Coming to Terms

Classes were all fine and easy, after spending many years as a Registered Nurse Practitioner, I was way ahead of all of my classmates. A few of our Professors were way younger than I was, and often I ended up actually helping to teach the classes.

Did I fit in? Of course not. A few of them even took to calling me "Mom" which I never objected to but that irritated me.

December came, I was looking forward to going home for Christmas, see my Danny. Like each time, we would practically live in bed. Then I saw the weather report. As things got worse and more and more flights were cancelled, it became quite clear I was not going to be going home for Christmas.

The weather where we were was just fine, although cold, it was the change over at Denver that put a stop to things. The entire middle of the Nation was shut down, frozen solid with ice and snow with no relief in sight. Even worse was Portland was having an ice and snow storm also, and I needed to drive from there to my coastal home.

It was not going to happen, I was stuck 1800 miles from home at Christmas.

Alone.

My class was having a party that night, I seldom went to those since everyone was so much younger than me, I was usually part of the wall if I did.

But, I went. There must have been 100 people there, drinking, smoking dope, pairing off and being crazy kids. I was feeling a bit miserable.

I had a couple of drinks, and there was so much smoke in the air there was no way to not get a contact high.

Then one of the professors, probably half my age came over and began to chat with me. That was nice, I enjoyed that, enjoyed being noticed.

We went out onto the porch and he asked me to dance, so we did. That was nice too, he was handsome and well built and was paying attention to me. He held me fairly close since the air was cold, that felt nice. I thought about pulling back but he was so sweet, so polite, I decided there was no harm done.

Next he asked me to come up to his apartment for a drink, I knew of course what he wanted but was thinking if I just stayed aloof it was no big deal. My head was a little bit fuzzy, my body was taking over.

He kissed me, his arms around me, I let him. It felt nice, it felt good to be held, my body was wanting to be held. Things just moved on from there, I would like to say I resisted his advances but that would not be true. I let him, my mind was fuzzy and I was not even thinking of my wonderful husband back home, alone.

Then we were on the bed and I was naked, he was on me. I felt his penis, yes, I reached down and felt it. I guided him, helped him, and he was inside. My head was in a whirl, I needed the sex, needed it desperately for some reason. Then it was done, I never climaxed, but it did feel very good.

I had done it, cheated on my husband, and no way could I even claim it being an accident or something that just happened. There was a moment in there, like topping a hill in a way, and from then on I wanted that young man to fuck me.

That is what it was, a fucking, because no way could it be described as making love. It was all very quick from that moment when his fingers found me, and I lifted my hips, tugged down my panties to allow him better access.

Yes, I had to admit to my wonderful husband that I had deliberately pulled my underwear down so this almost total stranger could have sex with me.

He wanted me to sleep with him in his bed, but ashamed, I did not and he didn't press the issue. I slept instead on his couch, snuggled naked in a blanket. The next morning, I slipped by him as he snored and took a shower.

I came out with a towel around me, he was awake. He reached for me, so I dropped the towel and he made love to me again, slower this time and I did climax.

Later, I went back to my own place, ashamed.

And, I cried. I cheated on my Danny, this was nothing like the things we often did, because those were always together or with each other knowing.

My second mistake was not telling Danny instantly when I did get back home, confessing to my weakness. Now we had talked about that before I left, I told him he could have a partner for sex, and I would understand. I meant that too, it would not have bothered me.

All Danny did was ask me if I wanted to have a lover while I was gone, and I told him no. I meant that, too. He just shrugged.

Danny didn't take a lover. Of course he didn't.

+++

It was six long months later before finally, obsessed with guilt, I told Danny what I had done. I also told him exactly as I related it to you here, no punches pulled.

That caused a blowup, a confrontation which I expected. What I did not expect was for him to leave. That was the most miserable two weeks of my life, but finally we got together, sat down and talked.

Danny wanted to know why, of course. But I had no answer for him, since I did not know why myself. I could blame drink, lonely, a contact high, but the problem was that following morning when I let that man have me again.

That 2nd time was because I simply wanted to, if I am honest with myself. He was there, he was naked and erect, and there was no surrounding clinic full of people to give me an excuse to protect myself. So, the sex that morning was me being completely and totally willing, if not eager.

Yes, a weakness of the flesh, a weakness in me.

I told Danny the truth about that, he looked at me quietly and then I saw his eyes accept that. Because, of course, it was true. One thing I am certain enough about, if I were to be untruthful with Danny, he would know.

And, he would then really be gone. My mistake was not in the act itself, Danny and I both understand about sex being a part of life, an actual human need that as humans, we fight against close to constantly.

The problem was my keeping it inside for six long months, pretending nothing had happened when it did.

+++

Is there more? Oh, yes. I guess the word is, I went a little bit crazy, somewhere in my mind was the idea of making things up to Danny.

It took some doing, but Danny ended up having full sex with first Rachel, a young woman who lived right next door a few years back.

Why? My idea, the thought of making us even. Then, I managed to get Rwanda, a nice little black lady that was a nurse at my clinic, to seduce Danny.

She was actually quite happy to do that, and I foolishly was thinking this might fix things. Then, making things worse, I let Thad, Rwanda's boyfriend have sex with me after one of his massages. We had kept right on getting the massages, about every couple of weeks, regular as clockwork.

We had briefly officially become what is known as swingers, it was almost like were both trying to hurt each other?

Like I said before, Danny having sex with someone would not upset me one bit. The worry was these women were much younger, with bodies that did not yet show the ravages of time. Suddenly, it was like I was.. competing?

My ability with my "bedside" manner meant I was not even allowing my upset to show. Not to anyone else of course, but to Danny? He knew, of course he did.

+++

Things were not the best between us, then when Danny was having some pains his Doctor ordered a CT scan, one of those with contrast. That showed a 6.5MM aneurysm in his center aorta.

Those who know what that is, know what it means. It was right there, ready to burst at any moment, so the surgery to correct was on an emergency basis.

They did the stent repair, it was fine for a couple of weeks, then blood tests showed his count was off, next they found the infection. Out came the stent, they did a full repair which is very invasive.

Next popped up MRSA, that is a superbug staff infection that is fast becoming a scrouge in our hospitals as most antibiotics it is resistant to.

But testing showed Bactrim had an effect, and that worked. By then, Danny was so far down, so weak that I could see him failing daily as I went in to see him. They even did a Myocardial Biopsy, a nasty test that checks the heart muscle for infection. If found, the patient typically dies.

Danny came back clear which did not stop the worry since that test is only about 20% effective.

But, he then began to improve.

I was so tied up at work and with the worry about Danny that nearly everyone we even knew socially had drifted away, the last part there went on for months. But then, improvement. Color back, one day I was at his bedside and he lay there with a grin on his face as I came in and sat down.

I took one look and knew what he needed, so with a grin I slipped over and sat on the edge of his bed. My hand slipped under the covers, I found I was correct.

I heard the door close behind me, I didn't bother to look around. Nurses, they always know what is going on.

I will say, that was one beautiful intimate moment as I sat there and tended to my husband. As my lips slid over him for the first time in many long months, something wafted over me. It is a feeling that I now know what it is, it's called .. love.

Over the next couple of weeks, I showed up and did the same thing. On the way to work one morning, his day nurse named Sarah (note that nurses never use their real names) stopped me.

She told me that Danny was really showing good signs, I knew that of course. Then she mentioned that he was getting erections during his bed baths, another good sign of returning health.

"You can go ahead and take care of that also if you don't mind." I told her with a grin.

Sarah blinked, then smiled.

"Really?"

"Yes, really." I laughed and went on to work. Sarah had just smiled and shrugged.

I made a mental note to look up her situation, we were looking for a new Nurse to add to staff at the clinic to take Jennifer's place as she was retiring.

If not Sarah, then one of them would work out.

I was humming to myself as I headed to the office.

+++

Danny was scheduled for release, and is home now. He is gaining daily, maybe he will feel up to it and write some more.

I did ask him how Sarah did, he laughed and told me she needed a bit of practice but was sure eager, which I found hilarious.

Danny and I seem to once again have no real inhibitions with each other, at least I hope we can get back to that.

So, for those of you who asked, that is what is going on. My one time failing, my allowing myself to be unfaithful is now a distant memory.

The other stuff, the things we both know all about? That is not being unfaithful, not to my way of thinking, or to Danny's either.

At least, I think so anyway.