Confessions of an Unholy Mind

I knew I loved my sister, but in this moment, in the wonderful realization that the rest of my life would be wonderful with Isis in it, I truly accepted that I was a creature capable of love. And, despite all of my self-doubt, one that could be loved. I was so irrationally and hopelessly under her spell, that I would have done anything she had asked me to. My heart felt electric, and my body followed suit: I wanted to hold her, to kiss her, and make passionate love to her.

And as my thoughts dreamed on into visions of Isis and I marrying, having children, and settling down, she leaned back and her legs parted.

My heart beat so loud I worried she might hear it. My big sister's beautiful pussy was perfectly creased, lines folded in little bumps of labia, and a smooth protruding clit that sat above them. I stared, transfixed, tears of joy forming in the corners of my eyes.

Her hands snaked down to the hood of her clitoris. She gave no warning, no build up - her middle fingers began working in quick circular motions.

I could never have dreamed that such disgusting behavior as watching my dead dad's father fuck his widow could be overridden by anything - but I was wrong. Isis masturbated so passionately that her eyes were squeezed shut, her gorgeous shimmering tits swinging as she worked her fingers under the hood, down the folds and into her pussy, and within a matter of a minute - about the time it took for me to realize that what I was seeing was not one of my fantasies but reality - she shuddered.

I watched her for a moment, her eyes closed, and quick pants descending into controlled breathing as she regained her composure. Isis turned the shower off; I stole one last glance at her magnificent form, then slipped silently from the doorway to my bed, undressed down to my shorts, and pretended to be asleep. The show I had just seen, coupled with my heart's segue from infatuation to love, dazed me.

I was still in this daze as Isis entered a few moments later; I didn't even try to look at her. Fully aware that she was completely naked as the towels were in our room, I just listened contentedly to her preparing for bed. I heard her brush her hair, open and close her night moisturiser, and eventually turn the lamp off.

In total darkness, I opened my eyes as she came to sit beside me. There was no moonlight in our room, and she was completely invisible as her hand stroked the side of my face. She let it linger there a moment or two, before leaning into my ear.

'J'taime, mon cher,' she whispered, before planting a soft kiss on my lips, plunging me into the skies of ecstasy. She held it, long enough for me to inhale the mint on her breath. As she retracted, I pretended to be asleep and turned away from her. To my surprise, she lifted the cover quietly and climbed into bed with me.

In only my shorts, my bare skin felt the warmth approaching as she gently fidgeted closer to me. Her lips found the back of my neck, sending a shudder through me that she clearly felt, because her arm wrapped around my chest, comforting me with her palm, softly tracing it up and down my torso.

As she nestled closer to me, kissing my shoulder and neck with love, I felt the satin of her nightie against my back, and her soft breasts pushing up and down against it with each breath. Her bare leg brushed mine, and the slow twitch of my cock as it inflated, distracted me momentarily from the fact that she was crying silently.

'I love you so much, Baby Brother,' she wept quietly, 'so much.'

Continuing the pretense of being asleep, I wriggled a little as her hand rested on my stomach, not wanting her to feel the invading protrusion below. I faked a heavy sigh, and then glanced back in the darkness acting convincingly like I had awoken.

'Isis?' I whispered.

'Oui, darling,' she replied. 'I'm here.'

I turned to face her, her hand moving from my stomach to rest on my back. In the darkness, I found her beautiful face. It was moist from tears, her warm breathing quick as she wept

'Why are you crying?' I asked gently.

'No reason, sweetheart,' she whispered, pulling me closer and planting comforting kisses on my cheeks and forehead. Her soft lips came to rest an inch from mine. 'I just love you so much.'

I was unsure of what was going on. But I knew that my immediate short term problem was the hard-on that had tented my shorts. I knew she could feel it, and I was scared shitless.

'I love you, too,' I said, wiping her tears away in the dark. 'Don't cry, Isis.'

I felt her expression change into a smile, and she kissed my lips again, gently, softly. There was no heat in our embrace, only the love I had craved for so long.

She pulled me closer, my raging erection poking her thigh. Her legs parted as she invited my own thigh to sit between them, my cock throbbing against the other. The warm sensation of her pussy radiated against my leg, and my hand found her lower back. I grazed the firm cleft of her ass and realized she was not wearing underwear.

The part of me that wanted so much to devour my sister's pussy, to pull my shorts off and thrust into her and make desperate and passionate love to her, was subdued by the feeling of contentment, knowing that I was cuddling the woman I love.

Isis rested her head in the nook between my shoulders, and did not mention my cock's pressure on her thigh. Her breasts pushed softly against my chest, and I could feel the tops of them in contact with my skin.

The silence was wonderful, and full of peace.

'Isis?'

'Oui, mon cher?'

'I'm so happy.'

She moved upward and kissed my forehead.

'Me too,' she whispered as she settled back. 'Good night, darling.'

We slept in each others' arms like lovers' in a fairytale. Lust coursed through my veins a while, but it was always beaten by the only feeling of genuine happiness I had ever felt.

Life was beautiful.

I awoke the following day and found our room stripped of anything belonging to Isis; she had left without a trace. My heart threatened to shatter, and my sanity was on the verge of spiraling out of control. Both threats followed through later that day when I realized I would never see her again.

5.

'Are you seeing anyone?' I ask

Trinity is still draped across me, recovering; one arm across my chest and her thigh pulled over my legs. My cock, now fully deflated and miniscule in its appearance, sits inches from her touch

'No, Baby Brother,' she smiles, kissing my cheek. 'I love you.'

'Then why were you late last night?'

She retracts, offended. I know she isn't seeing anyone, but I like to remind myself - and her - that she is mine. I smile, making it very clear that I am teasing, before she lightly slaps me on the chest, her tits jiggling. Red indentations are dotted around the flesh evenly from where I dug in, but she does not complain of any pain.

'Asshole,' she cries playfully. 'We fuck almost everyday for the past seven years and you think I have the energy for anyone else?'

'Talking of assholes,' I smirk. 'Did you like your birthday present?'

'Well,' she ponders, her filthy face covered in dried sweat and mascara, still managing to look beautiful. 'The squirting was wonderful. But my asshole is kinda sore now.'

'So you didn't like it?' I am genuinely disappointed, fully knowing that I shouldn't be. If I'd had been any more aggressive, her puckered hole would have torn.

Trinity senses my disappointment, and smiles.

'I could get used to it. Give my coil a break.'

The IUD in her vagina.

'I can't imagine having a piece of metal in me,' I say.

'Well, I don't like condoms,' she replies. 'And you know the pill turns me into a bitch.'

I look into her gorgeous green eyes seriously, her expression changing to match mine.

'I thought you'd gone off me.'

'Why would you think that?' she replies almost automatically.

'I dunno,' I shrug. 'You didn't, like, enjoy it as much.'

She sprawls onto me, her fleshy tits creating cleavage against my chest, the sore spots looking very painful. My limp cock sits in her navel as she props her arms up on their elbows and holds her head in her hands to face me.

'I'll be the judge of that,' she says, kissing my nose. I can still smell her pussy, but despite its highly arousing odor I am just as spent as my sister. 'You know you drive me crazy.'

'Then why did you try to stop sucking me?'

'Hey,' she says, repositioning herself to pin me

harder, looking into my eyes like a goading child. 'Why don't you try sucking on my cock for two hours and see whether you get tired?' She continues to stare at me, waiting for a response. The corners of her mouth curl upwards as she stifles a chuckle. 'Hmmmm?'

I begin to giggle, and she joins me.

'Fair point.'

My palms find her lower back, holding her close; I tell her that I love her.

'I know,' she muffles, her face in my shoulder. 'I just want you to be happy. It's all I've ever wanted.'

She lifts her head to look into my eyes.

'It's all both of us ever wanted.'

As my expression clearly slips into thought, she shimmies down and off the bed.

'Come on,' she says. Her ass cheeks wiggle as she walks away and out of the door, calling back. 'The funeral's at two. Get ready.'

I lie on the bed, thinking about my life, about Trinity, about Isis. The thought that Trinity has settled for me, her own brother, when she could have any number of wonderful and successful men, fills my brain. I have always been too inadequate and fucked up for anyone; it was not fair that Trinity had to fall in love with me, to give in to my blackmail and then fulfill my demands freely. It was not fair that we were born into genes that were so deeply rooted with mental health problems, that one of my sisters had to disappear without a trace, and the other had to enter into an incestuous relationship with her brother. It was not fair that they both gave up their own happiness just to ensure that I never felt a moment of sadness. But then, life's not fair is it?

The shower begins to flow next door, and Trinity yells at me to join her, and to hurry.

As I peel myself off the bed, I think about the faces I will see at the funeral this afternoon, and whether the dam of my psychotic nature will break and create a river of insanity. It's only a matter of time. People like me aren't meant to live so freely for long.

***

Trinity and I have been sleeping together since Isis left. Nobody knew where she had gone or why, but Trinity later hinted that Isis had known all about my mother and grandpa, and that she could take it no longer. My mother hadn't cared about anyone but herself in years, presumably since her new-found sexual appetite, so Isis moved away in the hope that she could set up home somewhere and bring Trinity and I to live with her. I didn't believe it. The abandonment was unbearable.

Trinity also knew, but she was never without a boyfriend, and, I presume, any particular boy provided her with the necessary escape she required for a particular period. It was probably due to this that Trinity and I weren't very close. But the one time she tried to reach out to me had proved irreversible.

I hadn't masturbated, or fantasized since the day Isis disappeared. Instead, the time was filled with Trinity attempting to persuade me to leave my room as I wallowed in the memory of my absent love. This was usually in the middle of the night after work, probably after she has been fucked.

'Fine,' she said from beyond the door. 'But please, I'll be in my room so come and talk to me okay? I'm worried about you, Baby Brother.'

She left me to my thoughts. It was almost dawn, and she had just come in from the night shift at the Pizza Den. I heard her shower flow through the walls, heard her perform her bathing ritual, and then silence as she got into bed.

I had wished that we were closer, just so that I could have somebody to talk to. As I sat there, occupied with a broken heart, I began to cry. Thoughts of Isis, her smile, her voice, her hair, and her beautiful body and the way it felt against mine, flooded my brain, and I could do nothing to stop them. I writhed on the bed in actual pain; I had nobody, like a pathetic little teenager having broken up with his girlfriend and thinking it was the end of the world.

With puffy eyes and still sniffling, I rose from my bed and stumbled out. The hallway lights were off but blue was seeping in through the windows. My grandparents were asleep, and my mother was probably too heavily medicated on sedatives to wake up even if a fire swept through the house.

I hobbled to Trinity's room in my daze, dressed only in the shorts I slept in. The room was dark but the curtains were not thick enough to shelter the sunrise. As I entered, I noticed from the mirror opposite her bed that her eyes were closed and she was purring sleepily.

'Trin,' I sobbed, rousing her slightly.

Under some heavy, lovesick trance, but clearly aware of my actions, I staggered to her bed and slipped beneath the duvet.

'Sweetheart?' she asked softly as my arms wrapped around her.

She was warm, so warm. And soft-skinned. I briefly noticed through my tears that she was wearing a single vest and nothing else. It felt like a silk nightie, and its thin straps lay loosely on her shoulders. Her tits surfaced comfortably from the other side.

'It's okay, baby,' she cooed, my face to the back of her head. She lifted a hand to stroke my cheek and I saw her smile in the mirror as my sobbing died and my breathing returned to normal. Her face was so beautifully natural, especially without make up. Her lips, even when they were not in a pout, were wonderfully full and sexy.

'I love your blow-job lips,' I'd heard Josh tell her once.

She suddenly stopped stroking my cheek. The smile wavered. Her eyes shot open.

'Sweetie, - ' she began, but I was breathing heavily again, and I could feel her alarm. She began to scramble weakly but I held her close, not wanting to let go. My penis had stiffened in my shorts, and she could feel it prodding the beautiful crack of her ass.

'Oh Trin,' I sobbed, holding her tight, the hand on her stomach darting up to squeeze her ample boobs. My lips found her neck and her cheek, and they swapped frantically with my tongue as it tried to cover every inch of flesh with kisses and licks.

'Sweetie, please - '

I held her in place. I yanked her vest down and her round tits fell out. My fingers immediately found a nipple and began tugging it, making it hard. The first feeling of a breast in my hand was wonderful, and as torn as I felt wanting it to be Isis's, the bulging cock poking Trinity's asshole didn't care. My mouth was still glued to her face, trying to find its way to her lips, as my hand shot downwards and pulled her thighs apart. She was still struggling to break free as my finger darted into her moist slit.

'Baby, no,' she moaned, but loosening a little. My finger was still inside her gradually throbbing pussy, stroking.

As her resistance relaxed further, our eyes met. I held my hand still. Her expression was as torn as my heart, as she looked beyond my crying eyes and into my pain.

'I'm sorry,' I said sorrowfully. I really was.

We held each other's gaze for an eternity, Trinity's brain processing what was happening, perhaps trying to figure out how fucked up I really was. She glanced down at the end of the finger that was still inside her.

'Don't be, Baby Brother.'

She immediately grabbed my head and pulled me to her face, her tongue massaging mine passionately. I felt her nails dig into my head, and the fingers of the other frantically yank my shorts as far down as she could reach; it was enough to allow my throbbing cock to bounce into her hand. She scrambled beneath me and guided my aching member to her wet opening. I could feel the moisture of her juices coating her pussy, both the lips and the hole.

There was no thinking involved. Our deep kiss continued, my hand gripping her big fleshy tit as my mushroom found her slit and forced itself the whole way in. She gasped, her mouth widening, her forehead wrinkling. I drove into her again, once, twice, the tight flesh squelching against my thrusts. The pressure surrounding my entire cock as it rocked inside her was a completely new sensation, as was the warm moist feeling of it being clamped as cum began bubbling up inside my balls.

'Oh God,' she panted, breathing heavily but quietly as my hand found her throat and pinned her head to the pillow.

She looked at me, her breath frozen, as I began pumping jets of cum hard and fast into her pussy. Each stroke was as intense as the last, until the very last drop took with it my energy. My grip on her throat loosened and I collapsed onto her.

In the haze of my first experience of sexual intercourse, I opened my eyes long enough to see Trinity's yearning and expectant expression drop into disappointment - she didn't expect this to be so short lived. Or maybe she wanted the only time she comforted her brother to result in a mind blowing orgasm for her.

Either way, as I watched my cream seep out of her wet slit, my own cock coated in her juices, I decided that this would not be the first and last time this would happen.

I was determined to ensure for the rest of our lives, boyfriend or no boyfriend, that my sexual relationship with Trinity would certainly be as charged as this had been, but by no means as short. If she declined, then I had the footage of my mother that would destroy our lives; I had read enough to know that in time, I would no longer need to use the video, that Stockholm Syndrome would kick in. Isis would live on in Trinity's body, taking the place of the only thing in this world I had ever truly loved.

6.

I walk into the living room whilst Trinity rushes upstairs and makes the phone call.

My mother is soaked in her disgusting expressions of alcohol and drug induced distress, her head in grandpa's lap, both of them watching television.

Neither of them seems to be affected by the funeral that took place only hours ago. Grandpa is still dressed in his priest's clothing, but my mother has changed out of the clothes she wore to the burial, at least partially. She is still in her translucent lace-top stockings - something that grandpa undoubtedly commanded she wear - and matching lace panties. Her blouse is undone, and her black bra has been pushed aside to allow one sagging tit to hang out, the nipple standing hard within grandpa's fingertips.

As I stand in the doorway, I see her eyes conscious enough to flicker up toward me, and then back to the television. Neither of them seems to give a fuck that I'm there. Perhaps they had been waiting to be open like this for years?

My grandfather's other hand is invisible behind my mother's ass, but I can see movement in her crotch, in sync with the thick sloshing sound of her pussy as his fingers work in and out.

'You bastards,' I tremble, rage building inside of me.

Neither of them looks at me; grandpa merely removes his hand from my mother's panties and sticks the fingers into her mouth. She sucks on them like a baby animal would feed on its mother's teat.

'You sick, sick bastards!'

'Now, now, sonny,' my grandfather drawls half-attentively. 'Watch your mouth or you'll get the belt.'

I stride over to the couch and kick him in the face with all the force I can conjure. He immediately falls to the carpet, winded, breathing heavily. My mother comes to life and yells at me, but with no strength to get up.

'It's done,' Trinity yells, coming down the stairs. 'We're free.'

'We're going,' I shout. 'We're going, and we are never coming back!'

My grandfather stares at me furiously from the floor; if he had been younger and had strength, he would have finished me by now. I leave him to watch as I squat down next to my mother.