Confessions of a Mailgirl Ch. 11

"Nine, you know you're going to be punished now. Do you know why?"

"N-no ma'am."

"You don't? Are you trying to tell me you don't remember what happened the last time you showed up at my office without being summoned? When did I ever give you the impression that you were allowed to do that?" I did remember. It was when I'd showed up unannounced and fully dressed to confront her about her collusion with Kelly to get me into the Mailgirls program. It was the first and only time she'd whipped me. Until now.

"I'm so sorry, ma'am. Lin asked me for my help and I thought..."

"Is it your job now to help every stray that comes along? Or is it your job to obey me?"

"To obey you ma'am," I replied as tears began stinging my eyes.

"And why did you think you were allowed in the employee cafeteria?"

"I didn't know ma'am. You've never said anything about that."

"Believe me, Nine, if I wanted mailgirls wandering into the cafeteria for their lunch break I would have told you."

"Y-yes ma'am. I'm sorry."

Barbara moved around behind me now and placed the ball gag into my mouth. As I felt the straps tighten tears began flowing freely down my cheeks. "It's obvious to me now that I've been much too soft on you lately, Nine. But you will learn to obey me, I can promise you that. Now get into position."

I dropped down on all fours and lowered my head to the floor. "Raise your right foot," Barbara commanded. I braced myself for the blow but as the crop snapped against the bottom of my foot the pain shot through my entire body and I lowered it back to the floor. "That one doesn't count," Barbara said. "Lift your foot back up or you'll get twice as many." I quickly obeyed and this time I was able to hold it up as she slapped it again and again and again. I lost track of how many times she struck it before she moved on.

"Now the left foot." Again the pain pulsated through my body as my tears fell to the floor like rain. When she had finished with my feet she started on my right butt cheek and then the left. After it was finally over she stood over me as I sobbed uncontrollably. She waited patiently until I'd finally cried myself out, then leaned down and said, "I'm going to remove your gag now. Please don't make me regret it." All I could do was nod weakly. I felt the straps loosen and then broke into a coughing fit as she removed the gag from my mouth.

Once again Barbara waited patiently until I finally began to calm down and collect myself. "Return to your kneeling position," Barbara ordered but in a calmer, quieter voice than before. She placed the whip and gag on her desk, then squatted down and held two fingers under my chin as she gently wiped the tears from beneath each eye with her thumb. "Danica, Danica, Danica," she whispered. "So beautiful but so disobedient. I want you to know that I will never punish you like this without cause and when I do you need to understand why I'm doing it."

"Y-yes ma'am," I sniffed.

"I'm not angry that you tried to help Lin. I'm glad you did but you arrogantly broke protocol in bringing her directly to me. Everything goes through Donna's office first and then, if it merits it, up to me at a time that I choose to schedule it. If you had followed the proper chain then I'd have been happy to offer Lin a two year Mailgirls contract and the promise of a programming job afterwards. Instead you made it impossible for me to do that."

"I'm so sorry ma'am."

Barbara reached up and began gently stroking my hair. "I know you are Danica, but being sorry isn't enough. There has to be consequences for your actions. I gave Lin the job she wanted but at the cost of her clothes, maybe permanently. You wanted to help her but ultimately you've probably made things much more difficult for her. We'll have to see now just how badly she wants what she says she wants."

"Y-yes ma'am." Her words were cutting deeper than the whip ever could and I wondered how I could have possibly been so foolish.

"And you knew you weren't supposed be in the cafeteria, didn't you Danica?"

I nodded.

"Say it."

"I knew I wasn't supposed to be in there, ma'am."

"Yet you went in there anyway. You're very lucky that you chose to eat on the floor rather than at the table or things would be much worse for you now than they already are."

"Yes ma'am."

"The last time you disobeyed me so flagrantly you lost your clothing privileges permanently. You realize that your disobedience this time requires another punishment that goes beyond just the short-term pain of a whipping, don't you?"

I hung my head and nodded. "Yes, ma'am. I know."

"Alright then. If you want to eat in the cafeteria then I'm going to give that to you just like I gave Lin what she wanted. You're going to eat your lunch there every day from now on. I'll put a Mailgirls mat in the middle of the cafeteria and you'll eat your lunch on the floor like a dog surrounded by the other DDE employees. But only you. No other mailgirl will be allowed in the cafeteria."

I very much didn't want that but there was nothing I could say or do about it. Barbara continued speaking before I had a chance to respond.

"Danica, I know you've been a little lost and adrift since I took your watch away and gave you an MMU that isn't operational yet and vague orders to carry out. You need structure and control in your life and that really showed today. I'm going to provide that for you."

"Thank you ma'am."

"Good girl," Barbara said and she leaned in and kissed my forehead. "I said earlier that you're going to be my star and you will be. It was foolish of me to think you could ever be just an anonymous mailgirl. Your feathers are much too bright. But I am going to be harder on you than on anyone else. You will learn obedience."

Barbara rose to her feet and stood above me. "Danica, the pain you're feeling in your body right now will soon subside but in its place powerful emotions and feelings will remain. I'm going to leave you alone now to sort through them and I won't be back. Let those emotions flow freely though you, whatever they may be, until they lead you to a place of understanding. Once that happens you're free to leave."

As the door closed behind Barbara I rolled onto the floor into a fetal position and began sobbing again. Powerful emotions began coursing though me just as she had predicted: hate, anger, shock, bitterness, confusion, remorse, contempt for myself and what I was letting her do to me. I let them flow unimpeded until, one by one, they each faded away until only one remained. Love.

I desperately, feverishly wanted Barbara to love me.