Cotton Candy Pt. 02

I know I always need time to realize what my heart actually feels but I know I'm falling for this crazy girl. With every single day, my feelings for her are getting stronger. I must talk to mom as soon as possible.

CHAPTER 30

When I arrive home tonight, I find mom having a glass of wine and I know she has been waiting for me. I decide this is the best moment to talk to her but I don't know how to start the conversation.

"Are you going to bed right now?" I ask.

I'm hoping she isn't too tired, or drunk, so I can talk to her.

"No, actually, I was waiting for you to return. You can change if you want to and then you can give your mother a few minutes, Olivia Jones, if you're not too tired," she replies.

This is not good. When she uses my full name, it generally leads into serious conversations. Maybe it's too obvious between Tina and me and, being my mother, she must have noticed already. I'm not sure what her opinion is and, after my father's, it's her opinion that matters the most to me.

I know she likes Tina and I know she's very open minded and the way she mentioned her as a special friend of mine suggests she already suspects it. Still, it's hard to confess and I'm not sure how she's going to react once she knows it's fact.

I take a five minute break to change my dress and also to compose myself. After my dad, it's her opinion that matters the most to me and I know there is no way I can go against her no matter what her opinion is. I take some deep breaths, try to relax and then join my mother on the couch.

"Do you still remember the last wish of your father?" she asks.

Direct to the point without wasting any time and I feel like I'm in deep trouble but I also know I have to answer. I can't run away without a reply.

"Yes. He wanted to see me happily married," I reply.

"Are you?" mom asks, again.

I'm not sure what she's asking...being happy? Or about getting married? I think I'm happy with Tina but I'm certainly not married and I think I failed my parents. They want me to be happily married to some guy and, instead, I fell for a girl. I'm not sure what to say so I keep quiet. Mom must have seen the pain in my eyes because she speaks again.

"I know I can never understand you like your father did. He was so attached to you, he could actually know of things you didn't yet realize but I'm not blind, either. I can see what's going on but I'm not sure what you think about it. So I need you to enlighten me, if you think your mother's opinion matters to you."

I'll never get a better opportunity to tell her so I take a deep breath and tell her everything about Tina and how I feel about her, except the sexual feelings that I'm too shy to tell to anyone, and she listens to everything and when I'm finished, I'm very tense, I'm not sure how she is going to react.

"So, now, as you realize you have feelings for her, what are you are going to do about it?" mom asks.

'FUCK,'

I say to myself. I'm not actually thinking about fucking the brains out of Tina. I wish I knew the answer. I think I'm the one who is supposed to ask and I want her to tell me what to do.

"I don't know mom, I'm not sure. I know she's attracted to me and I think I'm also falling for her, too. She makes me happy but I can't overlook you and Meg and that's why I need you to tell me what to do," I tell her.

"It's your life and I think you're the only one who has the right to decide what to do. I can tell Meg won't be upset, she likes Tina and so do I. I can see how much she loves you whenever she looks at you. It always reminds me of how your father used to look at me but I'm not telling you to accept her only because we like her. I know it's not easy for you because you are very shy and you think about others opinions too much, but let me tell you, it's your happiness that matters to me and not what others think. So, I don't want you to run her away thinking your mom will be upset with you," mom replies.

I don't know what to say so I hug her. I'm so happy mom is okay with Tina and me.

"So, you're not upset that I fall for a girl and also fail my father who wanted to see me happily married?" I ask again.

"When he said he wanted to see you happily married, he didn't mention a guy, did he?"

I can see the cheeky grin on my mother's face and I wonder what she is actually trying to say.

"I can see how happy Tina makes you and if your father was still alive, I know he would love to see both of you getting married. That's the reason I ask, are you planning to get married or something?" mom answers her own question.

I know he would like to see me getting married to someone who really loves me but I don't know how she can be so sure my father would love to see me getting married to Tina.

"So, you think what matters to him is me getting married to the person who loves me, it doesn't matter if it's a boy or a girl?"

"Yes, he always wanted you to find a person to love and who loves you back. It was a shocker to us when you decided to get engaged to Peter because we thought you were into girls but then we thought you might have changed during your college days or maybe our assumption wasn't right but now I know he, as always, was right about you."

My eyes go big. I know what I feel for Tina but I never thought I'm into girls. I'm still confused about my own sexuality, so how is it possible for them to know? I've never dated a girl, not even call any for a sleepover, never experimented with any. I dated a few guys when I was in high school and during my college days but none of them lasted very long. Is that the reason they assumed I'm not interested in boys? I need to know the answer.

"So, you know I'm into girls, but how?" I ask.

"Your father told me, first, and then I noticed the signs and it was so obvious," she replies.

It's killing me. What signs? What is so obvious? Why didn't I know first? I want the full answer.

"But I've never dated any girls. So how could you know that? And what signs are you talking about?" I ask, unable to contain my curiosity.

"Do you remember Simba?" mom asks.

This is even more confusing.

"Obviously, I remember her and I have no doubt whoever meets her will always remember her. If I remember correctly, it was twelve years back and I was in high school when she came to our neighborhood during the summer, she is five years younger than me and we used to play together. There was nothing more between us," I answer.

"I know you didn't realize it then and you're still too naive to realize it. Simba was not an ordinary girl. She was such a free spirit, yet, so smitten to you and you liked it. You liked the way she always looked at you with awe and you tried your best to look as beautiful as possible, when she was around, by always wearing your best dresses and even make up...you never did that for the guys you dated. It was the admiration of the little girl that mattered much more to you than the guys and it was your father who noticed it, immediately. Sometimes, he would jokingly call Simba 'daughter-in-law', but only in private because we were afraid it may upset you. He knew you were shy and it would be hard for you to 'come out' and he practiced conversations with me, a few times, so he could actually use the right words, at the right time, and make it easier for you when you were ready to talk regarding your sexuality. How can you think he'd be upset with you for choosing Tina?" Mom finally stops.

I don't know when the tears began to flow but now they're flowing freely as I, once again, feel the undying love of my father. He loved me so much, maybe more than I ever realized, but why did he leave me? Eight years have gone by but I'm still too dumb. I need his help.

Chapter 31

It's Wednesday and I've been feeling a little low since this morning. Though it's the start of the month, there's not many customers in the shop. Angie is beside me and she must notice it, too.

"Hey, you look a bit depressed. Is everything ok?" she asks.

There is a concern in her voice which confirms she means it and not just asking but I don't want to tell her my sob stories and bore her. I'm also not very comfortable talking about my dad.

"Nothing serious. Just some old memories," I reply.

"That's okay. I was concerned that maybe there's something wrong between you and Tina," she says.

I'm touched. It's not that we talk every day, and she is a little crazy, but her concern, regarding me and Tina, shows she has a very good heart. It's Angie who told me about the party and I know she wants me to go and now, as I'm getting a dress made and plan to go, I think I should tell her.

"Hey, Angie, I forgot to tell you that I decided to go to the party and Tina is making a dress for me to wear."

"Really?" she asks.

I tell her about yesterday's event, except the sexual side.

"Lucky you. She is gorgeous and sexy. I'd like her to take my measurements, too!" she replies.

I blush deeply as I remember the incident of yesterday afternoon, again, and Angie is quick to notice.

"OMG, it really happened. Now, I think I need some new dresses, too and I also know from where to get them," Angie says in her playful manner.

I give her a dirty look and then we start giggling. I feel more comfortable and free with Angie and I also told her about the trip. I want to show her the pictures, too, but my mobile is in the locker. According to the store's policy, we're not allowed to use mobiles during work. Though the teenagers don't follow the rule and Mrs. Thompson is not that strict, I always keep my mobile in the locker.

"So, at what time are you two planning to come?" Angie asks.

I didn't mention Tina was accompanying me. Angie must have thought that she will.

"Tina is not coming to the party. I'll be coming alone." I answer.

"Why?" Angie asks.

"She doesn't work here and she doesn't know anyone except me, you and Mrs. Thompson and this party is for the people who work in the mall, only." I reply.

"You can bring her with you. I hope you remember you are allowed to go with your partner." she says.

I'd never thought about it that way. Yes, I can actually invite her to come with me. I think it's a brilliant idea, and I may have give Angie a hug if I am not busy in my counter. I somehow manage to wait until my shift ends before I call her.

"Hello," I say.

"Hey, babe! Shift over?" she asks.

I check my watch. She's right, it's fifteen minutes prior to my normal shift ending. I actually took smaller breaks today so I could end my shift early and call her.

"Yes. I'm on my way to pick up Meg. What are you doing?" I ask.

"Just working on your dress. I have a nice design for you though it is nothing compared to your beauty," she replies.

Now this is the moment and I finally ask her.

"I was wondering if you'd accompany me to the party?" I say, hoping she has no plans for Saturday, yet.

"Sure, I'd love to but I thought it's for the mall workers only," she replies.

I can hear the smile on her voice. She must be smiling from ear to ear right now.

"Yes it's for the people who work in the mall but we can also bring our partners with us," I reply

"So, you're okay with me intruding as your partner?" she asks.

I become tense again. I'm so thrilled about the idea of inviting her that I never really thought about it. If I invite Tina, I have to introduce her as my partner. I can't say she is my friend because only our partners are welcome and not any random friends and, besides, introducing Tina, as my partner, means I'm officially announcing I'm a lesbian. I'm not sure how others will take it but I have already invited her and I know how happy it makes her.

There are so many things she does to make me happy, or maybe I should say make us happy, and this is my chance and I'm not going to back out. People can think whatever they want, it's her happiness that matters the most to me.

"I wouldn't ask you if I'm not comfortable," I reply.

Tina is spellbound. She can't reply. She's so surprised with my confident reply and it makes me feel proud of myself, too. Talking to mom, last night, was certainly a boost.

Tina

Tina's feeling like she's on top of the world. She didn't expect Olivia to make such a bold move. She was surprised but it's a good surprise and now she's trying to make a perfect plan. She nearly always have a plan but when she don't, she just think about all of the possibilities and recourses for every situation. She's a perfect planner and her plans has never failed, yet.

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Chapter 32

After I put Meg to bed for her afternoon nap, I decide to tell mom about inviting Tina to the party. Mom looks very happy and also sounds a little surprised when she speaks.

"Now, that's a little unexpected. Knowing Tina, I always thought she'd be the one to ask you out on the first date."

I didn't mean that. I'd never thought about it. This isn't a candle light dinner with wine and dance or a sleepover, it's only a simple office party. Is that good enough to be counted as a date? I'm not sure.

"Mom, I haven't accepted her as my girlfriend yet, and it's only an office party. That's all. We're not planning on a date or anything," I object.

"Forget about the planning, you're no good at it, anyway. The main thing is, you've already asked her out. Now you can plan it accordingly and talking about the proposal, the cap you gave her, isn't good proof of your statement, anyway." mom finishes with a cheeky grin on her face.

I'm not sure what she notices in that simple baseball cap but I have pictures of it so I open my mobile to have a look and I'm shocked, again. How's it possible? I may have never noticed it if mom hadn't told me about it so specifically...the simple, black baseball cap which has "Girlfriend" written on top of it. Now I know why Tina held my hand and kissed me. Is that what I really want? Maybe, because there were at least hundreds of caps but I wanted only this one for her.

It must be my shocked expression that makes mom start laughing, loudly, and I blush a little as she opens her arms and calls me in for a big hug. I'm happy I don't have to answer Tina's proposal. I may take too much time. The cap just did it for me.

Mom left for her drama rehearsal so I decide to watch some TV but there's nothing interesting. Meg's still sleeping so I can't play with her, either. I wish Tina was here so we can chat but she, also, has her job to do. I can't expect her to come to my flat every day but I am also missing her. She told me she's working on my dress so I get curious, again. I didn't ask her what kind of dress she's making for me or which color? I think I have an excuse to call her.

During the last one hour, I must have picked up the phone twenty times, at least, and then decided against it. She didn't talk about the dress, too much, when I called her in the afternoon previously. Maybe she wants to keep it a secret. I can't push her if she's not telling me and I don't want to disturb her during her work but that only makes me miss her more. I have a seven year old daughter and I'll be thirty, soon, yet I act like one of those pathetic love struck teenagers.

When Meg finally awakes from her afternoon nap, I decide to play with her and then helping her with her homework. I try to keep myself busy, maybe trying to stop myself from missing Tina.

It's a quarter to ten and I'm on my way back home from my second job when I hear my cell phone ringing and hope it's Tina. I take it out as fast as possible and a big smile appears on my face when I see the name on the screen. I answer it quickly .

"Hi!" I say.

"Hey, babe, what are you doing?" Tina replies.

Nothing but missing her. I'm not as busy as her and she knows it. Once my shift is over, I'm always free. She can call me anytime and I've been waiting for her to call since afternoon! I become angry.

"At last, you get some time to call?" I snap.

"I just came back from work. Were you asleep already?" Tina asks.

I become angrier. I wasn't asleep, I'm angry! Can't she feel it?

"No, I wasn't sleeping. I'm on my way back home from my second job," I enlighten her.

************

TINA

Tina knows Olivia is angry with her because she didn't call her earlier. She would have, if she could, but she was extremely busy. She need to meet someone but she knows that she can't share all of her secrets with Olivia so she prefer to play dumb. Tina likes it, when Olivia gets angry and she wish she was there to have a look at her but she's too far away and she has to meet some people tomorrow to execute her plan.

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CHAPTER 33

I'm furious! How can she be so dumb? Instead of being sorry for not calling me, until now, she's asking if I was asleep!

"I don't want to talk about it," I reply.

"Is it that bad?" Tina asks.

I get tense, once again. When I say I don't want to talk about it, I think she may understand I'm angry. But now I am not sure what she may think

"No, no it's not," I answer.

Tina must have feel the panic in my voice and she apologizes, immediately.

"Hey, calm down. I know you, and I know you can't do anything wrong. I know you're angry with me because I didn't call you earlier but I was only pulling your leg. I'm sorry if I overcooked it a bit."

I smile. I knew she couldn't be that dumb.

"Does it really matter if I'm angry with you?" I ask.

"No, not if I'm there," she replies.

"Why is that?" I snap.

"Because I think I know how to make you calm," she replies.

I blush deeply. The way she said the word 'calm' almost sounded like 'cum' and I know she actually knew both. I know I need to say something or she'll tease me more.

"So, what keeps you busy for the whole day?" I ask.

"I was busy working on your dress. I need to get everything done by Friday and there's not much time left," she doesn't lie but doesn't tell the full truth, either.

"And what were you doing since you called me this afternoon?" she asks.

"Nothing. I have nothing to do except spending time with Meg and I miss you," I tell her.

We keep on talking for more than an hour until it becomes late and I have the early morning shift so we decide to call it a day.

"Good night, babe," Tina says.

"Good night to you, too. Take care," I reply.

I feel very happy when I go to my job on Thursday. I tell Angie that Tina is coming with me, Saturday, and Angie's very happy about it, too.

"Have you decided on a beauty parlor?" she asks.

I hadn't thought about that. I think it's a nice dress and it's all I'll need to go to the party now that I have invited Tina, too and I'm quite sure she'll be turning some heads Saturday night! I'm not sure I have exact matching shoes but I do have a pair of nice, black, three inch heels, which go with almost everything, but I may need to buy matching lingerie. I think I can afford that but I don't think I can afford a beauty parlor. On the other hand, I know I need a haircut and I'm not good at make up at all. I've never cared much for it so I have a very limited collection of makeup. I know Angie has a lot and she can help me but I'm too shy to ask.

"No, not yet. Tina's coming to my flat, tomorrow, with the dress, then we may decide," I answer.

"I think you need a haircut first. If you're not going to a beauty parlor, you're welcome at my flat. I'm not a professional but I can do your hair and makeup for you," she says, offering help.

I'm very touched by Angie's generosity.

"Thanks, I'll let you know after I discuss it with Tina. She might have some other plans," I answer.