Community: The Rule of Threequels

As much as Dean Pelton, the Greendale cleaning staff and a minority of students didn't want it, there was no way around it. It was all but required by law -- almost literally at one point -- that Greendale had to host a paintball war for the third straight May. The trilogy had to be completed, no matter how much damage was done -- or if they used up all their original ideas and homage's the first two times. Yet when it comes to a 'threequel,' original ideas and imagination weren't required anymore.

But Jeff Winger and Annie Edison were among those looking forward to this -- though they wouldn't admit it to anyone else or each other. If they did mention it to each other -- and mention why they were looking forward to it -- things might have gone differently. Then they'd have known right away that they each wanted to have sex with each other for the first time during paintball, in the study room -- just as Jeff and Britta Perry did in Paintball War 1.

Circumstances were different then, as Jeff and Britta merely needed to relieve sexual tension during their first time. Yet over two years of romantic tension had already been relieved by Jeff and Annie not long after Valentine's 2012. After dancing around each other for so long, they had finally started a real relationship over these last two months. But although they overcame milestones like Jeff admitting he wanted to be with Annie, Jeff enduring the initial jokes and protests from the group, and surviving their first arguments as a couple, they still hadn't had sex yet.

They had made out more than enough, although when Annie thought about it, she was amazed that Jeff hadn't tried to go all the way yet. Now that Jeff didn't see Annie as a little girl anymore, it was easier to accept that she was irresistible to him. And Annie....well, she needed no words to show how hot she thought Jeff was. Yet despite devouring each other's mouths, faces, necks and ears over two months, they hadn't devoured anything below that.

Annie reasoned that Jeff wanted to be a gentleman for once, as part of being a proper boyfriend for the first time. Going the first two months without having sex with her, especially after two years of sexual tension, was remarkable for a player like Jeff. But if he had reformed to the extent that he wanted to wait until marriage....well, the first part of that would not do.

However, after the first month, Annie got one of her typical golden ideas. This one wasn't as typical as her past ideas, since none of them involved having sex in school. As icky and dirty as it made her feel....she knew she had to embrace that stuff in some way now that she was with Jeff. Having her first time with him in the middle of the next paintball war, and in the study room, should be the best step to take.

Yet she didn't know that Jeff was planning the exact same thing. But he thought of the idea a week before Annie did, so he would have won if they were keeping score. Given that he was now in a relationship he had fought tooth and nail against -- which he was still trying to make up for every way he could -- his first time with Annie had to be special and sexy. Paintball sex in the study room may not have been the special first time Annie always envisioned, per se. But it would be sexy and meaningful if he did it right.

Wanting to do it right in non-sexy ways was new for Jeff. So was actually holding off on sex, especially with the most gorgeous woman he knew; and especially after being ashamed of thinking she was gorgeous for two years. Then again, considering how Annie was more....sinfully gorgeous than usual in paintball last year, Jeff knew he wouldn't have resisted her in this year's game. So he might as well make it the first time and make it that much hotter, if possible.

Jeff and Annie both had the same idea, and now it was just a matter of filling in the details. For starters, this year's theme was the buddy cop genre, which meant it was a game between duos and the winning one had to share the grand prize. It should have disqualified Jeff and Annie from pairing up, since they were together now and buddy cop teams never got along at the beginning. Yet since they had personalities that were even more different than most buddy cop duos, they were allowed to slide on a technicality -- as if Dean Pelton could really say no to Jeff.

With Annie playing a cop, her outfit couldn't be as revealing as her Western gunslinger ensemble last year, to Jeff's dismay. However, she already played cop with Shirley two years ago and still had her old costume, which was at least convenient. And she made sure to wear her pink shirt tighter this time with an extra button undone. So combined with the police jacket, hat and paintball gun, it had the desired effect her and Jeff both wanted.

Of course, Jeff didn't go as all out, considering how he never put any effort into costumes. But he did have an in-character excuse for having just a white short sleeved shirt and tight pants, since his "character" was supposed to be lazy and unprepared, unlike Annie. This was true in real life most of the time anyway; plus, Annie had to admit -- not out loud of course -- that not being prepared could look really good on the right people.

With their costumes set and easily removable, the next detail to cross off was the prize. Excessive paintball prizes had destroyed the school in two straight wars, so Dean Pelton said he wasn't telling them what the prize was this year. The hope was that since they didn't know, they would have a much more peaceful game. Yet when theories about the prize turned to unsubstantiated rumors, and rumors turned to unconfirmed facts, Greendale was a greater wasteland than ever before by nightfall.

Everyone but Jeff and Annie was more insane and deranged than ever, due to their theories and inaccurate buzz about what the prize was. In truth, they nearly turned Jeff and Annie a little rabid when they took out five duos at once after sundown. However, they each knew for a fact what prize they really wanted, and willed themselves to focus on it.

For Annie, seeing Jeff and his bare biceps in action did that, along with his usual protectiveness and witty cop movie banter. For Jeff, seeing Annie get even more badass in paintball than last year calmed his greed. He almost took her then and there when she stood over Rich and shot him in the forehead -- although Rich's chipper congratulations to Annie afterwards all but killed his boner. That was how much he still hated him.

But to his credit, Jeff avoided making too many snarky, jealous comments after Annie waved a chipper goodbye to Rich -- or at least enough to start a full-blown fight. Annie really had changed him -- yet his desire to see her naked had never changed, especially now that he accepted it.

As the night went on, Jeff knew if he was finally going to see her naked, they had to get to the study room. Annie was thinking along the same lines, so they both tried to lead each other there without being too obvious.

But getting there was more difficult once the rest of the group caught up to them. Troy and Abed were still alive and together, despite Troy's earlier epic arguments with Abed's by-the-book uptight white cop character. Britta and Shirley had pulled off the greatest miracle of the war by not shooting each other hours ago. The only relief Jeff and Annie felt was that they didn't run into Pierce and Chang as well.

Although the group usually endured these wars together, Jeff and Annie wanted to get away from them and reach the study room by themselves. Jeff thought of leading them towards Magnitude's alliance of cops to get ambushed, figuring that once the others got killed and he and Annie escaped into the study room, they would comfort each other with sex. Of course, Jeff didn't mention that last part, but Annie's scolding over the first part killed his scheme and his boner anyway.

So they stayed and endured Britta and Shirley's buddy cop arguing, which seemed no closer to a third act reconciliation. Yet Abed had already gone through the formula with Troy, and eventually gave a big dramatic speech about it to make Britta and Shirley see the light. As they finally broke down and embraced, Abed actually gave a signal for Jeff and Annie to go while they were distracted. It made sense that Abed could tell they wanted to be alone; and Jeff really didn't want to know if Abed knew why, or even Annie wouldn't bring his boner back from the dead.

But it really was a great idea, since Britta and Shirley's loud crying got them ambushed by Starburns and Quendra with a Q, Garrett and Pavel and even Neil and Todd. Since Jeff and Annie were too far away to help them, they "reluctantly" concluded they had to take shelter in the study room.

Of course, Leonard was commanding an entire patrol in the library, effectively guarding the room. Fortunately, one of the new paintball skills Annie learned since last year was long range shooting, turning her into a bone fide sniper. So she hid behind a library shelf and took out half of the patrol before Jeff started picking off the rest up close.

Yet this left Leonard, of all people, open with a clean shot. By instinct, Annie yelled out "Jeff!" to warn him, not caring that she gave away her position. That would have backfired against anyone else, but Leonard was unable to tell where the voice came from -- and it was Jeff who was thrown off enough to trip up, fall and bang his chest against the nearest table. At the least, this gave Annie ample room to emerge and finally take Leonard out, although Jeff then groaned over missing it and felt a little pain.

This would pass pretty soon, but Annie naturally panicked that it was worse than it was and rushed him into the study room. She barricaded the doors, shut the blinds, took her police coat off and then got Jeff to sit in his usual chair while she examined his chest. Annie had wanted to do this for purely sexual reasons, but she had to be sure his chest was healthy and muscular before then.

"Really Annie, I'm fine," Jeff got out while dealing with Annie feeling up his chest and the.....various feelings it created. "I don't think we need to call Hawkeye to examine me, Hot Lips."

Annie wasn't calm enough to completely laugh at Jeff's latest M*A*S*H reference, although it did start to thaw her. Once that little crack broke through, she realized she actually got him into the study room....with a golden chance to do more. However, a healthy Jeff was a big part of that plan.

Annie gently massaged the top of Jeff's chest to make sure it wasn't feeling sore. Jeff did grimace a little bit, but his breathing got calmer after a few more seconds. Now that Annie was more aware that Jeff was just in temporary pain, she massaged him with a gentler approach....and with more awareness of how this could heat up.

"You make a pretty good nurse," Jeff commented, as his flattery further relaxed Annie, like always. It also helped her become more playful as well. "Well, I did have a few nursing dreams before the mean streets took me in. Now I send perps to the hospital and keep the nursing industry busy that way....in a completely by-the-book way, mind you."

"Hey, I'm too busy being lazy to report you, so I think your secret is safe from the captain," Jeff bantered back. The chest pain had left several seconds ago, but there was no need to stop the chest rubbing and improvisation for that. Not when this might turn out even better than he had imagined so often today.

"I suppose your do-nothing philosophy isn't all bad," Annie teased. "Besides, when I bail you out, I have more to hold over you when I do need you for something. Not that a good cop would totally abuse that power." Jeff did have to admit that when they weren't playing cops and Annie bailed him out, she didn't abuse the blackmail power it gave her.

Annie just seemed to like taking care of him, although Jeff was the one who always felt he had to protect her -- from himself, other men and various other real and imaginary things. Yet as Annie finished rubbing his chest, Jeff basked in how she nursed him well again -- an odd emotion to mix with his arousal, but he'd take it. "There, I think I can clear you for your usual light duty again," Annie perked up before pecking him on the nose.

She was back in sugary sweet mode, which had been a turn off for Jeff until Annie came into his life. When Jeff thought of those emotions in girls, he subverted them into something extra hot in the bedroom, or deduced that the girl wasn't bright enough to pose a challenge. But when Annie turned on her sweetness and tender love and care for him, it made him feel....special to earn those emotions from her, although she usually had them for everyone. Yet he knew it was different with him; especially when he saw her morph from sweet Disney princess to enticing temptress while barely moving her face. Like she was doing right now.

Annie had noticed Jeff's adoring look; the one that he never had for anyone else, she imagined. If rubbing his chest hadn't got her ready for action, this certainly finished the job. "Well....the only thing we have to settle is how you'll repay me for my....services," Annie was semi-embarrassed to say as if she was starting a pornographic scene -- not that she knew how they were set up, mind you.

"I can....run a few ideas by you," Jeff stated as he wrapped an arm around Annie's waist. Although he hadn't actually tried to seduce women for months, he still knew how to close the deal. But this would be his masterpiece as he would finally make Annie cry out so many things; like his name during orgasm, maybe a few rare curse words, and certainly the word "yes" over and over....

"NO!!!" was what he heard at that moment instead. Jeff checked and saw that Annie heard it too -- then they heard more disturbing noises coming out of the vent. Some were of a shrieking, inhuman animal -- and it sounded like a monkey was screeching along with Chang as well.

Just then a series of paintball shots came out of the vent, which easily missed Jeff and Annie. If it wasn't already clear that Chang was in the vents trying to take them out, but was instead fighting the infamous "Annie's Boobs" monkey in there, it was now.

"I take Pierce out and make all those gang alliances for you, and THIS is how you repay me?" they heard Chang screech at the monkey. "You just used me to take over Magnitude's territory! I became a dirty cop on your payroll for nothing! Well, if I can't rule the streets, you can't either!"

A few more paintballs were shot out of the vents, along with creepy sounds of a struggle between Chang and Annie's Boobs. After several more eerie seconds, Jeff finally approached the vents and peeked in to see Chang in a full on wrestling match with the monkey. Since the monkey was winning, Chang finally took his paintball gun and backed away down the vents.

As confounded as Jeff was, he was relieved that they were gone; and that Pierce was out of the game and couldn't disturb them next. As for Annie, she stood there and took it a little differently. "He ruined it....he'll just come back and crawl through the vents again and shoot us in the middle anyway. Or if he doesn't, someone else will....it just isn't happening, is it?"

Jeff was trying not to lose it over Chang and Annie's Boobs ruining the mood, so he figured he'd focus on Annie venting over....some unknown thing. "What isn't happening?" Jeff asked to help Annie explain further and keep him distracted.

"Us having sex, what do you think?" Well, that wasn't going to distract him at all.

Jeff just figured he should let Annie keep venting until he figured out his next move. "It figures when we finally get here, Chang and that.....boob monkey ruined the mood! Maybe we're not destined to get it back tonight....but we just have to! It has to be tonight, it just has to be!"

"Yeah, it has to be tonight....but for argument's sake, can you explain why that is again?" Jeff inquired, as it was sinking in that Annie had the same idea he had. Now he just needed to compare their motives.

"Because something finally had to go right in paintball!" Annie blurted out, somewhat surprised that she had said that. Yet as she wondered why, she wound up pouring out an explanation anyway. "I know everyone loves paintball and we just had to complete the trilogy, but it hasn't been fun for me, Jeff! I got killed way too early the first year, then I found out you and Britta had sex right here after I left! Then I kicked ass last year, but I couldn't enjoy it because you and me weren't on good terms, you had just denied the Annie of it All, we were all fighting over Pierce and then he left us anyway! Even kissing Abed didn't help for long, especially since he wasn't you! Now I want to erase that by losing my Jeff virginity in here, right here in the study room, and I can't even do that too!"

Annie couldn't remember thinking all that before planning to have sex with Jeff tonight -- not consciously, anyway. But she supposed it all made sense, given the awkward and icky moments from the last two years of paintball. Maybe she thought by doing it right here, in the same setting where Jeff and Britta had their first time, it would put her and Jeff further ahead and show they had a more legitimate relationship....or something else that proved this was for real.

After two years of Jeff trying not to want Annie, perhaps she needed more proof even now that he wouldn't back away anymore. After all, the paintball sex with Britta was good enough for them to keep doing it the next year in secret. And of course, this led to the damned "Annie of it All" disaster that was just one reason why paintball was so ugly last year.

She was probably so good at actual paintball last year because she was so upset, not just because of her training. So maybe being good at it while she was happy, and having sex with Jeff to go with it, was meant to help her grow up a little faster and feel more secure about the future. Or something sad like that.

As Annie resigned herself to ruining the rest of the mood, Jeff reacted quite differently by laughing. Before Annie could get mad at his reaction, Jeff clarified, "Annie, if you wanted to get naked with me, you just had to ask. I was planning to do that tonight too, so it's not like I would have turned you down."

On top of everything else, now Jeff had to make Annie confused as hell too. "Say that again, please?"

"I've been trying to get you in the study room for naked stuff all night. Chang just screwed me over more than I didn't get to screw you. I wanted us to lose your Jeff virginity and my Annie virginity hours ago. We might have lost it a second time by now if Britta and Shirley hugged it out sooner!" Jeff recalled.

"You....wanted to have sex with me here, too? Well, I.....I can't fault you for that, but....how'd you figure that out, again?" Annie asked to compare motives.

"Well....we've waited so long for a first time, it should be somewhere special and kind of naughty. And..." Jeff paused as he started to realize a few more things. "I guess I knew in the back of my mind, you kind of didn't have fun with paintball last year, partly because of me. And I kind of tarnished it the year before that, too. Maybe I thought having better 'first time sex' in here than I had with Britta would help fix all that."

"So we both planned to have our first time here....for about the same reason?" Annie double checked.

"I think you figured out those reasons long before me....but I guess you can say that now," Jeff conceded, as the sheer irony of all this started to sink in.

"God, we're both idiots!" Annie admitted before they both started laughing. "Congratulations, you're finally one of us morons now!" Jeff fake-cheered before Annie glared at him to make sure he wasn't serious. Once he conveyed he wasn't, Annie let him walk over and put an arm around her.