Counseling Ch. 01

"Probably not. They only go after the popular people. You keep doing independent films and short cable TV stints, they don't come after you as much."

"I'll continue as I have then," Alicia said, nodding at Erika's reference to her recent run on "Law & Order". "I don't think I ever want to be on this show."

"At least you didn't get an embarrassing nipple slip in your one appearance."

"You never mind showing your nipples!"

"I do when other people don't want to see them. The reporter talked all about my faux pas and not a bit about my acting, even after I covered myself. I still haven't heard the end of it from my agent. Some online trolls also used the clip as an excuse to defame me. You can probably guess what they said."

"Yes." Alicia grimaced. "You're a member of a strange new religion that has harmed its followers for no good reason. I know how you hate hearing that."

"Yeah. I understand why people say such things, but I'm not part of the problem." Erika sighed. "I'm just a young celebrity Scientologist trying to live her life with the world against her. I don't use my religion for evil and I'm not alone. Why can't all these Anonymous people see that? Why can't they be like the only one of their kind I have ever met in person now that they're actively opposing my Church? Why must they assume we're all equally worthy of disrespect?"

"You should confront them as you did that hacker you told me about," Alicia suggested, "or as you did Keri back when we filmed 'The Upside of Anger' together."

"I wish I had the courage," Erika said, recalling the drama film she and Alicia had made with Keri Russell, Evan Rachel Wood and Erika's younger brother Dane five years ago. "I'm too apprehensive, though. I don't want to get blood thrown at me or anything like that."

"I see. You're probably right to be worried. These days, very few people are willing to open themselves. You put the truth in their face and still they call you names."

"Like some of your ex-boyfriends?"

Both actresses scowled at Alicia's nod, bringing to mind her long line of breakups. "It seems you're the only one I can stick with and love," Alicia said, then smiled at Erika. "I wish I could marry you."

"I wish we could get married too," Erika affirmed, clenching her fists as she thought of Proposition 8, the recently passed California homosexual wedding ban. "Not that I would marry a woman, of course," she then corrected herself. "The zealots in my church wouldn't care for it. I would like to have the chance, however."

"You would marry me, right, if your religion wasn't an issue?" Alicia batted her eyes.

"Definitely," Erika said with a smirk. "That is, if I wished to get married. I don't. As I told Doug when we started getting serious, it's easier to practice free love when you have no husband. That's what Goldie and Susan taught me. It's also simpler to maintain a celebrity career and live on the opposite side of the world from your ideal man."

Erika was speaking of a London nightclub owner whom she had met while filming "Upside" and come to consider her soul mate. Doug Ramsay was nervous around her in the beginning, but Erika had worn him down just by being who she was. "I don't think you really want to marry me either, Lish," she added to her other favorite friend.

"No, I suppose not," Alicia said. "I love you and all the other women we've fucked together, yet I still keep looking for guys. I hope I find the right one eventually."

"What about that small-time producer you were with before the last one? He was good."

"Nathan?" Alicia shook her head. "That was over two weeks ago. I decided Nathan hadn't done enough with himself in life."

"Your standards are too high. He loves you."

"I loved him too, but he wasn't right for me." Alicia waved in dismissal. "Your show's back on."

Erika returned her focus to the television and un-muted it. "I'm here with Kirk Cameron," Gary the weasel was saying. "This notorious born-again Christian actor recently starred in the film 'Fireproof'."

"That's correct, Gary," said the smug brown-haired man standing next to the reporter. "Have you seen my movie?"

"No, Kirk. Romantic dramas with a religious message aren't my thing. I heard it was good, though. I also heard you had trouble with your female lead. The movie was supposed to be about passionate love, but you couldn't even embrace your co-star. You had to call your wife onto the set and kiss her instead."

"That's true," Kirk answered. "My co-star wasn't my wife. I'm not going to hell, Gary, especially not over a movie. I've been this way since I starred on 'Growing Pains' in the 1980s, when my sister Candace was on 'Full House'. I won't do anything contrary to God's laws."

"How does your wife feel about that? Did she like having to drop everything just to be in your movie un-credited and let you have your selfishness?"

"It doesn't matter how she felt. I am not going to hell. The director didn't like her being there either, but I told him that if my wife wasn't on set for my love-scenes I would walk off the film."

"Is this stance on your personal space hurting your career?"

"I'm a little offended by these questions, Gary."

"Well, our viewers aren't. Come on, Kirk, tell me. Do you have a film that isn't Christian themed lined up any time in the future?"

"Uh, no. I haven't had made a non-Christian themed movie in ten years and I plan to keep it that way."

"Don't you want to expand your horizons?"

"No! All I need is God!"

Alicia raised her eyebrows, looking at Erika. "Don't tell me that man's your client too."

"Not yet," Erika replied. Her face was contorted. "His sister Candace called me this afternoon asking if I could take Kirk's case. Apparently, his evangelism is really hurting his social life and he's having trouble dealing with the issues."

"He's not a Puritan who's also a happy sexpot like Candace, is he?"

"Nope. Kirk's more one of those 'all the world needs to be just like me' religious types." Erika made quotes in the air as she spoke. "I don't know if I want to work with him."

"Why? You could really help him. You're an actress who's needed to balance religious issues with your career."

"Yes, but with me it's all been unfair issues. You know I'm not a selfish sermonizer. It's only because so many other followers of my church are that people assume I'm the same and get on my nerves."

"Kirk, you lead a ministry that regularly trashes any religion or philosophy that isn't your own," Gary said. "You really shouldn't be surprised when people express disapproval."

"If they want to go to hell, that's their just reward!" Kirk declared with a nonchalant sneer. "I'm doing what Jesus would do."

"Someone is seriously confused," Alicia said.

"His sister agrees," Erika replied. "You've met her at Friendship-sponsored charity events. She's not like Kirk. Candace gets along better with others and is far more open-minded. She's a faithful Christian, but she doesn't let that stop her from enjoying herself and being friends with people who aren't the same."

"Right." Alicia smiled, thinking of the many occasions she and Erika had spent good times with Candace Cameron. "I like Candace. I regret that she won't love anyone other than her husband. Even so, she adores him with such fervent abandon it doesn't keep her from being inspirational. I once wanted to submit to a man like that."

"I thought you still did."

"Well, now I want one who's also open to my needs. If they threatened what I have with you, no way would I ever stay with them."

"Thanks." Very few of Alicia's boyfriends were like that, Erika contemplated. Nathan was, but she dumped him. Maybe I need to get them back together like I did John and Jennifer. Hmm.

"So you think God should have more influence on the world?" Gary asked Kirk.

"He already does. Look at the law that just passed in California. Farewell, gay marriage! It's about time. Now if we can only repeat Proposition 8 in the rest of the country."

"Fuck this guy!" Alicia snapped, seething.

"No way," Erika said. "I would never fuck him. He just wants his wife and that's okay with me. She's welcome to him if she can stand him. Candace doesn't want me screwing Kirk. She just hopes I can open his mind. His stance on God is hurting his relationships with other people whether he wants to acknowledge it or not."

"I agree. You know, you should take Kirk's case. If you could get him to counter-evangelize you as a good Scientologist, maybe you could get the online bashers to lay off you."

"No. I have to accept them. I can't let it be popularly known that I'm a psychologist. How would I explain it?" Erika sighed and then attempted to do just that.

"Four years ago my movie 'Upside of Anger' failed with critics. Since then only small parts, low-distribution independent films and mixed-rating TV shows have loomed on my horizon. I have an interesting character in 'Veronika Decides to Die' coming out this spring that may change things for me, but until my career improves I need a sideline to acting. Psychotherapy allows me to open myself towards other people and find what makes them tick. I also enjoy helping people with emotional problems. I always have since I was young.

"Yes, you're right. My religion hates psychology. That's why I had to get my degree online and in secret. To further keep my business quiet, I've been doing all my clients pro bono unless they want to pay me and only advertising through the Friendship's hidden networks. No, I usually don't send people to my church. If you have to ask why, you have had your head in the sand your entire life."

"Right," Alicia said, watching Erika's mock interview. "Sorry, I forgot."

"Kirk, a week ago you had another public confrontation with atheists over the certainty of God. Aren't you sick of those?" asked the weasel on the TV.

"You bet I am, Gary! People need to accept that God is real and that's that!"

"Hey," Erika said when Alicia looked at her, "Scientology has never denied a supreme deity is out there. We just don't define that being and try to force our view on others. At least I don't. I know how that can make people annoyed."

"You should take Kirk's case," Alicia repeated. "If anyone can wake him up, it's you."

"I actually have another advisor in mind for him — a radical religious thinker you and I have both seen regularly for the past five years."

Alicia changed her expression, guessing whom Erika was talking about. "The man with no chin? The one who only recognizes the element of surprise?"

Erika smirked back. "Exactly."

"I approve. Still, you need to see Kirk too." Alicia turned back to the TV.

"Come on, Kirk," Gary said. "You have a brain. Why don't you use it and let other people be whatever religion they want?"

"They aren't using their brains, Gary. We can't know the path God wants us to follow. If you think you can get to heaven by living like you're going to hell ..."

"Gary, I'm sorry I have to cut you off," TMZ host Harvey interjected. "We're low on time and the network has requested that our show not serve as any celebrity's pulpit. Let's move on to what's happening with Jenna Elfman. Here's Sean Borg."

Erika hit her remote's mute button. She did not want to hear from any more ignorant self-absorbed fanatics, especially not followers of her own creed. "I'm sorry, Alicia. I didn't think today's TMZ would be this bad."

Alicia gave her an understanding expression. "I think that watchdog group said it best. 'Harvey Levin is the one gossip monger who has done more damage to entertainment reporting in recent years than anyone else. His gutter operation TMZ has almost singlehandedly transformed Hollywood entertainment reporting into a street battle fueled by self-hatred, jealousy and anger, with no concern for what once determined greatness, excellence or fame.' Levin combined his show's format with that of 'Access Hollywood' recently and that only made things worse."

"Amen," Erika said. "Unfortunately, though, he didn't have to work very hard."

"Right," Alicia agreed. "It's going to take celebrities forever to undo the damage they've done to themselves these past few decades. We have people behaving badly and other people taking advantage. It doesn't matter if one cooperates with the other or not. The process keeps happening and it hurts us all." Alicia waved at the television, where yet another celebrity was contributing to their own career woes while hyping themselves. "This is the reason there's an actor's strike now. No one wants to respect us and we can't see it. Even people who haven't been part of the problem like you or me are getting dumped on and affected. It makes me so upset."

"The worst thing is, we can't easily stop it," Erika fumed. "My counseling practice is my personal way to try and help the crisis but if the wrong person finds out..."

"You don't need to remind me," Alicia interrupted. She smiled at her friend and adopted a persona similar to another zealot from Erika's church who had introduced them to each other. "What are you doing involved in psychology, Erika? Don't you know it kills?"

"It does not, Tom!" Erika replied, picking up the familiar skit. "I've studied psychology since I got cast in 'Home Room' back in 2001 and I know that like every school of thought, our religion included, it's both good and bad. I have no problem practicing psychology alongside a liberal view of Scientology's teachings and I've found them remarkably similar."

"How can you be so glib about the church that raised you?"

"I approach Scientology as an applied philosophy, Tom, not as a brainwashing cult. I don't let anyone control me."

"You ignorant sheep! Next thing I know, you'll get post-partum depression when you have children and become addicted to Paxil or some other mind-altering drug!"

"No way, Tom! If I ever have a child, I'll be proud and cheery to bring him or her onto this planet. I mean no offense to any woman who does get depressed, understand. I know from working with others and my own personal experiences that it is not just a mental illness. I hope those who suffer from depression and all other disorders get the help they need from whatever source best suits them. For myself, I'll enjoy bearing and raising my kids in the unsheltered real world. Nor will I use any anxieties I have as an excuse to sell medicines with harmful side effects. You also won't ever catch me starring in obnoxious Volkswagen commercials."

"You don't know the history of psychology, Erika. I do."

"Actually, Tom Cruise, I do know the history of psychology. That line won't work on me. You see, unlike you, I have heard several detailed lectures on the science from sources both for and against it, inside and outside our religion. Also unlike you, I have a bachelor's degree in psychology from the University of Phoenix. 'History of Psychology' was one of my best subjects. I graduated maxima cum laude."

"Cum laude," Alicia ceased her impression, chuckling. "Loaded words."

Erika returned the expression. "You know I like to come loud." She inched up the skirt of her gray kimono, displaying more of her firm legs. The tigers and bamboo designs woven into the garment illustrated Erika's personality. "You love it too, right?"

Alicia stood up and undid the sash of her own kimono, a green robe emblazoned with sand dunes and bulrushes. "I feel the need for it now."

"Let's get physical," Erika said, beckoning. TMZ was almost over and when it came to sex Erika was ravenous. She unfastened her garment and opened it, exposing the smooth swell of her creamy breasts and large rose-colored nipples. Her hips were full and sensuous with acres of blonde hair running riot between them in an exotic vee.

Alicia dropped her robe from her shoulders, revealing a toned chalk white body with small breasts, erect pink nipples and a dark red heart of hair at the juncture of the legs. Alicia walked up to Erika's brown leather easy chair and stood posed over her friend. After a second of ogling, she leaned down and kissed Erika on the mouth. Erika's arms came up to embrace Alicia while Alicia's hands grasped the chair's sides. The TV remote fell to the floor hard as the two friends touched their tongues.

The television's volume resumed. "I am very angry at the recent ban on gay marriage in California," actor Josh Brolin told Nadine. "Who gives a [bleep]! Who cares? The ban doesn't mean gay and lesbian people are going to stop kissing in the streets, just cause they can't get married. That's the issue for the religious: that it's visible and it's always going to be visible. It ain't going to go away. Gay life is more mainstream, but at the same time things like this happen and you go, 'You got to be kidding me!' Especially in California ... I think it's awful, but I understand it. Everybody has their opinion."

"This is our opinion," Erika said, grinning at Alicia as they parted lips.

"It is," Alicia replied. She knelt and picked up the remote, clicked the television off, and then went back to kissing Erika. The other actress chuckled as she stroked Alicia's neck and hair in rejoin.

We can't ever make out like this in public, Erika thought. Press photographs of us together might damage both our careers. It would also affect my reputation among the fanatics who follow my religion. Alicia understands. She knows all too well how people often see women who love other women. She struggled with her lesbian desires for almost two decades, denying them and relegating them behind her acting in several movies with homosexual overtones. I tried to help her but she pushed me away. Then I was finally able to get Alicia through her resentment five years ago with Keri and Evan's aid. We've been together since.

Smiling, Erika stabbed her tongue into Alicia's mouth. Her girlfriend broke their kiss after licking Erika's teeth in reply and then got on her knees.

Alicia moved her hands across the chair arms and onto Erika's body. Angling in, she buffed her lips over Erika's throat and cheeks. Erika fondled Alicia's naked assets in return, concentrating on her upper back muscles. Memories flowed into each woman as they stroked the other. Both had firmly toned bodies thanks to the martial arts classes they had taken regularly since late 2003. Doug had introduced Erika and Alicia to their karate sensei, who like Doug was a Texan with a background in law enforcement. Both actresses enjoyed the health and mental benefits of martial arts study. Alicia currently held a brown belt and Erika had attained her own black belt the past summer. She trained hard almost every day to preserve her skill.

I do this just about every day also, Erika thought as she and Alicia continued their sex. I like nothing better than making love, whether my partner's a man or a woman. They only need to be my friend. Like psychology and combat, fucking improves my drama skills. It helps my emotions too. Alicia's parting of Erika's robe and caresses of her breasts showed Erika that her best girlfriend agreed.

Karate was not the only way of fighting the actresses practiced. They also took courses in Brazilian jujitsu, tai chi, and Hapkido. Erika and Alicia had both attained black belts in the latter martial art. Erika did not know if she would ever need the skills but found the benefits worth it. That would especially be the case if she were to get cast in an action movie or attacked when alone. Whether or not that happened, Erika knew she had enhanced her ability to regulate her body functions and attitudes through her exercises. That was invaluable to anyone's life.

It's funny that it took so long for me to get into martial arts, Erika reflected, feeling Alicia's hands chopping a rhythm on her ribs. I've always been athletic and admired the philosophy of Bruce Lee as much as that of my church founder. Like many people, though, I never really saw the need to acquire further education and discipline in the things I esteemed. I wanted to be tough, but I actually wasn't. Then I met Doug, he introduced me to training with Walker, and now I live strong. It's good that I don't have to keep my martial arts skills hidden. People treat me more carefully once they know.