Complimentary Desires

In that sense, when I took on the vow that my wife wrote about in this story, my main thought was initially, "what a good idea." I think I have an agreeable personality and I take satisfaction from making my wife feel good about herself, why not collect that same emotional reward from others if I can make them feel good about themselves.

Over time, as I became better at delivering compliments and developed more empathy with what would make a recipient feel good, it made me feel really good that I had produced this positive change in myself. I think most women are better at paying compliments then most men, because men too often look at compliments as a throw-away line or a way to get attention. Women are often better at being empathetic and understanding that a compliment is about the recipient, not the giver.

I found for myself that my success in delivering a compliment improved when I adopted what might be described as a more feminine mind-set. My satisfaction was then the recipient's happiness being reflected back to me. My reward when I perfectly struck a chord was a big smile, a hug or some other tangible sign that I had made a person's day.

I suppose this differs from some men who might do or say some of the same things as I do with the hope of "attracting chicks" or something like that. My recently gained experience is that most women know the difference. Actually, more accurately, women will see right through a "smoothie" but be faintly intrigued by a guy who can pay a sincere compliment. Indeed, some women don't seem to know what to do with a sincere compliment from a guy as they are so used receiving "lines."

My wife wrote, " He was being complimentary to women because they deserved complimenting. He was making women feel better about themselves with no direct prospect of sexual gain other than from the knowledge that I might reward his efforts. To stretch a point, he was submitting to other women to please me and by pleasing me he was pleasing himself."

I think there is much truth to this. I did pay compliments because compliments were deserved. I do enjoy making women feel better about themselves and never have any desire for sexual gain by doing so. I know my wife loves it when I do this around her and I know my own sexual gratification derives from pleasing her in any number of ways, so in that sense, what she said is right.

Where I differ is that I don't regard paying a sincere compliment as "submitting to other women" to please her. I think of paying compliments as mainly projecting kindness to those around me, a way of bringing a person up. The fact that such behavior is rewarded within our relationship might be one of many reasons why paying a compliment makes me feel good, but I don't think I would stop if that changed (although I hope it never does).

As to the sex that weekend after the incident at the coffee shop, I can only hope that some day it is exceeded. I've never felt more in love and loved than I did that weekend. In fact thinking of it now makes me want to stop right here and go find my wife. Thanks for listening.