Consequences - April

"I'm sorry but you're the one that apparently doesn't understand. There is no us. There is no we. There is only you and him. That's all there is now. You and I are done! Finished! Over! There is no discussion and I could never understand. You have to know that after being married to me for the past eight years. You couldn't know me so little as to believe I would accept your affair."

"But Chris. I love you! I do! You are the only man I've ever loved. I don't love Carl. I don't! Please, try to understand. Give me this time. Please, baby. For our marriage and our family, give me this time!"

"Take all the time you want. I'll contact an attorney tomorrow and we'll divide everything evenly. I have no desire to hurt you as you've hurt me. I just want it over." I was emotionally drained now and I just wanted to go to bed and forget for awhile. My headache was a thing of the past, but the ache in my heart was real and I just wanted oblivion for a few hours. But, I wasn't prepared for what followed.

"Damn you then! No divorce! I'll fight you every step of the way and I'll take everything you have. I'll make certain you won't get custody of the boys and I'll restrict your visitation rights every way I can. If you won't allow me this time for myself, it is going to cost you everything and I'll still have Carl. You can't stop me. You know it."

I listened to this harangue and it came to me then that this marriage had been over for some time. This degree of anger and disrespect wasn't sudden. It was planned and well thought out. She never worried about hurting me. If she had, she would never have done this in the first place. She would have ended it before it started. Instead, she had anticipated my finding out and rather than stop her affair, she decided on hurting me as much as possible. There was no love here, only avarice and the desire to humiliate me.

I watched her as the anger grew in me. I know my face showed her that she had gone too far. Her countenance, twisted by the venom in her words, turned from one of satisfaction to one of fear. My words lashed out then.

"I only have one thing to say to you April. When you push a rat into a corner, he'll turn on you. He'll fight to the death when you try to take away any chance of escape. You should have remembered that before you pushed me. But now you have and you will pay the price."

"Please Chris. I don't want to do this but I have no choice. I love you and I'll do anything I can to stop you from walking out on us. If you won't try to understand and accept that, I'll fight you. You'll have no choice but to give up and stay with me. I know you. You love me and the boys too much to leave. I know you Chris. You'll stay."

"Goodbye April. Tell the boys I'll see them when I can. I'll just get a few things and then I'll leave. I'll get the rest of my stuff later, when we can arrange a time." I went upstairs and quickly packed a bag with enough to last me for a day or so. Nothing much, just my things from the bathroom and a few pairs of underwear and some jeans and socks. Not much after eight years of marriage. Just bitter memories now. But I did have two wonderful sons and that was all I cared about now.

I came back down to see April sitting in the kitchen by the door. She was apparently going to give it one more try. "Chris. Please don't do this. I'm begging you. Don't!"

"Tell me you're through with him. You'll never see him again. Just tell me that and maybe we have a chance."

"I can't! I just can't! Please!"

I pushed her aside. I felt the urge to slap her as hard as I could, but I knew the anger inside would not be so easily controlled so I held back. "I'll stop in the evenings after work so the boys won't notice anything right away." I opened the door and left. The door slammed behind me as I threw my bag in the back and climbed into my truck. I backed out of the garage and drove away.

On the way, I pulled out my cell and called Clyde, my brother. He lived about ten miles away in a small subdivision. He lived alone, since his wife ran off with a friend of his two years ago and Clyde had no idea where she was. He didn't much care anymore but he was too lazy to do anything about it. They had never divorced but Clyde didn't let that stop him. He was a real boozer now and was usually out with his guys drinking most nights. He and I had words about that but Clyde wouldn't stop. I had to admit, he was rarely drunk, just buzzed most of the time. I think he was burying the memories. But that was just my opinion.

He answered, heard me ask him for a place to say and told me to make myself to home. He'd be back sometime later. Not to worry. So, I drove to his place, took the key from under the planter on the porch and went inside. As always, it looked like no one lived there. Clyde was a lot of things but he wasn't a slob. As a matter of fact, he was compulsively neat. He had always been that way. It was a comforting thing to see now. Things were as they always were. It was just my life that was fucked up. I checked the fridge, found a few beers and made myself to home as he suggested. By the time he got back, I was pleasantly buzzed. I had gone to the store for more beer and had consumed half of them.

When he got home, I just told Clyde that April and I were having a fight and all Clyde said was, "Well, shit bro." I guess that summed it up pretty much. To help me out, he sat down and started to drink the remaining beer just to keep me from getting too far under. I was his brother he told me. Always there for me.

I woke the next morning with a serious hangover and a raging headache. It was my own fault, drinking that way. Even though I had reason, it was no excuse. I staggered into the bathroom and stood under the shower, letting the cold water shock away the last dregs of the alcohol in my bloodstream. No good staying drunk. I looked for Clyde and found a note saying he was at work and he would report me off. Not surprising since we were scheduled to work that Saturday. Clyde and I worked at the same place, a company that leased and rented heavy construction equipment for most of the large contractors. Customers came from all over the state for their equipment and we were two of the top mechanics. It was our job to keep the rigs running regardless of the problems. It was good money and long hours but it paid for the things that I expected to provide for my family. That was my job: to provide.

So, I had to work. I knew I had to continue to make the money that April used to maintain that big house she was so proud of. I believed that she saw it as I did, a home for us and security for our family. I had been proud of that; my way to provide, my way to honor and cherish my family. That wasn't the case as she told me last night. April thought of it differently. It was her security all right, but she also saw it as an asset to hold over my head in any divorce. She wanted the house and the money I made but only to buy beautiful clothes for her lover. For trips to Victoria's Secret for lingerie for her lover.

I increased the flow of water to drown out those thoughts. Even though I was late, I had to get out of here and go to work where I could think, plan, decide. Things I couldn't do now. Things that April had already thought about. It was clear from what she said last night that she had planned this in advance, knowing I would be reeling from the shock of her betrayal once I found out. She knew I wouldn't be thinking clearly then so she had it all planned. Hit me with the divorce strategy of taking me for everything. Make it about hurting the kids. Make it my fault if I didn't approve my wife fucking another man. Make me the bad guy. She had stacked the deck alright. Stacked it against me to force me to allow her to fuck another man. She thought she was smart. She had a good thing and she wasn't going to lose it to her jealous husband.

I dressed and got a box of extra large trash bags. I knew she would be gone this morning, taking the boys to her mother's place. They were planning a birthday party for the boy's fifth birthday. I drove over to the house, and let myself in. I took everything out of my closet and drawers and threw it into several large garbage bags. I got all of the things out of the bathroom that I would need, put that into a small overnight and took that and the bags out to my truck. I heaved everything into the back and then went back into the house. I wasn't going to leave just yet. I was coming home after work and I would spend some time with the children. I had a lot to think about and a lot to decide. One thing was certain: my marriage was over and I would never touch April again. Never again would she be my wife, my lover or my confidant. She was someone else's lover now, not mine. As I thought of that, I couldn't stop the tears that started and I sat there on the floor of what used to be our bedroom and cried. Loss is hard.

At work, I dove in and worked straight through breaks and lunch hour. I was happy to bury all thought of home and wife and kids under the demands of fuel injectors, drive chains and fuel pumps. I tackled broken drive gears and hydraulic lifts, anything that challenged me. I worked on the toughest jobs without complaint. I was like a man possessed and was still at it ten hours later when Clyde tapped me on the shoulder for a break.

"Hey man. Come on! Jesus! Take a break would you? You're making the rest of us look like lazy bastards." He stood there waiting till I stopped, a dazed look on my face.

"Sorry man. Just working to bury myself in this shit. Don't mean to shame anyone. Sorry." I must have looked as if I was about to burst into tears when Clyde took me by the elbow and led me off the floor and into the break area. Clyde and I had been tight since our father and mother died in a car accident ten years ago. Clyde was the best man at my wedding eight years ago. Clyde was godfather to my boys, Chris jr and Charlie.

I sat down and stared at the table as Clyde got us both a cup of hot coffee. It wasn't good coffee but it was hot. "OK, talk to me. Tell me the whole story and don't leave anything out. Start talking."

I started talking and didn't stop for the next ten minutes. I told Clyde everything. All the shame, the humiliation, the contempt April showed me and I even told him of the threats she laid out. The ones she had planned to keep me from doing anything to spoil her fuckfest. She was trying to make it impossible for me to do anything to stop her or to get back at her without giving up everything. She had done it willingly and now she wanted me to accept it. I told Clyde of the look on her face as she humiliated me, as she told Robin of the sex and how wonderful it was. The contempt on her face when she threatened me with taking it all away from me. She made it clear that her lover was too important for her to give him up.

Clyde was shocked. He knew April well, had always thought of her as a good woman and a good mother. Chris had never hinted at any problems between them and he assumed their marriage was strong. Now this. Clyde looked at his brother and saw the pain and the suffering he was feeling. It hurt just to see it. Chris was a good man, a solid father, a great provider and under it all, someone the guys around the garage knew they could always trust to be there for them. He had helped more than his share over the years. Clyde began to become angry. How could she do this to him? What the hell was wrong with her? His anger began to grow as he looked at his brother and best friend, broken and beaten.

"Chris, listen to me. You're not going to take this are you? You have to do something. Let me and the guys help you. This can't stand!" He was looking at me with concern etched on his homely face. Concern for me, I knew.

I looked up with a hopeless expression on my face. "What can I do? She'll take it all if I divorce her. Child support, alimony, the house, the car, everything. You know I would never take anything away from my kids. She's using the kids as a weapon against me. She knows I won't hurt them and probably so does that prick she's fucking. He's a shithead who thinks fucking another man's wife is fine. They've got me by the balls, and April's doing the squeezing."

Clyde shook his head and growled, "Fuck them both. You know I loved April like my own sister but now she's made her bed and she'll have to lie in her own shit. We have to go after them both. The first thing we have to do is find out who he is. That's the easy part. Let me make a couple of calls. Then we can talk."

I just shrugged my shoulders. "OK, but I don't know what you think I can do. She won't tell me anything about him."

"So what? We'll find him and he'll go down just like any one else. And you know you can never take April back don't you? What she did makes that impossible. She'll castrate you if you accept what she's doing. She'll never have any respect for you again. No way man. She's another man's slut now."

I was surprised for a second but then a small smile started. "You're right. She's no longer my loving wife. I learned last night how quickly love can turn to hate. And my hate for her is stronger today than my love for her last night. She took that from me and twisted it into something that is going to come back to hurt her. I told her that."

We talked a while longer, clocked out without any overtime and went to a small bar close to work. Neither of us planned on getting drunk. This was business and plans had to be made. Clyde called a few others in and we sat around a table and plotted. I was amazed at the support I received from these, my friends. They asked no questions, just wanted to know what they could do to help. This was the loyalty I thought I had with my wife, but that was a lie. Together, we plotted and came up with a workable plan.

At 7:00 that evening, I pulled into my drive and went into my house. Funny, I thought as I walked in. It was no longer home, it was just a house. I walked into the kitchen, took my jacket off, and walked into the family room. There I saw April sitting in her chair, watching Chris and Charlie, our five-year-old twins playing a video game. I stood there, locking this picture in my mind forever. It was not going to be this way any longer.

I looked at April. She had been watching me as I looked at the kids. She had a small smile on her face. A smile I now understood. It showed her contempt for me and her contempt for this whole wholesome scene. It was all a lie. A huge lie, with her as the liar. Now I could see and understand. I returned her look but not the smile. As I turned away, she looked down.

I walked out to the kitchen and looked in the refrigerator. I grabbed what looked like left over fried chicken and mashed potatoes and put them in the microwave to reheat. I wasn't hungry but I needed to be doing something. I had planned to talk to the boys just before they went to bed but Clyde had talked me out of it. I had to delay it now but when I spoke to them, it would be the first step in the battle that was beginning with April. I would lose, no doubt, but I would go down fighting.

I sat down with my plate and began to slowly eat. Nothing tasted good but it was necessary to maintain my strength. I needed my wits about me. I had gotten about half way through when April walked in and sat down across from me. I glanced up at her but returned to my plate and continued to eat methodically, chewing slowly. I said nothing. I had nothing to say to her yet.

"Have you calmed down from last night? Can we talk like civilized adults now?"

I looked up at her in surprise. Civilized adults? How about a cheating slut and her cuckolded husband? That was more realistic. Instead of that, I chose to say nothing.

"Aren't you going to talk to me now? Are you going to be childish and give me the silent treatment? I thought better of you than that Chris. We have to think of the children now so you have to remember your place in this house as their father."

"Am I? Am I really their father? Makes me wonder now. Maybe I should verify that with some tests." Nothing more than that. No anger, just a simple statement.

April's face clouded over with anger and she was about to say something when I simply said, "Careful April. The children will hear you if you start to yell. You remember the children? The ones you accused me of forgetting about last night when I got angry? Well, now you have to remember. You have to think about what you have done to their world. You not only fucked another guy, you fucked away this family. Think carefully April."

April stopped, lowered her voice and hissed, "It seems you haven't thought much about what I said last night. I expect you to get over this and get back to normal. Nothing will be different here at home. I still love you and you are my husband. That hasn't changed. Neither you or the children will be deprived of a single thing. I keep my activities private and only when they are in school and not around. You need not lose anything since I am always here for you."

I didn't answer or respond. I simply continued to eat, chewing slowly and methodically. I kept my face bland and unresponsive. My eyes were blank as I looked at her. As I did, I felt nothing inside. Interesting that my words meant nothing but my eyes told her everything. That began to slowly get through to April as she sat there. For the first time, I could see a single shiver of fear go through her.

"What are you going to do? Are you going to make this difficult for me? I hoped that you loved me enough to let me have this time for myself. I told you last night he hasn't taken anything from you and that I would always be here for you. Why can't you understand that?" April was becoming emotional now while I simply stared at her, slowly chewing my food.

I finally swallowed and said, "I think you should wait for this discussion until the children are in bed. I listened to you last night while you said your peace. I didn't like it but I listened. Afterwards, I behaved badly and I apologize for that. I should have stayed. I'm sorry for leaving that way, but I will not have this discussion while the children are still up."

April seemed mollified by that and began to smile again. "Thank you for that. I accept your apology. I think you were justified in some of what you said, but you hurt me with your words. I'll take the boys up soon and then we can talk." She walked past me with a hand on my shoulder. I flinched at her touch and she jerked her hand away. I couldn't stop the revulsion I felt from that simple touch.

I went in to be with the kids and tried to be my normal self. It was hard, knowing it was all going to change. But, I accepted that April's actions had destroyed all of this for me. Maybe I should just be a good cuckold and accept her terms. Wait it out till she was done with the other man. After all, didn't she say she still loved me and wanted to stay married to me? But I knew I couldn't do that. Not now, not ever again.

It was after 9:00 when April came into the family room where I was sitting. She heaved a sigh, lowered herself into her chair and smiled. "Got them down and asleep. They are getting almost too big to put to bed now. They say they go to sleep but I know they turn the light on after I leave to read. They're good boys."

I looked at her and nodded my head in agreement. "They're good kids. It's too bad that this is going to be so hard on them. But, I don't know how to spare them the pain they are going to go through."

"What do you mean? I thought you understood that there is no need to do anything. Just let me have this time for myself and then we can go back to being a family like we were. Just be patient. I told you, it will be over soon. You will have lost nothing. I love you so much and I want to remain as your wife. This is just something that I have to do. Nothing more."