Coming Home

The trees were tangle-trunked weeping gums, all bent and twisted, stunted and knotted, with creaking branches and clattering dusty leaves. Bark came off in long loose strips and hung, rattling, in the breeze. Between the trees there was grass and dust and stony little gullies. In a dry summer like this, the sun baked everything, grass and dirt and empty dams, to a dusty pale gold.

Bec drove too fast, feeling the pickup truck's tires slip now and then, bashing through potholes. She knew the road, had been driving along it since she was ten. Down past the last of the trees, halfway along the long straight stretch before the valley climbed and narrowed again towards the farm, Bec saw a car stopped on the side of the road.

The bonnet was up, and a man she didn't know was standing in front of it. He was holding something in one hand, glaring at it, looking irritated. Bec assumed a phone. There was no cell signal along this part of the road.

She slowed down, stopped beside him, opened the passenger-side window and called, "Is everything okay?"

"The car stopped."

"What's wrong with it?"

"I don't know."

He looked over at her, and noticed what she was wearing. It was eleven in the morning and she was in a party dress. She'd been out all night, had stayed with a friend in town so she could drink and not have to drive back afterwards. But there was no way for him to know that. He just saw the dress and the dusty pickup and didn't seem to know what to make of her.

"Phone doesn't work?" Bec said.

"Ah," he said, still looking at her clothes. "No."

"There's no signal until you're back up the hill. The tower's down on the highway."

"Oh."

He must be visiting someone, Bec decided. Anyone who lived around here would have asked for help by now.

"Do you want me to have a look?" she said.

"It's okay. I'll phone someone."

"Yeah," Bec said. "Not without a three kilometer walk, you won't."

He kept looking at her, apparently confused.

"The phone," she said. "There's no signal."

"Right."

He seemed a bit helpless, like he didn't know how to deal with a broken-down car.

She hesitated, then pulled over in front of him, and parked, and climbed out.

As she got out he saw her boots, and stared. She was wearing work boots. Farm boots. Boots that were comfortable to drive in, but that really didn't go with the dress.

"I'll have a look at the car," she said.

"You don't need to," he said.

"Yeah, I know. But I will, because you're kind of stuck here otherwise."

He kept looking at her boots.

"If it's something small," she said, watching him stare. "It's quicker than driving you back to town."

She didn't think he was listening.

"So the shoes are on the back seat," she said. "And I stayed with a mate, it isn't a walk of shame thing. Anything you want to say?"

He shook his head.

"Could you get the bonnet?" she said.

He reached in the window and found the latch and popped it. Bec opened it, making sure to clip it up so it wouldn't fall on her head. She looked at the engine. "What happened?"

"It stopped."

"Yeah, I got that. While you were driving?"

"Yeah."

She poked the battery terminals, but the cables seemed to be screwed on tight. She tried to see a distributor, but it was a new car and there wasn't one. It was probably a fault in the fuel injection, or the main computer, or something else she couldn't do anything about. "Try and start it," she said.

"Now?"

"Yep."

He climbed in and she heard the key turn, heard a click from down in front of her that was probably a battery solenoid, but nothing else. Something had gone pretty badly wrong.

"Yeah," she said. "That's not good."

She thought for a moment. The day was hot and her skin was sticky and she could feel hair trying to get loose and fall past her face into the engine bay. She wiped her face with her hand, then poked the battery again, and wondered what was wrong.

She noticed grease on her hand. She realized she'd probably smeared it on her face too when she'd touched it just then. She put that hand on the side of the car, deliberately, so she wouldn't touch her clothes by mistake and get them oily.

She was leaning over the engine bay hoping she'd get some inspiration. She thought she ought to stand there for a minute and look like she was trying so it didn't seem like she was giving up too soon.

The man leaned on the side of the car and watched her. Hopefully, she assumed.

Then she glanced up and noticed where he was looking. She was wearing a party dress. It was low at the front, and she was leaning, and it was hanging down a fair bit, and she didn't have anything on underneath.

"Mate," she said. "Seriously? While I try and help?"

And he blushed. She watched, a bit curious. She hadn't seen a guy blush that much before.

She watched him blush, but didn't actually move.

He looked away, down at the engine, when she caught him. She kept standing where she was, and after a minute he looked again. Almost like he couldn't help himself. It was sort of flattering.

So Bec flashed him.

She pulled down the front of the dress and held it there and let him look. Because he seemed like an okay person, and he'd actually had the decency to get embarrassed, and because it didn't happen to her that often, people looking. And because after not wearing a bra for most of a day and rubbing around on the insides of the dress, she'd got a bit more aware of her tits than normal. And because she was tired and full of nervous energy and a little worried about being home again for the family Christmas. And because right now she had oil on her face and was sweaty and in a nice dress and hadn't got laid last night, and somehow she felt like a calendar hanging in a service station. In a good way.

So she pulled the front of the dress down.

He stood there and looked at her. He seemed surprised.

She grinned, like it was all between mates, and it actually felt like it was. She didn't necessarily want to fuck him, she didn't necessarily want him getting all smitten and following her around. She just wanted to show him her tits and have him appreciate her.

He seemed to be appreciating her. He was staring.

After a while she pulled the dress back up, because otherwise they might be there all day.

"So I can't fix it," she said. "The car. It's sick. It's completely fucked."

"Oh," he said, like he'd forgotten about the car. "Yeah. Well. Thanks for trying."

"No worries." She slammed the bonnet closed. "Hop in, I'll drop you where you're going."

"You don't need to."

"Three kilometer walk," she said. "At least. Get in." She went to the truck, opened the driver's door. "Come on."

He locked his car and followed her. "Silly question," he said. "You aren't..."

Bec pulled down her dress again. Because he'd been so impressed last time.

They sat there for a moment, in the cool shade of the pickup truck's cab. Bec looked off into the distance, skin damp, one hand on the steering wheel. She looked at hillsides shimmering with heat and the dusty road and the blue sky, and he looked at her. It was odd to sit there with her breasts bare, the breeze from the open window tickling her skin. Odd, but strangely pleasant, too.

"All done?" she said after a while. "They're going away."

"Ah yeah," he said. His voiced sounded a little odd. "Thank you."

"Hey," she said, as she put herself away. "You're polite. That's nice."

"Okay."

"You never know," she said. "I might do that again."

He looked over, seemed interested.

She grinned. "Wait and see."

He seemed like he had other things on his mind, though, not just her. His car, she supposed. She almost flashed him again, to try and cheer him up, but made herself stop. It was turning into some kind of bad habit.

"Where're you going?" she said instead.

"The Johnsons," he said.

Bec had been about to turn the truck's key. She stopped, and didn't move.

"The Johnsons," she said. Her name. Her place. Her parents' place. In a way it wasn't surprising, because there weren't that many more houses this far up the road. She should think more, before she did things like this. "Oh fuck," she said.

"Hey," he said, like he had been going to say this all along. "Silly question. You aren't Bec Johnson are you?"

Bec felt a little breathless. "Ah," she said. "Ah, yeah. I am."

"I remember you," he said. "You've grown up a bit."

"I've grown up a bit?"

There was a silence. An uncomfortable, awkward silence, like he'd only just realized what he'd said at the same time she did. Bec pulled at her dress again, making sure it was up, then tugged at the zipper under her arm. It had slid a little with all the pulling so she made sure it was done up.

"Fuck," she said. "Shit. Who're you?"

"Rob," he said.

She tried to remember Robs. Or Roberts, or Robbies. He must be someone's kid, the son of one of her parents' friends.

"Sorry," she said. "I don't..."

"Kelly's Rob," he said, and suddenly she understood.

Kelly, her big sister. When Bec was twelve and Kelly fifteen or sixteen, Kelly had gone into the city for school. Kelly found Rob there, and had been pretty serious about him for a couple of years, until she'd gone away to uni. Or maybe they'd both gone away, but to different places, Bec couldn't remember. She couldn't remember very much because it was a long time ago. She supposed Kelly and Rob had lost touch, and broken up, and if Kelly had been upset she'd done her grieving at uni so Bec hadn't known.

It had been more than ten years ago, and Rob being here now didn't quite make sense.

"So what's going on?" Bec said. "Why are you here?"

"To see Kelly."

"Oh," Bec said.

Bec suddenly remembered she'd once had a crush on Rob. At the beginning, when he was the only guy close to her age around the place, younger than the farm workers and apprentice shearers. She'd had a crush when she was a kid. Later, when she'd got a boyfriend of her own, she forgot about Rob. Until now. She suddenly couldn't remember the boyfriend's name, but she still remembered the crush.

"So," Bec said. "Are you guys back on or something?"

Rob shook his head. "I ran into her, that's all. She said she was out here for Christmas and I should come and say hi."

"Yeah," Bec said. "She is. For a week or so."

"That's what she said."

"I haven't even seen her yet," Bec said. "When did you?" Kelly had been due to arrive last night, after Bec left.

"Sydney airport," Rob said. "We were on the same flight back."

Bec nodded. That actually made some sense. Everyone heading home for the holidays, catching the last planes.

"She said I should just come out," Rob said.

He sounded a little defensive, like he knew he should have rung first. Bec wondered why he'd think that, but not have done it, but then realized. He probably thought Kelly would change her mind if he warned her, and he wanted to come anyway.

Which made him being here even odder.

Maybe Rob did still feel something for Kelly. Maybe this was some kind of attempt at a reunion.

Bec felt a little sorry for him, if that was what was going on. Kelly was single, but pretty firmly single. She kept saying she didn't need anyone, didn't want to get involved, and Bec was fairly sure she meant it, wasn't just bullshitting to make herself feel better.

"Yeah," Bec said, trying to be nice. "I'm sure it's fine. I was just surprised to see you."

"Me too."

"Especially when I just flashed you."

Silence for a moment. Bec looked out the dusty windscreen at the dusty summer grass. The sky was blue, and the sun was getting too hot to stand. Without the air conditioning on, the pickup's cab would have been too hot to be inside, sitting in the full sun like this.

"Hey," Bec said. "Sorry. About..."

"Don't be."

"It was kind of rude. I've been out all night, and still feeling a bit..."

"It's fine."

"Yeah," she said. "I'm sure it is. But all the same, I'm sorry."

And this time he smiled back.

"So, Kelly," Bec said. Trying to work out how she could warn him he might be disappointed.

"Yeah."

"Ran into her, hey?"

Rob nodded.

"And now you're here?" Bec said.

"Yeah," he said. "Why?"

"Nah," Bec said, changing her mind. "No reason." He should find out for himself. It wasn't her business.

"We just saw each other," Rob said. "That's really all. She said come out, while everyone's here, so I did."

Bec supposed it might be true. He had been around a lot, when she was younger. He'd known her family fairly well.

She thought about it, and decided to ask anyway. "So you're still pining after Kel?" she said.

Rob just looked out the window, and didn't answer.

"Sorry," Bec said, suddenly feeling bad. "I didn't mean..."

"Don't worry."

"So are you?"

Another silence.

"Okay," Bec said, and started the engine. "Whatever you say."

She drove for a while. Slower than normal, because she was thinking. About Rob being here, and why.

"So what happened to you?" she said, as she drove, for something to say. "What did you end up doing with yourself?"

"Sales." Rob said. "You?"

"Nothing much. Computers. And help around the farm."

"You still live here? You didn't ever leave?"

Bec shrugged. People from towns always asked like that, like it was bad, but it wasn't the same out here. "I went away," she said. "Then I came back. Mum and dad are getting on a bit, they need a hand."

"Yeah," he said. "Of course. Where did you go?"

"Sydney."

"How long have you been back?"

"A few weeks."

"Oh," he said. "That's sudden."

Bec shrugged.

"It seems sudden," he said. "Maybe not. Was there a reason or something?"

Bec looked straight ahead and thought about David, then made herself stop. Made herself not think his name, not remember he existed.

"No reason," she said. "Just liked it better out here, I suppose."

Rob nodded, and then seemed run out of things to say. There was a silence. It wasn't quite uncomfortable, but Bec had sat through friendlier ones.

"Why're you dressed like that?" Rob said.

"Friend's Christmas party. Last night."

"Oh."

Another silence. Then Bec said, "Was it your car?"

"A rental."

"Yeah. Kind of small to come out here."

"I know."

"Are you allowed to take it on dirt roads?" she said. "With the insurance, I mean."

Rob didn't answer. When Bec glanced over, he was staring at her, horrified.

"I don't know," he said.

"It's probably fine," Bec said. "Just a lot of the time you're not. You have to use particular companies, and if you didn't ask..."

Rob looked alarmed, and Bec didn't blame him. She wouldn't want to find out how awful a rental company's debt collectors were either, once they decided the damage was her fault.

"Hey," she said. "It'll be fine, don't worry."

"Not if I broke it. Shit."

"We'll tow it back to the highway and call a truck from there, okay?"

"Can we do that?"

Bec glanced over and decided he looked relieved, not shocked. "They'll never know," she said.

"I'm not sure..."

"Up to you," Bec said. "I'm pretty sure it's the car that's fucked, not anything you did. But they'll try and blame you anyway."

Rob didn't say anything.

"So it's up to you if you let them," Bec said.

"Yeah," Rob said, after a while, "Okay." Then, after another silence. "Thanks."

"No worries."

*

The farm filled half a small valley. The driveway, a dirt track, ran between a double line of creaking gums planted a century ago for shade. There was a creek to the left, the boundary with the station next door. There were large flat paddocks along the creek, sloping up to the broken rock of the hillsides. The house sat among birch and beech trees, low in the valley to shelter against the wind. The grass was dry, and the dirt was loose and crumbly and gritty, filled with pebbles and cracked-off slabs of stone, like a gravelly, dusty Christmas cake.

Bec took the last bend at seventy, and only slowed for the turn over the cattle grid and into their gate. Rob was looking around, like he was remembering the place. Bec went up the dirt driveway, fast, and stopped in the old yards next to the house.

She got out, left her keys in the truck, and shouted, "I'm back."

Someone must have heard the engine, or seen dust on the road. Kelly came around the corner and grabbed Bec.

Bec had been going to say hey, look what I found, but didn't get a chance. Kelly grabbed her and squeezed her so sharply she couldn't breathe for a minute, and then their mother turned up. Her mum didn't recognize Rob, and seemed to assume he was someone Bec had found last night, a stray brought home to visit.

Rob was trying to explain, grinning at Kelly, and Kelly was basically ignoring him and teasing Bec about her party dress and not letting go of the hug.

Bec waited for Kelly to say something to their mother. Or say hi to Rob.

Kelly didn't, and Bec didn't understand why not.

In the end Bec decided she ought to. "Mum," she said. "He's Kel's, not mine. I just found him on the road."

Kelly let go of Bec, and looked at Rob, and after a long time, far too long, she said, "Oh hi."

And Rob did about the same, and from his face was thinking that he shouldn't have come.

Bec suddenly realized they might have been drunk on the plane. That this might all be a misunderstanding, Kelly saying yeah come on out, everyone'd love to see you, and never actually thinking it would happen.

"His car broke down on the road," Bec said.

That gave everyone something to talk about. What was wrong with the car, and how hard it would be to fix, and how far it was back to the highway.

"He doesn't know," Bec said. "What's wrong. I don't either. It's new, a rental."

"Is it insured for a dirt road?" Bec's mum said.

"We already did that," Bec said, and glanced at Rob. He looked worried again. "He doesn't know," she said. "But probably not."

"We can tow it back to the highway," Bec's mum said, calm as anything. As if they were a family of insurance-defrauding rednecks who did things like this every day.

"Yeah," Bec said. "I was going to," but no-one was listening to her any more.

"Have you got any bags?" her mum said to Rob. "Bec can go and get them.'

"I'm getting changed," Bec said.

"I was just visiting," Rob said. "I didn't plan to stay."

"You might be now," Bec's mum said, and laughed.

"Come inside," Bec said to Rob. "I want a shower and you can talk to these guys."

Then she wondered why it was her saying that, when he was Kelly's ex, and was here to see Kelly.

They went inside. Kelly hung back a bit with their mother like she was saying something quietly. Bec went around the side of the house, through the mudroom to wash the grease off her hands. Rob went with her. She assumed because she was the only one acting like she wanted him here.

"And don't you picture that," she said to Rob, while she washed her hands.

"Picture what?"

"Me in the shower, mate." She grinned.

Rob blushed again, and Bec wasn't quite sure why she'd said that. Unless she wanted him to think about her in the shower. She glanced at him, and decided she really was embarrassing him and perhaps she should stop.

"Sorry," she said.

"Maybe I should go," Rob said. "Just tell them about the car and deal with whatever they charge."

Bec looked at him and dried her hands and wondered how much he really wanted to be here.

"Don't leave just because Kelly's being weird," she said.

"I'm not," he said.

Bec looked at him.

"Not really."

"Bit of a misunderstanding," she said. "All that shit?"

Rob shrugged.

"I wouldn't mind catching up," Bec said. "With you. Mum and dad probably wouldn't either."

"I know," Rob said. "But still."

"You'll be right," Bec said. "She probably wants to see you more than it seems," and before he could argue any more, she led him through into the lounge. There were a group of people in there, her father, and some cousins, and an old neighbor who'd retired to town but used to farm down the road.