Consequences - Judith, Revisited

As for me, my business was successful and made me a lot of contacts. On the social scene, I was well known, invited to most of the important parties, had a lot of friends in all walks of life and overall was considered to be one of the 'in' people. I was usually in the company of many of the more important businesswomen of the city and my picture was always in the social section of the papers. But there was one thing lacking: I didn't date. I had not been on a date since I crawled back out of the gutter I found myself in. And I had not cared about any man at all since Rick left.

Oh, I had men calling me, hitting on me at parties or social gatherings, asking about me and letting me know that they were interested. The only thing holding me back was that I wasn't interested in them. My friends kept after me to pick one of the many single, wealthy men that I knew but I was interested in only one man and he was gone. Sound stupid? Maybe. But how do I explain it?

When Rick left me, he did it in a very dramatic way. He packed up and left while I was on a three day trip with my lover, Wes. We had gone on an all expenses paid trip together and spent the three nights in bed with each other. I told Rick it was a business trip and it was but I didn't tell him about Wes going with me. But he already knew about Wes and had it all documented. Stupid me, I had no clue. I was that typical cheating spouse who believed they were so much smarter than their significant other that nothing would ever happen. Consequences were for other people; stupid people who were careless.

The strange thing about it all was that that trip convinced me that I was done with the cheating and the lying and the sneaking around. It was ironic that I found myself thinking about Rick all the time I was with Wes and by the end of the three days I had recommitted myself to my marriage and to Rick. But of course, Rick had other ideas. He left me with pictures of what I had become; divorce papers; and a letter telling me that we were through. His letter was blunt and to the point. He gave it to me good with that letter. And I deserved everything he said and did. I was guilty and had no defense.

So that led to the depression and the fall and the pick-myself-up again routine that took two years of my life. Then the business I built for myself and my boys took another five years and got me to this point in my life. During that entire time however, I considered myself a married woman and vowed to do exactly what I promised myself I would do on that plane trip home from San Diego. I would rededicate myself to Rick and my marriage. The fact that Rick left and my marriage disappeared made no difference to me. I made a promise and I intended to keep it. Maybe too late, but my pride was not convinced.

I met a lot of very interesting men during that time. I lusted in my head after a couple and had several erotic dreams of things I would like to do with them. It was a lot of fun then, and I used my one convenience, a large blue dildo that I kept in my drawer under lock and key. It was a battery powered thing that had a few bells and whistles besides. I would take it out on those rare nights when my boys were out and staying over at one of their friend's houses. When I used it, I may have begun with thoughts of one of those luscious men I lusted after but when the climax I worked for came, it was Rick I thought of. Wasn't that strange!

Well, things happen that make no sense in life and the following night, while Robert and I sat behind the bench and screamed our hearts out for Will and his team, they went on to score one of the biggest upsets of the year. They won! They were going to state quarterfinals! How about that!!! Will was ecstatic and Robert was beside himself. I was a proud mother and I beamed all night as Will and his teammates celebrated. When Will asked if his team could come over to our place and celebrate I agreed. We did have one of the biggest homes of the boys on the team and we had a pool and a large backyard, well lit and fenced. Several parents volunteered to act as chaperones. It was perfect for a bunch of guys and girls and they enjoyed themselves and the pizza I ordered. The night was a great success.

The following day, I learned the schedule that Will would have, going to practice and getting to the state regionals. It would require some time off for me and I happily made the arrangements. I was all set to do what was necessary and made the calls to my office to let them know. We were working at capacity so it would involve a little arranging but I was determined to find the time. I was sitting in my kitchen, working on a schedule for the jobs in progress when the phone rang. I reached for it without looking at the caller ID.

"Hello. This is Judith Proctor." I held the phone to my ear with my shoulder, a move I had perfected, as I filled in the chart in front of me. I was reaching for a colored pencil when he answered.

"Hi Judith, it's me: Rick." Delivered in a voice that was soft, fluid, easy to listen to, and a voice I heard in my head every night of my life. And he thought he had to tell me who it was?

"Yes, I recognized your voice. It's good to hear from you Rick. It's been a few months hasn't it? Last time was to arrange for Will's birthday present? How have you been?"

"Good. Very good. I was wondering, Judith, do you have plans for the regionals? I know when its being held but I don't know any of the details. I won't see the boys next week and I'd like to make arrangements to see Will play."

"I was just doing the same thing Rick. The game is in Columbus next week, on Saturday afternoon. Will has to travel with the team on the bus but Robert and I are going to drive down Friday afternoon and check in for the night. We'll catch dinner that night and check out the next morning before going to the game. We have tickets. Rick got them for us. He got one for you as well." Then, just to punish myself, I asked, "Is one enough?"

"One is good. I wondered if we could get together once we get there? You, me and the boys. We could go to dinner and then, the next day, we could go on to the game just as you planned. I'd really like to sit with Robert during the game; of course, you'd be there too so it's your call."

"You mean dinner together; the four of us?" I was surprised since we had never been together as a family since our divorce. And that was almost eight years ago. I had been with the boys several times when Rick came to get them but never had we gone anywhere together. "And the game as well? The three of us at the game?"

"Yes, but if that's not OK with you, then I can just make some time to be with Robert and Will. I should have mentioned it earlier. I guess you have already made plans."

I was surprised again that it sounded as if he were disappointed. Could he have been serious? I was just anticipating his normal behavior where we spent our time nearby but never together with all of us. Not at the same time. Not in all those years since he walked out on me had we been together as a family. I know I was rambling in my mind as I tried to understand this new development. I knew Rick was waiting for me to say something but to be honest I was so confused that I blurted out, "No, I have no plans. We can meet for dinner, of course. That would be great for the boys. And I guess we could sit together during the game. Will would like that, seeing his family in one place. Just call me when you get there. We're staying at the Madison Hotel but that's not where the families are staying. They have a bunch of rooms set aside for parents at the Marriott Courtyard. You can call and make a reservation there if you want. You're listed under Will's family."

Of course he was. He knew that. How could he not know that? Actually, since I kept my married name, Rick and I were both listed as Rick's parents. I had already booked a room at a different hotel so they shouldn't be confused when Rick called. But that was not my problem. My problem was why he wanted to have dinner together. That was new. That was different and I began to wonder if he had some news to give us all: news about him getting married again. Or perhaps he was just engaged to some woman.

He said that he liked the idea of staying at the hotel better and would probably get a room there. I found myself saying goodbye to him and hoped I had not missed anything important. The last few minutes had gone by with me still in a state of shock. I took control of my emotions and put them aside while I finished the scheduling I was working on when he called. That was important and now had an even greater importance, at least to me. I was going to have dinner with my husband again; well, my ex-husband. But that was a distinction that was not important, to me at least.

I didn't mention my phone call to Will or Robert until just before we left. Will had spoken with his dad several times and all he knew was that Rick told him he would be there and that he hoped to spend some time with both boys. I was surprised he didn't say anything about our eating together. It was just a dinner, nothing major. I was checking with the boys the evening before we were to drive down to be sure they had everything they would need. Mothering, that's what I did. They were too old to make a fuss about it and just grimaced as I checked their bags. I told them to come down to the kitchen with me since I had something to say to them.

As they took their customary seats at the table, I placed a piece of apple pie in front of them with a glass of milk. Both boys loved my apple pie and I had made this one just that afternoon. I had taken off work early to do that chore and to get myself ready for the drive down. Not that I was worried about the drive. I was a nervous wreck but not about the drive.

"Boys, I have something to tell you. Will; Robert; the three of us are having dinner with your father. We are going to be together for dinner the night before the big game. Rick called and asked if we could have dinner together and I said yes."

I waited for their comments and was surprised when neither boy said anything. They continued to eat their pie without comment. I was taken aback by their attitude. But after a few seconds, it occurred to me that they just took it for granted that we would be together for something this big. How they could simply accept it was a shock to me. To me this was a huge thing. I hadn't been together with Rick for so many years that I saw this a major event in my life. Apparently, not in theirs.

"Well, I guess it was a big deal for me. I haven't had dinner together with Rick for almost eight years. Now, he wants us to get together and I was excited. I'm sorry for making a big deal out of it."

"No mom, it is a big deal and we know it. Dad asked us if it was OK with us if he came to dinner with you and us. We said yes." Will was smiling at me as he gave me this bit of information. He seemed to think it was amusing.

"Well. And why didn't you mention it to me before I made such a fool out of myself?"

"You never make a fool out of yourself mom. You are the coolest mom we know. The team thinks you're great as well! And we told dad that. He agreed with us and said he was looking forward to being together again and that it would be great if we could all get along."

I listened to them going on and we had fun with the secret and how I had made it such a big thing. They were excited as well and underneath the fun and the teasing, I could sense a feeling of excitement in their voices. This was a big deal to them as well. I began to wonder what was coming. And as I wondered, the possibilities were many and not all of them pleasant. I cleaned up the kitchen afterwards and spent the remainder of the evening thinking what Rick was up to.

I finished packing and took everything out to the car and loaded the trunk. I was nervous, now more so since our teasing. I tried to be positive but the one thing that kept coming back to me was that Rick had finally found someone who he was serious about and wanted to tell us all at the same time. He would use the dinner as the foundation to get us all in one place and then he would lay it on me. That seemed to me to be the most likely scenario.

I knew that Rick dated and I knew that he had at least two serious relationships. The first one was four years ago and was with a woman named Leslie Wells. She was beautiful and was financially well to do. They dated for over a year and I did hear that they were engaged to be married. Rick mentioned her to me once when we were meeting to discuss college plans for Will. He didn't give me any detail but he did say things were moving along quite fast. I didn't dwell on it as the whole conversation made me sick. Sick at heart, and sick in my soul. I didn't let Rick see the pain I was in and I left as soon as possible. Somehow the relationship ran into hard times and they broke up. I was glad for myself, but sad for Rick

The second serious relationship happened a year and a half ago with a younger woman. Her name was Jean Chambers and she was at least ten years younger than Rick. I was amused at first, then more concerned as he said it was serious. He actually used the word love once in describing her. Again, I terminated the conversation as soon as comfortable and left soon after. He never mentioned her again but I assumed he was still seeing her. I never asked the boys and I made it clear to both of them that their father's activities were off limits as conversation items with me. I didn't want to know and I made that crystal clear to them. They understood and never mentioned their father's paramours.

Jean Chambers. This dinner was his plan to mention her and tell us that he was going to ask her to marry him! I knew he would tell me and the boys before he made it official. That was Rick: polite and considerate. He always was, except the time I cheated on him and he walked out on me. There was no consideration for me or my feelings then, and I understood that none was deserved. I screwed up and I deserved all he did to me. The pain I gave him was paid in full by the way he ended our marriage. He paid me back: no mistake there! And boy, did I pay!

The following day was warm and bright and we left on time for the drive to Columbus and the quarter finals. Will was on the bus with his teammates while Robert and I were in our car. It was a four-hour drive and I wanted to get there early to give myself time to shower, primp and dress for our dinner. Rick might have broken my heart but I wanted him to see what he had walked away from eight years ago. I had a brand new dress, new shoes, new black lace undergarments and a gorgeous necklace with a diamond pendant that I planned to wear with matching earrings. With the perfume he bought me for our anniversary that same year, I planned to be as sexy and gorgeous as money could make me. The cosmetic surgery I had two years ago still made my few wrinkles too fine to worry about and the weekly workouts in the gym that I belonged to kept me fit.

We arrived at the hotel and checked into our rooms. I let Robert have a separate room, but explained that he would have to share with his brother, but he seemed pleased and took his carryall in to unpack and change. We planned to eat at six thirty but Rick hadn't called yet so our plans were flexible. We decided to walk over to the parking area to see if the bus was in yet. We should have beaten it by more than an hour so we might see it arrive. Robert led the way while I looked around the lobby and the shops adjacent to the hotel. We could walk to many of them and there were several restaurants nearby.

The bus arrived soon after and we saw Will get off. Before he saw us, Jill, his girlfriend walked up to him and hugged him. He smiled at her, leaned down to give her a kiss and then said something to her. She nodded, then rejoined two girls waiting for her. He watched her go then looked around and spotted us. He jogged over to meet us and we took him back to the room to change. Robert took him up to their room and I left them alone and walked down to the lobby to look in the gift shop windows and people-watch. I thought it was fun to wonder who they were and where they were going. I used to do it all the time.

I took a seat and had been enjoying myself for several minutes when I saw Rick come in. It was both a shock and a thrill seeing him again after several months. I didn't get up or give him any indication that I was there. He checked in, producing his card and signing in as efficiently as he did most things. God, he was a pleasure to watch!

He grabbed his bag and turned away from me to find the elevators. I watched his tight butt as he walked away and memories of what we once had came flooding back to me. Once again, I felt myself become warm with desire as I remembered. As I said, even when I thought of another man in lust, my fantasies ended up with Rick as the star. Crazy! When I saw him in the flesh, so to speak, there were no others. I let him go up and then followed, heading to my room to begin to get ready and to wait for his call. I wanted to be sure I was in control when he did.

Later, when I finished doing my face and hair, I walked into the adjoining room where Will and Robert were talking about the game and what Will was going to do. Will was trying to be calm but the excitement was pouring out of him. I listened to the exchange and marveled again at the young men I had been privileged to raise. They were gentlemen and I was so proud of both. They were already dressed for the evening in clean shirts and pressed jeans. OK, so I pressed their jeans. Sue me! I turned and went back into my room through the connecting door. I was almost ready and I wanted to put on my dress at the last possible moment. No wrinkles for me. None! I wanted to be as perfect as possible this evening.

As I was putting on my necklace and earrings, the phone rang. I picked up on the second ring to hear Rick's voice ask me if we were ready. I told him five minutes and we would meet him in the lobby. He hung up and I began to panic. It was time! Oh God, what have I gotten myself into? Rick and I at a table together for more than just a conference on details of our sons affairs? I wasn't sure now if I could even do this. I was already a nervous wreck and I hadn't even left the room!

I yelled at the boys through the door and told them we were going down to the lobby to meet their father. Will and Robert came into my room, looked at me and the way I was dressed. I held my breath until Will whistled out loud. "Wow! Mom, you look hot! Even if you are our mom, I have to say, you look hot!"

I choked. I admit it now that I choked up at his words. God, how I needed those words from anyone, even my son. I fought not to cry and simply smiled at him. Before he could move, I grabbed him by the shirt front and gave him a huge kiss on the forehead. He pretended to fight me but I heard him whisper, "Go for it mom. Go for it!"

With those words, my fears fell away and I decided that I was going to enjoy the company of three good looking men and the hell with the consequences. I was going to have fun and let the chips fall where they may. I opened the door, waved my two companions out and then shut the door behind me. I put my arm through each of my sons' and together we moved down the hall to the elevator. After a short ride, we exited arm in arm and went in search of my ex.

We found Rick waiting in the lobby, standing alone, holding a small box. As he saw us, he smiled and moved toward us. We met in the middle of the lobby, the four of us, looking for all the world, like a regular family: husband, wife and two handsome boys. I felt strange for just a minute until Rick started to talk.

"Judith, you look amazing. You are absolutely beautiful!" He was staring and I was pleased to note that the effort seemed to be well worth it. I smiled back, a blush staining my cheeks.