Consequences - Jackie

"Get off me! Get the hell off me!" I was pushing against his chest as it heaved, gasping for breath. I used my fists to pound against that wall of flesh until it began to respond. As I drove my fist into the soft part just below his breastbone, he noticed and moved rapidly back and away from the irritation.

"What the hell are you doing? What's wrong with you? Jeez, you'd think I was raping you or something. What's the deal?" He was sitting back, one hand still resting on my thigh and the other rubbing himself. I looked at him, noticed the wild hair and the red, swollen lips and wondered why I thought he was so good looking before. Of course, I probably looked just as bad.

"Just get off me. This was a mistake; a damned stupid mistake. I didn't want to do this. It was the damned booze that made me come out here. Damn you anyway for taking advantage of me." I wasn't actually angry at him, but I was angry enough at myself to use him for a pounding board. The smug bastard was looking at my nakedness and I could see he was not listening to me.

I struggled and twisted until he finally moved off me and before he could say or do anything, I grabbed for my clothes and began dressing. I kept my face averted from him in embarrassment as I finished. I put on my shoes, my nylons still on my legs, and found my purse. I checked to be sure I had everything, then without a word, slid away from him and opened the other door and scooted out. I slammed the door shut, looked around and spotted my own car, half way across the lot. I walked quickly, almost running in my panicked haste, toward it followed by his calls from the car I had just left. I ignored him and made it to my car. I found my keys, started the powerful motor and drove away as fast as I could.

At home I walked directly to my bedroom, stripped everything off and threw it in the hamper. I looked at myself in the full length mirror and marveled that I looked no different than I had earlier in the evening. But I was different. I was a cheater, a betrayer of my husband's love and trust, a tramp that picked up a man in the bar and fucked him in the backseat of his car. With that thought, I stumbled into the shower and turned the water on as hot as I could stand and washed away all traces of my lover. I washed again and again until my skin turned red and angry. I finally stopped, knowing that no amount of soap and water would wash away what I had done.

I fell into bed, naked and ashamed. I began to cry, my tears squeezing out between my closed lids. As I felt the pain of my betrayal inside me, I let it overwhelm me until I must have passed out. During the long night however, a strange thing happened: I relived the experience over and over and instead of making me sick as it did at first, I felt a small tingle of pleasure. How could this be?

The next thing I knew, I was laying on my bed, on my back, naked and cold. I sat up to see bright light coming in the window. A quick glance over at the clock showed it to be after seven in the morning. I rose, went into the shower and let the hot water flow over my shoulders to ease the pain from the tension. It did help a little and I dressed in sweats and tennis shoes, feeling less than attractive this morning.

After a hot cup of coffee and a cigarette, one of the two a day I allowed myself, I let my mind go back over what I had done. It was interesting that this time, the shame and the guilt were much more subdued than last night. As a matter of fact, I had a small climax as I remembered the pounding I enjoyed in the back seat of that car. As I considered what I did, it came to me that I did actually enjoy the entire thing and it was only when I sobered up that I reacted so strongly. After all, why had I gone there? Just to enjoy some conversation? I thought not. I did exactly what I knew could happen and if I was honest with myself, I enjoyed it. Guilt was there, of course, but not to the extent that it was before. The more I thought about it, the more I felt that it was not as bad as I had thought. Guilt was because I had cheated on Joe. Yes, that was true, but it was not as bad as if he knew about it. He didn't! He wouldn't!

It was almost lunch before Evelyn showed up. She looked relaxed and pleased with herself, the same expression I noticed on my own face when I looked at myself earlier. Evelyn noticed it almost immediately and, of course, couldn't keep her mouth shut.

"Good Lord Jackie. You got laid didn't you! I can see it in your face. Damn it all, how did it happen? Was it Walt? Of course, it was Walt. God, he was a real hunk wasn't he? Did he curl your toes? Was it good? Tell me!"

I laughed and told her the whole story, right up till the morning when I decided that it was not all bad and that Joe would never be hurt by it because he would never find out about it. It was a one time thing, it was over, and it was best forgotten. Evelyn listened to my story and asked a few embarrassing questions which I refused to answer then laughed out loud.

"I told you! Didn't I tell you? Don't you feel better now? Be honest sis. Wasn't it better than when you make love with Joe? You and he make love, but Walt fucked your brains out. You know the difference and you liked it."

"OK, yes, I liked it. But it was just the once. No more. I went with you, I knew what could happen and it did but it's over. Joe won't know about it and it won't happen again. I have some good memories but that's all."

Evelyn tried to talk me out of that but she didn't succeed. We went out to the Jacuzzi and went in topless as we usually did. We spent an hour in the hot water then went into the pool for a cooling swim. She left before four and I made the first of my calls to Joe. I always called him at four, even if he was traveling, and he expected it. He never failed to answer and this time was no exception. We talked for ten minutes and he promised to call again that evening. I intended on being home so we left the time open.

The next two days passed and Joe came home from his trip. The first few hours were tense as I somehow expected he would see my betrayal in my eyes, but nothing like that happened. Joe rattled on about his trip, the people he saw and the business he gained. Joe was the top salesman for Adiadas Electronics, a firm specializing in miniaturization of existing equipment and the jobs he took on were normally in highly sensitive operations. He tried to keep me interested but when he couldn't tell me much, it was very hard to do. I listened, not out of interest but because he was my Joe. If it was important to him, it was important to me.

Joe called one afternoon a week later to tell me he had to attend a meeting in Tuscaloosa, about seventy miles away from Birmingham where we lived. He said he was going on the company helicopter and would probably stay there overnight. Since he kept a bag already packed in his office for times like this, he wouldn't need to stop at home. I was not happy about this as I had been working like crazy to make up for my evening in Walt's car. Joe seemed to be suspicious of my attentions but I made it so pleasant for him that he finally gave up and enjoyed it. We had made love four times since that awful night and Joe was a happy man. I planned to keep it that way.

Joe was going to be gone and I was sitting on the back deck with a cold beer when Evelyn came over. Since she lived only a few miles away, she was always here during the afternoon when Joe was at work. She grabbed her own beer and joined me.

"Why so sad sis? Joe not doing it for you?" Evelyn was grinning as she said this, knowing I was working him over as often as I could get him up for it. She knew I was very happy with the way things were working out.

"Joe had been making me very happy lately. You know that. What's bugging me is that he has to stay overnight in Tuscaloosa. Just when we were getting our rhythm back." I took a drink of my beer, looking over the Jacuzzi and the pool and the built-in grill that made our back yard a scene right out of House Beautiful. What good was it without someone to share it? Evelyn didn't count.

"I know sis and it's too bad. Why don't we plan to go out again tonight? Joe's gone, you're bored and we know how to solve that problem don't we?" Evelyn looked serious and that made me angry.

"You know I'm not going to do that again! I told you, it was a mistake! Damn you, are you trying to break up my marriage like you did yours?"

"Shut up! Just shut up! We're talking about you! Not me! I'm not the one that's bored. I'm not the one that's so unhappy with all she's got! I know what I want and I go get it. You know what you want, but those things are so damned important that you ignore your own feelings and sit back and mope about it. Make up your mind: do you want these damned things around you, or do you want to have fun?"

"Go to hell! Leave me alone. I don't know what I want and you're not helping me. Just go!" I was angry. I decided to go inside and lock the door, leaving Evelyn there. All she wanted to do was push me into doing the same thing she did. She was jealous, that's all. She wanted me to fall just as she did. Well, the hell with her!

When I checked later, she was gone. I opened the door, walked out onto the deck to look around. She was gone and I was alone again. I hated that, and I missed Evelyn. When Joe was gone, she was my only friend. All my other women friends were either at work, with their children or doing things that moms do. I saw them on weekends or at parties, rarely privately. We were not friends in that way; we were acquaintances. There was a big difference.

As dusk deepened into dark, I was sitting outside on the deck when Evelyn walked around the side of the house. She stopped and looked at me, waiting for my reaction, but I just smiled and waved her up. She came up the steps, grinned at me and I did the same.

"Are we OK sis? Are you over your mad?" she asked.

"We're fine. You know that. Anyway, part of what you said was true. I don't know what I want most of the time. These things are just a way of trying to satisfy my need for Joe to be here more often. Seems like a catch 22 situation for sure." I was only sure of one thing: that I was confused.

"Well sis, I have a surprise for you. Wait here." I stood up and watched her go inside.

Evelyn walked back through the house, disappearing out the front door. As I wondered what she was up to, she came back around the outside of the house minutes later followed by Walt and Jake, the two men from the bar two weeks ago. When I saw Walt standing there, smiling at me, I wanted to yell and scream at all of them to just go; get out of the house. I knew that's what I should have done but instead, I said nothing as feelings I had suppressed came flooding back. The passion, the sensation, the wild sexual abandon I felt that night rose up and almost overwhelmed me before I sat back down. I was torn; wanting them to go but at the same time, wanting Walt to stay.

"Hi there Jackie. Remember me?" Walt was grinning, looking me over as I sat there looking back at him. Did I remember? Of course I remembered: the sex, the sex, the sex! Without thinking, I glanced down at his crotch to see a bulge already forming. I licked my lips unconsciously as I tore my eyes away to see Evelyn already wrapping herself against Jake, oblivious of Walt and me.

I stood and walked off the deck and down the steps, making my way to the pool. I stopped by the Jacuzzi which fed hot water into the pool via a small overflow and sat down on the edge, my feet in the warm water. Walt followed me and sat down next to me. My heart was pounding while at the same time, my mind was screaming at me to stop this right now! Stop it before it got out of control. But my body and my mind were at odds with each other and my body was reacting to Walt's presence. When he put an arm around me, I moved toward him without resistance.

I glanced back toward the deck and saw that Evelyn had turned off the kitchen lights, leaving the deck lit only with the outdoor lights. She was already on her knees in front of Jake, and there was no question what she was doing as Jake's hands were holding her head. I looked back at Walt to see a smile on his face.

"Are you OK with this? I didn't think it was right to come here but Evelyn insisted. She can be pretty persuasive as you probably know."

"I, ah, I don't. . . . . . I'm so damned confused right now. I liked what we did that night even if I didn't act like it, but I'm married and I love my husband. But he's always gone, never here when I need him. I don't mean to give you mixed signals but it's really confusing. You know?" I wasn't making much sense since I was totally screwed up in my head. I wanted Walt to do to me again what he did the last time, but I knew that it was wrong for me to want that. Joe was my husband and I loved him. He made love to me and I treasured that time with him. But I needed him now and he wasn't here again. He was never here when I needed him.

As my mind strived to rationalize what I already knew I was going to do, Walt took charge. He stood up, removed his pants and shirt and dove into the pool. He surfaced, swam over to the edge where I sat and told me to come in as well. I looked at him, grinned, then stripped off my top and shorts. I slid into the water, directly into his arms. He held me tight as I reached back to unsnap my bra. I threw it up to the side of the pool and then reached down between us to feel his arousal. I laughed with abandon as I gave myself over to my lust. This was lust, nothing more and nothing less. I wanted Walt to fuck me senseless, to take me away from all my confusion and uncertainty. Joe wasn't here but Walt was and I would use him to satisfy my lust while I kept my love for Joe.

Walt used his hands to explore my body while I left myself open to him. His hands cupped my breasts; his fingers pinched and rolled my nipples until they were so hard they ached; his hands cupped my mound and then his fingers pushed up inside me, causing my blood to pound and my hips to push against his hand. When I could stand no more, Walt pulled himself out of the water, reached down to grab my hand and pulled me in one swift motion, up and out of the pool.

As I stood there dripping, my body so hot with desire that the water was steaming off my shoulders, he took some cushions off the lounge chairs near the pool and threw them onto the concrete. He took my hand and led me to them. He lay down on his back and reached up to beckon me down. I saw what he wanted and I stepped over his prone body, my legs straddling his hips. I slowly lowered myself down onto my knees, directly over his erect cock, which he held pointing straight up. I felt it slide along my fold until it was in position. At that point, I sat down, taking him all at once. The pleasure was so intense, my eyes squeezed shut and my mouth flew open. The feeling was wonderful and I refused to move as I enjoyed the feeling of fullness, a fullness I couldn't get from Joe.

As Walt's impatience grew, I finally began to bounce up and down on his stiff cock, my hands running over my own breasts. I was feeling it all, the hot rod of flesh inside me, the feeling of his strong hands gripping my hips, adding force to my downward motion, the blood pounding in my head and the shear pleasure of flesh on flesh. I was lost in a red haze of lust as I felt my first orgasm building inside me. I let it come, holding back nothing. I opened my mouth in a soundless scream of pleasure as the first of what I hoped were many orgasms took me over.

Walt continued to pull me down, push me up, and thrust with his own lust, his climax not yet ready. We continued this way for minutes more, pounding, thrusting, until we both came with a loud scream of intense pleasure. I fell forward onto his chest, his arms coming up to surround me. We lay together like that for several minutes, Walt still inside me. My breathing slowed to normal and my pulse stopped pounding in my chest. I felt so peaceful, wrapped in Walt's strong arms.

************************************************************************

The man standing inside the kitchen looking out over the deck and the pool moved back away from the large picture window. Since the lights were out in the kitchen, but lit over the deck and pool, he had an unobstructed view of both couples as they writhed together in their pleasure. Even if they had glanced in his direction, they would not have seen him standing there. He had watched for almost fifteen minutes without either couple noticing him. He knew the two women, one his wife, the other his sister in law. He felt a wave of sadness come over him as he stifled a sob.

Rather than confront them at this time, he moved slowly back through the house and out the front door to his car. He drove away, heading to one of the nameless motels near the interstate. He had driven home in haste, wanting to surprise his wife when his trip to Tuscaloosa had been cancelled. Instead, his boss had given him two tickets to the theater, and to a play that Jackie had planned on seeing at the first opportunity. He had thought to surprise her, but instead had been surprised.

I spent the next two hours with Walt, experiencing all that he had to give me, returning as much pleasure as I got. Evelyn and Jake were quiet now, probably falling asleep on the deck. For my part, I was sated and ready to go to bed, alone. I said as much to Walt, who smiled, touched my face gently and agreed. Together we walked up to the deck, woke the two sleeping people and went into the kitchen. Evelyn and Jake came inside and joined us as they all said goodnight. I followed them to the front door, kissed Walt once more and watched as they got into Jake's car and left.

To my surprise, Joe didn't call that evening. I expected him to, since he always called before he went to sleep. He always said that he couldn't sleep well without talking to me. Actually, I felt the same way. So it was difficult for me to get to sleep that night. I tried calling him on his cell but it went straight to voice mail. I tried to come up with some reason for that but drew a blank. I finally fell asleep thinking about my time with Walt and with Joe, the two blending into one where I felt satisfied and loved. But that wasn't reality. Joe loved me; Walt fucked me.

The next day at four, Joe didn't call. Now I was really starting to worry. He always called at four! No exceptions, no excuses! Always at four! I called his cell, and cursed as it went to voice mail. I called his secretary, who informed me that Joe was not taking any calls. When I asked her where he was, she told me he was in his office. In his office? How could that be? He was supposed to be in Tuscaloosa, not here in Birmingham. When I insisted she tell him I was on the phone, she asked me to hold. As I did, fuming at her ignorance, she came back on to tell me he refused to talk to me. When I called her a name, she hung up. I called back immediately but she must have known it was me and didn't answer.

I stood there by the oval mahogany table in my designer kitchen, tapping my fingers on the Italian marble countertops and staring at the stainless steel appliances surrounding me. I went to the double wide stainless steel doors of the professional grade refrigerator and got a beer. Imported of course. I never drank domestic beer. As I popped the top, I felt a chill run down my back. Could Joe have found out about Walt? Could he know that I had been unfaithful?

Of course not. He never said anything before yesterday and he was in Tuscaloosa yesterday evening while I was with Walt. No one saw me. No one could have known. My backyard was private, not visible to anyone except from the house. And I didn't even know Walt's last name, let alone where he lived. Joe couldn't know anything about that. So, what was wrong? Why hadn't Joe called? I was going crazy.