Confused Heart

Again he tried to pull away, but I wrapped my legs around him. My lips clung hungrily to his. My weight made Ray topple forward onto the bed and I clung even tighter, kissing and kissing.

"Wendy, NO!" he was trying to be firm, but I detected desire in his voice. I pulled my top down around my waist and pushed my bra up off my breasts. Then I slipped my hand into his pants and began stroking his dick. I was surprised by the velvety softness of the head, the weight of the hard shaft and how it filled my hand.

I remembered how aroused Dannie got while sucking my tits, so I pulled Ray's face to my chest, pressing a breast up to his mouth. He no longer resisted, and suddenly he took my nipple in his mouth and sucked hard! His tongue eagerly flicked my erect nub while he sucked half my breast into his mouth. "Ahhh," I moaned with pleasure! I pulled his face harder to my chest, and pushed my breast up to welcome his assault, crooning endearments in the dark.

His body relaxed, no longer trying to escape, and I knew I had won. Ray was mine!

I won't give you a blow by blow description, but the next hour was a revelation to me. At school, girls joked constantly about the bad sex they'd had with guys. But I learned that a man can make love to a woman generously, but with power and great skill.

The first surprise ... it didn't hurt when he entered me. True, his dick wasn't as big as Buffy's strap-on. But it was big enough that I expected it to hurt.

I had never had sex with a man, but that didn't matter. Ray didn't ask what to do, or what I liked, or say anything beyond an occasional soft endearment. Once begun, he took control and I was mostly passive as he lifted me to the heights again and again with his delicately skillful hands, his mouth, and finally his spearing dick.

I learned that a man's dick feels subtly different from a dildo, though in some ways the same. And I learned the overwhelming feeling of a hard dick plunging deep with every thrust, about the tiny jolt of pleasure each time our hips met that grew and grew until it became a lightning bolt.

I must have looked like I had been hit by lightning as I twitched and convulsed and gasped and groaned through two climaxes.

Finally Ray pulled out of me and began to untangle himself from my arms and legs.

"Nooo!" I cried hoarsely, "Where are you going?"

"I'll bet you're not protected," he whispered, looking down gently, adding, "And I can't hold back any more."

"I don't want you to hold back!" I cried greedily, taking his sticky shaft in my hand. "I want you to come in me!"

His need must have been terrible because he only resisted for a second before letting me guide his dick back inside me. And in no time he was crying out, his thrusts becoming faster, less coordinated, his whole body straining while he came. I can't really describe the tenderness and deep satisfaction I felt.

Ray lay on me for a long time, his breath in my ear slowly fading from a roar to a whisper. I crossed my ankles behind his thighs to keep him there, my hands stroking his back and running through his mop of hair. He seemed totally spent, almost unconscious. Finally he rolled off me and was instantly asleep. I glued myself to his side, one arm and leg thrown over him, and fell asleep with my head on his shoulder. In the hour before dawn, he kissed me on the forehead and whispered goodbye.

I felt great the next day, loving the whole world and suffering only the faintest pangs of guilt. My only regret is that it took weeks to get my relationship with Ray back to where he was comfortable with me again. He's clearly glad I don't want a continuing affair, and he still feels guilty about our one night stand. There is so much I can't tell him, that he still doesn't understand why our passionate encounter happened.

I don't understand it, myself. What spurred my sudden desire for a man? Was it some instinct, some deep mating urge? Was it a delayed reaction to losing Dannie? Hormones, or horniness? The more I think about it, the more puzzled I get.

Am I a straight, but confused? A situational lesbian? Bisexual?

And that's why I wrote this letter, Dr. Carroll. I've been reading your advice column for a long time and I trust your common-sense approach to sexuality. Am I lesbian, straight or bi? Is there a clue in this endless letter that means nothing to me, but screams the truth to you?

Awaiting your response, call me Confused Heart in the Heartland.