Cougar Takes Care of Herself First

Enjoy the first installment of this string: The Cougar Meets Her Sommelier

At Last The Delicious Begins, Angel's Self Pleasure Ritual

"Are there any other questions?" I surveyed the room secretly hoping the answer would be NO! Dang, three new hands waved at me insistently from the crowd. Smiling distractedly and painfully aware of the pinched toes in my expensive stilettos, I pointed to the blonde cruise director in the third row.

"Hi Angel, I am Birgit with Duchess Cruise Line, I am curious about how you tied your Turn On Game to Cruise Travel in the first place." I glanced at my watch to see I still had a lot of time left in the scheduled session, so I re-focused and turned my mind back to work.

"It all started at the Pet Cemetery," I laughed watching the faces of the people in front of me. I always got the same reaction..."Say, what?" I told my favorite story once again to the laughter and delight of my audience. "I call myself an Accidental Cougar, I never expected that young guy repairing the decaying old buildings in at the pet cemetery would change my life forever..."

Once again I was flooded with people at the end of the session signing up to get details on The Turn On Game. I had another sign up list for Cruise Directors who wanted to play the game on board with the Singles Groups on their ships.

When the stragglers finally drifted out of the room. I pulled together all of the important meeting notes and resources and stuffed them into my bag along with my stilettos and hurried back to my room in bare feet. I knew what I needed and I knew what to do to make it happen.

I texted my assistant and asked for the usual to be delivered to my room. A bottle of bubbly, pineapple juice, a cheese and meat platter and strawberries would be waiting for me. Starving, in more ways than one, I made a beeline for my private party, ignoring people reaching for my attention.

"I will be available at 9 am tomorrow in the Mariposa Lounge for questions." I said again and again as I passed people in the convention center. When I closed the hotel door behind me, I rested against it, letting my full weight lean into the closed door.

"Yes." I breathed to myself as relief washed over me. How I loved the feeling of a closed door behind me. How I rejoiced in me time... an escape from my professional self. Sigh.

Finally downshifting, I poured a mimosa and went out start my bath. The outdoor tub was secluded in a corner of the deck, surrounded by pots of flowers. The thought that I might be seen soaking sent a shiver of delight down my spine and into my lady bits. I poured in my private blend of erotic essential oils and the aroma hitting my nose sent electric tingles up my spine. Mmmmmm. Me and me celebrating Turn On.

Unbuttoning my suit jacket, it felt like it weighed hundreds of pounds as I slipped it off my shoulders and let it hit the floor, I felt elevated...freed of all of it. Absentmindedly, I unbuttoned my silk blouse. Standing in front of the mirror I smiled. Seeing a peek of the sky blue lingerie I felt hot. Very hot.

I loved the feeling of "shedding" my work self at the end of the day. I loved how concrete it was to "take off" my work self these days. Even better, I loved how my pleasure was mine. Cubs are great. Don't get me wrong. That's why I teach Turn On, but Cubs are not the only way to have fun. Not even close.

I laid out the red lingerie and pearls for after my bath...

It wasn't easy to manage my Turn On at first. Especially after being turned off for so many years. Meeting the hot pet cemetery guy started it all those years ago. Reawakened, at first I thought it was HIM. I thought my body needed him to turn me on. I was confused.

When he came on to me, I was in the middle of an ugly divorce and my soon-to-be-ex had no attraction for me for years. I got used to living without sex. I mean I enjoyed romance novels and sappy Hallmark movies, but I had no access to good sex of any kind, for years. I actually thought I was fine without it. I doubted the pet cemetery at first. I sincerely did not see how a younger would be attracted to me.

That makes me roar with laughter now but another part of me knows this is not so funny. One out of seven women will never have an orgasm. Imagine that. Research reports that possibly up to 25% of women have painful intercourse, and many of them never ask for help. How lucky was I to have a man take so much time to please and pleasure me into a puddle of delight...again and again?

Not only is pleasure completely unknown to countless of my sisters over 50, think of how many are in pain pretending they are enjoying the efforts of their eager lovers? I faked it for years just to get sex over with. I never put "sex" and "fun" into the same sentence until I was over 60.

My first younger partner had mad skills and he was determined to please me. He pushed my pleasure limits beyond anything I ever knew possible. It took time to wear down years of religious and cultural programming that held my Turn On in an inner prison, out of my reach. Little did I know the challenges ahead for me.

The problem? After we made out in the backseat of his car that first time for an hour of delicious, he disappeared. For six weeks. WTF? It was my first friend with benefits and for all I knew, this is how it worked. Once sex was woken up in me, it felt like a geyser of energy inside of me. I didn't know if or when I would see him again, so I had to figure out what to do with all that sex energy.

Writing erotic fantasies about him and his job. I wrote the distance between us into the story line and lo and behold, we had a great friends with benefits relationship for three years. It was just sex. We were compatible, we enjoyed each other physically and that is where it ended. No texting. No sexting. No phone calls. Just sex. And it worked for me. I was shocked. As an ex catholic, former long time bible study teacher, I had a fulfilling long term casual sex arrangement. WTF?

That hot young guy woke me up for sure and I felt a surge of hunger for sexual energy that needed attention. It wasn't like raging horniness, no, when the energy opened up for me, it was showing up as agitation and anxiety. I didn't know how to handle the intensity flowing through me. I definitely wanted more sex, but finding it safely was the problem.

I had no problem meeting younger men, I just couldn't find a way to connect. "You can't start a Bugatti in fifth gear." I teased again and again but to no avail. The pet cemetery guy took a lot of time to tease me at first, he never sent a dick pic. He never asked for sex. Ever. He teased.

Unwilling to ask for directions, the beautiful younger guys who were so hot for me were unable to melt me. Where does a guy learn basic seduction skills? How does a sexually evolving, single 60 something, nice girl grown up, find sexual pleasure safely? How did the pet cemetery guy get so good at turn on?

Fast forward to today, between writing erotica and training players in the Turn On Game, my solo sex rituals were keeping my tanks filled regularly and deliciously. I am singular and have no desire to be anyone's girl. I know how to take care of myself and solo sex is always safest.

That was until Nando stepped in and interrupted my neatly organized work and sex life. I was spinning. Just like the guy at the pet cemetery all those years ago, I wanted him. I knew absolutely nothing about him and I didn't care. The attraction was trying to overpower my normal guardedness. "I want him and I want him now." One part of me said. "No. Not now. Not him." Another side of me pressed.

"Fuck the warning." I pouted to myself inside. "I want him."

"And perhaps you shall have him." Came the next thought.

"Yes, perhaps I shall." The next thought followed quickly. "I could if I wanted."

Meanwhile, I knew exactly what I needed. That is why it is critical to make my own sex happen. I needed sex and I needed it without Nando. The pet cemetery guy had taught me that. "YOU own your Turn On. Any man could be touching you this way." He would whisper to me as he gently stroked and probed my delighted body.

I argued at first but after receiving professional erotic massage from several professionals (hey, a girl has to do her research), I knew he was right. Especially when I am smitten with a new man, especially when my chest tightens feeling desire insisting on quenching, yes especially then... it is critical to make my own sex happen. Grazie, mi amor.

Pleasure is always at MY hand. MY body, MY experience. MY Turn on to share or not to share as I desire and with whom I desire to share myself with.

I poured my Pineapple Mimosa and made myself nibble some meat and cheese while I hung my work self up in the closet. Leaning my now naked self against the door, once again I affirmed to myself that my work self was contained properly and naughty Angel was free at last.

Smiling and sighing a huge sigh of relief, I made my way to the steamy bathroom to immerse myself in the heavenly scented water. The sounds of the music and the bubbling of the water in the tub saturated my senses. I put on my headset and Gaelforce, my ASMR companion, began to croon to me (This is indeed my secret weapon) ...whispering his delight in our time together.

"It seems like I need The Sommelier to touch me." The unbidden thought interrupted the fun.

"It seems like he can bring something to me I can't experience on my own." The next thought came.

I laughed. This Solo Sex Ritual was getting a little old but it worked so well. I knew what to do. I began to repeat outloud:

"My Turn On is mine.

My body turned on is my experience.

I can choose to have pleasure on my schedule.

My body houses sensory ability I can't put words on.

Pleasure is ultimately the deepest self absorption.

Getting lost in pleasure for myself erases the illusion that another person is causing the pleasure that is clearly in my own body."

Again and again over the years, sex energy flowed through me as I aligned myself with those words. I controlled the flow of Turn On energy as I allowed my hips to relax, unlock and swing open. Every time I affirmed to myself the truth of my sexual identity in these words, waves of relaxation and eager anticipation surrounded me.

Up until now, that is. Even though my sexual thoughts run away into delicious directions a lot of the time, my ritual has never failed me, until now.

When Nando appeared out of thin air. I already knew honoring the Ritual was going to be brutal but, being a go-for-the-jugular kind of girl, all I could think was...Bring it. Even though this time I knew managing my simmering Turn On was going to stretch me to the limits of my practice, I also knew it would take every bit of my skill to accomplish it.

Did I want him, fuck yes.

Did I want to send for him, fuck yes.

Was the fact that he was in the same building as me, unavailable to me, fucking with my mind, fuckety fuck yes.

I snuggled down into the foam surrounding me in the tub and hit play on my ASMR clip. (Be sure to check out ASMR to see if it is a Turn On for you too!) Grinning from ear to ear I celebrated my adorable sexy self, my Turn On skills and my pleasure machine of a body.

Soaking in the foamy water and listening to the audio I relaxed into fantasy. Waves of shivers welcomed me. I love knowing how to Turn On for myself. Yes, of course I still desire this fascinating new man. He promised we would see each other again. Perhaps we will, however I don't have to wait for pleasure.

Biting my lip, I imagined my hand was his hand slowly and softly sweeping over my skin down my belly, taking my time. Contented sighs and squeals escape from my mouth as I allow the voice on the recording to make me feel cherished and cared for. Game on.

Laying with my whole body submerged, tingles starting at the top of my head rushed through me. I reached for the natural sea sponge and dabbed the essential oil into the surface. Starting at the top of my chest, I swept the sponge down between my breasts imagining it was Nando bathing me.

Instantly I sensed a body behind me in the tub. My mind so readily shifting from fantasy to reality to fantasy. In the right mind space, it is like someone else is really there. Now I felt arms wrap around me, one holding that sponge and gently holding me, bathing me.

Eyes rolling back into my head, I panted my response. "Yes, yes" I whispered to my invisible partner. I could feel the sponge, just rough enough to zzzzzzzzt my skin under the stroke. Moans and whimpers finally free in the privacy of my tub, I pretended I was being teased as I stroked my belly closer to my mound. Not yet. Not yet.

Once again, I brought the sea sponge up toward my tops of my breasts just peeking out from the bubbly foam. Simmering with Turn On and aching for touch, I squeezed a flow of warm watery suds on my chest and then slowly, ever so slowly slipped that sponge down the length of my torso.

This time, I couldn't resist. My legs swung open and I pressed myself against my invisible lover behind me. An imaginary bulge against my back and the whispered delicious echoing in my ears took me. I pressed the sponge in between my legs as spasms shook me.

Me and me. My Turn On. Grinning from ear to ear, I relaxed and spent another hour in my self pleasure practice. Thank you, you adorable Sommelier. I am going to sleep very well tonight.

I always wonder if guys can feel when I have a fantasy scene featuring their adorable selves...what do you think? Is the Sommelier a real man disguised as an erotic fantasy?