Cougar House Ep. 035: Georgia PrEACH

Having passed the Wildwood High School with no time to make any pitstop to get his grandmother's car washed Cabot Ross scowled. Way to many hot young ladies in bikini's and bathing suits not to be tempted, but he had to be somewhere and time was of the essence. His grandmother Edith Ross had been texting him like crazy to visit and bring her cheeseburgers from McRonald's. At her age who was he to deny her, he loved the cranky old bat.

Reaching Lazy Fakers...Acres, he chuckled always laughing over what his dad Eddie named after his mom Edith and her nickname Edie, called the facility. They did take good care of their residents so that ridiculous name for the place was simply goofiness. Parking her car, his now technically even though he was still driving on her license plates which said GRAMAWW as a vanity pride in her grandkids he felt the chuckles all around him. Here soon he was going to switch the title out of her name and get those plates off in favor of the ones on his beater with a sometimes heater. When he had time! Burgers to deliver now from GrubHug!

Locking up he walked toward the front entrance smiling and waving at residents seated outside where the sun was warm and relaxing. They greeted him with equal respect especially now that they knew of his relations to Edie Ross the wheelchair racer of Hallway 66...aka Route 66. Her joke not theirs.

Spotting his girl Maria Salazar checking on the residents to make certain none were suffering heat exhaustion and had plenty of water at their disposal he whistled at the Venezuelan beauty. Of course a number of the elderly women blushed as they thought he was flirting with them. Maria quickly let them become aware that she was his. It made Cabot's day even though admittedly he was confused of what he truly wanted. For some reason his thoughts kept drifting toward a certain bicyclist blond that lived a few doors down from Maria at her apartment complex. One that was...

"Hey 400 Playa!"

"What? Who?" He turned to see exactly whom he was thinking of. "Grace?"

"He remembered me this time." She said in carrying a tray of healthy snacks, offering some to residents as she bantered. "Hold up! You work here at Lazy Fakers now?"

"Volunteer! After we talked about Maria that day I finally spoke to her. I told her I was looking for something to be helpful. God's been nudging me to get out of my apartment more. He...", She looked up, then back at Cabot, "...and my dad who's paying for my apartment." She chuckled. "Want a graham cracker?"

"I'll pass! It's good to see you again. Still biking?"

"Always! Every morning at dawn I hit the trails."

"Rugged around your apartments. Could even be cougars out there."

"I think you keep them occupied out at Margo Needy's." She winked brushing her long blond hair from her eyes against wind resistance. "I won't tell Maria."

"Doesn't matter...Maria knows everything I do. Mostly!" He flirted back with his own wink. "Seen my Grandma taking corners too fast in her Hot Wheelchair? Flames on the sides!"

"That's your grandmother? I love her!"

"Oh yeah? Using her to get to me?"

"Whatever! Here comes Maria so behave yourself. I'll pray for you." She razzed him.

"Ditto!" He razzed back then turned in step to greet Maria tongue wagging, "French up Senorita."

"You know I cannot in front of the residents." Maria giggled and pinched his tongue with her fingertips, "I see you have met Grace. She tells me she used to go to school with you."

"Year ahead of me but yeah we did. We both ran track."

"Blew him...away! Every time!" Grace chuckled! "Eat my bust...dust Ross." She spoke winking now at Maria who found it all amusing.

"Where I come from everything is dust." Maria pouted then smiled just as fast, "Edith should be coming outdoors soon. Was it you that bought her a motorized wheelchair? She won't stay in her room now."

"When could I have done that?" He had zero time unless calling or requesting time off from Hilltop the restaurant he was a waiter at. "Huh! I'll have to call my folks. If they bought it they sure didn't tell me they did. That's cool!"

"Speak of the Devil...which I don't..." Grace giggled, "...here comes Speedy Gonzales now." In hearing her cute pet name Maria hugs Cabot's arm and whispers Ariba Ariba...he knew exactly where that came from when they first had sex in her apartment. Harder Faster indeed! Problem was Cabot hearing the exact same joke from Grace made him picture having sex with the heavenly blond. Gnashing his teeth he chose to greet Edie Knievel.

"Wassup Revvin' Heaven?" He laughed as Edith looked as if she were trying to break the sound barrier. Her expression priceless made them all laugh. In truth she was passing gas. "Better than being a Hell's Angel, right?"

"God that right!" Grace continued her faithful banter.

"There's my Sunny Boy! Bring me my Big Mac and large Frenchie Fries?"

"He tried to give those Frenchies too me." Maria teased trying to pinch his tongue again. "You know you break the rules in bringing her fast food?"

"Fast food for Fast Rides!" He winked at his Grandmother and dug into his brown paper bag for her burger passing it off as soon as she locked her wheels to prevent rolling backwards. "So who bought you the Moon Rover?"

"He only calls it a Moon Rover because I'm sitting on my ass." She rolled her eyes at the girls. "Dunno! But I'm not looking a gift horsepower in the mouth."

"She's so adorable!" Grace laughed.

"She's just as adorable." Edie blew the blond a kiss, "Bible study back at my crib later?"

"Just before I head home for the day. Can't miss my ride home though it's a long walk."

"You do not like walking? I do it every day." Maria realized.

Cabot looked toward the bike rack parking, "How come you didn't ride your bike?"

"Because I prefer my handsome Chauffeur. Got a problem with that Dust Bunny?"

Shrugging with a pucker Cabot simply mumbled, "Naaaa!"

"Didn't think so."

"She's got herself a handsome holy roller." Edie grinned yet observed her grandson's reaction. She knew he had eyes for Grace as much as Maria. For once keeping her yap shut Edie unwrapped her burger and took a bite. Savoring it she had her own expression of delight.

"Oh yeah?"

"Yep! Probably shouldn't date my neighbor but he's too cute to let pass me by."

"Rugged looking guy? Unshaven last I saw him? Wears suits?"

"You've met him?" Grace seemed surprised, "Been spying through my windows Cabbie?"

"What? No, he walked out of an apartment that day I ran into you. Only guy I know that's a neighbor to you and Maria."

"His name is Norberto."

"What's he do for a living to be wearing a suit but look like a mechanic?"

"Office work over at the Paper Factory. Like Maria he's from South of the border. Mexico City I think."

"Cool! Your dad know about him?"

"Nooooooooo! He would hurl every bible in his church at me for being sneaky. So zip it 400!"

"She's talking about the 400 meter run I ran in High School." He let Edie and Maria in on her inside joke. They found it curious. "I wouldn't know your dad if I even ran into him, so no worries."

"So you're a bad girl Preacher's baby?" Edie sighed, "I can relate."

"Whatever!" Cabot tapped the toe of his boot on her tire. "Oh, seeing as you're giving me your old car can I get the title changed over and switch my plates from my junker?"

"One condition!" Edie winces and licks her lips of grease and mayo. "You sign your old car over to the Angel here. That way she can get around without rides. She has to chauffeur Maria too."

"Wow! Didn't see that coming." Grace puckered toward Maria, "That's nice of you. My dad won't buy me a car seeing as he's paying my rent. Says I need to work for what I own."

"In theory that's how it should be." Edie added, "But, we all need new wheels and I'm in a good mood. Tell your father if he asks why I gave it to ya to drop by and say halo."

"My car's old and grumpy. But, hey I'm cool with that. Glad to help ya out. At least I know my car will leave you in the dust now." He bumped Grace with his shoulder. Noting Maria acting odd Cabot toned down his flirting. "You eat Grandma I wanna spend time with my girl here." Taking Maria's hand he drug her away from the others. Grace and Edie horded those graham crackers for dessert.

"Is everything alright with us Senor Cabot?"

"Stop calling me Senor." He chuckled, "Just Cabot or Sexy Man. Listen, we haven't talked any more about that letter from your sister. Any word on that package she mentioned?"

"None! I am worried as to what it might be. I hide my emotions well as you know."

"You don't have to around me Maria. I'm always here for you."

"You like Grace too. I can tell."

"Just friends! She just told us she has a man."

"You must be honest with me Cabot! You know I do not object to you and Margo."

"I know! But...okay hear me out." He couldn't hide things any further. "Yeah, I'm attracted to Grace but I won't interfere in her dating this guy Norberto. I'm...just not used to the whole relationship thing. I'm trying hard but I want to be honest. There are other women that try to get me too. Mostly just for sex but that's half the battle anyway. I haven't been with anyone other than you and Margo I swear."

"But you wish too?"

"Sometimes!" He felt sad.

"I do not own you Cabot. I will be fine as long as you come see me even for just sex. I will never deny you."

"Thing is Maria...I do care about you. I know it's only been two weeks since we met but...spending time with you is awesome. I don't want to lose you over other girls."

"You will never lose me Cabot. I give you permission to see others...just...come back to me."

"Wow! You're serious?"

"I have no one here in the states Cabot. Only what you and I have created."

"I'm NOT leaving you. I enjoy our time together even if there's no sex. I don't ever want you to feel alone again. Tell you what...I won't sleep with anyone else unless you're beside me too."

"Sex with others...and you?"

"Yes! Even Margo."

"No! Margo I trust you to have sex with even if I am not there. Cabot...I will join you if told to...but I do not want to ruin your fun with others. I will simply await you to come to me."

"We'll talk more about that some other time. Before I leave you out of the loop, the guys and I are throwing a bonfire party tonight...but...Margo doesn't want any other women there or I'd bring you. Just being honest here."

"I understand...I know of Margo's appetite."

"I'll swing by after work on Monday and stay the night with you."

"I would like that. Monday is my day off."

"Awesome! I'll drive you to work here Tuesday morning."

"You are too kind."

"My bitch!" He plants his forehead against hers and they sigh together. It wasn't until an older resident grumbled, "Get a room! Mine's vacant until I come watch ya." That made laughter cease their sadness. "Kissing you against the rules. Act startled!" Nope! All in to win!

Edie smiled at seeing them kiss, but turned her gaze upon Grace who seemed off in thought while also witnessing their lip lock. "Hey Angelface?" Edie threw her crumpled up burger wrapper at the blond, it bouncing off her left tit. "If you want some of that get in the running."

"What? Cabot? I told you I'm seeing Norberto."

"Sure you are. I've been around the block a few hundred times Gracie. I know a jealous streak when I see one. Cabot's always gonna be a free agent so snip your wings some and come on down to Earth."

"Smarty pants!" She razzed Edie.

"Hey! I'm wearing Depends, it takes intelligence to think before you tinkle."

"We'll see! Don't get his hopes up."

"Tray's empty Kid! Go find me some fig newtons."

"Aren't you diabetic?"

"Toot Sweet Baby!"

Yep! Edie was still breaking wind.

********

Eric Crowe pulled into his parents driveway and found his sister Lily sitting on the side porch to their birth home. On her cell texting she looked up to see him and frowned. Instantly he worried something was wrong. Exiting his car he shuffled up to face her. "I know that face. What's wrong?"

"I keep telling Ben to go to your lousy bonfire and have fun but he keeps saying he'd rather be with me."

"Bullshit!" Eric chuckled, "That clown is buttering you up until nightfall. I bet if you told him to come on over he'd wait fifteen minutes then make an excuse."

"Is he really that bad?"

"Not all the time but overall yeah! He's a player but he also knows I'd castrate him if he hurt you."

"Awww! Big brother's getting all protective. You have to help me Eric...I...wanna hook up with Tyler Overmeyer from work tonight."

"Just break it off with Ben."

"I can't! I mean Ben is fun...I just want...don't judge me...a bigger dick."

"You've seen Ben?"

"Well duh! Haven't fucked him yet but he's shown me."

"What about Tyler?"

"Double the size of Ben." She laughed, "I need to experience that inside me."

"Too much info Lily." He plugged his ears with fingertips.

"Sorry! I'm shocked Tyler isn't going to your bonfire."

"He does know but as far as I've heard he hasn't paid the entry fee."

"Must be a huge deal if guys are tossing in big money. Margo Needy that good of a belly dancer?"

"You know it will go beyond dancing." He chuckled.

"I could never be that big of a slut. I mean she's awesome but, wow, just wow!"

"Her choice! Mostly!" He didn't care to get into the whole slavery topic with Lily. "I see Dad's truck is gone. Mom home?"

"Yep! She was watching some DVD recording of her Church choir when I stepped out. That Pastor Goode from her church is really twisting her head. I can't even say darn anymore. Can I come live with you out at Margo's?"

"Oh that would go over like hotcakes. You don't need to hang around with any of us. I don't want the Hancock boys to stay chasing you. Definitely not Heath Talbot."

"Heath's your best friend. Why are you making him look bad these days?"

"He's changed the last month since we moved out to Margo's. Trust me do not even flirt with him."

"No intention of that. Not my type!"

"Good! Hey I'm gonna take Studly out to Margo's a day next week and let him get some exercise. If you're not working Wednesday I'll bring you out just to see the place."

"I am off on Wednesday. Sounds fun! Can I invite Kym?"

"You're determined to hook us up aren't you?"

"You caved and had sex with her so why not give her a chance?"

"She told you about that?"

"Of course! We are best friends Eric."

"That tattoo she got of Heckel & Jeckel still freaks me out."

"She's just letting you know she like's us Crowes."

"Uh huh! I know a full proof way of getting rid of Ben tonight."

"Tell me!" She brightened up.

"Tell him you want him to meet Mom. Once she starts singing or quoting bible verses he'll head for the hills. Our hills!"

"Not the worst idea." She snickered. "Oooo! Tyler text me."

"I'll leave you to Bankshot!"

"He shoots a lot." She laughed.

"TMI! TMI!" Eric eased behind his sister and entered his home. Thirty seconds in he was covered in hair, his sheepdog Studly jumping on him excitably! "Hey Shaggy BS! Miss me?" Of course he did.

"Is that you Eric?" He heard his mother Georgia Crowe.

"Yeah Mom! Be there after I give Studly a treat and set him loose in the back yard." Forcing the dog off of him he raced to the kitchen and to a barking dog treat jar on top of the fridge. Studly went spastic at the barking until Eric fed him a Milkbone. Once he did he let his buddy swallow it before opening up the back door to a large fenced in yard. Door open the dog bailed without a fuss. Squirrels out back were always fun to chase. Sighing he washed his hands at the kitchen sink then marched into the living room. His mother seated in a recliner awaited a kiss on the cheek.

"Whatcha watching?"

"Our choir. Aren't we perfect?"

"So the new church is keeping you busy?"

"They are! I absolutely adore the congregation there. Pastor Goode is so charismatic. His messages always make me cry. You should come to service tomorrow."

"Gotta work at the theater. Also Ms. Needy has a few things for us tenants to do around there. She takes money off our rent for sprucing the place up."

"You know I'm not happy you living around that woman Eric. She's a floosy!"

"Perfect angel around me."

"Wash your mouth out I know when you're lying."

"Mom? I love you but don't go telling me what to do with my life."

"I miss you Honey! Lily wants to move out now too."

"Really? Wow!" No shocker there!

"Bar of soap is in the bathroom."

"Yeah, she mentioned it. She doesn't make enough money to move out."

"Her and Kymberly Hines want to get an apartment together."

"Now I know Kym doesn't make enough." He laughed, "I hand her paycheck to her and make out her schedule."

"What I'm afraid of is she and Lily will shack up with some boys. That Ben your sister is dating is such a respectful boy but Lily just turned 18 she should find God for answers not any young gentlemen callers."

"Ben doesn't even have a job that I'm aware of so no worries." He knew Lily had no intention of getting much closer to Ben.

"I believe he would be good for her if he too sought the Lord. I'm told Ben's friend Greg wants to date Kymberly. Should they all four get a place together it would be sinful."

"You worry too much Mom. Kym has no interest in Greg Barrett. I know that for a fact."

"Oh really?"

"Yeah because she likes me."

"Ohhhhhh!" Georgia rose from her recliner with a hopeful glint in her eye, "You two would be wonderful together." This led to an unwanted hug but he accepted it with respect.

"Don't go jumping to conclusions. I like being single Mom. Give me a couple years to live my life before you go matchmaking." While Kymberly Lisa Hines was a hot little number, one he had broke down and had sex with in his office at the theater of all places, she wasn't the one. More, one of!

"I know another available young lady you might adore." She grew bubbly at the thought, "Pastor Goode's daughter Grace is single."

"I recall Grace from high school. I think she's older than I am. Still, I'm not looking for anyone serious Mom. Just cool your jets and let me find my own girl." Possibly a much older club owner. He did like older women. If his mother knew of him drinking let alone at some bar of lust with a Cougar that rivaled Margo Needy she would try her darndest to put her heel down. Even though Eric was not a holy roller like his mother he did pray she would just relax. "Hey I don't have much time I just stopped by to tell you and dad I might come steal Studly on Wednesday and take him out to the country and let him blow off some stink. He needs to run and enjoy life." Like Eric himself!

"That sounds lovely. Your father told me you asked him to drive out to the Needy place and fix some electrical."

"Yeah, the ceiling fans are old and Margo didn't want us to get too overheated. It costs her an arm and a leg to run the central air in such a monster house, so we get by on fans." And the money her pussy made to fire that air conditioning up, but Georgia need not know that or all hades would break loose. "At least she has a swimming pool to help us cool down."

"I can only imagine what that floosy wears around you. What kind of woman rents out rooms to four young men just out of high school? Out there in the sticks all alone."

"Exactly why her son Elliot suggested it to begin with Mom. He went off to Paris France to study for six months, he actually asked us to watch over Margo so she wasn't out there all alone. She doesn't even have a drivers license, I've driven her to town a few times now. We all have. It's convenient and she's not charging us much to live there. Besides I love living in the country." This talk was long overdue anyways so he gave it his all.