Confirming Carter Bk. 01 Ch. 04

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Samuels and Keller were sitting side by side looking at a bank of laptops in front of them, scrutinizing the information on the screens.

"We've been over her three times Andi," Jennifer was saying for the forth time. "There's no occlusions, no aneurysms, no narrowing of any arteries or veins, and no evidence of any kind of blockage." She looked over at her. "There's no evidence of a stroke or any other brain insult or injury. We're going to have to look somewhere else."

"God, I'm glad you didn't say brain fart." Carter muttered.

All three of them looked at her, and Tammy sat down next to her on the bed.

"Say that again." She said, taking her hand.

"I said, 'God, I'm glad you didn't say brain fart.'" Carter repeated.

"Thank god," Tammy breathed, squeezing her hand.

"Uh, Tammy," Carter said, wincing. "You're gonna break my hand, hon."

Andi looked at Jennifer, then over at Sam. "So you got any idea what happened, Sam? We're clueless. We can't a find damn thing to explain why you went out, or why your speech was affected."

Carter shook her head. "I was fine till I got in the shower, and started soaping up. And all of the sudden, I was just...sad." She paused, looking up at Tammy. "I'm sorry I scared you."

"As long as you're better." Tammy said. She looked over at Keller and Samuels. "She is better, isn't she?"

"She looks fine, sounds fine, all the tests say she's fine...so no, I don't think she's better." Andi said. "I can't explain what happened to her to begin with, or why she suddenly came out of a semi-catatonic state, then miraculously recovers from a serious speech impairment." She looked over at Carter. "I'm sorry, Sam. But you're starting to scare the shit out of me."

"I want to rule out an allergic reaction. We had already swapped out everything in the suite for unscented, hypo-allergenic products. But we can swap 'em out again if you want." Keller said. "I guess we could put a filtering system in, but the water is already several orders of magnitude cleaner than anything you can get on Earth."

"She took out her tampon." Tammy said, looking down at her. "You said that you had left it in too long. No, you said, 'way' too long." She looked over at the doctors. "She put it in just before noon yesterday. You remember when we went downstairs to get them?"

They both nodded.

"So she had the same tampon in for almost twenty hours." Tammy said. "I commented that her flow must be light, because I hadn't noticed any spotting on the bed. Then she said that it would be heavier today, lighten up tomorrow. and that she'd be done tomorrow night, the next morning at the latest." She looked down at Carter. "But you never said what your flow was like on the first day."

"It's usually moderate, then picks up the second day." Carter said, looking up at Tammy. "But you remember I was worried about dripping on your floor after we...I didn't want to get blood on the floor. So it must have been heavier that usual."

"After you what?" Jennifer asked.

"Are you thinking toxic shock syndrome, Tammy?" Andi asked.

"Kissed. And no, I just want to get as much information as we can out so we can eliminate possibilities and narrow the range of what we're looking for."

"It's not a bad thought, there have been strokes resulting from toxic shock. But I don't know how we'd test for that with out exposing her again." Andi said.

"She's already been exposed. I gave her the same brand, out of a brand new box." Tammy said. "Maybe contamination? Something on the one I gave her yesterday?"

"I wanna hear about the kiss!" Jennifer said. "Was it platonic? Or..."

"Full blown, tongue down your throat, face sucking session." Sam grinned at Jennifer. She looked up at Tammy. "It lasted what..."

"I don't know! We started at the door, and didn't stop till we hit the end wall." Tammy said, blushing slightly as she glanced at the doctors. "Then you came back for seconds. So, five, maybe six minutes?"

"That sounds about right." Sam said. She looked over at Jennifer. "She's a good kisser too."

"Can we take this in the kitchen, or do you need to do some more tests?" Tammy said. "I could use some water, and..."

"That's not a bad idea," Carter said as she sat up and swung her legs over the side of the bed. She looked around. "If anyone wants a urine sample, speak up now, cuz I gotta do that too."

All three of them nodded. "I'll get you a cup. You going to use this bathroom?" Tammy asked.

Carter nodded, and Tammy walked out of the room. She turned to Keller and Samuels. "Andi, would you talk to her later? This has really shaken her, and she's not going to believe me when I tell her I'm okay."

"You're not okay, but I know what you mean." Andi said. "I have some things I need to talk to her about, but I think both of us need to talk to her about this." She said, looking at Keller. "She'll believe you before she believes me, and she'd be right there."

Keller nodded. "We can do that. She's frightened, but I think she'll calm down if you don't pull any more surprises on her. Or us."

"I'll do what I can." Carter grinned, standing up. "I hope she hurries, I really have to go." She said, looking toward the doorway.

"Don't get your panties in a wad, I'm coming." Tammy said as she came back. "I put a pack in all the bathrooms, so we don't have to get one every time we need a sample." She handed Sam two plastic bags. "Just leave the ones you don't use in the bathroom. You want me to wait?"

Carter shook her head. "I'll be fine. But give us a kiss first?"

Tammy stepped over and put her arms around her, and they kissed lightly for a moment, then moved apart.

'Thank you.' Sam mouthed, then turned and went into the bathroom. Tammy watched till she closed the door.

"Tammy?" Jennifer said from the door.

She turned and looked at her.

"She's gonna be okay. Come on, let's give her some privacy." She held her hand out.

Tammy walked over, taking her hand for a moment, then letting it go. "I hope you're right." she said as she walked toward the kitchen.

Interior-Kitchen

1010 Hours

Andi already had glasses out, there were glasses of ice and cokes sitting at Sam's and her spots at the table. Two more glasses were sitting on the counter.

"I didn't know what you wanted, so I just got you guys glasses." She said.

"Thanks." Tammy said, picking up a glass and filling it from the tap. She moved to her usual spot and sat down. Her eyes barely left the door.

"What kind of juice do we have left?" Keller asked her as she opened the fridge.

"I brought up some apple and orange, no one was drinking the grape." Samuels said as she sat down. Jennifer joined her a moment later.

"I had to use two cups," Carter said as she walked into the room. "So I poured one of them on your laptops."

Tammy laughed, and relaxed visibly.

Andi looked over at Jennifer. "You want to go check? You know, just in case?" She whispered.

"Good god, Andi! I heard that even with the earplugs." Carter laughed.

"Comic relief. Think nothing of it." She looked at Keller again, raising her eyebrows.

"Relax Andi. We can always get new ones." Jennifer laughed.

That broke the tension, and they sat back, reviewing the morning's events and discussing the tests they had done.

Tammy got up a few minutes later and filled her glass from the tap. "Any of you need anything while I'm up?" All of them shook their heads, and she took her place at the table again.

She reached over and took Sam's hand. "Then there's something else I want to talk about." She looked at her for a moment before she spoke. "This is for me, but Andi needs to hear it, because it might help her figure out what's happening to your personality and your brain, while Jenn and I try to figure out what's happening to your body. We need the whole picture." She squeezed her hand gently, then said, "Is that okay?"

Carter nodded. "I think I know what you're going to say, and you're right." She looked over at Andi, then back at Tammy. "Go ahead."

"The day we met, you were like a mink in heat. Now, I understand that if we keep your hormone and endorphin levels in balance, you behave almost normally. There are still minor differences that I can see, even with the limited contact I had with you before."

Sam nodded, looking at her steadily.

"The next morning, when we went downstairs, you were terrified that I might try to make love to you, but relaxed when I told you no, that we were going to move at your pace."

Carter squeezed her hand, and Tammy continued.

"Then later, down in my suite again, you were receptive to my kisses, responding eagerly. You were actually asking me to do it without saying the words. Almost like a schoolgirl out with her first beau."

She smiled at Sam, squeezing her fingers gently. "Then in the bathroom, you were almost painfully shy about me watching you put in a tampon."

She glanced over at Andi, and saw that she was tapping out notes on her tablet. She looked back at Sam.

"Then you made love to me this morning, and it was so beautiful, and so gentle."

"You want to know which one is me, or which parts of them are me? All of them, and none." Sam said softly.

"I think I can help here." Andi said. She looked over at Sam. "Do you mind if I throw my two cents worth in?"

Carter shook her head.

Andi looked down at her notes, then spoke directly to Tammy.

"Sam is a very self-restrained, self-contained, and private person, with a small circle of what she thinks of as friends, very few of them female. Those are lifelong traits, so her being shy about putting a tampon in in front of you, even in your role as nurse, isn't that unusual. But in the scenario you described, you weren't her nurse, she saw you in your role as her girlfriend, which would make her even more uncomfortable. You can expect that to continue until you consummate your relationship, and have cohabitated for a while. I'd say that it would take at least several months, probably closer to a year, for her to relax enough for her to expose herself like that."

"She has...Sam, We sit around and we talk about you in the third person like you're not even here. Sometimes it hurts to have to..."

"It's okay, Andi." Sam said, smiling at her. "I'm used to it. And I know you're only doing it for my own good. I actually get something out of it. I feel included, and I know you need direct feedback and input sometimes. And I'd much rather you do it like you have been, rather than go off and talk about me behind my back, because I want to know everything that's going on. So please, go on."

She looked at Tammy. "I'm okay, really. Listen to what she has to say."

"Sam has had very few sexual partners, not because she's been especially selective, but because she's never really found physical sex that enjoyable, and found more satisfaction in her work. That's not an uncommon trait, and she didn't even take it to an extreme. She's very normal in that respect."

"But this new need for sexual stimulation has shaken her. Where most of us have an interest in sex throughout our lives, she's suddenly had this incredible, overwhelming desire for sexual stimulation thrust upon her, and that's never been a big part of her world view. Understand that she never thought of sex as wrong, or dirty, she just didn't think about it. As a psychiatrist, I think it's astounding how well she's dealing with just that part of the situation she finds herself in."

She looked at Carter, tabbed down through her notes, and continued.

"Sam, you think of yourself as a heterosexual, and it's always bothered you that people thought you were a lesbian because you never settled down into a classic male/female relationship, or even dated that much. There are notes in your Air Force and college records making reference to it, even though no one could, or ever bothered to try to prove it. And your innate need for privacy wouldn't allow you to tell anyone that you were actually asexual. Which is a good thing. Because in Western society, with the possible exception of the clergy, asexuals are classed even lower on the social ladder than homosexuals, even though no one talks about it."

"Then we come to Tammy." She looked back and forth between them. "She tells you at the outset that she is here to care for you, and about you, and gives you a set of ground rules that you are expected to follow. The first one was that you are never to lie to her. She's added to the list, but that first one is the most important. Because it told you that she was never going to lie to you, and that you could trust her, and not wait for her to earn it. You gave her that trust immediately, and it took a tremendous burden off of you."

She took a sip from her drink, looking around the table.

"How am I doing so far? Anyone disagree, or have any objections?" She asked.

"I'm fine." Jennifer said.

"I told you we should keep her." Tammy said to Sam.

Carter looked at Andi for a moment. "I'm not sure I'm comfortable with you knowing this much about me, but I don't have any objections to anything you've said so far."

"Then let's go back to Tammy." Samuels continued. "You never would have had a chance for a relationship if this situation hadn't arisen. I'm calling that a blessing in disguise. Sam, Tammy is your intellectual equal, though with different interests. She shares many of your character traits, and possesses some that you admire, but see as lacking in yourself. If she were a man, and you had met her prior to this, you'd be happily married, living your dream life at some university somewhere on Earth."

She took another sip of her drink. "But she's female, and even though you're comfortable with being sexual with her, you still have that nagging little voice in the back of your head, telling you that you're not a lesbian. And I think you should listen to it."

Carter and Keller both leapt to their feet, shouting at her. and Carter started around the table for her. Tammy grabbed her wrist as she stared at Samuels, then smiled slowly. Andi nodded at her.

"Sit down, Sam." She said quietly. "You too, Jenn. I don't think she's finished yet."

They both sat down, and Sam looked over at Tammy, then down at the table, her face flushed with anger.

"Like I said, I think you should listen to that little voice telling you that you're not a lesbian. Then just go ahead and be Tammy's girlfriend. That doesn't make you a lesbian. But it will make you happy. And that's more important, isn't it?"

"You're not making any sense, Andi! You say don't be a lesbian, but go ahead and be Tammy's girlfr..."

"I'm making perfect sense Sam." Andi said, smiling softly at her. "And I didn't say don't have sex with Tammy, I said listen to the little voice telling you that you're not a lesbian. Because you're not."

She paused, glancing over at Tammy. Tammy nodded, and Andi continued.

"Is that voice telling you that what you're doing with Tammy is wrong? Even one little peep?"

"Well...no." Sam admitted grudgingly.

"It's just telling you that you're not a lesbian. So listen to it. You're giving yourself permission to love her, and be with her. You're just not listening to yourself."

Carter sat mulling it over for a few minutes, then the looked at Tammy. "What do you think?" She asked.

"I think she's smarter than I gave her credit for." Tammy said, taking Sam's hand in both of hers. "You remember the other morning when you told me that you weren't a lesbian, and I told you that I wasn't either?"

"You laughed at me."

"No I didn't. I laughed because you said something funny, and I told you that." She paused, looking at Sam. "I've never thought about me being gay or straight, I just thought about being me, and I think you're basically the same way. I think what's bothering you isn't whether you may be a lesbian or not, but that other people have thought you were over the years, and that hurt you, being blamed for something that you're hadn't done. And what made it worse, is you couldn't do anything to defend yourself."

"Not a bad bit of psychoanalysis if I do say so myself. She pretty much nailed the problem on the first shot." Samuels said to no one in particular.

"So what do I do about it?"

"Oh for god's sake Sam! You've got a chance for love staring you right in the face!" Andi said. "What do you do about it? You grab it, hold onto it for dear life and pray that it never goes away!"

"Bravo!" Jennifer cheered, clapping enthusiastically. "I agree with her. But let me add this. Are the people that care about you, and who's opinions you respect going to care if you love a woman? Or are they going to be happy for you because you found someone to love and be happy with? You don't have to answer that question, except for yourself."

"While that's all well and good," Tammy said as she looked around the table. "I was asking more from a medical point of view, and trying to work out how today's episode fits in."

She shook her head, and looked at Carter. "I'm just as confused as you are about our feelings. I've never pairbonded this quickly with anyone before, or felt as deeply about anyone as I do for you, even my early puppy love crushes. I told you I had been a fan. I've followed your career, even before I was recruited for the Atlantis expedition. But that was as a role model, you set a standard for other female scientists and professionals. You actually have a rather large following in that crowd."

"Really?" Carter asked. "I didn't know that."

Tammy nodded.

"I had heard about you before I joined Stargate Command," Jennifer said. "There was a club at Stanford that had a group of females that excelled in their fields as role models to compare themselves to, to rate themselves against. Your were in that group."

"Then when you took command of Atlantis, I liked the way you ran things, and admired your way with people, but I was never seriously attracted to you." Tammy said. "There's quite a few women on the base that are though. Not that I'm jealous or anything."

"But now I'm wondering if there might be something else at work here." She turned and looked at Carter. "I honestly hope I'm off base here, because I want what's happening between us to continue." She squeezed her hand, then looked over at Keller and Samuels.

"What's the possibility of a pheromone based agent being at work here, or something transferred through physical contact?" She asked. "We've been concentrating on what the korathis is doing to her. We haven't looked at what changes may have occurred in her system that affect others."

"You're talking about contagion, aren't you?" Carter asked.

"Yes," Tammy told her quietly. "Like I said, I hope I'm wrong, but we need to at least look at the possibility."

"I have been looking at that actually," Andi said, bringing up a screen on her tablet and sliding it across to Tammy. "There's a sniffer in the living room, and it samples the air every few minutes. That chart shows the air quality over the last two days, and there's no increase in pheromone levels in the air. The green line on the chart is the air quality from the Central Tower. I overlaid them for a comparison."

"So we can rule pheromones out." She stopped and grinned at Andi and Jennifer. "Or are you two feeling something too, and just not saying anything?"

Andi grinned back and shook her head.

"I'm not," Jennifer said, "I've got my eye on a guy. I never really liked hairy men before..."

"Rodney's not that hairy, Jenn, I've seen him without his shirt on." Carter said. "He's not that muscular either."

"I think I'm going to pass on Rodney, I've got someone a little more macho in mind."

Tammy leaned close and whispered in Sam's ear. Carter's eyes went wide, and she turned toward her. "Really, I never would have thought! She never..."

"I know," Tammy said. "But she lights up every time he comes in, even though she tries to hide it. You should see how she hovers over him when comes in with a boo boo."