Cousins Long Lost

My willpower had eroded to nothing. I feared leaving the bathroom, because if she tried to do anything I would be powerless to stop her. I knew this, knew that I must resist, because-

She's your family! my mind screamed inside.

I know, I know! my inside voice replied. I just knew that it was hopeless to pretend that I had the strength of will to resist her.

I changed my clothes and walked out. Heather was there, leaning up against the washing machine in the same place I had been.

She smiled, "Well, that took forever!" she giggled.

I managed a smile, though I was a little surprised to see her still standing there. I thought she might have been waiting for me back upstairs with everyone, where it was safe.

"Well, you know," I said, weakly. "Wet bathing suit, you know how it goes."

She moved closer. "No," she said, her smile broadening. I could see she was getting ready to tickle me again. "How does it go? Tell me how it goes!"

She reached for me and started to tickle my sides, always the first target for attack. I dropped my clothes on the floor and struggled to catch her hands. I grabbed her wrists and twisted her around so that her back was pressed up against my chest and I had her arms crossed in front of her, harmless to attack me.

Unfortunately, my rebellious cock found this just as amusing and it started its evil rise. Heather noticed it too and pressed back against me. She smelled of chlorine and slight perspiration, and I found it erotically intoxicating. She turned to look at me, her face mere inches from mine. I felt her body cease its struggling and she turned in my arms to face me. She grabbed my face in her hands and kissed me deeply.

Her lips melted against mine, soft and passionate. After kissing women in high school and college whose idea of a romantic kiss was a jackhammer tongue a slobbering mess, Heather's kiss was perfect. Her mouth matched mine, her kisses exactly right. I felt my cock harden against her body and I didn't bother to hide it any longer. She responded by pressing back against me.

She cupped the side of my face in her palm and looked at me, a slight red circle forming under her eyes as tears began to form. "Oh Jeremy," she said. "I've loved you forever."

I nodded. "I know," I said. Realizing that this was not coming out as I meant it, I quickly followed with, "I've loved you too."

She kissed me again, and wrapped her arms around my body and pressed herself into me. It was as if she was trying to connect every part of herself to me, and I matched her the entire way. Her breathing forced her breasts, her hardening nipples, against my bare chest while her pelvis and thighs seemed magnetized to me.

"I've wanted to do this for so long," she said. "You have no idea how long!"

"Since we took a bath together?" I joked.

She laughed, and I felt her body shaking against mine oddly soothing. "Yes," she said, smiling. "Probably since then."

"I guess we're now 'kissing cousins,'" I said. She giggled.

We kissed again, and I wrapped my arms around her to grab onto her perfect little ass and pull her even tighter against me. She stiffened briefly and then melted.

"Heather," I said, pulling away but not letting her go. "I want you. I love you, but we shouldn't be doing this."

She nodded. "I know," she said, stroking my face. The look of anguish was almost too much to bear. "I want to be with you, though."

I thought of my dream. I thought about how much she meant to me, how I had known all this time that she was the woman I was supposed to be with.

"You have no idea," I said, "how much I want that too. I -"

A noise outside the laundry room interrupted us. We separated guiltily, and grabbed our clothes. I tried to hold them in such a way that they hid my erection without looking like I was hiding an erection.

We opened the door to see one of our aunts approaching. She raised an eyebrow. "What are you two doing down here?" she asked conspiratorially.

"Just changing clothes," I said. "Swimming in the pool got us all wrinkly, and we decided to change to get some food."

"Ah, I see," my aunt said. I'm not sure she was convinced, but I hoped I played it off smoothly.

We went up to the rest of the party and tried the best we can to keep our hands off each other. I could not, however, keep my eyes off her no matter how hard I tried. Subtlety was the game of the day and I was failing miserably.

We spent the afternoon talking, laughing, enjoying each others company, but inevitably the time was going to come that the party was going to end. Night fell, and the fireworks came out. Everyone scrambled to get their sparklers, their snaps, and my uncles brought out the more powerful fireworks.

During the fireworks all I wanted was for them to last forever so that I could keep just a few more moments with Heather. Every once in a while she stole a glance to me and I could see that she felt exactly the same.

When the fireworks went up and everyone's attention was focused on the sky, she reached across to me to touch me - any part of me, my hand, my arm, my shoulder, my fingertips. Each stolen moment was as brief as the first burst of a firework, but just as brilliant to me. My eyes saw the fireworks but all I could think about was the kiss that we had shared. Would this be the last? Could we somehow figure out how to do it again? I needed to kiss her at least one more time before I left in the morning for France. I had to.

After the fireworks it was obvious that some of the younger kids needed to get to bed. The conversation turned to sleeping arrangements, and I was stunned to find out that Heather and Charlie would be staying at my grandmother's house, along with my family.

My mother came up to us and said, "Jeremy, I wanted to talk to you about the sleeping arrangements."

I was dreading this moment, but nodded. "As you know, your grandmother doesn't have a lot of space," she began. "Some people are going to need to share spaces. Would you two mind if you stayed in the basement of Grandma's house?"

She went on to tell us that Charlie had thrown a fit about sleeping in a sleeping bag in the basement, and refused to do it. My mother had been dreading talking to me about it because she wanted me to give up my bed for Charlie.

I looked at Heather and saw that she was as befuddled as I was about our stupid good fortune. Dumb luck has a whole new meaning, I thought to myself. I looked over at Charlie, who was pouting and trying not to look at me. Without even realizing it, Charlie had just made my life wonderful.

I nodded slowly, and tried to keep my voice measured and even. "Well," I began. "I can see how he can cause a scene. That's quite okay. I'll do it."

The relief on my mother's face was all the reassurance I needed to know that Heather and I were going to be left alone for the night. I looked at Heather and saw that she was about to burst with joy.

My heart lunged for her, even if my body could not. I knew that this might be the only time in our lives where we might be completely alone without family distractions. All we wanted was to have some time where we could spend time without an audience and now it appeared we would get that chance.

We returned to my grandmother's house and soon all the arrangements were made. Heather and I had an air mattress brought down to the basement instead of sleeping bags. My grandmother sheepishly apologized for not having two sleeping bags, but would we mind sharing the air mattress instead.

You've gotta be kidding me, I thought. Are they really that clueless?

Apparently one of the problems with growing up is that your parents and relatives will always see you as you were when you were a child. This principle was in full effect on this night, as they saw us the way they had seen each other years ago when you could put a boy and a girl in the same bathtub without concern. I was staggered that the sexual tension between us couldn't be noticed by everyone within a ten-mile radius.

Neither Heather nor I were going to fight this impression at the moment.

Never have I been so eager to get to bed. I wanted them to just go away. I flashed back to holding Heather in the pool, and of course the amazing, promising kiss we had shared.

The door to the basement was finally closed, a sound that may have otherwise felt like a prison cell but in this case was a sound of freedom. We reached for each other at the same exact time and kissed. At that moment I realized that there was a slight fear that the first time was a fluke, but that was not the case. We absorbed into each other's lips, and held each other tightly.

Laying down on the mattress we couldn't keep our hands off each other, couldn't stop kissing each other. I wondered briefly if this was what it was like when people in their 40s or 50s finally saw each other after decades. Ultimately, I didn't care, because each tender kiss came tinged with the knowledge that this was not to be, not to last.

"What are we going to do?" she asked me, looking suddenly frightened.

I swallowed, not wanting to say what I had to say. "Heather," I said, looking into her eyes. I prayed that she would understand the importance of what I was saying and how truly I meant it. "I want you to know that I love you, and I will always love you. We can't be together, you know this."

She nodded, and I saw that she was starting to choke back tears. "I want us to be together, more than I can ever tell you. Some day, you'll be married and have kids and if you think about me I want you to know that I will be loving you at that moment."

She couldn't hold back the tears any longer. "I'll never love anyone else!" she cried, and kissed me. I felt the warm salty stickiness of her tears on my cheek as I kissed her, but pulled her away.

"Heather," I said gently. "Listen to me."

She pressed up against me, and I felt her pelvis and thighs trying to attach themselves to mine, but she listened.

"It's okay," I said, soothingly. "I know, and I understand, and it's okay."

She choked back a sob.

"I want you to know that I will always love you," I said. I remembered the dream, and remembered how I was destined to love someone that I could never have. I realized at this moment the full extent of the dream and everything it meant.

"I want to make love to you," she whispering. "I want to have you."

I was mildly surprised. A kiss was one thing, a taboo thing. This was... this was wrong. I could see that she meant it though. In her mind there was nothing more right in the world than the two of us making love. At that moment I couldn't come up with a single argument that contradicted her.

Even so, I began, "We shou-"

She pressed her finger to my lips and then replaced her finger with her kiss. The kiss was desperate, pleading. It was a kiss of persuasion, a kiss of years of waiting. In this kiss I could see that she had been patiently waiting to tell me how she had felt her entire life.

It was at that moment that I saw everything from her point of view. Everything came to me clearly now. Heather had held onto childish dreams of being with me, the playtime of playing husband and wife with matchbox cars wasn't just a fantasy, it was a plan of action. She hadn't just been a childhood crush, this was who she had begun to see herself as who she was going to be. She had seen herself as "Heather and Jeremy," and now was crying out to have one night where she could live it, especially as she couldn't have it later.

In my head I heard a creaking, cracking noise, a physical sensation that resonated from my chest. My heart broke in two completely separate pieces at that moment, knowing that there would be a woman that I would always love and always want, but would never, ever be able to have.

And at this moment she was lying in front of me asking to be made love to.

We kissed some more, but I couldn't get past the fact that we were cousins. I couldn't get past the fact that we were related. I couldn't get past...

Her hand stroking my cock killed off that thought. I was hard as I had ever been but hadn't noticed until it was made painfully obvious by how well her hand curved around it.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" I asked. I wanted to give her an out, give her every opportunity to avoid an even bigger mistake than just kissing me.

She nodded. "What about.... everyone?" I asked.

"I don't care," she said. Her voice was firm, determined. There was no qualification in her decision.

"Have you done this before?" I asked.

She shook her head. "No," she said, suddenly concerned that I wouldn't want her. She didn't let go of my erection, though, but rather gripped it tightly as some sort of show of her intention.

She looked into my eyes. "But," she continued, "I want you to be the first. I've always wanted you to be the first. I just never thought that I would be able to have you."

I kissed her deeply, and stroked her cheek. I raised her shirt over her head, forcing her to release my cock from her grasp temporarily. Her body lay exposed to me, beautiful in a soft light that came through the basement window. I pulled down her shorts to expose her lightly trimmed hair on top of her delicate pussy. She had shaven just past the bikini line, tracing a small strip of fine reddish brown hair.

She was beautiful, her body lay out before me in perfect proportion. The breasts were rising and falling with each breath, moving slightly the way that a just-developed 18-year-old body would. Her taut stomach clenched as I traced my fingers up and down her torso.

I felt her tugging at my shorts as well, pulling them down around my ankles far enough for me to kick them off. My hard cock stretched out towards her, throbbing with every heartbeat. I felt her hand snake around it once more, her hands feeling cool against the heat of my hardness.

Suddenly I felt extremely vulnerable and exposed. I was showing my hardness to someone in my own family. There was something about the moment that I couldn't put my finger on, something about this that seemed more dangerous than just getting naked with someone new for the first time.

She watched me as I looked at her, afraid that I might change my mind. "Please," she said, pulling my dick towards her pussy. "I need to be with you."

I smiled and stroked her cheek. "Heather," I said softly. "This will probably be our only night together. I want to remember every moment."

She smiled, and we kissed again. My cock lurched in her hand and I felt her squeeze it. I marveled at how well our kissing matched, and wondered if there was something unique to us, or if there was something about us being related that made it so connected.

I tried to push the thought out of my head, but I couldn't. I couldn't avoid the realization that my cock was in my cousin's hand, that she was related to me. I couldn't get past the notion that in a few moments, I would be inside her, that my cousin's pussy would be wrapping itself around me and absorbing my come.

My cousin... my cousin...

The woman in my dream. My cousin. Heather.

"Heather," I said. I needed to tell her, needed to say something If I didn't say it now I'd never have the moment again. But how could I tell her that for years I had known that she was the one from the dream? How could I tell her that she would always be?

She looked at me expectantly. My mouth opened and closed but there was nothing that would come out, nothing that would work. "I want you to kno that no matter what, what this is, is real. I love you with all my heart, and if things were different, if I could run away with you and forget everyone else, I would."

It was all true, but it wasn't what I had wanted to say. Just like the dream had captured and revealed a depth of emotion that paled in comparison to what was available to me while awake, the words that came out were mere shadows of what I wanted to share with her. It was all true, it wasn't perfect, but it was the best that I could do.

She kissed me, and pulled my cock towards her pussy again. "I will always love you," she said. "Please, Jeremy, don't make me wait any longer."

I rolled on top of her, and guided myself towards her. I felt a little of the hairs on her pelvis tickle my cockhead as I angled into position, and started to feel the weight of what I was about to do. Heather lay beneath my naked body, her legs spread and awaiting her older cousin to slide into her body.

I felt her heat and her wetness against my cock and her hands went to my ass. I could see that she was scared, that she was fighting a struggle inside between the fear of pain and the desire to have me inside.

I placed the head at her entrance and started to rotate my hips a little. It had the effect of taking the head in and out of her opening, moving forward just a little bit. The tip of my cock dipped in and out of her, teasing both of us. We kissed deeply and I felt her lips start to spread open around the sides of my cockhead.

"I'll go slow," I assured her, and she nodded. My cock started to become wet from her body, and started to slide a little better from her lubrication. I could feel, however, that I wasn't going in very far. Heather was tight, much tighter than anyone I had ever felt before, tighter than I ever thought anyone could be.

I slowed down and stopped for a moment, taking stock of our situation. "I can't believe this," I said. The enormity of the moment washing over me in a rush.

She smiled at me. "Me neither," she said. "I've wanted you for as long as I can remember."

She shifted her weight and my cockhead slide inside of her, just beyond the head. Then, something happened that neither one of us expected.

I was stuck.

I couldn't pull out and I couldn't push forward. I was truly, genuinely stuck.

"You are really tight," I said, smiling.

She looked worried. "Am I doing something wrong?" she asked.

"Oh sweetie," I said, caressing her face and kissing her lips. "You couldn't do something wrong if you tried. I love how you hold onto me, both inside and out."

She relaxed a bit, and I started rotating my hips again. The head didn't budge, but I could feel her body responding and she started moving her hips again.

I leaned down and started sucking on her breasts and felt her hands move behind my head. "You are so beautiful," I told her. In fact, she was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen, so I told her so.

"Please, kiss me," she pleaded. The look on her eyes was telling me everything that I should have already known. She wasn't in this for the sex, and she didn't see this as something that was lustful. This was the only moment in her life when she'd be able to have me for herself, and at that moment I felt ashamed that I had lost sight of the bigger picture.

I began kissing her again and felt her hand move between us. She started jacking me off into her pussy, but I knew that she was simply trying to get me to slide deeper inside. The head seemed to shift a little farther inside of her, and she placed her hands on my ass, and suddenly I felt her body open up to me.

My cock sank in a little further, and this time I felt the resistance of her hymen. I had felt tight girls before, had had sex with women who had been difficult to penetrate but this was new to me.

I stopped and waited for her to adjust, but she had no intention of stopping. Just like when we were in the pool she wrapped her legs around my waist and held on. The act opened her pelvis up and with a violent thrust I was past her hymen and buried inside. I felt her pussy lips around the base of my cock, my balls resting against her ass, and I just stopped what I was doing to feel the sensations.