Containing the Situation Pt. 01

Let me start by saying, I love my wife Bailey. Sure she's crazy, flighty and more than a little unbalanced on the best of days. But, she's also warm, loving and most of all a truly unique individual. Her uniqueness manifests itself in many ways; her art, indoor organic farm, worm collection (to create compost for said farm), the many social causes she supports with her time and finances...I could go on and on but suffice it to say I both love and admire her. Today, my wife's borderline insanity has me touring through a 450 sq ft house.

Unless you've been living in a cave for the last few years you have, of course, been subjected to the "Tiny House" craze. There are many arguments for and against the concept of small houses. Pros: cost of living, mobility, maintenance, environmental footprint. Cons: Space constraints, no substantial equity gains, no property, zoning issues. For Bailey, my wife, the main argument centered around our (no kids, so that meant Bailey and myself) environmental footprint. She had decided that our latest adventure was to move off the grid as much as possible and reduce our impact on the nature that surrounded us.

I can sense an entire audience of people rolling their eyes and wondering why in the world any man in his right mind would put up with Bailey. The answer is simple; she is the energy, excitement and joy in my life. To put everything in perspective maybe I should give you some background on the two of us.

Bailey and I met 5 years ago while working for Stantech, an environmental engineering firm located in Seattle, WA. At the time I (Ken Becker, sorry, should have mentioned that earlier ;)) was in my first year at Stantech, having finished my masters at Cal-Berkley the year before. I had been fairly heavily recruited my senior year but having spent a summer internship with Stantech the previous year and having fallen in love with the Pacific Northwest, the opportunity to move to Seattle was too attractive to pass up. I was striding to get to a meeting room and had just turned a corner when I very literally bumped into Bailey for the first time.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw a flash of blonde hair and then the next thing I knew my laptop was flying across the hallway and I was trying my best to keep from landing on my 6'2" 200 lb ass...which is how I found myself with my arms around the very cute new business development intern and looking down into the clearest blue eyes I had ever seen.

"We have to stop meeting like this", were the first words out of her mouth as I dumbly continued to stare down at her.

Fortunately her bubbling laughter snapped me out of my daze and I was able to laugh along with her as we disentangled ourselves. With a little space between us I was able to see the vision before me. She was about 5'2" (5' 2 ¾" according to Bailey) and slim... Her blond hair was down well past her shoulders and moved around her in dense waves as she moved. She had faint freckles over the bridge of her pixie like nose and her lips were full...lips that had apparently been moving and speaking to me for the last couple of seconds much to my continued embarrassment. I managed to shake myself out of my stupor and caught the end of the one sided conversation...

"...look a little stunned."

Looking into her eyes I said the first thing that popped into my head..."Well, you stunned me just as I was waking up..."

"Well, Norwegian blues stun easily", she replied with a smile, gripping my arm tightly before releasing me and continuing down the hallway and out of view...

Wait...did she just quote Monty Python? My mind, already scrambled by our collision, now was in full overdrive as I continued to stare in the direction of her departure.

"Uh Ken" I heard another voice from my periphery..."were you planning on joining our meeting...?"

It was almost a week before I saw the girl who assaulted me in the hallway again. I was in line at the company cafeteria when she cut directly in front of me and turned to face me.

"Have you recovered from our near fatal collision yet?" she inquired facetiously...

"I take it my lawyer hasn't gotten ahold of you"... I responded quickly...smiling down at her as she slowly moved backwards with the momentum of the lunch line. I grabbed here elbow to guide her around a column, the physical contact sending sparks between the two of us as she turned her to walk alongside me...

"What am I being sued for? "she asked, her eyes sparkling with the same barely contained mirth and energy I had noted from our earlier encounter.

"Well it was clearly a hit and run..." I replied straight-faced, "and although you probably can't tell from looking at me I suffered serious injuries..."

"Other than to your ego, what were the damages?" she asked with a smile.

"Pretty much all ego..." I confirmed..."but I looked at my policy and am pretty sure I can sue for Initiation of Affection."

"Hmmm" she replied, appearing to think it over..."this doesn't sound good for me...Could we settle out of court?"

Realizing I was 5 feet away from having to order my lunch I acted before she could escape...

"On the advice of my lawyer I am willing to settle for 3 dates with the offending party." I stated firmly looking down into her smiling countenance.

"Deal!" she replied offering her hand to seal our agreement. After we shook she pulled in tight and whispered..."I would have gone up to five and I don't put out until at least the fourth date..."

With her signature smile she turned and walked away just as a lunch server asked a very discombobulated me what I wanted to order...ignoring him (and annoying everyone behind me in line) I yelled to her retreating back:

"What's your name?"

Doing a quick turn and back step she answered, "I'm Bailey", before spinning to continue on her way...

"I'm Ken," I called back.

"I know", she threw back over her shoulder as she once again disappeared from my view.

I was still staring when someone behind me in line reminded me to "please get my head out of my ass so everyone can order lunch."

So that was the beginning of what for me was an odyssey of fun and adventure. While I had dated a fair amount of girls in High School and College. (Please, the stereotype of Engineers being all nerds and geeks is just that, a stereotype) I had never dated anyone like Bailey. Her energy was almost overwhelming.

Our first date had us taking five very energetic dogs to a dog park as part of a program Bailey was involved in with the local SPCA and just watching her run around and play with the dogs brought a smile to not only my face but the faces of everyone we ran into. (The crop top and black yoga pants didn't hurt either) Her energy was contagious and the more time we spent together the more I wanted to be around that energy.

Her commitment to the causes she held dear was powerful and she suffered no embarrassment at all confronting people on what she believed in. As a quick example the first time I took her to meet my parents she very kindly insisted on properly separating their garbage after dinner and explaining to them the importance of composting. The memory of the bemused expression on my fathers' face as he watched this blonde bundle of energy going through his trash makes me laugh to this day.

Over the next 9 months Bailey and I biked, hiked, camped and explored every nook and cranny of the great Pacific Northwest as our relationship grew. We talked about our hopes and dreams like every new, totally infatuated couple does. We explored music that had personal meaning, sharing lyrics as small gifts of intimacy. We fell deeper and deeper in love as the months passed and while we didn't consider ourselves a "traditional" couple driven by the paths and mores set by our parents we had certainly discussed marriage and were well on our way to a very traditional engagement when the first major hurdle appeared in our relationship.

Like every young 20-something couple we had a wide swath of friends of varying intensities from the "see almost every weekend" to the "remember you from college" and "grab a drink after work" crowds. I played club lacrosse, a remnant from playing College Lacrosse back east and the team I played for locally consisted of a great group of guys with varying levels of college experience and skill. As one of the better players I slowly took over the roster and put players in place for the team to be successful. While this could have been a bone of contention, I was consistent in how I decided who got the majority of playing time and, since we weren't turning pro any time soon, for the most part everyone simply appreciated my efforts and kept their mouths shut.

Every team has its "ManWhore" and ours was Devon. While as a general rule I liked pretty much everyone, Devon was just one of those smarmy douches whose main purpose in life was to get laid. Every tournament, every bar we were ever in Devon immediately went into "hunter" mode and started chatting up every girl in the place. Since just about every guy on the team had a wife or girlfriend and they came to all the games this inevitably meant that at some point or another Devon was chatting up girlfriends and wives. Obviously his approach to the girls "on the team" was significantly different than his normal approach but since no one on the team trusted the smooth talking fucker as far as we could throw him, we all kept a pretty close eye on him at all times.

I trusted Bailey implicitly and our discussions surrounding Devon had always been along the lines of "no idea what girls see in him". So it came as a bit of a surprise when Bailey informed me on our drive home one May evening after a game that she was considering going on a hike with Devon and some other friends the following weekend. (I was scheduled to be in Portland for a team building exercise) The hike she mentioned was one that we had frequently talked about doing together as it was a day and a half hike that required an overnight camp at the top of a steppe that was reached after a 5 hour grueling ascent. We had talked to numerous people who had done the hike (you had to take two cars and leave one at the end point to drive back to the start; however the views, vegetation and wildlife all made the hassle worthwhile) but had never gotten around to actually doing it.

I looked at Bailey in amazement, not sure she had said what I thought she said but she continued on unfazed as though it was the most natural thing in the world.

"Apparently there is a total of 8 people going" Bailey said, looking out the car window...the 4 girls will share a tent and the 4 guys will as well...Devon asked me to make a schedule and set the pack contents for each person because I was the most experienced climber." I could see a flush of pride climbing up Baileys neck at the compliment implied by being asked to organize the climb.

As an engineer I was trained to look at issues from all sides before deciding on a correct course of action so rather than my knee jerk reaction I decided to understand what we were talking about clearly before commenting.

"Who else is going?" I queried..."anyone else from the team?"

Bailey thought for a quick second, her brow becoming furrowed..."Devon didn't really say...he just said they were friends of his who would appreciate having someone along who knew what they were doing..."

"Well..." I responded, pretending to be deep in thought..."unless we can get a list of people that are going it's probably not a good idea to commit to anything at this point..."

Baileys' face got a slightly pinched look as my statement settled in..."what are you saying Kenny...?" she asked..."Are you saying you don't trust me to go on a hike without you..."she left the question hanging as she turned to look at me...

"No" I replied carefully, "I'm not saying I don't trust you but I don't trust Devon and until I know more about this "trip" I don't think you should go..."

Baileys face settled into the fierce look I had seen so often before..."Saying you don't trust Devon is just a round-about way of saying that you don't trust me..."

I quickly glanced over...not happy to see the set of her jaw...but also not willing to pretend I was OK with this.

"I don't need your permission to go hiking" Bailey growled in a low voice...

"No" I growled back, "you don't "need" anything from me...feel free to do whatever the fuck you want to do..." and with that I refused to be drawn back into the conversation.

Bailey seemed a little surprised by my implacability...she was used to my mellow acceptance of her lead for the most part. What she was discovering was that my personality, while mild and easy going had at its heart a bullheadedness that, once it was convinced it was right, simply would not be moved. My take on it was simple... about 95% of the decisions that had to be made in a relationship I honestly could care less about and was happy to make the most of whatever Bailey decided...I enjoyed her passion and excitement for life and was happy to go along for the ride. The other 5% however, were things that I innately understood in a singular, black and white way and I simply would not be moved off of my position on those issues. The issue of my girlfriend going on a hike with Devon without me was in the 5% category.

After several failed attempts to reintroduce the subject...Bailey settled into a sullen silence, a very unusual occurrence for her (both sullen and silent being unusual:)). This mood of hers was not a mystery to me. One of the few faults that Bailey has (in my somewhat biased view) is that once she commits to something her natural energy and drive make it hard for her to look objectively at anything involved with the issue. In some ways this was definitely a strength but when it came to our relationship there were times where she was completely intractable. Normally that would not be an issue as I would find a way to massage things so we were both happy but I had no intention of moving an inch on this particular subject.

The rest of the drive home was made in stony silence as we both kept our thoughts to ourselves. Once we were parked I got out and moved my gear and sticks into the garage as Bailey almost ran into the house. The rest of the evening was spent in a détente of sorts with neither side willing to give an inch and eventually retreating to our home bases. Bailey to her studio and me to my man cave and flat screen in the basement.

My mind slowed, dulled by the seventh recap of the nightly sports on ESPN and I briefly considered establishing contact with my girlfriend until I remembered exactly how the fight had started. Camping!!??? With Devon???!! FUUUUUCK THAT...thus, firmly re-entrenched in my position I waited patiently for my girlfriend of nine months to apologize and tell me she now understood how ridiculous her desire to go camping with Devon and "his friends" was.

You've probably already guessed that said apology was not forthcoming and that the following week was a re-enactment of the cold war without the relative warmth provided by vodka or nuclear testing. Made even more awkward was the fact that our usual work schedule had us meeting for lunch EVERY DAY and that normally we flirted with each other outrageously in the halls and you'll understand why just about everyone in the office was staring at us strangely by Wednesday.

Fortunately for me my lacrosse team had one of our three yearly practices that Thursday evening (club team, we mostly just show up and play) and I had a brief conversation with Devon. I waited until everybody was shooting the shit, leisurely throwing on pads and tying shoes as I walked into the middle of the group and, ignoring all the "Hey Kenny"s, and "Whats up Becks?"(Last name Becker...it's a thing) turned directly to Devon and asked:

"What's this bullshit about you asking Bailey to go camping this weekend while I'm in Portland?" I demanded.

To say there was a sudden silence would be a vast understatement as hands stilled and voices quieted all around us...all heads turned to Devon who squirmed like the little snake he was...

"Shit Becks" Devon responded quickly, "it was a whole group of us going...I just asked Bailey because you guys always talk about how much hiking you do and we needed someone who knew what they were doing..." He trailed off as he looked at me trying to gauge my reaction...

"Ya? Who else was in this "group" of yours?" I inquired loudly enough to let everyone know I had no intention of letting him weasel out with that half-assed explanation...

"Just a bunch of my friends from work..." Devon responded as earnestly as he could..."but we're cancelling anyways, a bunch of people backed out." He held his hands out in a gesture of supplication...trying hard not to look around at the group of twenty some odd players loosely surrounding him.

"And how were you communicating with Bailey on all the details of your little trip...?" I asked, moving in closer to him...

"We weren't communicating at all Becks, I swear! I knew we had practice today and if it was on I was just going to give you the details to pass on...wasn't trying to hide anything, honestly..."

Devon briefly looked like he was going to break into tears which had the strange effect of making me even angrier. I had to turn away before I launched myself at the little fuck.

I grabbed my bag and headed over to the bench to get ready for practice, still fuming and hoping I got a chance to run the little fucker over a few times during practice. Since I play middy and Devon is an attackman I knew we wouldn't interact much during the practice until we were running fast breaks and man up but that didn't stop a few quick revenge fantasies from running through my head.

As it turned out however, I didn't need to worry. A team is a tight knit community even when it's a club team and the D poles on our team made it clear to Devon that they were unhappy with him through-out the practice. While our practices were usually pretty mellow and centered on positional adjustments, todays 90 minutes was a little different. Watching the 1 on 1's between the D men and attack was like watching a very one sided war. Every time Devon was up, Arnie (our 6'3"220 lb former Div 1 Captain) seemed to magically match up with him. It was very brutal and a couple of times I was pretty sure he had broken Devons' arms. I do have to admit that Devon seemed to realize he was paying penance and never once pussied out or tried to switch match ups with Arnie. By the end of practice Devon could barely lift his arms up and as we got off the field I saw him collapse on the sideline. Watching him try to get his gear off was almost laughable as it was clear he was going to be in pain for a while.

His precarious position within the team was reinforced to him when he walked towards the rest of the group and was pointedly ignored and more importantly not offered a beer from the cooler as he approached.

"Becks, can I talk to you for a minute" Devon asked quietly...

I popped up and joined him a little ways away from the rest of the group.

"I need to apologize man..."he started, "I know it looks wrong but I swear I would never try shit with Bailey...you're a teammate and more importantly I don't chase chicks that are in a relationship." He tried to look as sincere as possible hoping that I would accept the olive branch.

Now, the shit about not chasing girls who were taken was patently untrue as I had seen Devon leave the bar on several occasion with girls who were married, and none of them were close to as hot as Bailey, but I had to make a choice between blowing this up even more or, accepting the apology. I had already achieved my desired goal and I believed the numerous welts and bruises covering his arms and upper body would serve as reminders of my point for the next several weeks so decided to bury the hatchet by nodding my head and shaking his proffered hand.