Confessions of a Re-Formed Pervert Pt. 02

I asked, "Okay, Castleman's the DA, right? I heard a few outrageous statements he made verging on slander. But who are Casey and Creed?"

"Casey was the guard who set all this up and Creed is a member of the prison's Oversight Board and Maureen Corcoran's uncle. He hired Casey and wanted you dead. It was Casey who did the damage to the right side of your head. Both Creed and Casey are arraigned on criminal charges."

After pausing, Hal smiled broadly an continued, "Hey, how about this? The publisher of the Examiner advanced Astrid two million dollars for the rights to her book about your perversions. That's money thrown out the window now."

Hal continued, "I've also spoken to Leah. She's had cried profusely about your grotesque treatment in prison. She is outraged by the incident and said she prayed every night that you'd survive and come out of the coma. On the other hand, she was candid that there was no going back even if you survived. She doesn't regret filing for divorce and moving the children. The woman is a pragmatist. She said that just because you were found innocent you will always be remembered as a pervert in the court of public opinion and David and Rachel will bear the brunt of your infamy."

I smiled ironically, "Leah always was the pragmatic one. The trouble is that I know she's right."

Hal chuckled back, "Anyway, let's get back to you, specifically your future. First, there's the issue of identity. There are a few options on the table. Number one, and frankly the one I like the least, is to remain Elliott Permutter DMD and to try to pick up the pieces of your life as a eunuch.

Frankly I don't see anything good coming out of that. You'll find that the notoriety lasts longer than sympathy. You have neither family nor practice to return to."

I groaned, "It sounds less appealing then prison. Did you say I have other choices?"

Hal smiled, "Actually, yes, some good ones but they are dependent upon you agreeing that Elliott Perlmutter died while still in coma."

Mystified, I said, "Huh?"

Hal smiled, "This is where I have good news. Casey's connection with Creed ties into a crime syndicate that's been under investigation by the FBI. In exchange for your testimony against Casey, the Feds are offering a witness protection program total reconstruction package that includes a new identity, domicile, a lump sum payment of $1.5 million and a monthly stipend of $25,000 per month until age 75. Most importantly, they'll pay for all related surgeries, treatments, and rehabilitation. Moreover, you have two new identity options."

He continued, "Let's discuss the obvious, a new male identity. You have already been told there is no replacing your testes. You could have an

artificial sac attached to your non-functional penis but its purpose would be purely decorative and there have been reports of rashes and discomfort. With no normal flow of testosterone, the inevitable deterioration of the maleness of your appearance might also spur ridicule and humiliation from the insensitive. The only thing that could stem that is painful daily injections of testosterone into the bone. I think you've endured enough pain, El. In short, you could resume life in a male identity but you'd probably never feel like a real man again."

He paused and brought both of us some water. He obviously wanted to give me some time to digest and process this.

Hal continued, "Therefore, I want you to consider another possibility for your new identity. I only suggest this because of all I've learned about you as a result of this tragedy. You're cousin Joanie said that when you were young, you told her you wish you had been born a girl. Leah confirmed in confidence that you shared with her that the feelings that deep down you were really female still persisted during your marriage but you both coped with them just fine. By mixing your fantasies with hers during sex, you seemed satisfied enough to be a well-adjusted husband, father, and breadwinner. Unfortunately, subsequent events took on a life of their own and tore everything asunder. The reason I bring this up is that she thought deep down you still preferred your female side and thought that helped you be the terrific human being you are."

I whined, "Terrific enough to divorce."

Hal urged, "Actually, she still loves you. I'm utterly convinced of that but as you agreed, she's pragmatic and wants you to be also. A twist of fate has given you this opportunity. She's simply setting you free and encouraging you to be who you need to be now."

Curiously, I interjected, "and that is?"

Matter of factly, "A woman - a full-time, no-looking-back independent woman with a rare opportunity to start a new life."

I protested, "OK. I won't deny that I've always been more in touch with my feminine side than men are supposed to be and that as a kid, I truly believed I was a girl trapped in the wrong body. I hear what you are saying. Admittedly, I've always had these deep-set desires and acted upon my fantasies whenever I thought it was safe to do so. The last time proved to be an error that cannot be rectified in the context of whom Dr. Perlmutter once was I get all that.

And yes, as Leah said, I suppressed that side of myself for a long time. All that said, it just doesn't seem right. It just doesn't seem possible. Suppose I have you tell the Feds to fix me up with a new identity as a woman. A sex-change operation is way too expensive. I'd use up all the money from the Feds and still look like a six-foot tall big-boned bald guy in drag."

Hal said, "Actually, there's more and here's where Art's negotiations with the State of Connecticut comes in. They know they've been grossly negligent. Casey never should have been permitted anywhere near you. So, there willing to give you a package on top of what the Feds are giving you in order to make your new identity a success. Listen to this! They will pay 100% of expenses related to a sex-change operation and the aftermath which includes unlimited plastic surgery related to feminizing your face, breasts, and other body parts. It also covers psychological counseling, voice and mannerism training, and spa treatments for softening skin, nutrition and weight loss training. You can also learn to pamper yourself with facials, massages, mud baths, steam, sauna, pool, and in-room jacuzzi. As for the baldness, woman's Rogaine and implants will solve the baldness problem initially. Eventually, your hormone treatments will obviate the need to continue the Rogaine too long. The state will not only cover all this but 100% of your medical expenses until you die. Finally, they'll add another $15,000 per month to the Fed's stipend. All this of course is contingent upon you signing the terms of the settlement. In this case, all the non-disclosure covenants they want you to sign are in your best interest."

He paused then added, "Of course, all your documentation and credentials all switched over to female. You'll also get a fictious background

matching any career you are qualified to pursue if you choose to work."

I hugged him, then blurted, "I had to restrain myself from giving you a big kiss but I suppose we'll have time for that later.' Then I winked.

Hal chuckled, "I'm glad to see you getting into the spirit. Now, let me be candid. The sex-change operation will be more complicated than normal gender reassignment surgery. It's not seamless. Normally the scrotal sac is used to help line the vaginal canal. The replacement skin would have to come from your Gluteus Maximus and combined with synthetics and probably have even less feeling and nerve endings than the normal process. In other words, any pleasure you would derive from penile penetration would be mental and emotional. Physically, it will be hollow and you'd have to constantly lubricate or the pain would be immense. The good news here is that your partners wouldn't feel any difference and the dryness can be explained by early menopause."

I said, "Do you have anything in your bag-of-tricks to make me shorter?"

He chuckled again, "Other than nature kicking in eventually, no. But look around. This isn't 1962 anymore. There are lots of woman around

taller than six feet. I wouldn't be too self-conscious about that."

I said, "OK. It's a lot to absorb. Normally, I'd want a week to think it over but apparently, I don't have that option. So there's only one thing to say.

Counselor, you're case is overwhelmingly persuasive. I'm actually starting to feel alive again. Since Elliott is dead, why not life as a woman? Now, I can buy all the lingerie I want and nobody can call me a pervert. That alone is enough to make me happy. Besides, even Drew Carey would look good as a woman with the package you're offering me. Where do I sign up?"

Hal was at the ready with a pen, "Sign right here."

Then I thought of something I wanted, "Can you get Elliott's funeral recorded for me? I want to say goodbye, even if it's not in person."

Hal nodded adding, "Leah and the kids will be told you are still alive but they'll need to attend and act as if they believe you're dead."

I actually smiled at that, "I'm glad they'll know the truth and I have no doubts that they will pull it off. They are troupers."

Transition

Sweden was a blast. As Hal warned, the operation was quite taxing and had to be done in three separate procedure with separate recoveries spanning nearly three years. Each thime, I was shuttled between the hospital and the spa since I needed to get my strength back before proceeding. While there, the hormones, skin treatments, and body treatments really began working their magic. I expected the hormones would make me physically softer and contribute to normal feminine mood swings. They had another affect on me I didn't anticipate. I never minded looking at handsome men but now I really began fancying them. My surgeon, 6' 6"", in particular looked very hot to me. I even started liking bearded men which always had put me off before.

The nursing staff was great also. The spa people were even nicer. Being treated like royalty while learning how to enjoy being a real woman including the pampering is a lot of work - and even more fun with the expense account I had. At first, I was overwhelmed with lust looking at all the other naked female bodies but within a few months, I just got used to it like any other woman.

However, by the fourth year, shuttling between the hospitals and spas got old, as did being nearly exclusively with women. After my final surgery and rehab, I was more than ready to return to the USA.

Life as Diane

In 1991, I was set up in my current identity, Diane Redfern, Dental Hygienist, at Delta Dental in Tacoma Washington. There are many reasons that led to the specifics of this identity but all wound up being in accordance with my wishes. I also now have a cute button nose, thick pouty lips, bobbed ears (pierced of course), and my own lustrous and "normally" growing hair which is dyed blonde with brown highlights. Counteracting the receding male hairline I had prior to all that work took about a year in itself. I also have far less male muscle mass and am down to 155 pounds, more than 100 pounds less than when I entered the prison. The toppers, of course, are my 40C breasts. I never get tired of seeing them in my full-length mirror.

I took to the Pacific Northwest like a bear to honey. Tacoma is close enough to all the attractions in Seattle but so much cozier. There are also a lot of terrific restaurants. It's also not far away from British Columbia which I still adore. Shortly after I settled in, I got permission to have Hal get in touch with Leah. It had been five years since I saw the kids and I wondered if arrangements could be made. Hal was persuasive and I was in luck. Jordan was now at Stanford just an hour and a half flight away. Leah and Rachel were flying out to visit him in two weeks so I booked a stay and met them. It turns out they knew about the witness protection program but not the sex change.

Leah told me she didn't recognize me. I teased that she had seen me in a dress before.

She replied, "Yeah, but you were a lot chubbier then and you needed a wig, but those aren't the biggest changes I see." She giggled, looking straight at my boobs, "How about the rest of it? It takes a lot more time to get dressed and those hormone treatments can't be fun."

I answered, "It's definitely harder work but I love doing it! Honestly, the best part is that I finally feel like me!"

She continued to examine me, "But your face, Elly, you don't even look Jewish anymore!'

I put my finger on my lips. "Diane, not Elly, I reminded her." She nodded.

Rachel interrupted her, "This will take some getting used to but I'm shocked how pretty my Daddy is. And you look really so happy!" She ran over, kissed me on the cheek, and hugged me tight.

"Sorry I missed the last four years of you two growing up but your Mom obviously did a great job. I understand your stepfather Wendell is pretty terrific" I replied. Rachel nodded but Jordan just looked away. He seemed uncomfortable with the entire scene.

Leah said, "We're all sorry you went through the ordeal you did." She hugged me. "Can you ever forgive me for the divorce?"

"Forgive you? I agreed with you. Rachel and Jordan come first. Besides just like Rachel said, I'm really happy again. Look how blessed I've been! We had a great 15 years. I wouldn't trade it for anything and I loved being your man and your husband. But through it all, you let me stay in touch with my feminine side and even encouraged me. The timing made it easy for me to choose my new life, guilt-free. And that's how I feel now - FREE."

I beckoned all toward me for a group hug but Jordan pulled away.

He shouted to Leah, "I don't care what you say Mom, that giddy woman is not my father. She doesn't even look like him." Then he ran back

toward his dorm.

I cried seeing how angry I made him. Leah and Rachel both hugged me. Leah said, "Give him some time to adjust."

Rachel said, "Boys are so immature." We all nodded in agreement and laughed.

Leah said, "Well Rach, we'd better go catch up with him. We'll be back next year and catch up then. I'm sure he'll be fine by then." I kissed

them both and bade them off. We did get together the following year and Jordan finally came to terms with who I am. He still doesn't get the whole thing, but he manages to smile when he sees me now.

Financially, I don't have to work another day in my life but I actually love being at Delta Dental. At five years, I'm now one of the grizzled vets at the chain known as a "dental sweatshop" with high turnover. The condescending manner in which the dentists and administrators treat me does not bother me whatsoever as I take none of it personally and know they have no control over my livelihood. Those are very stress-freeing circumstances. As a hygienist, I get to chat with clients and bond with peers. We go shopping and out for drinks, chat in person, on the phone, and on this new AOL I am just learning to use and I love it all. All the stresses I used to feel being uncomfortable in a man's body and the responsibilities of being a dentist have gone away.

As Diane, I'm obviously much more sexually alive than I ever could have been as the castrated Elliott. The first sex I tried was with a woman. I was still fine giving satisfaction, but the other end of the 69 didn't work at all. I didn't feel enough on my clit and vagina to respond and my partner said that made it no fun for her.

Feeling a cock inside me is something else again and I find I enjoy the doggie style and female superior positions the best. After the prison trauma, it took me awhile to try anal again. But it's even better now than it was with Simon. On the other hand, when the gentleman of the evening just wants to top me the old-fashioned way, I fake an orgasm with such sincerity, he thinks he just sent me to heaven.

I'm having fun playing the field. It's amazing how these hormones make so many men look so good to me. I tingle all over when I see one that turns me on. Also amazing is all these nerve endings I seem to have throughout the pores of my skin. I've never felt so many sensations at the same time. I guess that compensates for the lack of feeling in my vagina. I'm lucky to be in a position that the added expense of being a girl including dry cleaning, make-up, clothes, fragrances, shoes, etc., don't bother me. And I just love shopping for them. Being able to cry and to express empathy without arousing suspicion also is a welcome change.

Right now, however, I'm not thinking about crying or expressing empathy. I'm headed up to the third floor with flirting with Marshall Arrington on my mind. As horny as I feel, a pervert may be just what the doctor ordered!