far too much together for that.

Just before he fell asleep, he whispered into her ear; "You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that. I love you." But his speech was slurred by fast oncoming sleep and what remained of the alcohol in his system and Ellie couldn't make out a word of what he was saying. Not realizing how big the moment was, she decided that she was too sleepy to care.

Jamie woke up the next morning, alone in bed. He sensed something was wrong, getting out of bed before him was very uncharacteristic of Ellie. Though she had been acting out of character last night he figured she'd need a good reason for getting up early. He went down to the kitchen, slightly apprehensive. Ellie was sitting in one of the chairs by the kitchen table. It took him a second to realize what was wrong with that picture, she wasn't moving. She sat there, completely catatonic, an untouched breakfast in front of her. He could see a police officer talking to his father.

Where was Joanne? And why was the lady from next door doing their dishes for them? He suspected the breakfast in front of Ellie was her doing. That was the moment he recognized just how grave the situation must be. Neighbours don't come into your kitchen and cook for you unless someone has died recently. So he wasn't all that surprised to overhear the policeman telling his father that his stepmother Joanne, Ellie's drunk, bitter, and careless mum had got herself killed last night.

The next week was a blur of well-meaning relatives bringing food and talking in hushed voices as if that could soothe the sting of a missing family member. The funeral was to be a quiet affair, but three days before it was to take place Jamie woke up to another empty bed and a note from Ellie telling him not to worry about her.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Katherine brought the sandwiches they'd ordered to the table. It did Jamie a world of good to watch Ellie eat some proper food; she had gotten so thin. Once they'd finished their breakfast he told her; "A promise is a promise. It's time you told me what you've been up to."

She hesitated for a moment, seeming reluctant to talk about it. "I went to stay with my friend Lucy. You remember her, don't you? Her mum was away on business for a few weeks and Lucy agreed to let me hide out at her place. I got a job serving coffee at Starbucks. You know the one next to the British Museum?"

"Hold on a minute. I talked to Lucy, she said she hadn't heard from you since before the car crash." Jamie was annoyed already.

"Yes, well. I asked her to lie. She's a good friend and we knew you and I would be better off if you didn't know where I was. So anyway, I served coffee to save up some money to try and find my dad. I didn't hold out much hope that he would have changed his mind about taking care of me, but I had to try. With mum gone, James had no reason to take care of me anymore." She left out the one reason he'd had to want to keep her around, Jamie didn't need to know the ugly truth about his father. That was saying something, considering the things Jamie already knew.

"I would have looked after you. You know that, don't you?" Jamie's increasing agitation was making this more difficult by the minute.

"Yes, of course I know. But you were supposed to go away to school and I didn't want you to put your future on hold for me. I was afraid you'd resent me and I've always wanted you to be happy."

"I hadn't thought of that. But it wouldn't have mattered anyway. I was thinking about asking you to come with me. Technically dad had custody of you, but somehow I don't think he would have minded." They sat there for a few minutes in silence, contemplating what could have been if only they'd talked things through properly back then. How different their lives would have been.

In the end, Katherine came to their rescue; "Anyone for a refill?" Jamie didn't even have to look at Ellie to know that she'd love another cup of steaming hot chocolate; she would have lived on the stuff if she could.

"Yes, please. The hot chocolate is as wonderful as ever." Jamie smiled pleasantly and managed to make Ellie jealous despite her best efforts. She was silently reprimanding herself for being silly.

"He's just a decent, pleasant guy. There is no need to obsess over this." when she suddenly realized that Katherine was talking to her.

"I know you. You're Lucy's friend from school. I thought there was something familiar about that face. You stayed with us for a few weeks a couple of years back."

"Yes, that was me. I hope I wasn't too much of an inconvenience. Lucy would never have told me even if I was."

"Wait a minute. You're Lucy's sister? How did I not know this? I should have remembered you from school." Jamie was astonished.

"Well, Lucy and I are twins, so we weren't in any of the same classes. You must have been nearly finished by the time we transferred. But still, it's funny how small the world really is. I've better go serve those customers, but I'll be back with your chocolate in a minute."

The minute Katherine left, the tension descended upon their little table once again. "So, you went to look for your father. Did you find him?"

"Yes, and no. He currently resides in a little cemetery outside Oxford. He'd died of a heart attack two years before I came to find him. But I did find my granny. She was a sweet little lady who took care of me for nearly two years. But then she had to move to a retirement home and had to sell the house to pay for her stay there. She died in her sleep last year, she was only 74."

Jamie reached across the table and took her hand in both of his while she dried her eyes discretely on her napkin. "I'm sorry. I wish I could have been there for you. It seems like everyone keeps dying around us. Good thing you insist on doing things your own way. You'd be in serious trouble with me if you join the trend."

She seemed to snap out of it as soon as Katherine came back with their refill, and Jamie figured it was okay to press on. "Where did you go after that?"

"I moved back to London. I got a temp job as a receptionist in a real estate agency. It was boring as hell, so I wasn't sad to go when the regular receptionist came back from maternity leave. Meanwhile I'd moved in with my boyfriend, Jason. We shared a tiny one bedroom apartment near Pimlico until he left me for a busty blond from work. He wasn't the most original of men, which is a shame as his biggest dream in life is to become a writer." They laughed half-heartedly over life's cruel sense of humour.

"That was almost seven months ago. I've been scraping by, working whatever temp jobs I could get and selling off my things to make rent. It hasn't been fun, but I didn't realize how bad it had gotten until one the ladies from the real estate agency didn't recognize me on the street. Why is it that we can never lose weight when we actually want to? Two weeks after I caved and sold my guitar, I got evicted regardless."

Jamie was silent for a minute, taking it all in. "Seems like we'll have to buy you another guitar as well as some warmer clothes. There's one thing I still don't understand though. Why didn't you call me? My number's listed and everything! You really thought there was the slightest chance that there would be anything I wouldn't do for you? Honestly, don't you know me at all?"

Ellie looked embarrassed, "I was terrified that you'd turn me down. I didn't think I could handle knowing that you didn't care for me anymore. That would mean that I was truly alone."

Jamie didn't look insulted, he just smiled his crooked smile and said, "You know, you can be really thick sometimes. Come on, let's go find you a new coat. This one desperately needs to be laid to rest."

A few hours later, Jamie had succeeded at getting Ellie enough new clothes to make her mortified. She had objected to the necessity of each new item of clothing, all except the new coat. She knew she needed it, she had wanted a new one for so long, and she absolutely adored her lovely new blue jacket with silver buttons. Already she felt like a different person. She wasn't vain by anyone's standard, but she didn't feel like the sort of person who worries about how she's going to buy food next week anymore.

Finally, Jamie suggested that they'd get her a new guitar and she felt more torn than ever that day. She hated feeling dependent, to accept charity from anyone. But at the same time, a new guitar could be the key to her independence in the future. And it was so much more than that. Music had always been her passion, her antidepressant, her primary source of nourishment for the soul.

Jamie recognized her expression from long hours of daydreaming about being discovered by a record company. Together they would plan grand schemes for when she would sign with them, and all the fantastic things that would follow. He smiled knowingly, ignored her half-hearted protests and dragged her into the store. It felt like only seconds later, when she was back on the street with her new soul mate in her hand.

"Can we go home now? Please? Or do you have anything you have to do first?" Ellie looked at him with pleading eyes.

"No," he chuckled. "we can go home. Is it because you can't stand for me to buy you anything else, or because you can't wait to play your new guitar?"

"With all my heart, it's because of both!"