Consequences - Erin Ch. 02

"This is Addison Croft's office. May I help you?"

"Yes, Judy, it's Erin. Is he in?"

"Oh, yes Erin. He's been looking for you. I'll put you through."

I waited while she connected me. I assume he was telling her to shut his door before taking the call. He often did that when taking calls.

"Hello. Erin? Is that you?"

"Yes Addison, it's me. I'm home now, just like you."

"What the hell happened to you? Why didn't you come back to my room? You said you were just going to get your birth control. Where did you go?"

"I had no intention of coming back. I just wanted to get out of there."

"But you stupid bitch, we had a deal! You know I'll have to reconsider putting your name in the hat for losing your job don't you? That was the deal. You be good to me and I'll be good to you. Too bad, now it's too late."

"But you didn't expect me to go through with it did you? All this time, I didn't give in. Why did you think I would in Toledo?"

"Because you want your damn job more than you want to stay faithful to that wimp husband of yours. You know you want it and I'm the guy to give it to you. Maybe it's not too late. If you agree to meet me after work for a little romp in the sheets, I'll forget that you stood me up."

"Not a chance. I'll give you my resignation tomorrow. I quit, you fucking pig!"

I slammed the phone down and waited a minute before pushing the message play button. I listened to the entire conversation and then I pushed the 'save' button. Now, all I had to do was find Paul and make him listen.

The next morning, I dressed casually and walked into the Director of Personnel's office. I demanded to see him and made such a fuss that he finally waved me in. Without a word, I pulled out a small CD player and played my conversations with Addison for him to hear. I had transferred all of them onto this one CD and I made three copies just to be safe. I said nothing but watched coldly as he listened, first with some impatience and then with intense concentration. At the end, he simply slumped back into his chair and looked at me.

"What do you want Erin? Your job? Hell, your job was never in doubt. Addison had no say in who was let go and who stayed, and you were staying without doubt. It was out of his hands. What he told you was BS and apparently was only intended to get you to give in to his demands. This is the end of him you know. His job's yours if you want it."

"I might have said yes before this trip to Toledo. My husband thinks I went through with it and spent the night with Addison in Toledo. He knows Addison was there and he thinks I lied to him about working. I played some of the tapes for him but I didn't have the last one to prove I never went through with it. He doesn't believe me and I don't blame him. Why I ever thought this job was worth it, I don't know."

He simply shook his head in sympathy and told me that he would keep my resignation on his desk and Addison's job open for a week. He didn't want to lose me and wanted to be sure that I wouldn't sue the company. He told me to think about my future and let him know what I wanted to do. He also told me to take the rest of the week off since it might be very unpleasant around there for a while.

He volunteered to talk to Paul if I wanted but I declined. It was my problem and I caused it myself. I couldn't use someone else to try to get me out of it. My only solution was to prove to Paul that nothing happened. I had to wait until he came back.

I went home and tried to go on with my life. I had no idea of where Paul was and no idea if and when he would come home. I did have time to reflect on my actions these past months and I was ashamed of myself. My actions weren't those of a loving wife. They were those of a greedy manipulating bitch that was so self centered she thought only of herself and never of her husband. What did that say about me? I didn't like the answer.

I did understand the consequences of my actions now though. It was very clear that when I chose to go my own way and take care of my own problems without sharing with my husband, he chose to walk away when I tried to justify my poor choices. He didn't believe me and with good reason. I had lied to him, misled him, ignored him and shut him out of a part of my life. The consequences were severe. I just hoped they weren't permanent.

After one of the longest weeks of my life, I got a call from Paul. He was staying at a motel here in town but he wanted to come home and talk to me. He said we had some decisions to make about our future. He was intent on proceeding with the divorce but he understood that we had to make some joint decisions. He was being very reasonable and very calm. I on the other hand, knew that I had to let him come home before attempting to convince him of my faithfulness so I agreed with his conditions. We agreed to meet that evening here at the house.

At 7:30 that evening, Paul knocked on the front door. He was dressed in a suit and tie and looked every bit the executive he was. I wondered if he had just come from work or if he was trying to maintain a business appearance so I wouldn't forget why he was there. Either way, he was very handsome and impressive as I knew he would be. It was with bittersweet feeling that I welcomed him in.

"Hello Erin. You look tired. You need to take care of yourself. You always did work too hard at that job. It's unfortunate that it was so very important to you."

"Hello Paul. You look very relaxed and very nice. I guess this hasn't been as hard on you as it has on me. Please come in and sit down. We can use the kitchen table since it's clean. I made some fresh coffee."

"The kitchen is fine, but you're wrong. This has been very hard on me. You see, I never expected this but you've lived with it for some time. You've had time to get used to cheating, while I just learned of your unfaithfulness. So no, it hasn't been easy for me."

His words were a shock and really hurt but I understood why he felt as he did. That was entirely my fault. He believed what I led him to believe, even though it was wrong.

"I know what you think Paul, but you're wrong. I agreed to this meeting because I want to tell you something that is important first and then we can go from there."

I took a deep breath and began.

"I resigned my job last week. I told Personnel everything and they fired Addison for sexual harassment. I gave them the tapes I let you hear and that was enough. He was gone Monday."

"Why would you quit when you did what you did to get ahead and keep your damned job? I would think Addison would have given you a promotion if you had just kept your mouth shut and your legs open. You would have had it all."

That hurt, more than I thought possible. Paul thought me a whore and a slut for the job! How far he had gone with what I had given him while I was just playing the game for a job! It took my breath away! How stupid was I?

"I don't blame you for feeling that way Paul, but I want you to listen to something. Something I should have had before I came home from Toledo. But I was so busy thinking of myself, I forgot all about you. You were already convinced that I was that slut working only for my job while I was thinking only of myself and my damned job! Listen to this, please."

I walked over to the phone station and pushed play. I let the conversation between me and Addison play through and then I played it again. I watched Paul's face as he listened. I finally saw a tear begin and I didn't know what to make of it. I felt a small glimmer of hope but I was still afraid. Afraid that it was too late and Paul's trust was too far gone. Still, I hoped.

Paul put his head down on the kitchen table and began to sob. Deep, wrenching sobs that broke my heart. God, how I had hurt this man! This man that I had loved for most of my adult life. The only man that I had ever made love with and the only man I ever wanted to make love with. I had done this to him out of a selfish need for a job! His sobbing tore my heart out and I wanted only to hold him until it passed.

Too hell with the consequences! I fell to my knees in front of him and held him as tightly as I could while I pressed his head to my bosom. Screw the consequences! He was in pain and I was going to hold him until it was over. If he hated me, so be it, but I wasn't going to let him suffer alone! I held him until his sobs began to subside. Still I held him until I felt him calm and take me by the arms and lift me up. He stood, pulling me with him and then, when I expected him to push me away, he kissed me!

My legs buckled and I began to sag, but he just held me tighter. He supported me as he deepened the kiss, turning me to jelly in his arms. I was in heaven. I wanted only to remain there in his arms until the end of time. He was mine again! Mine! In spite of my foolishness, he had forgiven me! He was my husband again and I was his wife. That was the only job I ever wanted and it was the one I would be satisfied with for the rest of my life. Maybe the title of mother? It was worth thinking about.

THE END