Corporate Family Dinner Ch. 07

It was pure animalistic lust and sex. By far the best orgasms Elaine and I had ever had together. It matched exactly how she reacted on the video. It assuaged my own animal "sperm competition" driven libido "brain", and also my own conscious ego that I surpassed or at least equaled any of her other lovers.

But it did exactly nothing to really bring Elaine and I back closer together, to where we were, or at least I was, before black Friday. And I thought Elaine might realize that herself, tomorrow. It just wasn't about "the best orgasmic experience" as far as real lasting love and togetherness - like a lifetime's worth. And when anyone goes down THAT particular rabbit hole - chimeric path - thinking it is and judging everything just that way, it seldom turns out well.

"There was never a horse that couldn't be rode, never a cowboy that couldn't be throwed." The grass IS always greener somewhere else, and it always isn't as well. Catch-22's. You always got to watch for 'em.

There was ALWAYS someone with a bigger dick, or better technique, or just better "pheromones" - that natural sexy appeal like Ross had. There was ALWAYS someone with a tighter cunt, and better muscle control, a sexier voice, longer legs, a more beautiful face. And if two absolutely "best" and "most perfect" people found each other in one night of perfect orgasmic bliss - how long could THAT last? The law of diminishing returns regarding pleasure always kicks in. It's just entropy. It's "Original Sin" and "The Lucifer Principle" all mixed together. It IS fucking complicated and simple solutions to complex problems just never work.

The best individual sex nights I ever had had now was with two women - first Kay and now my own estranged wife, Elaine - and it couldn't touch the just "everyday" sex I had with Karen. This night with Elaine, like Kay, had been "interesting" but I couldn't wait to get back with my love, now Karen.

And now I inevitably felt guilty because I HAD cheated again - on Karen, and I remembered I had promised after Kay that I wouldn't do that again. And here I just did. Damn it.

My mind started scurrying how I could explain this or fix it and I knew I was basically helpless and now at merely Karen's mercy - and I thought just maybe, that might just be good enough. Like with God, Himself now - when I prayed, as I did a little more often than ever before. I always prayed for His Mercy, and never his righteous and most fair Judgment. I was WAY too guilty but still just smart enough to ever want a merely fair accounting. Same thing with Karen, now.

I woke Elaine up and shooed her back upstairs. I wasn't going to sleep with her and I was never going to look at that video again, if at all possible. But I did add it to the evidence bucket. As hypocritical as everyone else - I wasn't in much of a merciful mood towards the men that had aided in destroying my first marriage - though at least one egotistically thought he did far more than he actually ever did to actually hurt me and Elaine. And I hadn't been very merciful towards Elaine herself - but I did think I was maybe headed that way, before Karen stepped in with her own love and mercy directed at my own heart like a laser scoped sniper rifle and I couldn't resist that temptation which I sure hoped was not evil.

I was both blessed and cursed - like pretty much every other human being.