Coolness Under Fire

NOW it really wasn't going according to his plan, but was still well within the parameters of MY plan. Come on, you arrogant fuck. Give me my cue!

The Dick with the massive Dick decided to leave it out. I'd already seen it, so I focused on his face again as frustration ran across it, followed by the arrogant expression again.

"Well, it would be in both of your best interests to do what I fuckin' say when I fuckin' say it, or you'll both be out of a job!" he snarled. NOW he was losing his cool. Bad move on his part.

"Oh, and how will you take MY job, Dick?" I asked with a smirk of my own.

"Because your boss is one of my cucks, moron!" he damn near shouted at me.

"Oh? Is he? And?" I shrugged as I said it.

"And one word from me, and you're out of a fuckin' job, nutless!"

I just sat back and put my arm around Kellie, looking at him as I pulled my Blackberry out of my shirt pocket and brought up the menu.

"Well, I don't think that CuckJimmy is going to be a problem for us, actually," I smiled as I selected the file I wanted in the Dickhead folder.

Oh, the look on Dicksucker's face was priceless! "Ok, you asked for it! I was hopin' to avoid this since I wanted that sweet piece of ass beside you to myself, but you leave me no choice!" he said. He took out his Android and brought up a text and hit Send. It was already pre-programmed in there, but what he sent wasn't what he'd written.

You see, I know him. I know my enemy. I also know myself. But most importantly, I know my wife. I know, wives aren't mentioned in that passage of Sun Tzu's great treatise on War, but they should be!

"Hon, you really have no idea what you've gotten yourself into," Kellie was shaking her head sadly at Dick.

Just then there was a ring of our doorbell. "I'll get it," Kellie said as she jumped up and walked briskly to the door.

Dicklicker took that moment to grin as he looked at me. "Those are my homies now, wonder bread. That little sista is gonna be spreadin' her legs for us in just a minute and you're gonna be able to watch us take what's ours! This is a reclamation, muthafucka!"

"Oh, boo! Look who just showed up!" Kellie reentered the room, bringing a woman who looked a LOT like Garcelle Beauvais with her.

"Hello, Mark. I'm Christina. I'm the wife of the idiot with his cock hangin' out there," she said as she came and extended her hand. I rose to meet her, and shook her hand politely.

"Good to meet you, Christina. I think there's been a terrible misunderstanding here. It seems your husband is under the impression that he's going to have sex with my wife tonight. Were you aware of that?" I asked. I shot a glance at Dick the Dork, and he had finished putting his Dork back in his pants.

"How... where... what... HOW?" Dick the Douchebag asked. "Where the fuck is my crew?!"

"Oh, they just tried breaking into Chief Swanson's house. The cops knew about them from an anonymous tip, so they were snatched up in a hurry," I smiled at him. "I hope they don't squeal on you to save their own hides, though. That would be quite a shame."

"Oh my God," he whispered to himself more than anyone else. He knew his house of cards was falling down around him.

"God, my friend, has nothing to do with this." So saying, I turned to Christina. "Mrs. Jefferson, what is going to happen to Dick here?"

Dickless looked up with such fear in his eyes, I wondered how the arrogant sonuvabitch could have been this damn stupid.

"Well, thanks to your heads-up this past weekend, he's gonna be sleeping someplace other than our house tonight. I am also pretty sure that he ain't gonna be sleepin' here either," she said as she gave Dickshit a nasty sneer. She then reached into her coat and produced a manila envelope, which she then handed to Mr. Dickcheese. "You're served, muthafucka," she said with finality.

"Now, Dick, it's time for you to leave," I smiled and gestured towards the door.

Dick started walking and I moved out of his way a bit so he could pass me on the way out.

I was expecting what happened next, but he wasn't expecting my reaction. He lunged for me, intent on wrapping his hands around my throat. I side-stepped and used my left knee to break a few of his ribs as I snapped a punch into his nose, causing his eyes to water. I then kicked him extremely hard right in the family jewels as he backed up stunned, holding his fractured ribs.

"Bad move, Dickeater," I said calmly. Yes, the adrenaline was flowing through me, and yes, I was riding the waves of it as the "Fight" part of "Fight or Flight" took over in me. I launched a series of punches into his face and gut, with two to the solar plexus in rapid succession. He couldn't see, and he couldn't breathe very well. I then launched another couple snap kicks to his knees, knocking him down.

Then I finally hit 911 on my phone to report a belligerent party guest who had just tried to assault my wife and me. I reported that I had subdued him, but he may need medical attention. The cops and an ambulance were dispatched immediately to our address.

After they'd all left, I turned to Christina as Kellie and I both hugged her.

"I'm really sorry about this, Christina. I know he's your husband, but at this time of year..." I was interrupted.

"Hon, listen. You two gave me the perfect Christmas gift. No Richard!" she grinned, and we all laughed together. "Merry Christmas you two."

"Merry Christmas, hon,", Kellie said as she hugged our newest friend.

"Merry Christmas, Christina," I added as I joined in the hug.

* * * * *

Dick ended up charged with Indecent Exposure, Assault, and Sexual Assault, as well as Conspiracy to Commit Rape and Conspiracy to Commit Felony Assault. His confession was already on tape with video to back it up, and I sent those to the cops with my compliments.

Dick's lawyer tried to cut a plea deal, but the DA wasn't having it, and in the end, he was sentenced to 20 years in Folsom.

His "gangbang crew" were all ex-cons who had two felonies apiece for various offenses. Attempting to break into the Chief of Police's house earned them Life in Folsom under the "Three Time Loser" law along with their good buddy Dick. Seems they thought Dick had set them up for some odd reason.

Well, needless to say, Dick didn't fare too well in the joint. The COs found him swinging in his cell, three months after he first arrived there. He had been badly beaten before he "committed suicide", but nobody saw nothin'.

How did I do it? How did I set everything up? Well, for those who didn't realize it by now, I knew my enemy. You see, EVERYTHING in Sun Tzu's masterpiece can be applied to any given situation when it comes to dealing with an adversary.

Another favorite piece of wisdom in the Art of War is "Fight the enemy where he isn't." I called up Christina and got her on my side when I explained the situation to her.

He wasn't there, so I fought him there. Christina had always suspected him a cheating, but could never get any proof. He had control of their finances, and she couldn't get the money together to hire a P.I. without him finding out.

But it all had come down to knowing my enemy. When all was said and done, Dick was an arrogant Dick. He thought he knew it all. He thought that I would cave. Why on Earth would he think that? Well, I had Kellie feed him misinformation about me. When he questioned her about my time in the Army, Kellie said that I was a clerk with no combat experience. Having no reason to disbelieve her, he bought it.

James, my boss? In case you were wondering, he wasn't too broken up about Dick getting thrown in the pen and dying there. In fact, as soon as that happened, he Divorced his cheating slut of a wife and got away relatively unscathed. He had not been a willing participant, since Dick had threatened him and his children. Dick was a strong-arm type thug. He was well educated, and highly intelligent, but his arrogance made him stupid.

He thought that his monster schlong was enough to get any woman into bed. Unfortunately, those women thought with their cunts and didn't really love their husbands.

Kellie loves me and thinks with her heart.

I love my wife. *grin*

The End